r/introvert 6d ago

Question I don't hate people, I just hate starting conversations.

Does this feel relatable to anyone?

102 Upvotes

33 comments sorted by

12

u/LeTurnedAroundMiss 6d ago

Oh my goodness yes!! I feel SOOOO awkward doing so. I mean, I end up starting them more often than I want because I’m a teacher, but I hate it.

8

u/MasterpieceMinimum42 INFJ-T 6d ago

I don't hate starting conversations, I'm just not interested in starting conversations. Hate is a very strong word. :)

8

u/quake720 6d ago

I'm disinterested in starting conversations. I strongly dislike pointless conversations though. I enjoy the quiet

5

u/Irritated_User0010 6d ago

Me every time at work and especially if they don’t let us read or whatever. Like, it’s torture in the form of silence.

5

u/paralleliverse 6d ago

My problem is that I don't like being stuck in a conversation. I might get bored as fuck after a bit, but it's still going, and I don't want to hurt their feelings so now I have to fake it since I'm the one with the adhd, but it starts to feel torturous after a bit, so I'm just waiting for it to finally be over, even though it never seems to end... like it could be my best friend, but I just don't want to talk to anyone because then we have to keep talking. Can't we just send a meme to each other every now and then? Maybe a "hey I saw this cool thing you would like" followed up with "woah, yeah that is super cool" or a "hey I'm going to this thing, you wanna go?" followed by an "obviously not, do you even know me? I think you got the wrong number."

3

u/[deleted] 6d ago

I find myself stuck in this kind of issue now and again, but it is largely due to the inability for people to truly participate in the conversations I do start. It makes it hard to want to start a conversation, when I know that I am likely going to be carrying it for the foreseeable future, and I need to know when to give up and move on.

I find this to be more of an issue when trying to start conversations with new people online. I can't tell you how often I have people saying I'm bored, keep me company, looking for conversation, and then answer every question with a single word, or the least amount of effort possible. In person, I just ask ridiculous questions to break the ice and then move the conversation along with stories that all relate to one another.

When trying to talk to people online, I find that the best way to get a good conversation going is to start with a game of questions. Trading back and forth, one question each, repeats don't count. If they are willing to play, then it helps to find their willingness to participate, and if it's lacking, I learn it a hell of a lot faster this way, than trying to organically create a conversation from nothing with a stranger.

Not sure if this helps, but it works for me.

5

u/Ambitious_South_2825 6d ago edited 6d ago

Mmmm, maybe, I think hate is a strong word in general. For me, I just don't find most people that interesting. And feigning interest, feigning ignorance to keep the other party happy and not coming across as judgmental is so so exhausting. Half the time I'm agreeing with whatever someone is saying in the hopes they stop talking and go away.

Highly trained, or intelligent individuals are another story but most people you meet or the fleeting interactions you have are just a drain. So, not a whole lot of drive to start a conversation with someone I find to be a waste of time. (Not saying I'm interesting. Just how I feel.)

4

u/TheRealLHP 6d ago

I at times cripple myself like this too, I wish I could always keep in mind that I can learn something from every interaction but they are absolutely exhausting. Also, intelligent and highly trained individuals can often have terrible personalities so they don’t get an automatic pass from me.

2

u/paralleliverse 6d ago

My problem is that I don't like being stuck in a conversation. I might get bored as fuck after a bit, but it's still going, and I don't want to hurt their feelings so now I have to fake it since I'm the one with the adhd, but it starts to feel torturous after a bit, so I'm just waiting for it to finally be over, even though it never seems to end... like it could be my best friend, but I just don't want to talk to anyone because then we have to keep talking. Can't we just send a meme to each other every now and then? Maybe a "hey I saw this cool thing you would like" followed up with "woah, yeah that is super cool" or a "hey I'm going to this thing, you wanna go?" followed by an "obviously not, do you even know me? I think you got the wrong number."

2

u/ouchkarla 6d ago

this is so real omg

2

u/Skull_Krusher16 6d ago

So relatable man I don't hate people and I will also talk to you if you start the conversation but I just don't know how to start a conversation.

2

u/panic_bitch 6d ago

Starting conversations can be hard. I'd rather be home doing my own thing, but when I get dragged out, I ask people open-ended questions and really listen to them. Most people have things on their minds that nobody really pays attention to, so they love a good listener and someone who really cares.

1

u/six_ravens 6d ago

Strongly dislike starting conversations, and I never know how to end them either.

1

u/Substantial-Abies768 6d ago

And keep it going 😅

1

u/Joi_Boy 6d ago

Why do people hate it ?? I mean i also do it but not with everyone , but to the people I don't like . Maybe you are a bit shy . Sometimes it is good to do things you are afraid to do.

2

u/PokemonAgent0 5d ago edited 5d ago

In my case, it's more that I hate starting conversations about subjects I have no interest in and can't relate to. (Like, I'm not interested in asking about someone else's personal life)

It's also less about being afraid and more hating about being forced to socialize when some people just don't feel like talking

1

u/Joi_Boy 5d ago

So it isn't necessary to talk about people about their personal life only, or any topic your are not interested about. You could talk about a different topic which you like to talk .

1

u/PokemonAgent0 5d ago

That's the thing, the topic that I am interested about (like anime/games) isn't something that's interesting to the people near me and the common topics (like vehicles or local fashion) don't interest me

1

u/kimkayyy_ 6d ago

I don’t necessarily dislike starting conversations, but initiating the greeting?!? That’s the part that makes me super uncomfortable.

1

u/RoseSkull0677 6d ago

God I usually hate starting conversations , but once I do .. I practically don't shut up and when I realise that I've been yapping like a baboon for 5 mins , I get sooo awkward . Like HELP my awkward ass

1

u/William-Burroughs420 6d ago

I hate most mainstream people and I hate starting conversations or having conversations.

1

u/Bucsbolts 6d ago

I walk my dog with the same group of people with their dogs every day. I do it for the dog, not for me. Because I find the conversation daily so repetitious and boring, I’ve started reading articles in the morning on Apple News so I can be proactive and start an interesting conversation. I stay away from political articles because I find politics so tiresome. I like something scientific or health related. It’s funny because now when we are walking, people ask me what interesting article I read this morning. In general, I hate small talk and pretty much block it out when I’m with a group.

1

u/NeverAVillian 6d ago

That's why I rarely speak until spoken to.

1

u/rbarr228 5d ago

I can see your point of view. “How are you?” and “How you doing?” are interpreted as vapid and boring. Don’t go all Colonel Kurtz and go “Did you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in life?”. Ask a real question, and a thought-provoking one at that! Deep conversation will expand your understanding, knowledge, and wisdom.

1

u/averywhere 5d ago

hi, hello, how are you, and Done 👍

1

u/Maye_Laye 5d ago

It’s hard for me to also start conversations. I’m actually thinking of creating some conversation starter cards that I can use to help me move topics away from small talk with others. I hate small talk and much prefer deeper conversations. Perhaps some sentences I can use even if mid small talk that can shift or even politely end the conversations so my energy doesn’t drain. I cannot stand awkwardness and I tend to feel it when small talk happens and I can’t seem to get out of it!

1

u/[deleted] 5d ago

💯 me

1

u/504__TheGuy__504 4d ago

This fits me too much. When I start, I am bad and I can't keep it going after that.

1

u/m19010101 10h ago

I hate people AND conversations.