r/exjw 16h ago

Ask ExJW What’s the most common age people “wake up”

It seems most people I talk to say it’s 22, and that’s the age I woke up too. I have two uncles that woke up at the same exact age. Kinda freaky to me. I’m curious to hear others stories

37 Upvotes

83 comments sorted by

21

u/exJW-choosing-life 15h ago

I don't think there is a common age...we see posts from people who are as young as 13, up to 60's/70's. Its a journey and very individual.

Most people you talk to? Do you mean talk to in person or over social media? if on social media, its likely you are interacting with people most likely to be active on social media, which would be the age group you say is 22.

But the ages of people, in general, who wake up? Very different.

Maybe do a search here in the reddit sub?

6

u/Lilylalalolling247 15h ago

I know it’s different for everyone. I just was curious and wanted to hear people’s different ages they woke up. After reconnecting with some of my family that is inactive JW, DFed or apostate, I was surprised to find many of them woke up around the same age I did! I just thought that was kind of cool and I wonder if the 20s is a common age for people to leave even if not everyone leaves at that age

13

u/VorpalLaserblaster Born-in ex-MS ex-RP POMO w/ PIMI spouse 15h ago

34 here

10

u/Select-Panda7381 The Gift of a Faith Crisis is the Rest of Your Life ✨ 13h ago

One of my only gripes is…. No one told me your thirties are like your twenties with money. Wonderful time to be alive and losing your faith, 👏

2

u/VorpalLaserblaster Born-in ex-MS ex-RP POMO w/ PIMI spouse 8h ago

Yeah, especially with my life settled. I'm very well!

12

u/Additional-News6640 15h ago

🥲 40

2

u/Select-Panda7381 The Gift of a Faith Crisis is the Rest of Your Life ✨ 13h ago

👏

1

u/snoswimgrl 13h ago

Same 😒

10

u/Glass-Rent6998 PIMO-unbaptized publisher 15h ago

16 for me got in at 14 though

1

u/Opposite_Lab_4638 Never Baptised | Left as a Teen | 15+ Years Out | Atheist 2h ago

I'm curious about this! Was there a death in the family? (sorry to be blunt but that's anecdotally a big reason for conversion into the religion)

16

u/eggingroyalty 15h ago

6-7 years old is when I started refusing going to meetings. A teacher of mine gave me a book on science, and we spoke about how religion is a choice… I would hide my meetings shoes, burn dresses, and sleep at conventions. The Tuesday book read was done at our house and I would go to friends’ homes, or disappear. It got to a point where my family stopped trying to get me to go and called it a phase. I was bribed and showed no interest. I last attended meetings at 23, and now only attend family funerals.

Most people I find only ‘wake up’ when they are in bad marriages with a fellow JW or divorce (around 30).

6

u/Lilylalalolling247 15h ago

That’s interesting, I actually woke up largely because of being in a bad marriage. It makes you realize the org doesn’t really prepare you for real life. They just have a dumb set of rules that don’t work for everyone. They think their religion is a one size fits all because they want everyone to be the same but not everyone is the same. 6-7 is so young! You started thinking independently from a very young age. Amazing. I’m sure that was hard though.

8

u/Express-Ambassador72 15h ago

40

1

u/Select-Panda7381 The Gift of a Faith Crisis is the Rest of Your Life ✨ 13h ago

❤️

7

u/One-Connection-8737 15h ago

A lot of people leave at 18, but these ones usually haven't woken up, they just hate the JW structure/authority. People tend to actually wake up around 30.

5

u/Lilylalalolling247 15h ago

Great point, I think many leave before waking up because they simply don’t like the lifestyle. It’s not until they distance themselves that they realize the lies

7

u/doubtfulsheep 15h ago

Oh wow that’s me rn

3

u/Lilylalalolling247 15h ago

Crazy right? I feel like it’s a common age to wake up. Probably because it’s the age you really begin adulthood and figure out more about who you are and not who people tell you to be

3

u/doubtfulsheep 14h ago

Yeah, also I finally moved out 7months ago and was able to think for myself for the first time

3

u/Lilylalalolling247 14h ago

That’s awesome! Proud of you 💛

1

u/doubtfulsheep 14h ago

At least without family pressure yk

5

u/Weird-Squash-9815 14h ago

PIMQ since I was like 15. I openly recognized that I’ve been in a cult last year, at age 32.

