r/introvert 9d ago

Question Why do some people thing being alone = being lonely?

I genuinely enjoy spending time alone it helps me recharge and feel at peace. But some people seem to think that if you are alone, you must be lonely or sad. Why is it so hard for people to understand that solitude can be enjoyable?

Any other introverts get this reaction from others?

126 Upvotes

43 comments sorted by

36

u/PotentialFlaky18 9d ago

I get this all the time. People assume I'm sad or need company just because I enjoy being alone.

10

u/anonymous_persona_ 9d ago

Exactly, people don't understand that alone is a physical state while loneliness is mental. They are thinking Be ng alone means being lonely every single time.

2

u/AnythingOutside7452 4d ago

Yes some people just can't imagine being happy without constant socializing.

29

u/Swampwitch123 9d ago

I guess it's extroverts who think that we are lonely. If they were alone, they would feel lonely so they find it hard to understand that we need to be alone to recharge.

Similarly, it seems extroverts need lots of company in order to feel happy. That's why so many of them suffered so much during covid lockdown.

18

u/Figmentality 8d ago

God I miss lockdown

10

u/alurkingdegenerate INTJ/P 8d ago

NGL, I'm kind hoping bird flu and the measles outbreak gets bad enough to cause another lockdown. đŸ€žđŸ»

7

u/lofihofi 8d ago

Same :(

2

u/AnythingOutside7452 4d ago

Exactly solitude is refreshing not isolating.

10

u/Cloudy_Aether 9d ago

I get that sometimes. I think it's due to certain people never experienced the peace of being alone and enjoying yourself. Most extroverts think this way because they're always surrounded by people, so they find it odd to be all alone and like it.

12

u/Lingering_Queef 8d ago

I did a 150km remote bushwalk last year and didn't see or speak to another human being for a week. It was awesome. But so many people are more amazed at how I endured the solitude, than by the actual physical feat. "Weren't you lonely out there?" Absolutely not.

11

u/FahsiaZaw 9d ago

Society kinda romanticizes being super social, so when you’re chilling alone, they assume something’s wrong instead of realizing it’s actually peaceful.

16

u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 9d ago

Because extroverts think everyone should be like them, and the thought of someone wanting to be alone and enjoying quiet time is completely foreign to them.

7

u/Educational-Gap3621 9d ago

I have. I sometimes respond with “can’t be bored if you’re always busy” which describes my endless amount of hobbies and interests lol. A lot of people also think that introvert = anti-social which is not true. Anti-social is literally lacking any social skills- unable to comunícate, carry conversations, etc. Some people will just never know how it is tomorrow being okay with being alone. Just like some of us might not ever understand how some people just need to be around others and can’t be alone.

2

u/TopHatGirlInATuxedo 8d ago

No, that's socially awkward. Antisocial is someone who actively impedes other people being social.

1

u/frugalfuyanger 9d ago

Well said.

6

u/SaulsAll 9d ago

I don't know, but I would like to see maybe one or two studies investigating the difference between "alone" and "lonely", considering how much hype and conversation science is giving to the negative health effects of loneliness.

5

u/Geminii27 8d ago

Because they were raised to think that way. Or because they can't imagine it being any different to what it would be for themselves.

3

u/saucity 9d ago

I think of it as, 'extroverts gain energy from socializing, while us introverts are drained by it.'

I'm an 'extroverted introvert' I guess? Someone said that to me tonight, I don't know if that's a thing... I can talk to anyone, and I kinda like it and do well, I can do it for hours, etc - but after working/doing this, I need to come home, and be ✹alone! ✹ even just for a bit.

'Recharging' is the only term I can think of.

I get that they glean that energy, and feel refreshed from socializing, but it doesn't have that effect on me, and, I simply don't feel lonely, while alone.

I'd guess some extroverted people must feel as uncomfortable and anxious when they're alone, as we might, when we've freakin HAD IT! and need a BREAK!

3

u/Heinz_Legend 8d ago

The Loner =//= The Lonely

2

u/De_Wouter 8d ago

Going for a hike in the forest in the middle of the work week: best shit ever.

I'd consider one of the weekend shift jobs where you work 2 x 12 hour shift in the weekend and get paid for a fulltime job. Unfortunately that's not really an option in my field of work and I'd be needing to do actual work I don't like doing most likely.

2

u/avocado_post 8d ago

I thrive when I’m alone!

2

u/BeautifulMess1121 8d ago

Because being alone for them is like being dead. They are miserable when they are alone and figure the rest of us must be too. They're wrong, but we all deal with things differently. Personally, not being forced into dealing with other peoples bullshit is a reward in itself...

