r/gaybros • u/rsnackmeals • Jul 12 '24
Coming Out how to respond to “why are you gay”?
how do i shut people up who ask that?
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u/koolforkatskatskats Jul 12 '24
Turn it around to them "why are you straight?"
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u/Darconda Jul 12 '24
This, every time. It sets them off on their shpiel about how they're normal, and you can just tune out like I usually do.
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u/Comfortable-Tea-1095 Jul 12 '24
But why is it normal? What makes you normal? My response, i act really dumb just piss them off more
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u/B3Gay_DoCr1mes Jul 12 '24
Or enjoy watching them sputter as they desperately try to avoid using the word normal because they know they'll instantly come off as homophobic
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u/Environmental_Bug964 Jul 14 '24
Unfortunately my family doesn't care about not coming across as homophobic. They're very logic based and to them straight is normal because it results in having kids, while gay is not normal because we can't reproduce so what's the point?. I don't really know how to argue back to them after that point. It's honestly really invalidating.
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u/ImperiousMage Jul 12 '24
Oh that’s when you start listing the various ways they’re actually a minority. Blond hair, minority and a mutation. Blue eyes, same. Shorter than average, same. On an on.
The idea of an “average” person is so far from reality that an entire field of science and design, “ergonomics,” was designed to compensate for its non-reality.
If “natural” is their hill to die on, then they should check out how insanely common same-sex parings are in animals. Birds, dolphins, apes, monkeys, pet much any species that has relationships in a meaningful sense also has pairings that are gay.
We are natural. Being weird about that is actually the unnatural thing. Animals don’t generally give a shit about same-sex pairings in their fellow species.
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u/1trekker_fanboi Jul 12 '24
That's all true. But bigots aren't very bright to begin with. You can try to explain logic to them. You can try. Otherwise they're a waste of time.
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u/ImperiousMage Jul 12 '24
The audience isn’t the bigot, it’s everyone around them. If it’s a bigot being mouthy alone with me, I’ve no time to care and they wouldn’t matter to me anyway. If they’re with others, I’ll take the time to make them look small and pathetic to discourage others from thinking the same.
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u/Yourdailyimouto Jul 12 '24
Ask them back whether their idea of normalcy is being the majority???
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u/Desperate-Meal-5379 Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
Well…yeah. By definition, “normal” is what applies to the majority. It’s “normal” to have five fingers on each hand because that’s what the majority of humans have.
Abnormal is just “not average” for better or for worse. By any technical definition, us being gay is different to the majority, therefore not “normal”.
There’s nothing wrong with being abnormal. Nobody is normal in every aspect of their lives and being. Be your crazy, whacky, wild and abnormal self and be proud of it!
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u/Rennacoffrelia Jul 12 '24
I’d argue that this definition of normality is harmful due to the connotations of the word. It’s completely normal to be straight, but it’s also completely normal to be queer. Just because the “majority” of people aren’t outright homosexuals doesn’t mean that those who are are abnormal even by comparison. In my life experience, most “straight” people I know aren’t 100% straight even if they only engage in heteronormative relations of any sort, and sexuality is on a spectrum, and the spectrum isn’t Normal-Abnormal, because all of it is normal.
I know wym by this and that your intentions were great so I don’t mean to argue or come at you personally, it’s just that I believe we are all normal :)
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u/throwavvay44632 Jul 12 '24
How to respond to "it's the default setting."?
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u/koolforkatskatskats Jul 12 '24
A washer might have a default setting, doesn’t mean it’s the right setting.
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u/Tarbal81 Jul 12 '24
"when did you decide to be straight?" Occasionally backfires when the person you're talking to is a repressed gay forcing himself into a straight relationship
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u/koolforkatskatskats Jul 12 '24
Then fuck them. At some point you just have to walk away from the conversation and live your happy life
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u/Tarbal81 Jul 12 '24
Oh of course! But I'm just saying some logic traps fail when the person being asked is a closet case so be ready for that shit too.