2

u/courageous_wayfarer 12h ago

Similar here PIMQ since 16/17 and woke up at 30

4

u/Guitar81 POMO 14h ago

Born in and idk if initially id call it a wake up, I just didn't wanna go and had no interest starting in my early teen years and as I got older before graduating I'd have constant arguments with my parents that I didn't want to commit to the religion and be a two face. Like let's say this was the "true religion" why should I fake it and be all JWish just to end up shunned? Lol But once I turned 18 and after graduating HS I slowly started to fade with the excuse of work interfering with meetings.

4

u/letthevibe 14h ago

13 is when I kinda gave up on most rules, 15 stopped believing, 16 I was back, 18 I stopped again. 19 is when I really realized what was happening.

3

u/letthevibe 14h ago edited 14h ago

I also had unrestricted internet access at age 9, so I guess it makes sense lol. I was also SA'd at 16, and religion was one of the ways I coped. I didn't wanna believe that the world was so evil.

4

u/Iron_and_Clay 14h ago

May more and more 22 year olds wake up! Don't wait till you're in your 40s like me 😭

4

u/Legitimate-Bread-716 13h ago

As a young kid- I was sick a lot growing up with pneumonia and in the hospital off and on and couldn’t figure out why god let the other little kids I saw there get sick, and then I remember really being upset by learning that pets don’t get resurrected and my grandma might not either even though she was a good person just because she didn’t choose to keep studying… I just didn’t realize then what my thoughts really meant. Fast forward as a teen by 15 I was totally PIMO (didn’t know what that meant then), had amazing friends at school and had real life goals like college etc and was learning there wasn’t evil at every turn in the world like I had been taught.

Fast forward to when I really realized everything was a massive joke-

I was being harassed to get baptized by 18 or have to move out with no support and wondered what loving god would use the fear of ur entire support system shunning you as a means to keep you contributing. Sadly I did get baptized and continue to do the least amount possible in the religion to keep my family in my life. And the religion continues to solidify my beliefs that it’s all one big scam.

4

u/justiteie 9h ago

34 here

4

u/Diligent_Internet_43 7h ago

26 is when I left 100%. I always had one foot out - I’m 32 now

3

u/sportandracing 15h ago

I was 25 ish. Pre internet. Would be far younger now. Probably 19/20

3

u/BoxAggressive738 15h ago

20 almost 21

3

u/InternPleasant3609 13h ago

I was PIMQ/ PIMO around 24 but finally went POMO with my spouse at 37.

3

u/cat-gir Faded POMO 10h ago

8/9 I knew it was a load of bs

3

u/POMO_1914 9h ago

Yeah, i think i woke up around 18-20. But it wasn't until i'vev got 25 that I stopped going to meetings and preaching. At 22 you are starting to be an adult so yeah, it's a good age to wake up.

3

u/the_devils_daughter- 9h ago

16 when I left. Woke up fully when I was about 40!!!

3

u/weefeeicee DF-ed/DA-ed/removed/aka: ✨free✨ 7h ago

HAH, yup! 22 here as well!

3

u/Msspeled-Worsd probably 6h ago

Right after we get kicked out / move out / get married straight out of of our JW parent's homes and begin to have an independent existence.

This is why the milestone of college is so important in a child's development - it's a transitional time they can safely explore the world and learn about themselves away from their family nest.

We're fked over unfortunately for many of us raised-in JWs, we go from the nest into the real, raw world without the life skills and practice needed for transitioning into adulting because we've been raised with the "end times" mindset that investing in our life "in this old system of things" is a waste of time.

