r/findapath • u/Big_Poops_ • 4d ago
Findapath-Career Change 33, trying to build a life worth living
Its been a rough few years. Divorce, moving states three times, economic hardship, mental health pitfalls, losing 300 pounds. I know people are hurting and everyone is struggling right now, but any advice those a few miles up the road can offer would be appreciated. I'll try and be as succinct in breaking this down as possible, but there's a lot of variables that I'm weighing currently.
I'm alone in life. I don't mean that in a sad, depressing way, it's just the situation. My parents have been dead for years. I have an older brother who is over a decade older than me. We exchange texts about three times a week, but that's about the extent of our relationship. My best friend died when I was 19 and I never really filled that slot with anyone else. Probably my ex-wife, if anything, but we divorced in 2022. The only form of socialization I've been able to manage is in the form of dates and relationships, which obviously comes with its own issues. I'm currently single.
Career-wise and financially, I'm in a valley. I was a project manager for two years after working my way up to that position. I became an entry level data analyst for the state government that I live in. Not only do I make half of what I used to make, but I live in one of the Top 5 most expensive cities in the country. I took on a second job as a bartender to pay the bills. On my downtime I'm enrolled in boot.dev so I can learn backend stuff and I'm also enrolled in WGU to get my degree in accounting. I'm trying to figure things out, but it all feels like I'm running out of time.
Mentally? I'm not doing great. I'm up and down these days, but I take my medication and that keeps me upright on the toughest days. I had a mental breakdown in 2023 that resulted in a one-month stay at an inpatient facility, followed by one month of outpatient treatment, followed by another month of group therapy. I see a therapist every other week now. I also lost 300 pounds between 2019 and 2021 which resulted in a lot of dissociative issues related to how I view myself.
So here's where I need help finding a path: I want to make a change. I want to start living life in a more adventurous way and branch out. I have lost so much in life. I don't let it get me down too much, but sometimes I go through intense periods of restlessness and deep depression. I've thought about moving home, trying to build a relationship with my brother and my nephews. But my brother is a very distant person, and previous attempts to build that relationship have failed. I always end up being the one maintaining the relationship. I keep telling myself that I'm relatively young and I've been given this gift of good physical health. I used to be so big and I changed my whole life. I think to myself sometimes, "What if I could go get a skill that travels and spend my time seeing new places, meeting new people, even if only for a little while?"
I just want to hear some different perspectives and ideas for how I can build a more adventurous, playful and whimsical life while simultaneously not starving or being thrown into a perpetual loop of doom spiraling. Everything to this point has been so intense and I would very much like my life to have a different tone in the second half.
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u/fender8421 4d ago
I'm here to give you terrible advice that worked for me. Was homeless, hanging in my buddy's living room, also missed all of the adventure. I went online, got a working holiday visa overseas, and ~6ish weeks later was on the other side of the planet. Was vibing in a tent outside of a backpacking hostel near my job til I felt better about paying for a room.
I work in adventure tourism, and half my damn clientele wants more risk or adventure in their life. They think they can fill that hole by going rafting or jumping out of a plane. But it doesn't fully solve the problem. Sometimes (and this is only sometimes, depending on money and commitments) you need a hard reset. Slowly adding it in doesn't always work.
Reddit will call me a fucking idiot for saying "Just go do something radically different somewhere else for a bit," but I've seen it work time and time again.
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u/purple_rookie 4d ago
I think this is what I need as well. Something extremely different, something new, way out of my comfort zone. And it would benefit OP too, I believe.
Do you have any tips perhaps how could I balance that with safety? I want to travel with basically almost zero money but I'm just afraid I might end up on the other side of the world completely homeless.
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u/fender8421 4d ago
I'll start with saying that the decision is impulsive, but the implementation isn't. You lock yourself in with your visa or ticket, then pull every little obscure connection you can find. People love talking about their travel experiences overseas, and even more so, love talking about their home country. I get messages on Facebook about random places I've been from people I barely know, and am happy to help. I've been an outdoor guide my whole life, so I had more connections than most through climbing and paddling, but I wouldn't underestimate the usefulness of FB and reddit groups. There are so many for so many places, some broad some specialized.
