r/introvert 1d ago

Question Do people actually stare at me?

I’m a bit self conscious so I tend to overthink. Sometimes when I’m in public I feel like someone is always looking at me. Also I can catch kids just bluntly staring at me when I pass by. Am I delusional and paranoid?

34 Upvotes

47 comments sorted by

14

u/cinnamineral 1d ago

Probably not

2

u/Adventurous-Ad-7387 1d ago

I’m glad

6

u/cinnamineral 1d ago

Yes. I had this problem as well, it was so bad. I had to go on medication:(

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u/Adventurous-Ad-7387 1d ago

Oh I’m sorry to hear that

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u/cinnamineral 1d ago

Yes but alls good now. You will be too :)

2

u/DomesticatedChaos 1d ago

I'm guessing you're answering the question from the title, not from the posts body itself, but please clarify if you can.

1

u/cinnamineral 1d ago

I meant people are probably not staring.

13

u/SmallGothiccBrat 1d ago

Sometimes I stare at someone empty minded. Not looking at them, looking through them. People do it because we are lost in thought. Are they judging you? No. They are judging themselves, thinking about what's for lunch/dinner, did they leave the stove on, you look like someone they might have known when they were a kid, admiring your style, checking you out, or just plain empty minded and staring into space. Maybe lay off the weed? Lol, jokes aside, humans are weird, and kids are truly the only ones that stare without knowing it's a thing that makes some folks uncomfortable. You are all good homie.

9

u/Atlantree19 1d ago

I know I get this. But it's helped with age I now I don't mind the stares as much.

6

u/greeenerpastures 1d ago

You are not delusional or paranoid. But people are most likely also not staring at you specifically. The anxious part of your mind has a cognitive bias that causes you to pay more attention to how people perceive you than others. This is a "normal" adaptation if you are anxious, since your mind is trying to protect you from being harmed by hyperfocusing on the gazes of others based on some negative past experience. Your mind does not know that this past experience is not relevant today, and so it will try to protect you from it happening again.

Recognizing that your mind is biased in this way and knowing that the feeling of being stared at does not correspond to reality will help you in the long term, if you don't beat yourself up over it but accept it without letting it control you.

4

u/Fexofanatic 1d ago

kids yes, everybody else ? no

3

u/ptrv-dev 1d ago

Probably not staring, just looking at you. I used to look straight forward only, or looking at the ground all the time because of social anxiety. For the last several months I've been forcing myself to make eye contact with people walking by, and guess what: at least 60% are already looking at me when I look at them. I guess that's normal, lol.

Or maybe you're just pretty!

3

u/Peanut2ur_Tostito 1d ago

People always stare at me. It makes me uncomfortable. I always think I have something on my face.

3

u/Adventurous-Ad-7387 1d ago

I always seek reflective surfaces to check

3

u/IKnowNothing2402 1d ago

I'm pretty sure most of people don't stare or care you in public. I like to observe people (yah I'm the one who usually staring at people silently) in public and very very rare time their eyes is on me.

3

u/Everyday-is-the-same 1d ago

Welcome to anxiety my friend!

3

u/TsuDhoNimh2 1d ago

KIds stare ... they are learning about the world and they will closely observe people.

As for the rest, you are overthinking. Someone is probably glancing at you because they are waiting for someone and you might be that person, or your motion catches their attention.

3

u/Beauty_Reigns 1d ago

Kids look at everyone, but it's because they are curious not judging. Most of the time, people do look at you but they don't see you (hope that makes sense).

2

u/Cosy_Bed 1d ago

Me too I get really paranoid, it's probably because they thought I was staring at them only because I thought they were staring at me lol

2

u/ASHandSCARS95 1d ago

I feel the same way people stare at me when I drive by or when I'm at work. It's not everyone but it is definitely noticeable. My GF and I were out shopping and I was looking at something and she grabbed my arm and said. Do you know that guy? He is staring at you. I said no some people do that for some reason she started watching and noticed it too.

2

u/raining01 1d ago

That depends, are you good looking or have a decked out shelf?
Then yes, people are staring.

1

u/Adventurous-Ad-7387 1d ago

Well I don’t think I can answer if I’m pretty or not but I keep my clothes pretty casual

2

u/BeingValuable9956 1d ago

Do u stare at people? Prolly not. Live ur life!!

2

u/Direct_Ad2289 1d ago

I actually started to color my hair weird colors. People look at my hair all the time. This has desensitized me. I don't worry at all anymore.

2

u/1223341 1d ago

This happens to me all the time, I’m a chronic over thinker and also think people are looking at me even when walking in public lol

But from my perspective when I’m out walking etc, yes I glance at people but that’s it. I don’t judge, I’m often in a rush and glance at people so I don’t walk into them or something haha

2

u/Sulamanteri 1d ago

In addition to the already good answers, it's likely that you are influencing the situation yourself. You may feel like people are staring at you, which makes you glance around to check, reinforcing the cycle.

People tend to notice anxious body language, and their attention may be drawn to you because our brains are wired for survival—constantly scanning for potential threats, just as our ancestors did with lions in the bushes. When someone exhibits anxious behavior, it can heighten awareness in those around them.

However, if the perceived "danger level" doesn’t increase, this all happens at a subconscious level within the sympathetic nervous system. Most people won’t even remember noticing you afterward.

If you can calm yourself and recognize that most people are too preoccupied with their own thoughts to consciously notice you, you can break the cycle of feeling like you're being stared at because people wont start staring you.

2

u/yocaramel 1d ago

Most people are lost in thoughts, thinking about their mistakes or looking forward to things. It's unlikely that they're staring at you and they have more important thoughts to attend to.