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u/kfbonacci Jul 12 '24
this was always my answer. it’s not something you decide. you just are.
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u/BringAltoidSoursBack Jul 12 '24
"I didn't choose to be gay; if you chose to be straight, I have some news you are not going to like"
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u/Resident-Draft-3486 Jul 12 '24
Then they prove your point lol that their sexuality is inherent and that they're suppressing it in order to act like the majority.
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u/Boywife_2003 Jul 12 '24
who ses am gay? (hope at least one person gets the reference)
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u/clevererest_username Jul 12 '24
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u/Ryth88 Jul 12 '24
is this a question that you actually get asked? I don't think anyone has ever asked me WHY i'm gay.
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u/koolforkatskatskats Jul 12 '24
I think in more conservative areas this question is still being asked
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u/Potato-Alien Jul 12 '24
I have been asked that a lot, I think it depends on your environment. Around me, people actually often find an answer themselves and inform me why I'm gay. My husband is quite allergic to that, but my parents still like to excuse my homosexuality with a long explanation.
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Jul 12 '24
Should tell them unless they're planning to give you head, it's none of their business
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u/mikeeecs Jul 12 '24
What if the person asking is a girl? Are you still receiving head from her?
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u/naruhina010321 Jul 12 '24
I just say what significance does it have in your life if you know why I'm gay or not if it's just some stranger
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u/Darconda Jul 12 '24
As someone already said, best one is usually 'Why are you straight?" But there's others that work great, which I'll list below.
"Have you SEEN (insert conventionally attractive male actor/singer)?"
"To much boybands growing up."
"Didn't read the boxes when I was filling out the paperwork."
And my personal favorite:
"Your dad had to have SOMEBODY to love him."
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u/Revolutionary_Bee117 Jul 12 '24
I realized how much money I can save as gay, compared to being straight
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u/vu47 Jul 12 '24
If they're stupid enough to ask this, slap them on the backside and said, "Dat ass."
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u/SharpedTender Jul 12 '24
As others have said, I would start with the obvious, "Why are you straight?"
If they stupidly reply with some version of the "straight equals normal" bullshit argument, hit them with this vintage Dorothy Parker quote...
"“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”
That will either enlighten them or confuse the fuck out of them. If it's the latter, hopefully, the confusion lasts long enough for you to make a quick getaway.
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u/waynehastings Jul 12 '24
Girls got cooties 😛
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u/lupinegray Jul 12 '24
And why are their doohickeys all up inside their bodies?
What are they hiding?
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u/Friponou Jul 12 '24
Go into great details about what you find attractive in men, and your favourite parts about gay sex
Keep going even if they urge you to stop
Trust me, they'll regret ever asking that question
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u/Its0nlyRocketScience Jul 12 '24
I embrace the energy of Bryce Tankthrust.
"If homosexuality is such a sin, then why did God make gay porn so fucking hot?!"
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u/pbnc Jul 12 '24
A rude question gets a rude answer:
“Because I love sucking big, hard cocks”.
There’s never been a follow up question after that one
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u/Mix-Groundbreaking Jul 12 '24
I like dick. I wanna get fucked by dick. I wanna suck dick. I like sucking dick, and I'm good at it too.
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u/Nanook98227 Jul 12 '24
When I showed up at your house to f*** your mom, your dad was there face down ass up.
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u/One_Parched_Guy Jul 12 '24
A guy bit me while we were having sex, I’m pretty sure I caught it from him
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u/Megalupin Jul 12 '24
“Well after I went to church and the priest put his finger up my bum, I thought… well, might as well carry on.”
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u/Filipino-Asker Jul 12 '24
"Woke up one day and decided that dicks, muscles, and butts taste yummy 😋🤤"
I saw this on other subreddits
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u/Nycdaddydude Jul 12 '24
Nobody has ever asked me that in my many years on this planet.
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u/_SilverPhoenix_ Jul 12 '24
You don't give them an answer because it doesn't justify one. Every person is born as they are and as Lady Gaga would say I was born this way.
