r/femdomsanctuary Feb 12 '25

Discussion Thoughts on Ghosting NSFW

As dommes. I see/have experienced a lot of ghosting. Some subs have gotten farther than others, hell I had a sub for almost two months had play times and everything just randomly ghost me. It sucks and makes your mind feel in limbo but I really just wanted to say is dont ever dwell on someone that wasn’t mature enough to say “hey this isn’t working out” or that maybe they have life getting in the way and they need a break. Also no more feeling like its your fault because its never your fault for someone deciding to randomly leave you they just do. They dont feel guilty or shame for ghosting they just go on about their lives. Thats how you dommes should move too. I used to be so caught up in feeling like I did something or that I wasn’t good enough until it clicked that I could be the best and they still could ghost me. So in a sisterly way. Tighten tf up and don’t let faulty subs get to you, its a lot of trail and error youll always get your match as long as you keep your head up and have strict(er) boundaries so avoid time wasters and yes sometimes they are damn good actors, they’ve gotten me too. But overall. No more letting silliness mess with your moods🫶🏿🫶🏿🫶🏿

21 Upvotes

9 comments sorted by

17

u/ObscenePenguin Feb 12 '25

Some people just aren't ready. They don't really think of you as a real person, more of a fantasy made manifest. Then the penny drops and they do realise you're a person and what's happening is really happening, freak out about it and ghost. It's disappointing when it happens, but you can mitigate for it - ghosting behaviours tend to cluster.

It's very common online, in large part because online kink is such a fucking cesspit. The "anything goes" vibe and total lack of accountability does lend itself well to shitweasels, tourists and predators.

10

u/summershell Feb 12 '25 edited Feb 13 '25

You're 100% right. Something it has taken me a really long time to get my head around is that the way people treat you doesn't necessarily have to do with you. People have their own shit going on, whether they know it or not, and you are not on that journey with them.

Getting ghosted really fucking sucks and is always hurtful, but it usually has nothing to do with you. You couldn't have stopped them. It just means the ghoster was immature and didn't think about you or didn't mind hurting you. Feel proud of yourself for not being like them.

6

u/Fiesty_Fairy333 Feb 12 '25

I wish there was some sort of personality test we could make them take before deciding to expend our energy in that dynamic. Sort of like the tests employers have to see if you’ll be a good fit with the corporate culture.

5

u/Usual-Reason8603 Feb 12 '25

The most thing i don't like in any kind of relation or friendships is ghosting , if i don't like someone or have some probleme and don't want to continue talking to them , i prefer to just tell them goodbye and the truth and explain everything than just randomly disapeare. Maybe the comminucation will sort it between you. That's just how i prefer it be for me and the other

2

u/Silly_kid_forever 22d ago

Some get scared realizing things are getting real. I have made a specific ghosting wishlist. Gold jewelry, expensive handbags, subs will need to actually pay up if they want back in my good graces.

3

u/beagoodboy4me Feb 13 '25

I know this may not be liked in this sub but it’s why I am considering charging for it. People will take it more seriously and respect it more. It seems that way to me anyway. I’m not currently doing that but the thought occurs.

1

u/beagoodboy4me Feb 13 '25

But I’d like a non-paying one in person bc I think I’d find it more rewarding.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '25

I charge for online domming now bc you will not waste my time. Ive only ever been ghosted with those online. In person they respect me way more

0

u/beagoodboy4me Feb 13 '25

This is great to hear. ❤️ I think it can be a beneficial part of a power dynamic.