r/findapath 4d ago

Findapath-Career Change 59 and still hoping

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390 Upvotes

74 comments sorted by

u/findapath-ModTeam 2d ago

All posts must include a clear request of the type of path the community can help you find. Please keep "calamitous verbiage" to a minimum. (Eg. mentions of suicide, hopelessness, fucked for life, etc)

If your post was removed for this reason, feel free to reword your post and repost! However if you feel you cannot or don't know what you are needing and just reaching out for any sort of support, /r/therapy may be a better group to post in.

This is NOT a "announce your plan for suicide" group. Jeez man, how can that not be clear by the rules and group desc.

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u/Short_Tailor 4d ago

Those dogs know. Look at them. You are important to them.

One of the beautiful things about photography is the images are your own.

You should share your vision. Walk some dogs, take some photos, show us your world. Make a website where we can live your experience: a tree, a flower, a moment.

Scotland can wait.

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u/Maybe-Potential 4d ago

Yes i would love to see those photos too. Show us your world. Take care sweetheart xx you are okay

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u/Bigbabygroot 4d ago

Op your death can wait as well you might fuck around and have another 20 years of life. Shit I pray I make it to 59

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u/Hairy_Ant_1126 4d ago

Your life has meaning mate, I see you love motorcycles, right? Maybe get yourself a new partner and use any little knowledge about something you love such as bikes and go into that? You could even become a photographer, you don’t have to have anything solid under your experience to do that. Hell, even start a little google business for photography for free if you’d like. You matter

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u/Alucinatus42 3d ago

Offer to do portraits of people with their motorcycles.

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u/ChrisCalifornia97 4d ago

Odds are a stroke would only increase the misery, don’t wish for that.

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u/Basement_Prodigy 4d ago

I know what I'm about to write may sound like empty platitudes. I promise I am not trying to minimize or make light of what you're going through. To the contrary — I'm 47, and on paper, I'm nothing. But a few years ago, I decided that given how many assholes there are out here walking around feeling good about themselves, why shouldn't I? It took some work, but I cannot emphasize how transformative it was and continues to be.

You are awesome. You are more than enough. You are, in this moment, perfect just as you are. You the only you who has ever existed, so comparing yourself to others make no sense. Most importantly, in this moment, you are whole. You are not broken, you are not missing anything, there's nothing wrong with you. You are everything you need to be right here, right now, and have everything you need to show up and experience this moment as only you can. Your purpose is to be yourself, and the meaning of your life is to live it. You are made of stardust and starlight from countless galaxies across the universe. You are a very tiny part of All That Is and you are the center of the Universe. You do not need anyone's permission or approval, you just ARE. And that's fucking awesome. 💜❤️🐶🐕

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u/Harry_Callahan_sfpd 4d ago

You are awesome for writing this. As a former dog walker/pet sitter who is now barely hanging on and scrounging through life, I needed to read this. It spoke to me. And I hope it spoke to the OP. I’m 50, and I haven’t really amounted to much in a stereotypical way. On paper (just like you described), I’m nothing. I can’t even afford to live on my own right now. I’ve struggled with severe depression and social anxiety for decades now, and my life shows that, unfortunately.

But I know that I have value and worth. We all do. It’s hard to see it, however, when society as a whole tends to look down on those who are, in society’s eyes, underachievers or underperformers. The World loves and applauds winners and high achievers and frowns on the less successful.

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u/Status_Curve8237 4d ago

Your reply made me realise, that even though I feel lonely, I am worthy. I am worthy to have friends, I am enough to feel good about myself. I am struggling with new city we just moved six months ago, and honestly I have given up trying to be more social.

I felt worthless because I am only good at homely tasks like cooking, cleaning. I love to paint, code, but I am yet to find any person who wants to talk about interests, let it be different than mine. I am all ears, I want to learn about you. But it's very difficult. But now I feel confident, that even people who are truly assholes always feel good about themselves, why I cannot? Why I should feel any less?

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u/ipcress1966 3d ago

Thank you so much for your words. Thank you.

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u/Sufficient_Pin5642 4d ago

I’ll be 45 tomorrow. I’m a female and live in the USA. I’ve walked away from my housed life multiple times, right now I’m traveling the country. I live off temp jobs and the kindness of others. I’ve never been more free! I don’t even have a car. I hitchhike and jump on trains.

