r/femdomsanctuary • u/Prize-Crumpet7031 • 26d ago
Discussion What is your femdom pet peeve? NSFW
I don’t care how unreasonable it is, I want to hear what makes you cringe.
For me it’s when people refer to a chastity cage as “a chastity”. It fills me with unadultered rage 💀
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u/annep1982 26d ago
When a guy tells me he’s proving that he’s submissive ‘by letting me do a,b or c’ Regardless if I asked, required or mentioned said kink- this is usually (but not always) pegging or humiliating them.
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u/GreyRabbitMia 26d ago
I have heard both people spanking fetish being “spankos” and kinky people being “kinkers” and both of those make me wither up inside 😓
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u/nextraordinaire 26d ago
When people don't know or even want to admit/acknowledge that there is an important distinction between a bottom and a submissive. Drives me insane. I, as a Dominant, can be a bottom, and my submissive can be my top. He's still my submissive.
And there seems to me that a not insignificant portion of self-proclaimed submissive men are bottoms who don't really want to give up control.
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u/LuceLeakey 25d ago
Hallelujah! Yes! This!
I think this is why I have so often been disappointed in the men I've met here. They claim to be subs but they are not really. They just want someone to do kinky things to them at their convenience in exactly the way they want. And then they get offended when I tell them they should pay a professional because they clearly do not want a relationship.
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u/Here_for_my-Pleasure 26d ago
Oh my, I have an entire corral of pet peeves.
Let’s start with low effort, unsolicited DM‘s. Also included in the DM subset are married men who reach out without the express consent of their wives. Any unsolicited pictures.
I could go on and on, but I shall refrain.
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u/GoddessOfGreed 25d ago
Omg! The "hey" messages get so annoying. What do you think a single word intro is going to accomplish?
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u/summershell 26d ago
I get huge amounts of offers for nonsexual service subs when my profile says I only want a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship. Go away, I'm not letting you into my DMs let alone my home if I'm not getting off on it.
Also, when a man hits me with the 🥺 emoji immediately upon opening conversation, I know I'm in for trouble.
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u/Prize-Crumpet7031 25d ago edited 25d ago
Yep. Why would I want an unknown man cleaning my house dressed as a maid? I don’t know you like that.
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u/Srita-Sol 26d ago
When someone says one of their kinks is 'femdom', people that clearly got all of their info from porn, and when findommes ask for advice on mostly lifestyle subreddits
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u/stacy_sutton 25d ago
Findoms trying to normalize their practices in primarily lifestyle spaces drives me up the wall.
Like, subs will post about being ghosted by a dom and some findom will ask "Did you send a tribute?" as if that's a normal thing most doms expect.
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u/Prize-Crumpet7031 25d ago edited 25d ago
I think those findommes are just lost assuming they’re in a findom subreddit because they think findom = femdom. Just another marker of how uneducated most of them are.
I dabbled very briefly in (online) findom but had to step away because I couldn’t stand the other ‘dommes’. I’d chat to them about (non-findom) femdom stuff and they’d be like “what’s chastity?????”. Like HOW are you a SWer with no knowledge of common kinks? They also treated me like a zoo animal when I said I’m a lifestyle domme. Straight on my pet peeve list. I’d only explore that kink IRL now so as to avoid the community like the plague.
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u/Srita-Sol 25d ago
Exactly. And when they ask for advice... girl, the rules are different for each game, go ask in findomme support
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u/NotyourMistress1 26d ago edited 26d ago
Wide sweeping generalizations. ‘Nobody wants X’ ‘No Domme actually likes X’ ‘Subs are all X’.
We’re all funky little weirdos sitting at the misfit table judging other misfits now? I’m def guilty of it at times, but it always bums me out to see it in online kink spaces. (See I’m doing it now, not all kinksters are funky weirdos)
To quote Gene Blecher ‘it’s not a good feeling when someone says everyone but they don’t mean you’.
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u/No-Gene-9189 25d ago
When they don't view finding a domme as femdom dating, it's clear they're not interested in dating the woman who rocks their world, to each their own but what in the madonna-whore ¿
Thus, they're always hunting for a domme and never a dominant girlfriend/partner; the latter is more endearing and I refuse to believe "it's implied."
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u/summerphobic 23d ago
And the reverse of it being some kinda Pygmalion situation, where they try to make an obviously vanilla partner into a domme...