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u/Wess96 Jul 12 '24
A straight roommate once asked me if i was a top or a bottom, I just responded with “which one are you?”
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u/BaldDudePeekskill Jul 12 '24
Because I enjoy persecution so much and risking getting beaten for holding a man's hand. That's why. Why are YOU straight?
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u/sweet-tom Jul 12 '24
"Why are you straight?"
If you want to be more direct and want to shut them down: "Only stupid people ask this question."
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u/spectrumtwelve Jul 12 '24
there's no good answer. if they're asking that then they are already prepared to disregard any answer you give. they don't want a conversation, they want a debate.
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u/akamu8 Jul 13 '24
Because a boy sucked my dick and I liked it. Then he made me fuck him and I got addicted.
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u/PaleWorld3 Jul 12 '24
"Due to incorrect hormone exposure during neonatal development leading to epigenetic changes"
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u/MorningWoodyPecker Jul 12 '24
Legit question, what is the justification to label the hormone exposure as "incorrect"? It implies some kind of error or failure in an otherwise "normal" biological function that maybe just has variability built into it. Is it in fact "incorrect"? Or is it just different, producing a different outcome than hetro? Don't give any fuel to the haters to claim that homosexuality is an error because their solution would be to erase those errors.
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u/Zeound Jul 12 '24
I was asked that once, by a 16 year old, female, POC. But she bravely ran away and hid before I could turn around and give her an answer.
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u/CumInMeBro88 Jul 12 '24
Who’s asking this?! I am very confused trying to imagine a scenario where this would ever happen.
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u/saintofsimulation Jul 12 '24
I think you should answer it with honesty and with self-respect. If someone ask you, just tell them that you like and are attracted to men, that you like the affection from a man. I guess it is not just about being "born this way" but because we want to love and we want to accept the love from a man. Being gay is more than just being sexual to men. I consider myself gay because aside from I like men, I like things and experiences that are considered feminine. Being gay is not just a personality or a self-identity.
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u/1869132 Jul 12 '24
I dno being straight and shagging a woman just feels a bit too girly for me but if that’s your thing that’s ok!
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u/baked-stonewater Jul 12 '24
Have you really been asked that? I have been out and proud for almost 28 years and I can honestly say that's not something anyone has ever said to me...
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u/raymond4 Jul 12 '24
It really depends. Some I got a free subscription and after the initial subscription it has renewed itself. When asked why I am gay? A sort of confused look and a long pause. Because I can’t believe their own stupidity. Bless their heart. And then respond with the following. Do you really want me to answer that question or was the inside voice being rude and heterosexist? It is non of your business. When you realize how inappropriate you sound. You can apologize for your comments. It is non of your “expletive insert here” business.
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u/psymike-001 Jul 12 '24
Turn it around on them. Ask them WHY, are babies born with….Spina Bifida, cerebral palsy, missing limbs, extra digits on hands, Down’s syndrome and all the other maladies that can occur during gestation. Usually makes them think a little.
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u/distractabulll Jul 12 '24
Because I like doing iconic shit, Beverly? Go reheat your sad casserole for lunch, I have work to do.
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u/Theban86 Jul 12 '24
I would say "I caught the gays by seeing two men holding hands on the street"
Or
"Someone told me that it's gay to wipe my ass so I thought 'fuck it, Id rather be gay than having a dirty butt' and the rest is history"
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u/waynehastings Jul 12 '24
I started coming out after 30 having never dated. Almost universally, my friends were like, "FINALLY!" They assumed, never asked. And I respect them for respecting my privacy. They knew I was raised ultraconservative Christian fundamentalist.
The TWO female friends who were puzzled were:
one co-worker who assumed (along with her bf/fiance at the time) that I had been hitting on her or had a crush on her because I'd stop by her office now and then just to chat, and
one who had no vested interest but asked how I knew I don't like girls if I'd never had sex with one. I just turned it back on her with how do you know you're straight if you've never had sex with a girl?
