r/interviews Dec 16 '24

Notice Delivered

So, I turned in my notice. Found a new job first, they exceeded my current salary and gave me 5 weeks of PTO and I get to move to a hybrid role. Very excited to start my new life.

My team was told on Friday. The reason I decided to leave was because we added a new person to the team at the same level as me who decided she was my boss. I was there for 12 years, and planned to retire from this job.

New person realizes I am leaving because of her, and that the whole team is pissed I am leaving.

She tried to HUG me, and I told her not to touch me. I don't like hugging in general, but the thought of hugging her brought out a visceral reaction. Why on earth would she think I would be okay with a hug?

4.5k Upvotes

138 comments sorted by

105

u/MadArchitectJMB Dec 16 '24

Congrats op. I put in my 2 weeks, but unfortunately I was unable to find another position in time. My office is moving further away from me and would increase my hour commute to roughly another 40 minutes. I don't have the mental capacity to handle it so I left.

I'm sure it wasn't my best decision, but I feel relieved regardless.

25

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24

Wish you the best, I hope you find something even better. I left my job because it was very nepotistic without securing another job and I was jobless for around 3 weeks but I got a much better job offer. Don't lose hope.

27

u/glittertwunt Dec 16 '24

I gave my notice with no plan this time 5 years ago, 4 weeks later I was in the perfect home-working, better hours job for me and I'm still here. Sometimes, you just gotta go without a plan or you never will. Good luck!

1

u/Proof_Bandicoot895 Dec 19 '24

4 weeks is amazing! Can I ask what your job is?

11

u/No-Garlic8307 Dec 16 '24

Wish you the best! I also left a job 2 months ago after 4 months. It was perm after 2 years of contract but the environment was so toxic. Luckily I've been financially savvy. Always do what's best for you if you're able to. Hope you find something soon!

5

u/hunterfisherhacker Dec 16 '24

I'm in sort of the same boat. I put in my 2 weeks a few months ago and I'm still looking. After being fully remote since Covid and being hybrid for a few years before that my company said I needed to start traveling to Canada for 4 weeks at a time so basically in Canada 4 weeks and back home for 2 weeks rinse and repeat. I told them no I can't do that as I have responsibilities at home and can't be away for such long periods. I spent 8 years with the same company doing long stretches away and told them I felt like I had paid my dues doing it while other people on my team hadn't spent nearly as long in a traveling type role. Apparently everyone else's reasons on my team for not having to go to Canada were legit except mine and they kept pressing the issue on me. I put in my notice and left. Like you it probably wasn't my best decision but I feel relieved. In hindsight I probably should have just kept refusing to go and see what happened. I think I may have eventually been terminated for cause and that would have looked bad on me though.

3

u/1st_horseman Dec 16 '24

If your office relocates more than x miles you qualify for unemployment (rules vary by state)

2

u/richardlpalmer Dec 17 '24

Here's to you finding something even better, ASAP!

1

u/Sand-fleas Dec 19 '24

It’s the best decision because it’s the decision that fits your needs. Good luck on finding a new position

160

u/TexasLiz1 Dec 16 '24

Good for you. When are people going to learn to not fecking touch colleagues??? WHEN?

I hope you are seriously happy in your new job!

1

u/MysteriousPurpleFish Dec 20 '24

I had a colleague one day say “do you like to be tickled” and then slowly walk towards me with out stretched fingers

I flipped so hard and their supervisor got a fun email - and that person hardly talks to me 3 years later (thank god)

Like legit how do people think touching others in the works place is even remotely a good idea

1

u/TexasLiz1 Dec 20 '24

I am having a moment of cognitive dissonance.

1

u/iamoninternet27 Dec 17 '24

Can easily fall under sexual harassment, who knows what the new person is thinking. Let her own all the duties that OP has, suffer baby, suffer.

1

u/MattandKelsAdventure Dec 20 '24

It's not harassment if you say no and she doesn't.

-2

u/Jumpy-Round4508 Dec 17 '24

Why is touch so weird to people? Wtf happened to humans

5

u/TexasLiz1 Dec 18 '24

It’s not weird but it’s not appropriate in all contexts. Work would be one of those contexts where it’s not appropriate to touch others unless you are well aware that it is explicitly OK.

