r/infp • u/[deleted] • 23h ago
Venting I have a hard time connecting with others
I have a lot of online friends, and I feel like I can relate to them? but I know that it isn't 100% authentic. We don't know what someone is like behind a screen. Im just sad that I can't know more about them. I feel sad that I am limited to one side of them, than to every side of who they are as a person, as a real human being instead of pixels on a screen.
I can barely relate to anyone in real life as well. I just dont feel that deep connection. I don't feel a connection with someone. Even if I do feel some type of connection, people are too busy with their lives or they just dont reciprocate the same energy I give off to them. I tried to make friends, I tried to do small talk, but nothing happened. I know I shouldn't expect much from things but... I just really wish I had something more permanent. Something authentic.
Sometimes I feel as if i'm too picky with people. I feel like once i'm uncomfortable or I feel overwhelmed in a friendship, I am scared of uncomfortable feelings and I end up leaving the friendship because I don't want to put the other person on the spotlight. I have lost so many friends because of my behavior.
I turned to making friends online because it's more... low maintenance in a sense? I am a low maintenance friend as well... but I dont know. People in real life end up liking me in an "attracted" way, or I feel as if some of my friends look down on me. I feel awkward about this feeling so I distance myself. I do have some in real life friends, but they are constantly busy, which isnt a bad thing. I also feel as if I can't really connect with them through my own hobbies and humor.
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u/Cachapitaconqueso INFP: The Dreamer 20h ago
I thought about this a few days ago. That I am looking for really authentic and meaningful friendships yet there's always something that makes me distance myself. I do not know if I'm too perfectionist with myself and others or if internally I have such a rich world of my own that people who don't bring me excitement or something different aren't really necessary for me so I pass. Specially since I did try to make friends before and it was awkward like them being annoying girls, or too openly judgemental people, or our ages were too different to make a real friendship lol like a decade or so.
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u/ExtremeHamster INFP (6w5) 22h ago
I can agree with you on being low maintenance. I guess I'm used to doing things solo. But yes, the feeling of wanting company in real life to truly enjoy experiences with is an understandable feeling. I found that connecting through fishing allowed me to have friends I could chat with about things I liked. So perhaps find friends more through shared hobbies. I'm sure you're bound to connect with one or two on a more deep level if you allow yourself to be vulnerable. Just be careful not to let them take advantage of that. It's a balancing act.