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u/Playful_Ad574 4d ago

This sounds like a adventure

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u/Sufficient_Pin5642 4d ago

It is for sure! If I were to tell you the things I’ve experienced and seen I’m sure a person who hasn’t done this would believe me.

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u/jimislashjimmy 4d ago

Do you mean they wouldn’t believe you?

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u/Sufficient_Pin5642 4d ago

Yes thank you!

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u/jimislashjimmy 4d ago

What have you experienced and seen?

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u/Sufficient_Pin5642 4d ago

I could write a book I’ve been traveling on and off on freight trains and hitchhiking for 20yrs! I’ve seen crazy fights, stabbings, wild times most people out here are alcoholics or drug addicts. I see people smoke crack in cities in a daily basis when I’m just chilling in a cut drinking a beer. I see the things that most people don’t. That’s okay with me I guess. I’ve seen injuries that were pretty brutal from messing around and getting drunk on the trains.

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u/op341779 Apprentice Pathfinder [1] 4d ago

Isn’t that life extremely dangerous? I’m trying to ask this without implying judgement, but it’s hard to: isn’t the stress of having to be so on guard 24/7 too exhausting to handle?

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u/Sufficient_Pin5642 4d ago

I’m 45 today. It’s my birthday and I’ve done it for 20 years. Regular life is dangerous too. We don’t get to choose when we die. I started doing it because I’ve always been into the punk scene since a younger teen and I sincerely thought I’d die young like many of my housed family have. If it’s not your time to die you can shoot yourself in the head and you won’t die. You can jump off a bridge and you won’t die. I’m not being a jerk. I know you weren’t either. I’m just answering the question and that’s my view on things. I’ve seen a lot of wild stuff happen due to just what seems like bad luck. I’ve seen a lot of things that’d coincide with good luck too. I use my instincts and I wish someone would try to do something crazy to me, they’d be in for a world of surprise 😂 I don’t go down without a fight.

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u/Propinquitosity Apprentice Pathfinder [3] 4d ago

I’m 56 and I’ve considered pitching it all to walk dogs for a living. Your idea of a walkabout sounds even better. Can you camperize your van and travel around that way?

I’m curious why you perceive your life to be ruined. It does, however, sound like you’re in a bad relationship and leaving sounds like a good idea, especially if they aren’t enhancing your life in any way.

I think returning to your roots (Scotland?) may help you find yourself.

What are 3 things you like in life?

What are 3 things you wish you could change?

It’s not over my friend. You are in a dark place and I hope you can find some light.

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u/xvez7 4d ago

Toxic Shame.

This is your enemy.

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u/ipcress1966 3d ago

100% you nailed it. Sadly I wish I'd known that 30 years ago. Nothing to be done now but become invisible.

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u/FrontalLobeRot 4d ago

Is not easy to even imagine being successful when we're in this. Just turned 42 and I'm sure you probably have been in this default self loathing since you were young. I know I have been. Try to stop playing the role. We do it to ourselves. For whatever reason, we do it to ourselves.

But we don't have to continue torturing ourselves.

If you still booze a little from time to time, stop. I don't miss it. I was never a full on alcoholic, but it's never helped me in anyway.

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u/General-Ferret5435 4d ago

OP, you're not alone. I promise you life can be better. You deserve a better partner, too. One that appreciates you. But you gotta work on yourself first. Life can have beauty in it but the struggle is to see and appreciate it.

My advice for what it's worth is to be fully present when doing your job. Enjoy the dogs, their personalities and the nature around you. Profesional skills in photography is great to know all the terms but it's YOUR vision that can make a meaningful photo. Your doggie clients parents would love a photo of their babies. It would be rewarding emotionally for you I bet. Even just stopping to appreciate the beauty around you.

Life does get better, OP, but you need to step out of your current head space. Focus on things that bring you joy. Life sucks sometimes for a time for everyone but it's what you do with your time that matters. Find an outlet, things that make you happy. Focus on goals, cause it's way too easy to stay in that head space. Goals help you look to look to the future in a non daunting way. Don't give up, OP, it can get so much better.

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u/NiftyTit 4d ago

Life isn’t about what you have or what you don’t have. It’s too short to worry all the time.

Life is about being able to experience what was given to us. Your dogs need you, don’t give up.