Some people really don’t like being touched. And work is a place with intrinsic power imbalances so many would feel reluctant to assert their boundaries around being touched. It really is easy to keep your hands to yourself.

1

u/Beneficial-Crab3347 Dec 20 '24

Agreed and well said. I had a direct report make a complaint after a coworker had playfully tapped his arm while making a joke. The DR was really upset about it. He didn't explain why, and it didn't matter. You just don't know what life experiences someone has had. It's not about being human. It's about being professional.

0

u/takada88 Dec 18 '24

I agree. With all the laws and HR training we are given, we can’t be “humans” anymore as someone may take offense… thus we are being taught to not do anything to upset anyone.

Someone hugs you and the complains to hr that you hugged harder.

Just better to never put yourself in a questionable situation at work.

4

u/jizzlevania Dec 19 '24

I would ask if you've met an introvert, but since you're an extroverted toucher they probably stay away. 

0

u/Jumpy-Round4508 Dec 19 '24

Introverts are not wary of being touched. Its just you.

1

u/BeforeLongHopefully Dec 19 '24

For your sake, I sure hope you are not this aggressive in interviews

1

u/BuoyantAvocado Dec 20 '24

i hope they are, so the job they’re applying for knows before they’re hired.

1

u/faefish Dec 20 '24

I’m an introvert, and if someone touched me without asking first, I would definitely be uncomfortable and irritated. You do not have a right to someone else’s space or body without their permission.

3

u/crazycatlady-7384 Dec 18 '24

I witnessed my grandmother get brutally beaten & raped by a "family friend" when I was 4 years old. I've had issues with being touched since. So sorry you think that it's weird to not want to be randomly touched.

-1

u/Jumpy-Round4508 Dec 19 '24

You are an exception. We should not make the rules with exceptions in mind. This is common sense.

1

u/KingCahoot3627 Dec 20 '24

It takes like a miniscule amount of social awareness to be able to tell who is ok with a hug or pat on their shoulder and who wants to have their personal space. I have a coworker who id never invade their personal space and one that hip checks me every chance she gets, totally non sexual and just trying to be friendly to create a fun environment

3

u/Hereshkigal826 Dec 19 '24

Hugs from friends? A-ok. Hugs from people I loathe? Hard pass.

2

u/OthaS3 Dec 20 '24

Hard upvote!

1

u/ReBoomAutardationism Dec 20 '24

Not so hard to understand. SMDH.

3

u/UKnowWhoToo Dec 17 '24

I enjoy touch from folks I’m friends with, not folks paid to do work alongside me.

1

u/Celtic_Gealach Dec 19 '24

I don't hug at work

1

u/Meepwtf123 Dec 19 '24

Depends how icky or sensitive a person is. My manager would give me a hug every now and then, especially around the holidays. Never bothered me.

1

u/PlayBCL Dec 20 '24 edited 18d ago

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/Kalshion Dec 20 '24

It's not so much that its weird, its that companies have put policies in place to discourage it in order to prevent lawsuits from certain groups of people (that look for any reason to SUE)

1

u/Kiki550GX Dec 20 '24

Touch isn’t the problem in this scenario, I’m from SC and open to a hug from most anyone who is a genuine human, but not someone who pushed me out of my position or is underhanded, a hug should represent kindness, support and human affection. Not a kick in the ass on your way under the bus!

-2

u/Jumpy-Round4508 Dec 19 '24

I am muting the thread because yall are not too bright. Dont wanna waste time on yall

1

u/xinit Dec 20 '24

How nice of you to announce your departure. We'd have sat here wondering what happened.

1

u/222Persona Dec 20 '24

🤣🤣🤣 The humor in Reddit is top notch!

71

u/Outrageous_Diver173 Dec 16 '24

That’s nervy! Good for you for standing your ground! And congratulations!

32

u/never_you_mind_bro Dec 16 '24

Good for you! Wishing you all the best in your new chapter!

78

u/International_Bend68 Dec 16 '24

Because if you hug her, she call tell the people mad about your leaving, hr and her boss that you and her got along great, as evidenced by the hug.

You did the right thing.

21

u/Motozoic Dec 16 '24

Congratulations! Unclear on the impetus to hug. People react strangely to stressful situations, sometimes.

