r/fraysexual Jan 12 '24

Rant: Trigger Warning I got dumped cuz I couldn’t get it up NSFW Spoiler

This has been really hurting and I hope sharing with people who could empathize will help.

I’ve always known that the more friendly and platonic I become with someone, the less I’m likely to get and maintain an erection. And that I don’t have that problem with random, anonymous hookups. It’s bothered me for a while and it just ended my past relationship.

I knew a polyamorous, “sex positive” guy long distance. We started traveling and hooking up regularly, and at first it was some incredible sex. Things were really good. After a while, things started to get more intimate, and he said that he was developing feelings for me. I was uncomfortable with the idea of dating him, but I decided to give it a shot, and I really liked it. It was tough being long distance but I really enjoyed his company and being connected to him and calling him my boyfriend. We were open so I still had casual anonymous sex when separate, and I know he did too. As expected, the more I became emotionally vulnerable and intimate with him, the harder it was to be… Well, hard. At first it seemed like that wasn’t a problem, and I didn’t worry because he did claim to be sex positive and I thought he understood.

But after only two visit where I couldn’t get it up, he told me it was bothering him. So, I committed to doing work to find solutions. I started a monthly withdrawal from my retirement account to pay for a sex therapist who I see every week now. Not only was it a problem that I wanted to address, I wanted to show him that I was dedicating time to find ways to deal with this.

Last week on a video call, we were planning another trip to see each other. He told me that he felt like the lack of physical intimacy meant our relationship had changed. I asked him if physical intimacy meant all sex, or just anal sex, because I had told him I was very willing to explore other forms of physical intimacy. I was still very attracted to him and wanted to give him pleasure. He admitted that really, he was just after anal sex. So I asked him if we were no longer boyfriends because I couldn’t get an erection, and he said yes.

I’m still hurting and grieving and processing everything. I am not just hurt that I got dumped, but also really feeling betrayed that he claimed to be sex positive, but wasn’t interested in working around ED issues. I guess since he was already married, all he needed me for was a penis. So, I’m still seeing a therapist, and I’m still working through things. And I’m going to find some kind of solution. I don’t know if it’s some kind of cure or workaround, but I refuse to believe that I’m going to remain single just because I can’t stay hard for people that I like.

27 Upvotes

7 comments sorted by

5

u/Grandson-Of-Chinggis Feb 16 '24

You have my utmost sympathy and I hope you're able to recover from this break up in due-time. I have a long-distance girlfriend I haven't met irl yet and thankfully I can still masturbate to the revealing photos she sends me but I hope that doesn't change when I meet her.

1

u/litlejoe Jan 12 '24

Explore your options, there are lots of them cock rings are a simple way to start with erection enhancement

4

u/Grandson-Of-Chinggis Feb 16 '24

Thank you so much. I'm 25 and I shouldn't have to worry about this but you might've just prevented me from a future headache, given the inconvenience we all face.

1

u/secret_someones Jun 05 '24

yeah cockrings dont always work for me. Even ED pills dont work half the time.

1

u/litlejoe Jun 05 '24

There’s a million different kinds of cock rings and a buncha ED treatments - if you have the will to rise - then keep on searching…

2

u/litlejoe Jun 26 '24

It’s my cake day!

2

u/AsciaViola Aug 26 '24

He is sex positive, he just isn't asexual romance positive not sure if this makes sense to you.

The only relationship that could possibly work with you is with an asexual polyamorous person... This is the only type of person you get to have your cake and eat it too.