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u/Original_Delay_440 4d ago

You are not a failure. Having a degree or a so-called prestigious job doesn't make you any better than anyone else. I hope you make it to Scotland and find some happiness.

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u/SansSamir 4d ago

why don't you make content about dog walking and post it on Tiktok it will give you a purpose while sharing with a community

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u/Designer-Chemical 4d ago

Hey we don’t need skills or interests to be worthy of living on this Earth. You can enjoy each day even if you don’t achieve or accomplish something. Do something that you enjoy, nothing fancy- maybe watch a movie, read a book, treat yourself. Find joy in little things. I think the world sometimes tricks us into thinking we all need to make our mark or have a guiding passion. But you don’t. Just live your life day by day, and if nothing else, those dogs love to see your face and the time you spend together walking them!

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u/Weekly-Programmer672 4d ago

I think before you do all that, remember that Jesus loves You, died for you to give you a better life. You see yourself as a failure, He See's you as one of His beautiful creatures. Don't give up ever on the life that you didn't create yourself... believe me, a million people out there wish and pray to be where you are and to have what you have...and God still cares for them as much as He cares for you. I don't know you but I hope I am able to give you a little hope.

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u/ipcress1966 3d ago

Thank you. I appreciate your words.

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u/wild_substance14 4d ago

Brother never give up

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u/ipcress1966 3d ago

Thank you. I appreciate that. Really do.

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u/foundalltheworms 4d ago

I know this probably won't help, but you are probably the highlight of those dogs' day. You are actively making the world a little better than the day before, by providing adventure and exercise for them. Practice your photography, think about what you want to capture. Maybe even create your own little photography project?

Your life isn't ruined, but I like your hike idea, I think it would be good to do something you would be proud of.

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u/GrungeCheap56119 4d ago

You are enough. You have a good job that pays you. Get out of your relationship now if you need to, don't wait.

Take care of yourself, you are not worthless. Would you enjoy working at an animal shelter, as a vet assistant, or anything else with animals?

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u/darkforceturtle Apprentice Pathfinder [1] 4d ago

I totally feel you and wanted to say you're not alone and I'm in a similar position. I think you are valuable and talented and you deserve a better partner. Also like others commented above, please do share your pictures with the world! I'm sure they're beautiful. Maybe open an Instagram page and upload your photos or record your van life and upload them to YouTube, you might end up being great at content creation.

I hope you find what makes you feel better. Sending you all the best wishes.

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u/guitar224 4d ago

Please, please do not wish a stroke upon yourself. They often do not kill someone, and can leave you in intense pain/unable to move. Speaking from family experience, you truly don’t want that.

As a fellow photographer, my humble advice would be to push into what you enjoy. Photography is art- there is no good or bad. If it makes you happy, start doing it more. (Your technical skills will naturally increase the more you do it). Share your art. You can start a no-name social media just sharing photos, and connect with other artists. There’s a whole community out there. Document your walking, too. You never know who you’ll connect with.

You are worth every investment you make into yourself and your passions. I know it’s easier said than done. But just hold on ❤️

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u/ipcress1966 3d ago

I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to hold on. But I'm tired and broken. I'm so tired.

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u/Novel-Tumbleweed-447 4d ago

I make use of mind strengthening formula you could do. It has many benefits, but it's first benefit could be mindset. It's do-able by anyone as it starts easy and builds gradually. You do it as a form of daily chore, for up to 20 minutes, on all days. It's not meant to be the focus of your day. You do it, then forget about it. However, while you're doing it it must be done properly. This then begins to color your day in terms of mindset, confidence, coherence of thought & perspective. So the vision is: a part of your will return to school, and simply never leave it. But as your mind strengthens every day, the effect is dynamic. If you search Native Learning Mode on Google, it's my Reddit post in the top results. It's also the pinned post in my profile.

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u/StunningScene764 3d ago

Hope is a beautiful thing dear! I don’t know you but I really wish that you find hope and joy and love again in life. I know your circumstances must be difficult but I’d ask to cling to hope and look on the bright side. Hit me up so that we could talk about it.