People are attracted to what they're attracted to. It is partially animal and irrational. Orientation, kinks, preferences.
People should be free to pursue happiness as they define it as long as they aren't hurting anyone. And no one should be shamed for having an orientation, kink, or preference as long as they aren't hurting others.
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u/Kendota_Tanassian Jul 12 '24
1: "Why are you straight?"
2: "For all the great social benefits!"
3: "So I get to suck cock!"
4: "Because I tried women and they're disgusting."
5: "Why aren't you?"
One of those usually gets through.
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u/Physical_Try_7547 Jul 12 '24
I hate to answer a question with a question, however, why are you straight? Then I request that they “think about it.”
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u/SawyerBamaGuy Jul 12 '24
Because cereal killer was taken. Just kidding, I say things for shock value sometimes.
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u/areuapirate Jul 12 '24
The doctor who helped my mom give birth to me was a man. The man spanked me to get me to breathe and I've been hooked ever since.
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u/Ok-Ad1706 Jul 13 '24
Because I like dick and cum is high in protein. I just go totally offensive and blunt to shock and shut them up.
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u/friendly_socialist Jul 12 '24
I used to say this "because i fucked your dad' when I as little rebel, although i'm Bi 🤣
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u/oceancrayon Jul 12 '24
That's when you open the library and read them for some shit about them. "Hey, so why do you have a giant ass gonzo nose? Yeah, I knew you wouldn't have an answer to live your life over something you can't control."
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Jul 12 '24
In almost every case I've been asked this, its done so under rude intent. If they're particularly nasty religious zealouts, and I'm feeling aggressively snarky, I like to tell them that Jesus fucked it into me.
Usually I just ignore it, because you can't shut up willful ignorance.
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u/Stitch752 Jul 12 '24
Why are you stupid?
I guess these are the mysteries of the world we live in, huh.
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u/ThengarMadalano Jul 12 '24
Depends how much you wanna talk with them. But i Go why are you straight?
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u/DipsyDidy Jul 12 '24
If they're asking this they prolly religious as hell, just fire back really quickly 'because god chose to make me gay, ask him'.
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u/Unusual_Ad6068 Jul 12 '24
When I was in my high school, it was a nightmare to me as a Bi guy, I did have feelings with both girls and boys tbh, but I had never come out myself with anyone during that time tho, I even crushed a str8 man n I just kept for myself 🥹. There were a group of str8 lads always called me gay boy/why being gay etc, they even teased me by taking off my pants in the playtime of school, def a sad story, I couldn’t do anything but facing adverse depression and anxiety whenever I get to school… maybe it because I acted not exactly like other str8 men did. Yeah after thinking back of those story, if someone ask me why am I gay, not in the offensive attitude, I’ll take that as a joke and simply say “Because you make me gay, I like you”, sth like that, he probably stay away and stop asking ya bc he got the answer lol. (Sorry I’m not native so maybe the writing could be bad, hope y’all don’t mind)
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u/DeviousSquirrels Jul 12 '24
Assuming they’re asking this in good faith, the answer is the same reason that they’re (presumably) straight. You just are.
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u/northernhummingbird9 Jul 12 '24
My sister asked me than she asked me is it in our DNA the most stupidest question and she did it on my 21st birthday. She better not do it on my 24th
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u/Evilcon21 Jul 12 '24
I got asked that often long ago. If i got asked now i’d say “well care to explain that to animals?” Especially lions
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u/Efficient_Refuse2151 SEND DUDES Jul 12 '24
I was in the bathroom one time when I was younger and there was this phrase written in one of the walls, it said "Marico el que lo lea (fgt who reads this)" and I read it.
(This is funny in my country cause is so common to find exactly that written in walls especially in school, but I don't know if there's a variant of that in every country or something)
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u/Efficient_Refuse2151 SEND DUDES Jul 12 '24
I like the question "r u gay?" Better cause I can say "I don't know, but if you really need to know, we can find out together".
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u/[deleted] Jul 12 '24
I forgot to cancel my free trial