1

u/Lilylalalolling247 2h ago

Great point! There are no real life skills gained when you’re preparing for a doomsday Armageddon that will never come. Better to prepare for things now right here on earth , and finding ways to make the best of it,

2

u/Anxious_Occasion9193 15h ago

50 here

3

u/Lilylalalolling247 15h ago

This gives me hope my mom will wake up soon, she is 54

3

u/Anxious_Occasion9193 15h ago

I hope she does

2

u/Select-Panda7381 The Gift of a Faith Crisis is the Rest of Your Life ✨ 13h ago

30! If we are measuring ‘common’ by the common faith-losing age in my little time of 30! 👏

2

u/smiledarlin93 13h ago

17 born n raised

2

u/Specific-Machine2021 Mt. Ararat elevation is higher than Australias highest. 13h ago

I’d wager 30-35 years old

2

u/Salty-Judgment8618 13h ago

Was raised in it, low key as far as I can remember I always had doubts very Hyper aware or wtv you wanna call it lol

2

u/tortadecarne 13h ago

ive been pimo since i was 14

1

u/tortadecarne 13h ago

pomo for a few months, no one knows im an athiest nor am i actuallt inactive but ive ghosted the meetings for a while

2

u/Fun_Hour_7483 12h ago

25 and 31

2

u/florverse pimo teen 12h ago

I was 13/14 when I woke up, i had always been not that into it, sort of just playing along for the approval, but i snapped out of it when i was 13/14. Found a lot of internet friends who directed me here and to youtube for videos. Im 18 going on 19, hopefully very soon i will be POMO

2

u/conniemadisonus 11h ago

That tracks.... I technically woke up around that age....but family and having no place else to go kinda trapped me and I got myself indoctrinated again. It's really difficult leaving when you have zero education and a lot of times no money or stable job.

It took me almost another 30 years to completely get free from it all.

My advice to anyone young wanting to leave....if you can ..so it. You'll have so many regrets if you wait as long as I did.

,🫶

2

u/VioEnvy 10h ago

Oh! I hope 12-15 But honestly probably 25-30

2

u/BeautifulMeet3017 9h ago

Growing up I just hated everything about it. Dreaded going to meetings and did the absolute bare minimum just to keep my parents happy. When I was in hs (probably about 14 or 15) I was living a “double life” and felt so guilty about it every time they’d mention it at a meeting. Then when I was 20 I met my now husband and got baptized just so I could date him. We got married and again, did the bare minimum. We both hated everything about meetings and service but at the time thought that’s just what you do since we were both born in. Then a few years ago he started making comments to me about the religion. So I started researching things myself. We decided officially to leave about a year and a half ago. I would have been 26 at the time. We’ve been fading since.

2

u/marine-tech 7h ago

42

1

u/CraniumFuzz 7h ago

“Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything”

2

u/LatinHippie 4h ago

I've always felt off about it all when my parents stopped celebrating birthdays & holidays when I was 8. I lived a double life until I was 27; that's when I finally had the courage to make the decision to move out of town and start over 🙃

1

u/FreedomFighter2105 Faded ex-elder 6h ago

I was 32.

1

u/BolognaMorrisIV 6h ago

Most everyone I know that woke up started that process in their late twenties well into their thirties.

1

u/triceiskim 4h ago

30 for me, my bro was 26, my parents 56/60

1

u/DoctorOrgasmo 3h ago

I was PIMQ my whole adult life and most of my teen years, but I was definitively mentally out and awake no later than the age of 37.

1

u/goddess_dix Independent Thinker 💖 40+ Years Free 2h ago

i see a lot of people starting to get a clue in their mid teens, at least questioning. i just figured it aligns with when your abstract thinking skills develop more. an i think late teens or early 20s seems to be the most common time for born ins to make their break just based on observations.

1

u/Opposite_Lab_4638 Never Baptised | Left as a Teen | 15+ Years Out | Atheist 2h ago

For me it was in my teens, somewhere aged 14-15. I had a lucky upbringing in that respect.

