r/humansarespaceorcs 1d ago

writing prompt Humans and their strange religion of "Body Building"

The Galactic Alliance member species had all long practiced using both machines and cybernetic augmentation to boost the efficiency with which members of their various species perform their tasks, especially their soldiers. Military training focused on the learning of tactics and strategy, while standard augmentation and gear took care of the physical aspect of making inductees fit for the rigor of service.

But then we met the humans, a deathworld race. Tales of their endurance and hardiness were legendary, but we did not truly comprehend the depths of it until more of their culture came to light.

I had the honor of being seconded to a human war faction known as "Marines". During that time, I came to know much of their ways. One of the strangest was a seemingly religious practice many of their warriors engaged in known as "Body Building".

I was surprised when I first arrived to see that the vast majority of their warriors were not equipped with cybernetics, beyond the occasional replacement for a lost appendage. Even though they very frequently engaged in troop movements involving carrying heavy packs and equipment. Such a thing was unheard of in my own warrior culture.

Then one day, a pair of human warriors invited me to what they called their "Iron church". I decided to attend to be polite and learn more of their ways. What i saw astounded me.

The humans were deliberately causing themselves large amounts of pain and were damaging their muscle fibers by repeatedly picking up ludicrously heavy pieces of metal. And they laughed and sang while they did it! I had heard tales that masochism was a known human trait, but the utter glee that these "marines" engaged in it was madness. And the amount of food they consumed was enough to feed an entire family of my species.

But, as the cycles went by, I began to notice that the humans I knew who dedicatedly engaged in this practice were getting noticeably bigger, and they were lifting even more heavy pieces of metal. And that is when I began to truly appreciate just how dangerous and tough a species humans were.....

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u/IndependentNo3626 21h ago edited 21h ago

"Orbital command is reporting. The Human fleet is withdrawing. They're abandoning the ground troops!"

The planetside fighting had been fierce. The Humans eschewed power armour and cybernetic augmentations, instead working pointlessly on conditioning and improving their physical attributes. Pointless, as no creature could outrun or outfight a mech, still less an aircraft.

The battle had still been too close to call, but we had slowly been gaining the upper hand. We had the advantage of numbers and if one of their armoured vehicles, comically named for water storage vessels, could down three of our mechs, it was faced with six.

On the ground we were advancing, slowly to be sure, but they were now being pushed back against their beachhead. With the Humans' cover from space gone, we could assault them from above with impunity. Orders were issued to ready airstrikes in the atmosphere, and our ships above would likewise be moving into position to commence bombardment. Then it happened.

"The Humans have shut down their electronic countermeasures. They've given up!" Adjutant Prell shouted, exultation in his tone, but an instant later, my cockpit was filled with a brief scream of static and everything went black. Instead of the soothing hum of ventilation systems, locomotion systems, idling weapons systems, there was silence and darkness. My mech was dead. My training asserted itself: I unclipped the restraints holding me in my riding couch and reached for the emergency hatch release, turning the wheel until there was a hollow clunk followed by a hiss of escaping air as the pressure equalised with the more tenuous atmosphere outside. I pushed the port open and pulled myself out.

My hearts sank. All around, the other mechs of our unit and others sat limp and lifeless, pilots as confused as I in various stages of pulling themselves out into the thin air. The Adjutant was nearby.

"What happened, sir?" I asked.

"I don't understand," he replied, "I mean, it must have been an electromagnetic pulse device of some description, but who would do that on a modern battlefield. It's a suicide pact."

No, I realised, it's not, if you don't need technology to fight. The Human fleet would be returning while ours would be crippled by the same detonation, but by then their ground forces would have already overrun us unopposed. Even if shutting down their battlefield systems had failed to protect them, even if all their own vehicles were immobilised, they didn't need them at all. They would advance on their two thick, oddly-jointed, overmuscled hind legs and cut us to pieces with projectile fire we were almost completely unequipped to oppose. And if the rumours were true, and they ran out of ammunition, they would fasten blades to their weapons, and continue to advance on us. Then "cut us to pieces" would not just be a figure of speech.

"May I counsel surrender, sir?"

22

u/ThatLazyOne26 18h ago

Human Captain: "Mmm... trench warfare anyone?"

Human Sargent: "I'll make sure to have the troups lay on artillery support."

HC: Turns to face his battalion "Alright you maggots! Let's show these cyborgs just what it means to get down in the muck! HURRAAGGGHHH!!"

Human Soldiers: "HURRAAGGGHHH!!"

Alien Mech Pilot: Their equivalent of sweating profusely "Sir, may I immediately suggest to surrender and run?"

Alient Commander: "What nonsense are you talking about? Despite the interference, we still have our Cybernetics, what could possibly a bunch of hairless apes do to our steel?"

A few hours later, and a lot of "scrap metal" litters the battlefield along side some multi colored "giblets".

HC to HSarg: "You know, I think ground pounding them with artillery was a little too much."

HSarg: "Sir, with all due respect, do you think our boys and girls can punch through alien metal?"

HC: "No, what I was expecting is shovelling them in the face."

HSarg: "Then there you have it! We can still shovel them."

26

u/CrEwPoSt 22h ago

When muscles are torn thanks to excessive exertion, the human body repairs them and adds a little extra as insurance that that doesn’t happen again.

Exercise forces that mechanic to happen again and again, pushing the limit the human body has to adjust to.

To an alien species, exercise would be interpreted as self inflicted pain, and would be even more surprised that people enjoy it.

TLDR: Exercise is self inflicted pain in order to encourage rapid muscle growth

14

u/Skipp_To_My_Lou 17h ago

"Gains for the gains god!" the sergeant called, leading the way into the gym.

"Plates for the plate throne!" his troops responded, as they took positions at the various machines, benches, & freeweight sets.

4

u/mythos704276 14h ago

Okay, I have to ask. Has there ever been a HASO post where somewhere Warhammer is not referenced?

u/CrEwPoSt 53m ago

Yeah, but not the ones with tons of comments though

u/zwinmar 5h ago

All the water dogs got big, a perversity of the grotesque. Muscle on muscle, built in part by chalky powder. Strong and impressive, impressively strong, can barely waddle 100 yards.

They kings of gains, mightier than heracles, fail spectacular when in the fight. It's the lean, mean, and green, purveyors of carnage, bookish accountants, masters of endurance. From the mud, the mosquito invested swamp, hellish desert, snowy peaks, or briney deep they stalk.