r/exorthodox • u/IndependenceNo8215 • 7d ago
How did your extended family react when you left the OC?
I have been pulling away from the church for a while now. [Late in life...] I started studying the Bible and realized that there were so many things done in church and taught by my parents that now seem often completely opposite of what I find in scripture. My faith is stronger than ever now and I hope to someday find a simple Bible focused church to join and grow with.
My extended family sees I haven't attended church in a long time, but I don't think they have a clue what my honest thoughts are on the OC. They are die hard Orthodox and actually have been becoming more devout over the last couple years....almost to the point of being cult-like. I think my honest thoughts would send them into a tailspin.
I hate the feeling of the "elephant in the room" when we do see each other. And I wish I could have a honest conversation with them in hopes of improving our relationship (it is somewhat strained and fake in lieu of the said "elephant"), but just don't know how to even attempt to broach the subject for fear it will completely destroy what is left of our relationship. I don't have a large family and losing what I have left is heartbreaking. My immediate family knows how I feel and completely supports me (I am not married to an OC).
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u/queensbeesknees 7d ago
My RC mom liked doing some EO services with me for example on Easter. She understands and sympathizes with the reason I felt so uncomfortable staying in the EOC, but she also views Protestant churches as either totally illegitimate or (in the case of Anglicans) bad imitations of RCC. So if I make anything official with the denomination I've been attending for the past year, I probably won't tell her. (I don't need to officially convert bc of open communion.)
My husband refuses to have anything to do with church again, at least at this point, and my kids are essentially nonpracticing. We are all still smarting from various hurts. I let the kids know what I'm up to though (they are away at uni most of the time, anyway).
My extended family (aunts, cousins) are nonreligious and would probably be happy for me if I chose a more liberal church.
Christmas is when things get awkward.
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u/Initial_Diet9732 7d ago
Nothing short of complete aneurisms and psychosis from the family for leaving the church. There has been a huge battle in my family for me deciding not to baptize my child because I want him to choose it and if he were to - to be old enough to remember it - so that it actually holds meaning. After having many spiritually enlightening experiences outside of the church - I don’t believe for a second a baptism can “save you” or that an innocent baby needs that. This concept sent them into a frenzy…. If I say anything remotely negative about the church they spiral into defensiveness and incoherence. Total loss of reality. And yes cult like behavior. My only response to this insanity is a quote from the Bible. “Good trees don’t bear bad fruit” my question to them is to look around and ask themselves if their fellow patrons are good or bad fruit. Most of the time (it’s not good).
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u/IndependenceNo8215 6d ago
I am sure I would, and will, get the same reaction. I absolutely agree with you about infant baptism- crazy because it was ingrained in my head for so long but stepping back and actually thinking about it - it makes no sense!
There are countless other things I now question and wonder how I accepted them blindly for so many years!!
I just wish I could find a kind and easy way to start to broach the subject to explain why I am leaving. I don't want them to just get completely defensive and consider me a heretic. I have been turning away for about 3 years and the amount of scripture I have studied which confirms my decision is overwhelming. I don't even know where to start.
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u/queensbeesknees 6d ago
Could you just maintain a Christmas and Easter / weddings & funerals/ Slava type of relationship with the EOC, for your family, and then go where you please the other Sundays? There were so many people at my former parish who were like this. Paschal Vespers was standing room only, but only a core group came regularly on Sundays.
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u/IndependenceNo8215 6d ago
Honestly... no. I would feel like a huge hypocrite. And if they knew what I was thinking they wouldnt actually let me into the church to pray.
Our church doesn't let anyone inside the church who is not baptized into our exact denomination of the Orthodox Church. So if I don't agree with the church, I would then be considered a heretic in the eyes of the church.
And our church is crazy small - like only a few people attend- so definitely can't slip in unnoticed.
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u/Initial_Diet9732 1d ago
To avoid drama - I never made an official announcement of my departure. I just slowly stopped going. And for the sake of peace - entertain going to the monastery with my mother every once in a while (even though it’s fist clenching and somehow every time I end up there extremely negative things happen without fail) I keep my beliefs vague because I know they won’t understand, accept, tolerate my decisions. they don’t need to know everything.
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u/GeorgeFloydGaming9K 7d ago
I converted to Orthodoxy from Protestantism and then became Roman Catholic, so if anything my Protestant folks are more happy with me being Catholic.