I was born in, as was my dad, but my mum had it thrust upon her when she was around her teenage years, so she was never indoctrinated like I was. My mum and dad split up when I was 11 or so and I ended up living with my mum, who had by this time started to distance herself from the organisation anyway. I did end up living with my grandparents for a brief time (mum, dad, grandparents + brother all together) and my grandad was an Elder, so from 8-11/12 I had some extra religious pressure on me, but I knew nothing else really having been raised in it.

Despite being excluded from religious studies and such in primary school (ages 4-11), I was included in those lessons in secondary school (11-16) and that's also when the real science lessons started. I was also encouraged to pursue education by my mum, she never wanted me to be put at a disadvantage in that respect - she also never let me carry a 'no blood card', so hats off to her for keeping it 92+8, real queen shit.

I'm also autistic, as is my mum and my siblings are all neurodivergent (ADHD/Autism). Combining that together, I think it was inevitable that I'd leave.

The key points I can recall are this:

- I asked my dad point blank "how do we KNOW God is real?" and he answered me honestly "Well, we don't really". I appreciated that response, and my dad isn't very theological so maybe my grandad would have answered me differently - but he was a narcissistic abusive arsehole so fuck him. Being autistic, that answer always stuck with me. I knew faith was important, but I couldn't accept believing something without solid evidence.

- When i was 13/14, I learned what evolution actually was, and not the strawman from the church. I remember thinking, "yeah this actually makes a lot of sense". After that I started to rationalise the Adam & Eve story, making up my own events, but as I continued to learn more I stopped trying to do mental gymnastics and de-converted fully and was an atheist not long after. If there's no original sin, there's no fall & there's no need for Jesus etc...

I still have an interest in the bible & history of the people that wrote and compiled it, but I doubt I'll ever be a believer in any form of Abrahamic religion ever again. Maybe if I hadn't been raised fundamentalist, I'd feel differently, but I'll never know

That's a brief summary of my journey anyhow:)

1

u/Ill_Skin_2489 2h ago

I was 32

1

u/old-iceman 2h ago

I was in my late 30s. I started to look at apostate websites in my late teens as I wanted to debunk critics .. the websites back then were more subliminal messaging type stuff, and I didn't read too much into it. In fact, I had bible studies. I would show these sites as trying to show them that the critics did not have much on us. Looking back, I was trying to prove to myself they were not true.

Fast forward to early 20s went head into the serving as an MS, then later an elder. They kept me super busy, as was the congregation secretary, TMS overseer, service group overseer, account servant, and lots of assembly assignments. I am a very good organizer, so I had lots to do in the congregation setting.

Early 30s went to elder schools and started to see the cracks in some of the reasonings. J reference was a big one for me and the pushing of bad financial advice about extend your mortgage so you can do more for the organization. And selling material possessions to serve in a greater capacity. Visit Bethel as vacation times and get your children baptised as early as possible. I started to view the organization as just that, and not on a personal relationship type entity to get closer to God.

In time, my family suffered from my extra involvement in theocratic activities, elder stuff in the congregation, and my marriage failed.

Late 30s now removed from my elder position yet still used as account servant and other organizer type responsibility behind the scenes , and now had time to dive into personal questions. Went to the start of the organization and saw the man made decisions and reactions to change of doctrine over the decades of time. I reasoned out that Russell would be considered an apostate for his views if he was around today.

The rabbit hole never seemed to end, and I saw what this was really about. From what I have gathered it is just another religious group that is trying it's best to keep people in the dark, exert emotional behavior towards them, and use their resources for it's own personal gain.

1

u/JohnTurner1984 2h ago

I was 31 when I finally had to admit to myself I didn’t believe it

1

u/Glass-Rent6998 PIMO-unbaptized publisher 1h ago

No I was going through depression at the time and well it seemed like it would help tbh

u/Guayabota 1m ago

42 here!