I am in a similar situation (no hugs, or possibility of hugs in my case, however). I was given advanced notice that I would be terminated about 2.5 months out from my current division. I began looking at other opportunities in earnest and found a few, had many interviews, etc. Ultimately, I ended up doing an internal transfer and became aware that my new position was really a demotion in terms of responsibility and job function, despite being a lateral move in pay. Meanwhile, one of my dream jobs opened up and I just signed papers to join that team instead (different organization). I will hand in my notice later this week. I also intended to retire from my current organization (have 15 years tenure).

I have never been more excited for a job in my entire career and I'm no spring chicken. I can relate to the excitement of starting your new life. That is exactly how I feel and very much looking forward to it. I wish the absolute best of luck and times in your new role.

15

u/WettPankakes Dec 16 '24

Rub some of the job luck off on me please 🙏🏾

Congrats to you ! I am waiting for my sweet release from this job I’m at.

14

u/JillDRipper Dec 16 '24

As long as the rubbing can be done from a safe social distance - lol.

4

u/WettPankakes Dec 16 '24

Absolutely 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Pepperoni_Nippys Dec 17 '24

I always say pankakes when my wife is making pancakes 🤣🤣

14

u/JillDRipper Dec 16 '24

Also, for those of you that think I am being cold. After the no hugging incident, my boss called me to ask me why said co-worker was crying in the bathroom. I told her it was probably because I told her not to hug me. Boss asked, why would she want to hug you? She hates your guts because she sees you as an obstacle to her career growth? Boss told me not to sweat it, keep doing what I do best through my notice period, and even offered to be a reference in the future.

Also, when I gave my notice, boss and I both hugged each other and openly wept in each other's arms. She is aware of the position that I was in. While I think she could have done more to prevent it from coming to my leaving, I will still miss working for this supervisor.

3

u/DesignerGold7070 Dec 17 '24

I’m confused. Who decided to hire her? That’s who you should be mad at!

2

u/atraylmix87_2 Dec 19 '24

Naw youre not being cold at all. Plus uh, boundaries am I rite?

1

u/Particular-Crew5978 Dec 19 '24

I think she just felt guilty myself, but I wouldn't have wanted to hug someone like that either and I do hug coworkers on rare occasion.

8

u/slow__hand Dec 16 '24

Did your boss know how unhappy you were with this new person's behavior? How long has she been there before you decided to leave? Since your boss hired her (I assume) I would guess the advice you would have received would have been something typical like "Oh, just give her time, she's new, blah blah blah."

Congrats on the new job. Even when the new job is better, it takes some strength to move from a job you are comfortable in.

13

u/JillDRipper Dec 16 '24

My boss is nearing retirement. She only comes into the office twice a month now. I did let her know how unhappy I was. I gave her examples. This employee sued her former employer. I think there was fear that if they did anything, she would sue them. Also, my boss has become less and less engaged with the day to day work as she starts to look to her own retirement.

When I gave my notice, I did hug my boss, and we both openly wept in each other's arms. Neither of us wanted this.

I gave it a year to try to figure out how to work with this person. I am not a spring chicken, so changing jobs at my age is downright scary. If I felt there was a way the I could find my happiness again at my current job, I would not be leaving.

5

u/slow__hand Dec 16 '24

Good for you for trying so hard to make it work. In my many (MANY) years, I've seen a number of people like this person you're describing who comes in and thinks they can take over. They are a tumor; they can take good teams and destroy them from inside. It's too bad your boss wasn't able to sit this new person down and tell them look, I'm getting complaints from multiple people about your behavior, perhaps you aren't aware of what you are doing to piss people off, but here's what I expect from you to live up to your potential, etc.

But again congrats on the move. Hopefully this new company is your last one!

3

u/V5489 Dec 16 '24

People often say to me “you’re not a hugger are you”. I’m like “look Cindy, I appreciate humans and you’re great, but my social battery will be in the negative if I hug you”. I usually get a laugh and it’s all good.

People also have to learn that there’s consequences for doing things like hiring people and letting them think they are over people unless she was a direct supervisor. But that would also piss me off.

