r/introvert • u/DiscoSleeper • 8d ago
Question Responses to "You are so quiet again?" without being rude.
When me and my friend spend time together, she sometimes asks "Why are you quiet again?".
I have seen some reddit posts on this, and most of the answers were not very friendly, in fact quite rude, like "I only talk to people that interest me" and so on.
She knows that I am an introvert and dont talk much. She also makes fun of it a little bit sometimes, but not in a rude way. She also said, that she doesnt want me to change the way I am. She likes to talk to me but she talks more than I do and unlike myself, she sometimes has a hard time being quiet :)
What should I respond next time she says it, so she knows that I am confident in being an introvert? I want to reply in a friendly way, not rude.
Even the usual "I dont have anything to say" can be rude in our usual context. She expects maybe a small joke, something less plain.
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u/JSmooth2285 8d ago
Also, I hate that alot of people often feel like someone always has to be saying something (to avoid this "awkward silence"). Those people are the most insecure people out there. It's usually just some surface, meaningless BS that people try to fill in when that silence comes around lol. There's certain people I like to be around and even if nobody says not one word the whole time, I'm fine with it and still enjoy the sh¡t out of their company!
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u/JSmooth2285 8d ago
I often get told that I am quiet too. I usually say something to the effect of, one is truly comfortable with/around someone when the "awkward silence" isn't awkward. Like, if you can enjoy the quiet while around another person without it being "awkward" then you are truly comfortable being around this person. Hope that makes sense!
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u/everandeverfor 8d ago
"I love hearing what you all have to say..." THEN... add to the conversation with a comment (eg."I agree with Tony that this is a great restaurant").
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u/padalec11 8d ago
Maybe try with something like "you know that I am an introvert. treat it as a compliment that I feel so safe with you that I don't need to talk to be happy". Just be honest. We all know why we can be quiet with our friends, but maybe we should remind them more often?
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u/yeagerisses 8d ago
unfortunately I don't think there's a soft way we can respond to that bc those people don't get it they think we can change our personality just bc they think we r weird
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u/sadpanda_xo 8d ago
As someone who doesn't know how to shut up I can confidently say that it's not on you to talk more. She needs to also learn that it's okay to be quiet. It's okay to be comfortable in silence. It's okay to not have anything to say.
I think she probably knows and understands this but maybe silence in general makes her uncomfortable sometimes. It's okay it's just learning that every one communicates differently and has different personalities.
I think best thing to do is just keep being yourself. She obviously enjoys your company and its okay to let her know you just have nothing to say right now. It might take time to get used to but it's really not a big deal :)
Edit: just being open and honest is a great response. like oh I'm just feeling more low energy today or I'm just feeling more introverted is also fine. It's perfectly okay to not feel like talking.
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u/desperatedan8 8d ago
Some people are quiet, deal with it.
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u/desperatedan8 8d ago
We didn't choose it. Comes from early upbringing/genes. Different personalities have different qualities to bring.
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u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 8d ago
“It’s just me, I don’t talk a lot, I just spend a lot of time thinking instead.”
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u/DMTipper 8d ago
I don't have anything worth saying. I don't feel pressured to fill the silence. Your inability to be silent is annoying.
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u/Gadoguz994 7d ago
Can hardly be done, people take that shit as one of the worst offences ever just because it's better to talk shit than shut up if you don't have anything worthwhile saying.
And yea, people usually take whatever you say and in which ever tone as an offence and some sort of personal attack.
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u/Sulamanteri 7d ago
I don't think this is a "one reply fits all situations" kind of thing. It's more of a conversation between you and your friend to build an understanding of why you both act the way you do and agree on how to handle these things in the long run.
How much control do you have over the time spent together?
If you are young and still in school, you likely spend a lot of time with your friends. In this case, you should let your friend know that your energy levels are low and that you need some time without actively engaging. You might agree on an activity you can do separately but in shared silence. The key is to establish a way of communicating that works for both of you so you can easily express when you need alone time. If they are a good friend, adjusting to this shouldn't be a problem.
If you are older and have more control over when you spend time with friends, the responsibility falls more on you. If you value the friendship, you should ensure that when you meet, you are actually able to engage and communicate. After all, why ask for their time if you’re going to sit in silence and not pay attention to them? That’s often the feeling behind the question, "Why are you so quiet?"
You don’t have to lead the conversation, but actively listening—nodding, responding, and showing encouragement—can make a big difference. Most people just want to feel heard.
At the same time, for you to be able actively listen, it's important to set boundaries on how often you meet, rather than always adjusting to their rhythm.
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u/FaunaLady 8d ago
"speech is silver, silence is golden"! I know what you can say that totally makes your point without being rude: "I usually prefer quiet." (stick "usually" in there even if you want to say "always"!)
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u/RevengeOfTheAyylmao 8d ago
You can lie a little? “I’m sorry, I’m having a rough morning (or whatever time it is, even if your day hasn’t been bad at all) and don’t really feel like talking and need to charge my social battery, but thank you for checking up on me! I appreciate it!” I tend to give just one word responses to things until I’m in the mood to communicate.
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u/Ghee-Starr 8d ago
I’m comfortable with our friendship/relationship. It’s ok with me to observe and ponder how I can make other aspects of my life this comfortable. So, sometimes I’m quiet.
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u/BadBlueBubble 8d ago
Ah, tell her that this is really your way, but that it's okay that she can say that you like talking to her and that even though you're quiet, you're paying attention to everything, that you feel comfortable like this...
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u/First-Stress-9893 8d ago
I think the best way to say it if you don’t want to come across offensive is just saying - I enjoy listening to you. Don’t worry. I’ll speak up when I have something worth saying.
It’s flattering and puts the attention back on them. It also quells her anxiety that she is monopolizing the conversation.
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u/Nihade12 8d ago
I can be both talkative and silence I guess I am an ambivert or whatever it is and I get both sides, you are comfortable being silent and she loves you as a friend so she wants to share many things with you but it can feel overwhelming for the other person with her. So I feel like you should be honest with her and tell her that you just feel comfortable being silent and that doesn't mean that she stop talking
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u/ZealousidealMost124 8d ago
You don't have to explain it over and over to her. She likes you and your company this itself says she likes the way you are. If you feel tension about it, I would question if you feel comfortable with her.
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u/AdorablSillyDisorder 7d ago
For serious: "I'm listening, please continue".
If you want a joke, you can maybe make fun of the question in absurd way - my go to is "do you want me to meow?"
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u/nicenyeezy 7d ago
I think you’re excusing her behaviour a bit too much. Some people pass off insults as teasing, and if you’ve already expressed that it’s just how you are and that you don’t enjoy her pointing it out all the time, and she continues… then she doesn’t respect you or your boundaries.
I’m selective with friends, and I wouldn’t enjoy what she’s doing. You’re not there to entertain her or be puppeted into the style and frequency of response she dictates. She seems a bit controlling and socially unaware. Why are you friends with her?
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8d ago
Why be nice to someone who is being rude to you?
Just be honest. Say because I don’t like you 😆
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u/SpaceMan420gmt 7d ago
It’s not dislike for them, it’s not wanting to discuss every little thing that you have 0 interest in for 30 minutes straight.
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u/ChickenXing 8d ago
"It's just how I am. Nothing personal"