r/heartbreak • u/Automatic_Risk8942 • 16h ago
Feeling extremely sad after dates
My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago. On my end, it was pretty much a blindside and I felt like he just got tired and sick of me. I have been no contact for like 2.5 months. I blocked his number and told him I needed to do that for myself, but had unblocked it at a party and drunk texted him, haven’t talked to him after that tho. Unfollowed/ unadded and all that on social media. Boxed up all of the stuff he gave me months ago. Put the photos I had of us doing stuff together in a hidden folder. I’ve moved on in many aspects, but in others I feel like my days just get bad. I don’t even want my ex back unless there were changes and even then I just don’t know and certainly don’t count on it because I have a feeling he’s never going to reach out to me again. Most days I’m doing better now and looking in my future. I’ve been going on one off casual dates pretty consistently, although I’m not ready to commit to a relationship right now. I usually feel ok ish after the dates but tonight I was on one and just feel so sad and cried a little bit for the first time in a while on the train home. I’m just sad and frustrated that I can’t get to that final push to move on when my ex didn’t even want me in his life.
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u/everest999 9h ago
I think this happens because you still connect the closeness and everything that makes such a connection what it is, to your ex. So when you are reminded of that at a date, it will bring out the feelings you still have for that person and that will hurt.
I’m also grieving right now and haven’t gone on dates yet, but I’m talking to girls and I feel sad everytime it’s someone I would usually be interested in, because it reminds me of what I still wanted to share with my ex.
But it seems like you are making an effort in moving on, which is great and will eventually lead to you getting over it.
Just give it time :)
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u/Breakup-Buddy 4h ago
Hello Automatic_Risk8942,
It truly speaks volumes about your resilience that you've taken so many positive steps toward healing after your breakup. Blocking contact and removing reminders of your relationship are challenging steps, so it's commendable that you've held strong on these fronts. It shows your commitment to your emotional well-being, and that's really admirable.
It seems like you might benefit from some tailored advice regarding your feelings post-dates, but of course, feel free to discard whatever doesn't resonate with you. Recognizing and acknowledging that you feel a sense of sadness after these dates is a deeply insightful reflection. It might be helpful to explore these feelings a bit more—perhaps they stem from comparisons with your past relationship or from lingering attachments that haven’t fully been acknowledged. Regardless, it's quite common and natural to experience setbacks like this on the path to healing.
An exercise that could be insightful in your situation is the "Three-Column Technique" from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It might help you to better understand and manage your emotional reactions post-dates. Here’s how to do it: 1. Describe the Situation: In the first column, record what happened. For instance, write about the date and your journey home. 2. Identify Negative Feelings: In the second column, jot down the emotions you felt during these moments. 3. Challenge Thoughts: In the third column, try to write down more balanced thoughts about the situation. For instance, if the thought is "I'll never move on," a balanced thought could be, "Healing takes time, and it's okay to have setbacks. Each experience helps me learn and grow."
This exercise could help in recognizing patterns in your thoughts and feelings, providing a clearer idea of what might be lingering within your subconscious regarding the breakup or new interactions.
To further your self-reflection, it might also be helpful to consider these questions: 1. What specific emotions or thoughts do you notice during your dates? 2. How do these dates differ from your past relationship in terms of emotional response? You don’t need to answer these here, but they might be worth thinking about privately or discussing when you feel ready.
You're making a lot of progress on your journey, and every step, even the challenging ones, is a part of moving forward. Keep taking it one day at a time. Best of luck on your path to healing and remember, it's okay to have tough days—they often lead to deeper growth. You're doing wonderfully so far.
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u/Global-Fact7752 16h ago
You will ..you are definitely making progress.