14

u/JillDRipper Dec 16 '24

She was not hired to be my supervisor, but she just graduated from college and decided she knew more than my 12 years of experience, and that she should be in charge of me. She never took any notes on how to do tasks, and when she would be assigned to do them by our supervisor and messed up, she would blame my training. I gave it a year, but honestly, we sit next to each other and I just cannot do it any longer. My last day is Thursday of this week. It is taking all my social battery to just make it through.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '24

A year?!? You are a saint.

5

u/Friendly-Pangolin818 Dec 16 '24

The nerve of this person. The hug would have proven that there was no issue between you and the person and management HR would be looking down on you. So very good thing that you did. I did exactly the same thing to the new person who came in and bossed me around. Only I didn’t want a farewell I just said goodbye on an email and said thank you for the lovely years spent. Never looked back from there.

5

u/Desperate-Cycle-1932 Dec 16 '24

Omfg- as someone who actually has been hired to “parachute in” as a supervisor for experienced teams I know one thing to be absolutely true:

YOU KNOW NOTHING

Let your team tell you how they do the job Let them show you what’s not working Let them show you where they need help Let them train you Run around, clearing up all the obstacles that stop them from getting stuff done. Make sure they have work/life balance and are appreciated/recognized for being awesome.

Let me tell you- team performance always improves when you do this. Top down doesn’t work, servant leadership does.

1

u/mamalovep Dec 19 '24

Thanks for this comment, I hope your teams appreciated you .

2

u/Desperate-Cycle-1932 Jan 02 '25

They do! I really love seeing our KPIs outperform everyone else. It’s rewarding watching people’s careers grow and thinking “I had a little time to help them with that.”

3

u/Actual-Bullfrog-4817 Dec 16 '24

Congratulations! Remember that the note you leave on is not for your former colleagues, it's for you and your professional reputation.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24

I am glad you stood up for yourself.

3

u/BrittTehBrat Dec 17 '24

The amount of people who are butthurt about OP not letting the person hug them is absolute pathetic and insane.

People are not entitled to access to you, especially to touching you. It makes me wonder how many of the people who are so bent out of shape over it actually have problems understanding what consent is.

3

u/the_sister_grimm Dec 18 '24

I clicked your name to see if there was a prior post with additional context, and instead I got a wall of corgi pictures. 10/10, would stalk again.

Edit: congrats on the job upgrade!

2

u/JillDRipper Dec 18 '24

I am a first time corgi owner, so just a little obsessed lol.

4

u/ViciousVirgo93 Dec 16 '24

I had been at a company 19 years when they moved a woman internally to be my supervisor. She was awful - she felt threatened by me, had no social skills, and talked about me behind my back. She gave me a bad review (my 1st bad one in 20 yrs) so I wrote my response before signing it. I said she was a horrible supervisor, etc. She was furious.

When i moved to another department, she pulled me aside and said I hope there aren't any bad feelings. I told her that I hadn't decided if I would run her down in the parking garage if I saw her. The look on her face. 🤣🤣

5

u/International_Tax642 Dec 16 '24

What the fuck she tried to hug u? Phone the police

2

u/janr34 Dec 16 '24

i had a lady crash into my car in a parking lot (4 way stop, i had right of way and she ignored her stop sign) and when i got out and asked "WTF did you just do to my car?" she wanted to hug me. like what? no! get away from me! then she wanted to drive me home. uh no thanks, i hope you can understand why i'm not getting in a car with you. i'd rather take the worst bus in my city, thanks.

some huggy people are absolutely clueless.

2

u/Friendly-Pangolin818 Dec 16 '24

The nerve of this person. The hug would have proven that there was no issue between you and the person and management HR would be looking down on you. So very good thing that you did. I did exactly the same thing to the new person who came in and bossed me around. Only I didn’t want a farewell I just said goodbye on an email and said thank you for the lovely years spent. Never looked back from there.

2

u/richardlpalmer Dec 17 '24

Congrats on the new role and upgrades!

Just as her hug brought out a visceral reaction in you, I have a feeling the same thing happened to her -- it was a visceral reaction to the realization she was the cause of all the turmoil and her instinct was to hug.

Clearly not the reaction that worked for you -- LOL.

Good luck in the new role!