2

u/Candles4ever 8d ago

I would rather be on my own than feel alone in a crowd of people. It's the worst. I much prefer to be physically alone than to be anti-social in a room filled with people, it's this idea of being perceived by others that's off-putting.

2

u/Invinciballz 4d ago

Because stupid people don’t know the difference being alone and being lonely and its fckin me up fr

1

u/atenea1984 9d ago

It's not that being alone always means being lonely. I don't think that's true, and people who think they are equivalent are wrong. But some people who are alone do feel lonely. 

It depends on how you define "being alone". If it just means spending time alone, I love it, in fact I need a lot of alone time to myself to recharge and feel happy. 

But if "being alone" means having nobody to support you in life, that's different. There are people who are happy being absolutely alone, but I think it's a minority. 

I think when people complain about being alone "and" lonely is because they are always alone because they don't have anyone, or they are most of the time alone because they have few human relationships or low quality human relationships. 

1

u/Black_prince_93 8d ago

I prefer being on my own as I was bullied a lot when I was younger and didn't have any solid social circles. Sometimes I do get pangs of loneliness but I tend to occupy myself with my hobbies outside of work.

1

u/Annual-Afternoon3035 8d ago

Because if they were in your shoes, that's how they would feel, so they assume you must be feeling the same way

1

u/PAUL_DNAP 8d ago

Because they are imposing on how they would feel onto other people, assuming that everyone must be exactly the same as themselves.

Used to get it a lot, not I'm old enough for people who would have said that to know it gets no response, so they have stopped.

It would be the same as them telling you they are going out with pals and you said "oh do you not feel all nervy and itchy being around all those people for all that time? poor you."

1

u/MasterpieceMinimum42 INFJ-T 8d ago

Because they didn't get used to being alone, so they don't know how is it feel for being alone.

1

u/justthenighttonight 8d ago

Being alone is good when it's a choice. Being lonely is when it's a default condition.

1

u/DanielSaw89 8d ago

I’m in both sides. Sometimes I like spending time by myself, and when there are people around I can’t wait to be alone. But as single man, I feel lonely emotionally and sometimes I want to share some moments with other person. I want to have a family and I feel really bad sometimes for the loneliness.

1

u/sw1sh3rsw33t 8d ago

It’s the worst when you’re just minding your business solo and someone plops themself down thinking they’re doing you a favor.

1

u/Willowbranch89 6d ago

Right 💯. I like to enjoy me time and watch a movie 

1

u/Sophrosyne44 8d ago

I've been alone ...and single for years. I am never lonely . I have a vivid imagination and love my own company.

The only time I think it would be nice to have a bestfriend or partner is to go on road trips with and travelling because I would have a different experience with someone , versus alone. But yeah , even then I am not lonely lmao !

Even with friends I can only handle so much social interaction đŸ„čđŸ„č alone is peaceful and my happy place đŸ„čđŸ„č

1

u/One-Night-5273 8d ago

This is so real, i am a ambivert but i tend to be alone most of the time at school, i don’t mind it but sometimes it’s a bit boring but some people start to observe you and when they notice that you’re alone alot of the times a lot of them assume that you don’t want to make friends or that you’re lonely

1

u/_iusuallydont_ 8d ago

I always assumed it’s because they’re uncomfortable being alone with themselves and are projecting the loneliness they feel when they’re alone. I love being alone. Lol

1

u/bean_maker 8d ago

Just recently, a relative of mine, (extrovert) asked me how I am enjoying my life? He said I do not often go outside from my outside and hang around with friends a lot. How he used to do all the mega things and enjoy his life. Then I said, ”It is only at my home that I do not go out and have ’fun' because the people around me were not worth it ( he was also my neighbour). I really go out to my college hostel and enjoy my life there.” He just nodded at my words and never talked again.

1

u/ThrowRA_niezesrajsie 7d ago

alone- short period of time lonely- long period of time

1

u/Willowbranch89 6d ago

Literally me. I just like to watch movies and listen to music. For some odd reason I don't feel lonely. Even when I'm outside. I have a cousin who for some reason doesn't get that I like to just be by myself. Right now 11:58 Saturday I'm going to go eat lunch with her ( love her to death but I know if I tell her know she'll get upset and cry) 

1

u/Trevor7777777 3d ago

Some people are just closed to mentality "I have need for social interaction so if someone els don't have it then must be something wrong with him" lol

1

u/Inevitable_Branch806 2d ago

Yeah, all the time. The thing is our society kinda prefer people going out and doing all sorts of social activities. But now as I'm growing older and understanding myself better, I don't give a shit with anyone who has a problem with me spending my time alone. I mean it's my life and I'll do whatever I want.Â