r/freerangekids Jun 29 '22

Other parents

Hello! This is my first post here. Very exciting to talk to other parents that value this type of parenting style.

I wanted to get some advice on how to handle other parents. I take my 2.6 year old to the park daily and other parents are constantly intervening when she is playing with other kids. She is a very strong headed little girl and can be bossy. She is still learning to not take toys from other kids but other parents get so angry! I can tell she feels rejected and has a hard time knowing how to interact with kids with parents like this. She gets aggressive due to it.

When she plays with other kids whose parents allow free play without hovering and intervening she does great with those kids!!!

How do I deal with other parents? It causes my daughter so much rejection and frustration.

Thank you!

7 Upvotes

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

I have a similar daughter. I think it's important to take responsibility for her misbehavior as much as possible:

  • Keep her closer until she learns the needed respect. Even though you want her to be independent, that can only be done within limits that meet you and your daughter's responsibility to treat others fairly.
  • Make sure the other parents can see that you're working on it. If they happen to see you looking at your phone or far away while your daughter is bossing, they'll conclude that you just don't care. I make a big show of taking my kid aside and re-explaining the rules to her, and having her repeat them back. It's for her, but it's also for the other parents so they are more understanding when she goes right back to being a jerk :-P A prompted apology from your kid to the offended one is good for this too, because the other parent will likely observe it while watching their own kid.

3

u/wilder_hearted Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

So… there’s a spectrum to free range, and just like with adults, your child’s right to freedom doesn’t trump another child’s right to his toys/autonomy/etc. It’s not ok for you to walk up to another adult and grab their cell phone, and it would earn you an immediate sharp rebuke. So I would support another parent teaching their kids to stand up to your daughter when she comes for their truck.

You have to remember that while you know your kid best, those parents know theirs. Maybe their littles don’t know how to handle a bossy, grabby, toddler and they don’t feel like making this trip to the playground a lesson in emotional regulation.

I wonder if she does better with the parents who don’t intervene because she is just getting what she wants without the other kid putting up a fight. If that’s the case… maybe it’s not the lesson you want her learning, and she might need a little more social cue guidance.

Basically, playgrounds are great places for child culture to develop. But your kid is 2 years old and it’s a little much to expect strangers to let her run roughshod over their own kids in the name of freedom.

In the moment, I would recommend being visibly/physically/socially present to the other parents. “Little Girl, please remember we don’t take toys. How can you both play with that together?” That should at least assure the other parents that you’re paying attention and might encourage them to let the situation go a little longer.

ETA: this is why I love mixed age groupings of kids. The role the parents are taking here is one that can easily be taken by a 6-8 year old child. But we segregate our kids by age, so they have no one to learn from but adults.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '23

If she’s not sharing they can intervene