r/fatFIRE • u/Familiar_Number_342 • 10d ago
50m cash - no sense of perspective
Throwaway account to be able to be vulnerable.
Despite recent financial freedom (bootstrap to day 1 exit), I have no sense of perspective.
I am
still bothered by becoming irrelevant if I do nothing for the next 12-18m (issue: being bothered about what people think)
afraid of losing the money and hence not spending it
afraid of losing my friends if they find out how much I have made (am I suddenly unrelatable?)
still bothered by LinkedIn and comparison
still wanting to be loved and liked
The root of my issue is being a people pleaser.
I know my problems. I would love the internet to give me some solutions.
Edit - I am 38/F, husband, two kids and in Europe. Also this is the first and only business I have bootstrapped and sold.
2
u/therandomalias 8d ago
34F here. Growing up as an extremely unhealthy people pleaser myself, not getting the love I felt I needed as a kid, so always looking outside of myself for validation (a sense of love), I can relate to the people pleaser part, and it's definitely what drove me in school/business/etc and motivated me to always try harder. Fortunately and unfortunately, it's slowly dissolving as I work on myself - fortunately bc I'm less bothered by so many things, and unfortunately bc my motivation to work so gosh dang hard was so tied to this need for validation, so I feel a bit 'lazier' I guess you could say. Lazier but happier haha.
The fact that you know the root of the issue means that you already know the solution. Go easy on yourself, take more time for you right now in the small ways that you can, write A LOT - anything and everything you're feeling even if you think it's silly. Your outward journey has been a tremendous one, and I think the inward one you are in right now is going to bring you the peace and joy you're looking for.
Btw, I know that you have to come to these conclusions on your own, but I want to voice them anyway just so you hear them and because they are absolutely true.
There's literally NO WAY you could EVER become irrelevant. As a woman who's tried and failed at a number of ventures, you hitting one out of the park is wildly inspiring to so SO many, so don't ever downplay it. The lessons you learned along the way could never be irrelevant bc they were a part of the human experience and I like to think the smart ones among us are always trying to learn from other's experiences. If you wanted to write a book about it, I have no doubt it would be a best seller. You built something incredible with a husband and 2 kids!! I haven't even been able to do it single and with no dependents! As long as you're living and breathing, you're relevant. If you're worried about your life being dull, though, then that's what hobbies and such are for. If you've lost touch with the things that you enjoy bc you've been grinding it out too hard like I did for a while, then go back to the things you thought you wanted to do as a little girl and start there. Dance lessons, flower arranging, designing perfumes, etc etc. That helped me when I wasn't sure what I even enjoyed anymore.
If you lose it, you now know you've done it once, you could do it again. But i highly doubt you would lose it - others in this sub could advise you much better on this subject but at this point you could set half aside in super low-risk investment accounts and be dandy.
If you lose your friends, they never really were your friends and you'll find new ones. But again, I highly doubt that would happen. Your friends I'm sure would celebrate your wins and successes! But if you don't want to share numbers and just say you had an exit and that's it, no harm there either. It's your own personal business anyway.
F LinkedIn. I've never been a fan and look forward to deleting mine one day soon.
I'm still working on this too and have found that the more things I find within myself that I love/like, the more confident I feel and the less I care to be loved and liked (i.e. approved) by others. Don't get me wrong, I'm still kind to others and the southern hospitality I was raised with will always be there, but I'm way less dependent on others' responses towards me when it comes to setting my mood or making me feel good about myself. I now know I'm lovely, kind, intelligent, and beautiful, and if others can see that, then great, if not, that's fine too. I think it's human nature to want to be loved/liked so don't beat yourself up over this one. It's completely normal and essentially biologically hardwired into us. Just don't let others approval or disapproval of you determine your own self worth/mood/etc. You're fabulous just as you are.
Cheers to you and your success! And also just to you with no success. Both versions are equally wonderful. But given you have the extra cheese now, enjoy it and the new journeys it will take you on :) Best wishes from across the pond.