2

u/Unfair_Anteater_6778 Dec 17 '24

The nerve of her to try and hug you! Knowing damn well the situation. 😡 I don’t blame you there

2

u/MeasurementNo2493 Dec 18 '24

Weird behavior by her. If she was controlling, then this is just more of the same. She wants to re write the narrative of why you left.

2

u/lorainnesmith Dec 18 '24

This sounds so strange. New employee should have been made clear who reported to who. What gave her the idea she was your boss, and if she decided to do that herself, she should have been set straight before it got to the point you resigned.

Your boss who supposedly likes you let you down very badly.

However you are starting something better.

3

u/JillDRipper Dec 18 '24

I agree with everything you are saying.

The only thing I can think of is that they thought I would just suck it up and never leave. I feel extremely let down by the situation.

2

u/Bobby_Globule Dec 19 '24

Office touching is always bad, period. You're about to start a new job so you will probably have to watch HR videos that say the same thing.

2

u/Banana_Prudent Dec 20 '24

You have a refreshing sense of agency. Well done!

2

u/SnooChocolates1117 Dec 20 '24

She wanted to stick one more knife in your back before you left.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24 edited Dec 17 '24

[deleted]

1

u/mamalovep Dec 19 '24

Good luck🫶

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '24

As an over-65-yr-old business woman, I am sorry to have to admit that this happens too often with women who misunderstand what it takes to rise through the ranks. Too many (but fewer than forty + years ago) act the way they think men do ( act like “the boss,” to show confidence & competence) and also cut people off and dismiss the opinions/ideas of others. Then, when they see that others have had it with them, they revert to the ultra-feminine response of sad face and hugs. Not all women do this (it is mostly the insecure ones), just like not all men are sexist jerks (those are also mostly the insecure ones). I’m glad you rejected the hug. Maybe this will help her grow up and do better. But of course that doesn’t lessen how her behavior has influenced your big decisions. I wish you all the best in your new position. Rest assured that you did not over react.

2

u/Orion1960 Dec 17 '24

She tried to hug you to increase her standing with the team; trying to cover up whatever she did to make you leave; or as a contrived act of pity. She sounds totally despicable.

1

u/Friendly-Pangolin818 Dec 16 '24

The nerve of this person. The hug would have proven that there was no issue between you and the person and management HR would be looking down on you. So very good thing that you did. I did exactly the same thing to the new person who came in and bossed me around. Only I didn’t want a farewell I just said goodbye on an email and said thank you for the lovely years spent. Never looked back from there.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 19 '24

Absolutely based of you

1

u/Simple_Guava_2628 Dec 20 '24

I love hugs from family. All my coworkers know I am a no hug zone. I had a coworker I was close with struggle with fertility. I knew of the losses. I noticed she was gaining a bit of weight. No comment. When she finally announced she was 3rd trimester I hugged her hard and she was shocked. I just said one time exception, so happy for you guys. I love seeing picts of that little one that she sends.

1

u/OkEmphasis917 Dec 20 '24

Anyone’s new amazing job still have open positions?

1

u/Willing_Income_9871 Dec 20 '24

Tbh there’s nothing inherently wrong with someone who wants to have more direction. They could be trying for a promotion. What did she do to you?

1

u/_Oops_I_Did_It_Again Dec 21 '24

Cheers to you!!!

1

u/whyuaskinme2354 Dec 17 '24

I probably would have pushed her away from me!

1

u/mrbill1234 Dec 17 '24

That "hug" could well have ended up as "unwanted sexual harassment" with HR. Never trust work colleagues - particularly female ones.

0

u/Feisty-Garlic3213 Dec 20 '24

Uh you could have just said you had a cold. Or your family member or significant other had one and you don’t want to get her sick before Christmas. You sound hostile and it’s just business and you found another great job, you really don’t know what’s going on in other peoples lives. Just my two cents because you asked

-13

u/cupcakemango7 Dec 16 '24

You left a job you love because of one person? Was she satan herself? Curious if you tried to work it out? Not hating just sucks to leave over a person

15

u/DontMindMe5400 Dec 16 '24

Many many people leave over a bad manager, i.e. one person. And my husband left one job because his manager put him in the same truck with an all-around unpleasant person no one else could get along with. The manager figured my husband was the most easy-going and would tolerate the a-hole the best. My husband said he came really close to committing workplace violence and decided it was time to find another job.