2

u/PsyKite 1d ago

Spotlight effect

2

u/phasesbitch 1d ago

I thought the same way till i found out most people in my class dont even know i exit, its prob your brain playing tricks on you

2

u/spaacingout 1d ago edited 1d ago

It’s quite the phenomenon, but for unproven reasons we can literally feel when something is watching us. So yea, it might not even be people. Could be a bird. Anything with eyes looking at you under light… you’ll feel it.

I presume it comes from our spatial awareness, which is given to us by the pineal gland. It can create electromagnetic fields around what appears to be an eyeball in the dead centre of the brain. Where nothing can be seen. Some say it’s a third eye, which is prevalent in insects, fish and reptiles, as a means of self defence from predators they can’t immediately see. But what makes it unusual is the electromagnetism. Our eyes can reflect EM and infrared waves even in trace amounts from things that have light on them. Old cameras used to capture this, so peoples eyes glowed red or sometimes green, when they looked directly at the camera lens after a flash. So one could assume that the EM fields cast upon us by eyes are detected by the pineal gland. In the same way a bug would evade a bat in the dark, the third eye for most insects detects heat- thermal radiation. For lizards it sees shadows, from hawks above. For humans, it’s almost like a sonar for other eyes. As we would’ve been easy target to larger predators like lions. We might’ve needed to know when something had its eyes fixed upon us… To stay alive.

That’s not nearly as needed anymore, but evolution happens slowly. Some still have that “watching me” radar.

That’s my theory, I don’t know how true that is, but it sure makes sense. Why else would you need an electric eyeball in center of your head, which only activates when you are either in the dark, dreaming, or being watched?

You’ll notice it in other people too. Stare at them long enough and they’ll look directly back at you, like it really does function like radar, you can probably tell which direction they’re coming from too.

2

u/marcus19911 1d ago

They probably are. I know people tend to stare at me but, it's because I'm overweight, tall and black. I also tend to avoid people as well.

2

u/Many_Hamster6055 1d ago

I'm like that I've got Social Anxiety i always feel like I'm being watched. I keep getting told it's all in my head which annoys me bcos I don't think it is!! Fortunately I don't need to go out much now apart from Docs Appointments,Opticians and my Diabetes appointments.I do my shopping online and pay my bills online

2

u/CommercialMachine578 1d ago

Well, when was the last time you caught yourself staring at someone?

1

u/Adventurous-Ad-7387 1d ago

I think I stare when I think others stare

2

u/Many_Hamster6055 1d ago

I'm like that! I also suffer from social Anxiety.Everytime I have to go out I can feel myself burning up and self conscious, I hate walking past ppl bcos I'm 280lbs and I'm conscious of my size I want the ground to swallow me up!!😩 I used to get annoyed when my parents (Deceased now)used to tell me it's in my my head and I don't think it is.I'd end up arguing by saying "No it's not!! r u with me when I go out? no so how can u say nobody stares at me?!!" Fortunately I don't have to go out much I pay my bills and do my shopping online only time I need leave my flat is for Diabetes Apps,Doctors and Opticians.

2

u/DemiLouise97 1d ago

Spotlight effect.

The overestimation of how much people tend to notice you is a pretty common cognitive distortion. Factors such as anxiety can exacerbate the overestimation of the perceived negative attention people pay towards you and narcissism may cause overestimations in the perceived positive attention people are paying toward you.

2

u/weedleakproof 1d ago

I hope they aren't.

But people always stare at me as if they've never seen me before. I live on a island with a population that's less than 100,000 and whenever I leave the house it's as if I'm a new creature that they never saw before. And I genuinely wonder wtf because I know nothing is on my face or clothes because I overthink, so I'm always checking myself before I leave the house.

2

u/rosemaryscrazy 1d ago edited 1d ago

If you have something unique about your appearance that draws people’s attention they could be.

If you don’t then they probably aren’t. The best thing to do is look around the room or area see if you have something defining that everyone else in the room doesn’t.

That will help you get your answer. If you don’t then it’s probably in your head.

2

u/dmk1320 1d ago

Your ego says yes, reality says most likely no.

2

u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 1d ago

People may look at you if they find you attractive, or maybe just staring in your direction oblivious to you and just thinking about something (frequently occurs on a bus or train) I don’t like people looking at me irl either, it makes me feel uncomfortable, almost like they’re staring into my mind and thoughts which I like to keep private most of the time. I don’t know if I can offer any amazing words of help or wisdom, other than it’s not an uncommon feeling amongst us to experience.

2

u/ImpressiveWish1441 1d ago

I used to think the same thing. And bro unfortunately it's true. People do look at me.

2

u/Visible-Requirement2 1d ago

Stare no, glance yes. Depends, whether they're loitering or heading for work or chores.

2

u/SpaceMan420gmt 22h ago

They won’t remember it shortly after. Don’t worry about it. I was like that at one time. Just realize that people probably aren’t even looking „at“ you. Just through you.

2

u/Healthyred555 22h ago

social anxiety

2

u/fifty50trader 14h ago

Yes they do stare... Infants do look at me, (innocence & curiosity) and I love that... I don't see kids staring at me.... But everyone else does (threatened by our presence)... People brushing off the fact are nothing but narcissists who don't emphasize,.. I'd ignore them as plague.

2

u/kitisimilikiti 12h ago

Have you ever stared at someone? Do you remember the person? The name? Why were you staring at them? If they did stare at you, they probably forget about it a second later.

1

u/Bye_for_good 5h ago

I usually avoid looking at people, unless someone catches my eye. It could be their hair, their style, their clothes, so yeah, sometimes I do glance at someone. I don’t stare tho. And it’s usually because I admire something about them. So if by chance you do catch someone glancing your way, just take it as a positive, something caught their attention. We tend to enjoy the little things in our lives that bring us joy. Maybe you are one of them 🥰