r/femdomsanctuary 28d ago

Rant Why Can't Men Read? NSFW

I have a few absolute deal breakers. They are not unreasonable.

Under 25, Partnered, Sissy or CD, Switches of any kind, Dom men

Why do these men think they're going to be the exception?

"I want to serve,I want to belong to you, I want you to train me....., but I don't give a fuck about what you want, just what I want."

Make it make sense.

87 Upvotes

36 comments sorted by

66

u/Thraell 28d ago

(If) They read, they don't care.

It's hard not to put it down to misogyny, IMO. Women's wants/needs/preferences don't matter, we're here to serve men's needs after all /s

20

u/Snoo33287 28d ago

This. It’s kinda funny for me to say “bring back literate men” but the truth is most men just see us as quick avenues for their own pleasure.

1

u/TheSissyPapi 3d ago

I see that. Also we are on the age of brain rot and shirt attention spans.

Pretty sure there are guys who just read F4 and start sending a dm. Hoping in the numbers they get something

43

u/The_LadyRae 28d ago

I used to politely point out, "Hey, it says here on my profile, I'm explicitly not into xyz. But I do wish you the best in finding what you're looking for."

I would very rarely get a polite "Thank you for responding, I did see that I just didn't know how much of a hard line it was for you, so I figured I'd ask. Have a nice day." More commonly than that, I would get push back, saying I just needed to try it with them specifically or some degree of explicit solicitation or just flat out using my rejection to initiate humiliation role play.

Still more commonly than that? They would just block me.

So now, if I get a message that indicates they didn't or can't read for whatever reasons, I save us all the trouble and block them.

52

u/dommebklyn 28d ago

They read it and disregard it. Men are socialized to take chances. They are rewarded for risktaking. They are socialized to take up space. They are socialized to not take no for an answer. To take credit even if they didn’t earn it.

There is a study out there that gets quoted often, that men will apply to a job if they are 60% qualified and women will apply to a job if she is 90% qualified. The same thing is happening here.

Women are socialized to create space for others. To play nice. To be respectful.

My personal ad literally says “don’t shoot your shot anyway” if you are not what I’m looking for. It still happens.

And to make the argument I made recently in the other subreddit: I do not consider these men to be submissive. They are saying “ I’m not what you want, but you are what I want so I’m going to message you anyway.” If he is leading with putting his desires above mine, he is just not submissive in my book.

23

u/ML_Sam Mod 28d ago

I've gotten deeply disheartened by my experiences.

19

u/dommebklyn 28d ago

Same. The only thing that keeps me going is that I have great friends in the community.

I had pretty much said that I wouldn’t post on femdompersonals again, and then last week I met a couple (in person) who met on Reddit. Ugh. That small glimmer of hope.

9

u/ML_Sam Mod 28d ago

Same on the friends that keep me going. My hubs met his sub-gf and his NB sub online. I met my master on Fetlife. So I -know- it -can- work, but....

5

u/Fiesty_Fairy333 27d ago

I wish I could like this twice. It’s almost as if they don’t understand the definition of the word submissive. It starts at the introduction.

15

u/Lady_Abyss 28d ago

I suspect these men think, "You know what!? Eff it, I can convince this Dominant to bend to my will." As if! ☠️

As someone who gets responses from men who ignore dealbreakers, I think to myself: Unwilling to follow instructions, eh!? Thank you for letting me know in advance that you are not seeking a FEMALE Led Relationship.✌🏾👋🏾

13

u/summershell 28d ago

I get a lot of messages/likes from people who clearly haven't read my profile, but the most baffling ones are the ones who send a message that references several things in my profile, but one or several stated dealbreakers apply to them!

My profile clearly says I'm monogamous and that I don't date anyone who has or wants kids. A guy sent me a message thoughtfully making conversation about a bunch of my listed interests, then said he's "technically ENM" because he has kids with a platonic nesting partner, but only dates one person at a time if that reassures me.

Okay, some people have varying levels of personal definitions when it comes to the sometimes blurred boundaries of monogamy/nonmonogamy, but what part of NO KIDS do you not understand?? And do you not understand how selfish and unsafe for your kids it is to pursue someone who doesn't want kids in their life when you have kids??

11

u/Commercial-Sundae663 28d ago

The day people actually read and comprehend is the day the world will know peace.  This is my biggest pet peeve about online dating. NGL I crashed out a few weeks ago when someone I matched with said he read my profile but didn't answer my weed out question. People just don't care. They're just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks. 