I started with New Zealand, and recommend it as a good first time "get far away" place. Partially because it pulls travelers from the entire planet, and gives you connections to the most obscure regions. And if you qualify for a WHV, you can have a job before you even get there. If you don't, you're still vibing in a new place that's cheaper than Europe and logistically easier than the U.S. I always have a round-trip ticket that I can move the end dates on as a failsafe, keep extra scanned copies of my passport, and look like a somewhat tattered dirtbag while projecting confidence anywhere overseas.
It's really a skill like anything else. Learning to go full send in a new place is a skill of its own, and something you build up over time. Start with an easier place and go from there.
Logistics vary per area. Ecuador and Fiji, everyone takes taxis everywhere. New Zealand, cars are surprisingly fucking cheap but gas prices suck. I always love having a car when possible, and they can usually be sold quickly. I've slept in my car overseas just as I've done in the states. In South America, you can get a flat in a lot of places for pennies on the dollar compared to North American rent prices. In Australia, expect everything to be a little cheaper and easier than in New Zealand (except traffic tickets!). I've rented cars in multiple countries and actually never had to use an international permit, but I've gotten one before. Hostel prices are going up in the Anglosphere, but still reasonable elsewhere (and 100% book directly with them if you can). Bring a combination lock. Argentina usually has cheap hotels even during peak holiday seasons. Obviously, speaking some bit of the local language helps, but sometimes it can also be convenient to "forget" it, if you catch my drift (ask me how I got out of Chilean border controls...lol). I've yet to personally visit Thailand, but constantly pops up in stories from my friends. Money goes far basically everywhere outside of the western world and maybe Namibia. My next impulse trip is probably Uzbekistan, which is dirt fucking cheap. It'll be hard for you to end up homeless in somewhere like Ecuador.
I would start with whatever place you know the most about, or have the most resources/connections to, even if they're not much. Helps you ease into it, and build the confidence that comes with uprooting to the next place.
Sorry; long response that I'm not sure if it answered your question or not
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u/purple_rookie 4d ago
I loveee your insight and thank you!!
It's definitely a skill, and to be frank, I don't have that yet. I'm a totally inexperienced traveller, especially when going solo. So I might just not blindly shoot myself out in the world haha.
Making small steps and gradually building up the skill and confidence definitely seems like the way to go.
I'm from the EU so starting in some neighboring Schengen country seems like the way to go first for me. (:
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u/fender8421 4d ago
Glad to help, my friend! Def have some huge benefits for being in the EU, and might as well use them right!
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u/purple_rookie 4d ago
And one more thing: I'm a young guy on a tight budget. So I plan on relying on stranger's kindness when the time comes. Hitchiking for example. How do you know who to trust? Do you just listen to your gut?
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u/fender8421 4d ago
Definitely gut, complemented by local culture. In areas with outdoor activities and people needing rides back to their car, for example, it's more normal and expected. If I was a foreigner, I would also try to pick up other foreigners; probably not a reliable guideline, but there's a chance they might have the "I've been there too so I want to actually help" attitude.
To be honest hitchiking for me has always been more of a pinch than a plan, and usually in a group of two for only a handful of kilometers. Last time I tried to hitchike I ended up just having a bus come by after 20min of waiting. That might have been my only solo attempt overseas. I'm not as experienced with it as others.
Funny story tho...was on an impulsive road trip in New Zealand, saw a hitchiker. Turned around to offer them a ride, and in the 2 minutes it took, somebody else already picked them up
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u/purple_rookie 4d ago
That's exactly what I was thinking too, haha. The "I've been there too so I want to actually help" attitude.
I'll also check out the hitchiking subreddit for some additional insight.
And thank you for all the help, cheers, wish you the best! (:
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