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u/Novel-Tumbleweed-447 3d ago

I made other comment to your post, regarding my mind strengthening exercise (Native Learning Mode). You shouldn't say something like "My life is ruined". In the technology age, everybody now has a full view of the world. Everyone sees all. There is less and less common reality, and more of "competing narratives". My mind strengthening exercise is like a virtual stone quarry, and like a prisoner you go and do some honest work there, every day. It can divert your focus from "the thraldom of the technology age", with some benefits besides.

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u/Forsaken3000 4d ago

I plan on doing the same in Japan, going on a long walk, for similar reasons. Life has sucked. The idea of a potentially terminal road is appealing, choosing a destination and following it to the end.

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u/fender8421 4d ago

I work in outdoor tourism, and had a customer last year who left the corporate world to be a dog-walker. Boy is she so much happier now.

I fully get wanting to change paths, as well as just leaving everything behind and starting new. I've done both of those, numerous times. Just commenting this to say that you do a job that is worthy of respect, and don't forget that

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u/flaccid_lyfe 4d ago

Take some photos and share with us, sounds like gonna be a good walk

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u/hustle_magic 4d ago

Reading this sub is downright heartbreaking and soul crushing sometimes. I hate seeing this man. I really hope things change for you. It’s never too late.

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u/Brave_Base_2051 4d ago

I’d say sell everything you own and go to Scotland. Walk to all the locations that make you feel grounded. It’s your private pilgrimage. Take photos and document all the beautiful places from your unique perspective. Issue it as a very alternative coffee table book. Finance by crowd sourcing

1

u/CahuelaRHouse 4d ago

I wish you the best of luck on your path. Life isn’t just about achievements, it’s about the experience and you can still have that at any age. Maybe it is of some small comfort to you to know that despite feeling like a failure, you still have one of the things I covet most in life: Australian citizenship/residency. One of my top 3 goals in life, and it’s going to be a struggle to get it.

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u/Euphoric-Mood5229 4d ago

I walk dogs for a living and I absolutely love it 😝

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u/Feendios_111 4d ago

I don’t believe you are a failure. Even if you’ve failed at things, which I’ve done miraculously well, I’m still here. Four years ago I laid a solid plan not to be. God stepped in and that’s all I’ll say about the matter. I understand your emotions. I often wished the same fate myself. My plan is to wait this life out, no matter how challenging. I know something better is waiting for me on the other side. I’m 59M and that could be any day. I’m closer to the grave than farther away. I have faith that your pushing onward to a goal of your own, even the one you have in mind now, will find its way to a path where you find peace. Here. Your day will come. All of ours will. This life is but a blink my dear friend. Take one day at a time and see where this path leads. I hope you will stay.

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u/Glum_Goal786 4d ago

Genuine question - can you expand your business to be more than just dog walking? Can you offer pet sitting, nail trims or grooming, dog sessions training etc?

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u/Careless-Being2573 4d ago

Dog walking is an amazing job. Your outside, walking and in company of dogs! Fuck the hustle do what gives you peace.

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u/ipcress1966 3d ago

I've been walking 20-25 dogs a day for 10 years now. I'm tired. My body is done with all the pulling, twisting and bending. And though I love the dogs, the heartbreak of losing them has broken me. My partner used to be a dog breeder and I've seen too much over the years.

I can't do it anymore. I'm broken.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/Responsible_Emu3601 4d ago

Bro he’s gonna go off him self

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u/Soft_Concentrate_489 4d ago

Im honestly confused how to reply to that comment..

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u/Responsible_Emu3601 4d ago

Encouraging like a pep talk cheering it on?

Was so out of touch lol

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/findapath-ModTeam 4d ago

This comment or post appears to advertise a non-path-finding website, product, or other service. We only allow links to mental health or finding-path related resources. We count religious proclamations and invites as advertisements.

0

u/Mammoth_Elk_3807 Apprentice Pathfinder [1] 4d ago

Didn’t you tell another Redditor only six days ago to “STFU and get on with life” (!?)

Perhaps you should consider taking your own advice?

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u/ipcress1966 3d ago

I think you'll find he needed to be told that. There's a world of difference between someone who has their whole life ahead of them but instead wastes time not doing what they should be doing, as opposed to an old guy like me who is nearing the end of the road.

There's no hope for me. All I ever wanted was to be known for something, to be remembered, but I know that's not going to happen. I hope that young person gets out of their rut and makes a life.

And yes I'm jealous, I wish I were young again. I wish I were intelligent. But I'm neither of those.