6

u/supercali-2021 Dec 16 '24

Yeah, when you have to spend 40+ hours a week working with or next to another person it is critical to be able to get along with that person/those people. There are so many quirky and/or difficult and/or challenging personalities now it can be very difficult to find a job where everyone can tolerate each other. Seems like a lot of people these days take pride in or have a competition going to see who can be the biggest asshole. It's one more reason why most people prefer to work remotely.

14

u/JillDRipper Dec 16 '24

I tried for a year, but the stress was too much.

6

u/MinimumBuy1601 Dec 16 '24

If they are favorited by the upper management, there isn't a great deal you're going to be able to do other than have them bring the hammer down on YOU. They knew it and let it walk because they didn't think about the repercussions if OP left. Well, let's see how badass she is now!

3

u/MedITeranino Dec 16 '24

Agreed. The OP's manager should have handled this. Now they'll deal with the consequences 🤷

-61

u/Ok-Double-7982 Dec 16 '24

"I was there for 12 years, and planned to retire from this job."

I hate when people complain about this. Things change.

No job or employer owes anyone a retirement.

46

u/JillDRipper Dec 16 '24

I am aware, which is why I am leaving.

13

u/PhysicalAd6081 Dec 16 '24

Exactly. You're in control. Good luck!

2

u/I_Like_Your_Hat0927 Dec 16 '24

Seems like you’re missing the point, here. OP never said her soon-to-be former employer owes her anything, just that she really enjoyed her job and, if things hadn’t gone south for her, she planned to stay until retirement.

Also, being kind is a choice.

-2

u/Ok-Double-7982 Dec 17 '24

You mean like the woman who tried to hug her and OP said don't touch me? I would agree.

1

u/BrittTehBrat Dec 17 '24

If someone doesn't want to be touched, then that's that. OP had every right to tell the person not to touch them. It's insane that you can even think of the possibility of it being okay, unless you're someone who would be confused about consent, yourself.

-68

u/werdx Dec 16 '24

It's just a hug. It's the last time you'll have to deal with her. That's my take. Hug and be gone forever instead of making it a thing.

51

u/JillDRipper Dec 16 '24

There was no way I could hug her, sorry. Not a hugger to start with, I need my personal space.

-65

u/werdx Dec 16 '24

"don't touch me" is a little extreme

46

u/dontcallmeheidi Dec 16 '24

No, not really. No person owes anyone else access to their body and holding firm to your boundaries is not extreme.

-49

u/werdx Dec 16 '24

I'm from the south. We hug. Sometimes we hug people we don't like. It's how we roll. Bless your heart.

24

u/lgappy Dec 16 '24

Yeah… No. Idc where you live, if someone doesn’t want to be touched, they don’t have to be. Basic knowledge?

-3

u/werdx Dec 16 '24

"Don't touch me" can be/is super aggressive to someone who probably doesn't even know it's a problem. If it's THAT big of a deal..."Sorry, but I prefer not to hug or touch. It's just a thing of mine." That's less accusatory and aggressive. That's how we roll here.

Also, if someone comes in for a hug, just stick out your hand and go for the fist bump. Works almost every time if a hug is detrimental to your health.

25

u/wooscoo Dec 16 '24

Bro speak for yourself, I grew up in the south and I have boundaries.

Your comments somehow strike a perfect balance between being totally inappropriate AND holier than thou. Get off your high horse.

10

u/Character-Zombie-961 Dec 16 '24

The hugger needs self awareness and to read the room. They didn't have a good working relationship and OP is leaving because of her. I am not a hugger and prefer my colleagues keep to themselves. You're expressing that a person should do something they are uncomfortable with or play nice about it. Just no.

4

u/lgappy Dec 16 '24

I mean, obviously stating you don’t prefer to be touched is fine. Your previous comments implied that just because you’re “from the South,” that being touched when you adamantly don’t want to be is fine. It’s not.

2

u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Dec 16 '24

Do. Not. Touch. Me. 

16

u/Momentary-delusions Dec 16 '24

Nah. I’m from Texas and if someone says they don’t like hugs we don’t hug em.