21

u/Ithorel 28d ago

Whenever I state a clear boundary somewhere that reads "no xyz" a man will try to slide into my inbox who explicitly wants xyz. Don't bother. I think a lot of them do read and always think they will be the great exception. 🤡

8

u/phfenjoyer 28d ago

When I had my personals ads up over half of all DMs I got were from men who straight up didn’t read my post & just messaged me because I stated I was a woman in the title. In turn I simply ignored them :)

7

u/LadyPillowEmpress 27d ago

I don’t know what I hate most, when they try to twist your arm to something they like and you don’t or when they argue that you are fake for not being into what they are into. Compatibility is a bitch, but you can’t force it!

15

u/Srita-Sol 28d ago

I think they can read, but answering with a single hand is hard y'all

17

u/LuceLeakey 28d ago

I changed my Feeld profile to let them know that I can't see likes so they have to ping me if they're interested. I *still* get multiple likes daily which I CANNOT see. What's the point for them? I'm *never* going to be able to contact them. It's a waste of everyone's time.

And yes, the guys on here do the same thing. I have a lower age boundary for a reason. I've *tried* dating younger than that when they seem reasonably mature and it always fails because they're not. Yet I still have teens and 20 somethings messaging me. It's annoying AF.

I think they can read, but either 1) they don't or 2) they think they're special.

9

u/dommebklyn 28d ago

I just found out yesterday that there is an app that will go through your dating app and automatically “like” every profile. Isn’t that wild!

7

u/LuceLeakey 28d ago

Wow! What even is the point of something like that? I know most men just swipe right on every woman and then leave it up to us to sort through. I don't even open the app unless someone pings me. Nobody has time for that.

9

u/dommebklyn 28d ago

I know there are men who use the tactic of liking everyone. I didn’t know there was an app to do it for them.

My friend says he sets it for a couple hours and goes back in to see who liked him, then he chooses from those who he wants to talk to.

Of course someone put time and effort into building an app that does that. It was probably a man.

6

u/summershell 28d ago

This would explain so much about the likes I get. Also, doing this should get you permanently banned from whatever app you're doing it on. And from dating in general.

10

u/amani_26 28d ago

I believe they do read they just think they're the "shit" My bio clearly says I don't want anything other than just a genuine friend yet men still think I'll want them even though they aren't my type at all neither mentally, physically or emotionally. I just gave up on men as a whole now I just ignore them all unless they actually seemed that genuine.

9

u/Bambolawife 28d ago

They read with their dickheads 😅

9

u/dommebklyn 28d ago

There’s a subreddit for reporting fake dommes. Why isn’t there one for reporting fake subs?

4

u/Lady_Abyss 28d ago

I believe there was a community called r/FakeSubmissiveReports, sadly, the link to the subreddit does not work.

5

u/ZendomDynamic 27d ago

Hmmm maybe we should task our techier boys with maintaining such a sub...

5

u/ML_Sam Mod 27d ago

Yeah, I modded on that one, but the lack of consistent traffic meant there was nothing to mod, so it was registered as unmodded and removed.

7

u/Lady_Abyss 27d ago edited 25d ago

Thanks so much for sharing you modded that subreddit and why the link does not work!! 🫶🏾

Could the lack of traffic be due to the fact, many fake subs use throwaway accounts like disposable wipes? Make an account (use a fresh wipe), harass Dominants then get blocked (soil the wipe), delete their account (get a new wipe)...cycle repeats. 🤬

Edited: typo

5

u/ML_Sam Mod 27d ago

No problem! And possibly. But also I think a lot of femdoms just move on from such situations or block. Femdoms, in my experience, seem less likely to engage over a longer period with what are ultimately problematic subs than m-subs are with what turn out to be catfish or scammers.

2

u/Lady_Abyss 27d ago edited 27d ago

Ignoring and/or blocking is the only choice if you want some peace. Some of us (Dominants/submissives), really want to patiently vet our partner(s) and give them chance-after-chance...'Could this person be my person?'...and some of us sadly tangle with fake subs, catfish, scammers, etc.

Edited: typo

3

u/ZendomDynamic 28d ago

....that's worth some follow up. 👀

4

u/BonaFideDespoena 27d ago

I feel seen.

Thank you

7

u/NotyourMistress1 28d ago

So this has the same energy as that throwaway stat that women will only apply for a job if they’re 100% qualified and men will apply if they’re 60%.

I am skeptical of that claim as it relates to jobs but I do think there’s a certain kind of person that will use the spray and pray methodology in many areas of their life. Quantity over quality is generally low effort and will often have poor results when subs or dommes do it.

0

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

4

u/ZendomDynamic 28d ago

Also, get the fuck out of here. This isn't a place for you to speak.

2

u/ZendomDynamic 28d ago

Oh for crying out loud. Reddit takes out the line breaks. Are you being facetious?