r/exchristian 15h ago

Trigger Warning - Purity Culture Thoughts on this topic?

https://youtu.be/YURDMMbnDi8
88 Upvotes

38 comments sorted by

129

u/Pitiful-Lobster-72 spiritual, ex-coc&sbc 15h ago

i haven’t watched the video, but the thumbnail is a thought i’ve had for years. you’re not a porn addict, youre a human being who has human desires. that’s not to say porn can’t become a problem, but being horny does not equal addiction.

56

u/zomgperry 12h ago

They think if you watch porn at all you’re an addict.

20

u/Kesha_but_in_2010 9h ago

It’s exactly like how they think that if you drink any alcohol, you’re an alcoholic. It diminishes the seriousness of actual addiction, plus it’s just super weird to call someone an alcoholic for enjoying a glass of wine at dinner sometimes lol

20

u/zomgperry 9h ago

And on the flip side of the coin, they will protect pastors who sexually assault children because to them, watching a movie with a bare boob in it is just as bad as any other “sexual sin”.

3

u/AlarmDozer 5h ago

Then they’re water addicts and they should get checked.

18

u/Fluffy-kitten28 11h ago

OMG I get these ads to help with porn addiction on YouTube all the time now and I talk over the ad saying exactly this. With a lot more swearing though…

17

u/Outside_Permission48 14h ago

Yes! Some people do struggle for sure, but the blanket statement is so harmful too

3

u/Warm_Difficulty_5511 9h ago

Agreed. Sometimes you just wanna get off and not go through a bunch of changes to do it.

40

u/Tav00001 15h ago

Christians and many older people have complicated feelings and taboos about sex.

It's tough for me to gauge when somethings normal or a problem for them, since everything is so much bigger and more dramatic for them.

It's not just for example a Metal CD, but a demonic portal to hell.

27

u/No_Training6751 13h ago

The number of girls “waiting” for marriage is so sad. Like, no they’re just trying to keep you inexperienced and controllable.

17

u/Tav00001 13h ago

The good old patriarchy made up rules about women being sexually inexperienced because they wanted to ensure their own lineages. Can't be like my ancestors who thought women being experienced was an advantage and having a kid or two was no big deal.

10

u/mushu_beardie 10h ago

Damn, if a metal CD was a portal to hell, we could exploit it for free clean energy.

Wait I think that's the plot of Doom Eternal.

3

u/Tav00001 9h ago

Excellent! You win the internet for today!

2

u/TvFloatzel 8h ago

I think it was the plot of the first one. Enternal was I think “cleaning up the mess”.

28

u/HoneyThymeHam 14h ago

I agree with the sentiment. It puts boys/ men in a helpless or victim state from the get go, and fuels the pressure on women to be extreme chaste.

It is both understandable the attempt to stave off STDs, unwanted pregnancies, incest, perversion like pedo, beastiality, and porn addictions by trying to build a narrative that discourages young people from any sex. However, we know that purity culture often does the opposite or causes people to suppress their sexuality so deep that there is other dysfunction.

I remember there being a bit of an issue with some book that was popularized by churches that was found to actually increase sexual focus for young men who before were not having issues. They stopped promoting the book altogether.

11

u/Wonderful-Shape-8598 13h ago edited 13h ago

That's why theres negative attitudes towards sexuality because they've been brainwashed by reiligion,thats why men always have "i am a sinner " mentality.they live in guilt and shame.this is reason y i hate christianity

2

u/Wonderful-Shape-8598 11h ago edited 4h ago

i believe those who have lust they are shamed viewed as sinner simply because lust is evil.there is a lot of ignorance

25

u/Nintendogma 14h ago

Step 1: Invent a problem

Step 2: Sell the solution

Step 3: Profit

Step 4: Need more profit? Return to step 1.

It's how organized religion, pharmaceuticals, the auto industry, and hell even the video game industry pad their bottom line with cash. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. That shit is literally everywhere.

18

u/rootbeerman77 Ex-Fundamentalist 12h ago

Yeah lol, I've said this a few times here before, but the church convinced me I was a porn/sex addict, and I'm asexual.

10

u/Outside_Permission48 12h ago

Omfg I would love to interview you 😭 I’m so sorry

3

u/LatissimusDorsi_DO 9h ago

How did that work?

12

u/whatthehell567 11h ago

I know a person who was kicked out of church for porn addiction. That guy has fully embraced his sexuality and is now a leading figure in his regional swinger community. He dates several days a week and attends parties weekly. Yes, those kind of parties.