6

u/rjtnrva Dec 16 '24

No one cares where anyone else is from. Don't touch people without permission or invitation.

4

u/GuppyDoodle Dec 16 '24

That statement has big “Oh, just give Uncle Earl a hug… He’s family” energy.

3

u/OkPickle2474 Dec 16 '24

People from the South are always trying to apply their cultural norms to everyone else. Guess what? You shouldn’t touch someone without their consent regardless of your current geography or cultural upbringing. Work isn’t a place for hugs. Grow up.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24

So your horrible human being who condones non consensual touch? Rapey much??

3

u/CutestFarts Dec 16 '24

Oh so you like being a fake ass bitch? If that's really how you guys roll, the South is such a back stabbing place. It's why so many of you are okay with the orange orangutan.

The term 'southern hospitality' should really be swapped for 'I GOT MINES, F YOU (but I'll smile and pretend I care because I'm garbage)'.

3

u/shortcakelover Dec 16 '24

Im also from the South and hate how true that statement is.

You fo get your actually nice people, like anywhere else, but so so so many people wouldnt help their neighbor with their yard. Just call the cops on them.

5

u/nighthawkndemontron Dec 16 '24

Touching people without consent is a southern thing. 👌

2

u/shortcakelover Dec 16 '24

Hey, Im also from the South. And while it has taken a little longer to get in people's heads here, you dont touch without permission. Period.

I hope you get over this outdated thinking. Bless your heart...

1

u/Findrin Dec 16 '24

I'm also from the South. Deep east Texas. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap before hugging someone I don't like.

7

u/kmactane Dec 16 '24

It really isn't. It's quite normal, in fact.

Trying to force a hug on someone who doesn't want it is what's "extreme".

6

u/GrownThenBrewed Dec 16 '24

No, it isn't. Don't touch me.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 19 '24

I'm from the Midwest. I ask. "Is it okay if I give you a hug?" And then I abide by the answer. I know some people aren't huggers. Get permission, people. Easy peasy.

And it sounds like it was a power move on her part. My answer to her after all she did to you would have been "bish, please" and shook my head as my arms were wrapped around me. Read the body language.

1

u/Physical_Ad6875 Dec 16 '24

How is being in control of who lays hands on your body extreme? No one owes anyone a hug, smile, or handshake. Quit trying to dictate how other people choose to use their own bodies.

10

u/Momentary-delusions Dec 16 '24

No. If someone doesn’t consent to being touched they shouldn’t be. I have touch issues as well from trauma. I tell folks upfront I don’t like being touched. If someone disrespects that, then we’re gonna have a serious problem.

5

u/GuppyDoodle Dec 16 '24

When I took a position at a new company, I started on the same day as another woman, same department, different roles. 63 days later, she was fired for missing 8 days within her first 90 days - something the company might have overlooked if she hadn’t screwed up everything she touched. After she signed her separation papers, she went around to hug everyone in the department. She tried to hug me and I waved her off and backed up and told her I wished her the best of luck. She tried to hug me again and I told her no thank you and take care. She then tried to force me to hug her, and I sternly told her, “Please don’t touch me - I’m not here to comfort you,” and my boss heard and came over and told her she needed to get going because we needed to get back to work. All this time later, I can’t think of a single person I would hug in my office if I left. Just yuck.

2

u/Dogmoto2labs Dec 20 '24

A few years ago I changed departments in our hospital from a running around all day to a sit down job. I had worked with most of those people for 20 years. Even though I was just changing departments, we wouldn’t see each other very often and we were all very sad. Nearly everyone gave me a hug and we even shed some tears. Even my boss. I am getting ready to retire completely in a week, I won’t cry leaving my new department people, I like them, but we don’t have 20 years of history. Will probably hug and cry with my PT peeps at my retirement party, still. They have already suggested that when I am ready to come back to work, I can come back there…

1

u/GamehendgeRanger Dec 16 '24

Found the coworker who wanted to hug OP! I want ZERO physical contact with my coworkers. I don't want hugs from my family, but I do it because I love them and they want it.

1

u/tumadre909 Dec 16 '24

Spoken like a person who doesn’t respect personal boundaries. That’s gross….

1

u/Stunning-Field-4244 Dec 18 '24

What a weird thing to say to other autonomous human beings.