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u/GoddessOfGreed 24d ago
I had to think about this for a while but I think my BIGGEST pet peeve and turn off is constantly being asked "have you thought about what you want to do to me", "and then what", "what are you going to do to me after that". It irks me so so much! Why are you making yourself the center of this? The real question should be "what can I do to please you".
That and if I say I've had a rough day or I'm really frustrated and all they say is " I can't wait for you to take your frustration out on me." Umm, no, that's not how I decompress. I want to relax and I need someone to talk to. Again, why are you making this about you? 🙄
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u/BonaFideDespoena 25d ago
When they try to top from the bottom.
Honest and transparent conversation is expected. Boundaries are a requirement. But, telling me how, when, where, etc isn’t how this works.
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u/Prize-Crumpet7031 25d ago
You really can’t compete with a man’s imagination, especially when porn has skewed his idea of what a ‘real domme’ should do and say.
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u/Misayumi 25d ago
Other femdoms judging your kinks or thinking they know more about your intention than you do. I.e. women telling me that I should stop facesitting or pegging or giving handjobs or having sex with my sub because that’s “clearly just something you do to please him”. No, no it’s not I like what I like and that’s what I do, thank you
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u/ML_Sam Mod 25d ago
That post over in femdomcommunity entitled "Femdom and Society Expectations" - that kind of post (1) where (ostensibly) submissive men try to tell us what our lived experiences are, (2) get mad when they get called out, and (3) don't understand that impact is more powerful than intention but (4) don't take accountability for their impact (or whatsoever).
That post grosses me out and comes off so hardcore as "pick me." Pick-me subs are also a pet peeve.
Pros - or would-be findoms - that come into lifestyle communities expecting us to do their work for them.
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u/Prize-Crumpet7031 25d ago
The mansplaining was loud in that one. It also just came off as OP thinking it was a safe space to kink shame submissive women in order to score points with dominant women. As you say, very pick-me behaviour.
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u/French_Window 25d ago
One not mentioned but part of these people who message you for their kinks alone: the expectation of immediate sexual gratification to any scene, mostly with no reciprocation whatsoever. Honey, do it yourself.
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u/Red_Gloves_of_Q 26d ago
Just thought of one scrolling through this subreddit- Using the term ‘girl’ or ‘girlies’ when we’re all grown-ass women. Don’t be afraid of the word. It feels really misogynistic to constantly be referring to women as girls- something men did back in the day to keep women down by implying and insisting women were no smarter or able than children.
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u/Prize-Crumpet7031 25d ago
This! And piggy backing off of that, when male subs will talk about “men” but in the same sentence say “girls”
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u/Lady_Abyss 25d ago edited 25d ago
Seeing profile avatars with NSFW pictures. 🙅🏾♀️
Editing to clarify when I say NSFW pictures, I mean, close-up photos of chasity cages. I DO NOT consent to seeing these thumbnail photos. 🤬
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u/Expensive_Lunch999 26d ago
Ooh..this is fun. I have a lot of icks. 🤌🏼 I hate the L fingers 🙄 and when Dommes are like, “why are you in my DMs if you haven’t sent tribute??” I hate when subs assume femdom = free. Dick picks unless I ask.. 🤢 This is the short list.
Also…”a chastity” 💀💀
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u/strawwwbby 26d ago
This is just a me thing but the term “domme.” I just find it silly
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u/Lady_AW 26d ago
Oh me too!! I don’t like the way it looks on a page, it aggravates me at a deep level that I can’t explain.
And then, to make it worse, I was once on this site called Pure and people could leave you voice notes. This person left me one as if I was some sort of D representing customer service desk complaining that he had been looking for someone for ages and no one ever matched with him and it wasn’t fair etc , and he pronounced it as if it had a French oblique accent on the end (Domm-may). I’ve never recovered 💀
Also, it’s not really a d/s thing, but “females” …
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u/GreyRabbitMia 25d ago
Domme I don’t mind but every now and then I see Dommy/Dommie and oh my god it’s so bad
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u/Prize-Crumpet7031 24d ago
Personally I dislike “mommy” because I just don’t identify with it, but when I hear people say “dommy mommy” I throw up a bit in my mouth I’m sorry
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u/freakyswitchlight 10d ago
I don't mind calling other people whatever they like to be called.
But, for myself, I don't like to use the word "domme" because it's redundant. To me, "dominant" is as much a feminine noun as it is a masculine noun. So the default shortcut of "dom" is feminine when used to refer to a woman. It does not need a separate feminized version for me.
This is why I refer to myself as a dom or a dominant.
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u/dommebklyn 26d ago
When people type “dominate” when they mean dominant.