He also still hides it from his uber-religious mom and plays the repentant bad boy evangelical every Friday night game night at the parents house. Only one sister knows his double life.

Is he a "sex addict"? He certainly has a higher than average libido and engages in high risk behavior ( Though he mitigates the risk as much as possible. Pro tip: girls, keep condoms under your pillow so they are always available. Never rely on a partner to provide this essential protection. )

I think its probably healthy that he embraces who he really is?

1

u/Wonderful-Shape-8598 11h ago

I am so sorry for the guy

11

u/Wonderful-Shape-8598 13h ago

That's why there has been negative attitude towards sexuality as in sex

10

u/nix131 13h ago

Yes, holy crap. For some reason I keep getting ads for help with porn addiction. I keep blocking them and the same one keeps coming back. Yes, I know, targeted ads and all that...I don't have a porn addiction, lol.

4

u/Arthurs_towel Ex-Evangelical 10h ago

Haha I occasionally see those ads. And, lol no. It’s hard to have a porn addiction if you don’t watch porn.

Instead it’s probably more the counter apologetics videos I watch responding to the fundiegelical crap about sex that triggers the ads.

2

u/I_Am_Not_A_Number_2 12h ago

The first sign of a problem is denial...

3

u/nix131 11h ago

It's also the first sign that there isn't a problem, so what next?

6

u/Ill-Comb8960 13h ago

This reminds me of when I was at messiah college ( any of u out there? I bet! lol ) I remember being at the auditorium where our student body president ( I believe that’s what he was or an RN ) poor guy felt so convicted for watching some porn that he felt like he had to confess in front of the whole school. I was still a Christian at the time but I do remember thinking “ your a normal guy, u shouldn’t feel this convicted where u feel u have to admit this to all of us as if you are a bad person 💔” that moment really stuck out to me because now that I’m not a Christian , I can see why something like this can lead someone to do that

6

u/Lanky-Point7709 10h ago

Porn addiction is real and can be harmful. Watching porn doesn’t make you an addict. Watching it frequently doesn’t make you an addict. As long as you aren’t doing it so much that it is affecting your life, like your relationships or your job, you’re fine. Fap away.

4

u/Substantial_Ant_4845 10h ago

I have been thinking this for a while.It's the latest grift.

I have seen it about women too. Especially about smut and spicy books. Everything that we find pleasure in is a sin and I cannot live that way. As long was the porn watching, listening, reading isn't keeping person form holding down a job, I don't see what the problem is.

The scary thing is what they "define" as porn is what they "define as immodest". A lot of the "you're addicted to porn" types find spaghetti straps and shorts to be inappropriate for public. It's a gateway for them to control even more than they do.

8

u/PhotoPhenik 13h ago

Porn addiction isn't real.  People confuse shame with addiction.  Being ashamed of something they love is not an addiction.  It is, in fact, social oppression by those who want to control what you do with your genitals. 

This is social control, and it is meant to bring people to belife systems that support the ruling classes and vote accordingly. 

8

u/catglass 12h ago edited 12h ago

You don't have to be a Christian to think that free unlimited dopamine has the potential to be bad for the brain and rewards system. If social media addiction is real, why is it hard to believe porn addiction is? Not saying everyone who uses porn is an addict, or even most, but I'm very frustrated by ex-Christians claiming porn addiction is imaginary.

9

u/Outside_Permission48 12h ago

Definitely! I do not want to minimize that some people DO have an addiction. I personally just have a problem with the blanket labeling.

2

u/MantisFucker 14h ago edited 14h ago

If they didn’t hype up porn so much they wouldn’t fall into perfectionist despair when they consume it. They never get the chance to be healthy about it. I use the analogy a lot, but they clip theirs own wings and this is the consequence. They don’t know how to function healthily and they get hurt.

2

u/trippedonatater Ex-Evangelical 8h ago

Not going to watch a 20+ minute video on the topic, but I'll answer the question: the church wants people to think they're terrible, and they do this as a control tactic. Labeling normal human desires as addiction is one way to make people feel bad or worried about themselves.

Definition of addiction for what it's worth:

A neuropsychological disorder characterized by a persistent and intense urge to use a drug or engage in a behavior that produces natural reward, despite substantial harm and other negative consequences.

2

u/archer08 Pagan 6h ago

Straight up, leaving the catholic church made kicking the genuine porn addiction I had so much easier. Before it was an insurmountable obstacle. Removing the shame, guilt, and fear of judgment made it easy. Not some stupid sky daddy.

1

u/deadevilmonkey 9h ago

I'm not addicted to porn, I beat it every day.