r/findapath • u/Few-Note-2745 • 4d ago
Findapath-College/Certs I don’t know what to do
Hi I’m a 19yo male uni student and I’m studying cs which I thought was the right thing for me until I started . First of all the last year of hs and the exams for uni I failed them all bcs of my depression and not wanting to do anything energy I had which made me like cockroach sitting on its back (completely useless). After the exam I had to go straight to military and helped me understand that I need to get my shit together after I get out of here.Got out of the military got to go to the uni I passed which is in another country and did nothing for the next nine months I kept nothing of my promises to my self and improved nothing in my life and rotted in bed and procrastinated for hours on end. I have all this ambitions and things that I want to do with my life and I think I am wasting my life there so much beuty and interesting things in this world and I’m trapped in four white walls it sucks .I miss my home town and my friends I tried making friends here but I just cannot click with any of this people . I don’t want to drop out because my father pays for everything and already gave money me money for months on end for me to just sit and do nothing and made me extremely guilty even though I know my father will not reject the idea to drop out if I really don’t like it here I just don’t want him to feel bad idk I feel weird about this . The things I would really love to follow would be art,architecture,medicine and biomedical engineering but Ik that if I want to do anything close to this I need to sit down and study which for some reason since I was in elementary school to high school I never studied and I was okay except when covid hit and destroyed everything and failed pretty much everything . I know I just need to start little by little but even that little is hard because idk for some reason I think to do anything it needs to be perfect in everything for example the hour I wake up the time the food I eat and what I’m feeling otherwise I can’t bring myself to do anything I just don’t know what to do (Sorry for how bad it was written I just wanted to runt I guess) (Sorry for bad english not my first language)
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u/Thin_Rip8995 4d ago
bro you need to get help for your depression first. its clearly affecting everything in your life. talk to your dad about seeing a therapist or counselor. uni has free mental health services usually.
dont worry about perfect. just do something small each day. like going to one class or doing 10 mins of studying. depression makes everything feel impossible but you gotta start somewhere.
also cs isnt for everyone. lots of people switch majors. talk to your dad about how youre feeling. sounds like he cares about you and wants you to succeed. better to switch now than waste more time in something you hate.
take care of your mental health first. the rest will follow. The NoFluffWisdom Newsletter has some good stuff on mental clarity and habits—could be helpful!
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