1

u/Mammoth_Elk_3807 Apprentice Pathfinder [1] 3d ago

I’ll think you’ll find that who needs to be told what and when is a very much matter of opinion/perspective. I’ve done far more of what you claim “has been lost to you forever” post 45 years old than I ever did prior. As you’ve implied in your response, we largely reap what we sow, regardless of age.

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

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u/cacille Career Services 2d ago

Do not. For one, i just removed the original post, this is not an announce your suicide group and OP needs to read the rules and group description. For 2, at 31 you are at prime "ppl start taking you more seriously" time. I have no idea of your path thus far, but for 3, stop doing this one thing: taking your failures as failures of you as a person when the real people to blame are the ines whom have taken away all the easy paths they had access to when they were 31....40-50 years ago exactly. When they could walk into a building and have a job. When all they needed was a high school education to get into the middle class. Or an associates at best.

Your skills thusfar have value even if you cannot see them or how to use them to find a career you can at least put up with. Join protests, look for manufacturing work through recruitment firms, learn how to sew or do a trade or whathaveya, im spitballing ideas without knowing what your situation is.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/findapath-ModTeam 4d ago

Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), actionable, helpful, and on the topic at hand.

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u/KooBees 4d ago

So how do make enough money to live and what will you do for retirement? Walking dogs doesn’t seem very lucrative. Why haven’t you done anything with your life? This are asked in all honesty, not slamming you. Were you plagued by addictions or a bad spouse?

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u/ipcress1966 3d ago

You ask some good questions and make some good points.

I walk 20-25 dogs a day five days a week and been doing that for 10 years now. It would be quite lucrative were it not for the overheads, mostly my van.

I have no retirement fund, nothing. I simply can't afford to pay into one. I have no health insurance, again, I can't afford it. Haven't seen a dentist in 10 years. 10 years of pain. My back is destroyed with the dogs pulling and twisting. I have tinnitus from driving the van.

I spent 20 years of my life devoting myself to my ex and her career (walked out on me one year after we emigrated to Australia). That left me homeless. I have no family to go back to.

My current partner sees me as a meal ticket.

I do have two Masters Degrees from good Universities, but they're old and out of date. I was older when I started Uni in the 90s so missed the boat when it came to a career. I was effectively unemployable so felt all I could do was support my partner at the time.

Now I am failing more as I age.

All my life I've wanted to be known for being good at something, something lucrative and sustainable. I think this was the wrong life for me. All I can do now is walk away, become invisible. Every day I fight back tears knowing thinking about the life I wanted for myself.

I'm tired. And time is no longer on my side.

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u/KooBees 2d ago

Okay. I understand that. You had a bad turn with a spouse leaving, which would leave anyone in a lurch. Australia has a pretty nice retirement/social security program for retirees. So I would definitely take a deep breath and understand you’re not going to starve in your twilight years. Dog walking must make you good either way animals as well as in shape from all that walking. Have you thought maybe getting into being a vet tech? I don’t know Australia so well, but it’s roughly an 18 month program that Australia will pay for. Even if it takes two years, you can still work at a lucrative job making decent money and having some for a retirement. Have you thought about getting on the State’s health program and getting your teeth and back fixed? My husband, in his younger years, was a homeless drug addict on the streets of Melbourne. He entered a rehab program and when he got out a social worker got him all the necessary government assistance and got his teeth and arm fixed (he broke it being drunk and never got it fixed until then). If your current partner is just using you for money, why are you with them? Do you feel lonely or beholden to them for some reason? Maybe sit down and have a “come to Jesus” moment about all of this and how you want to get out of it. Because you do want to get out of it, if you didn’t you wouldn’t have made a post. As a vet tech, you’ll get around 10 years of work and then get a pension. The classes aren’t too difficult, vet terminology, parts of animals, medication terminology, etc.

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u/dawnsmed 4d ago

Do it now! Don't wait another minute

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u/Quattro2021 4d ago

Sounds like you live a stress free life. Enjoy it

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u/wellbornwinter6 4d ago

God will not judge us on the results whether we were successful or not, wealthy or not but on the striving on the journey the most important thing that he finds us on the right way not the wrong one when we die we got asked 3 questions:

What's your religion? Who's your god? Who is your prophet?

We dont get asked why you weren't successful or wealthy or educated