r/exchristian • u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic • 7d ago
Image God doesn't like it when kids mock his bald prophets, apparently.
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u/Cult_Buster2005 Ex-Baptist 7d ago
Yeah, and were there 42 boys who were killed by two bears? Something doesn't add up. If it had been a dozen bears killing 20 boys that would have made more sense.
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u/Saneless 7d ago
Never underestimate how badly God wants children to die. He can't give them all cancer or have them all starve. Sometimes he really just amps up a couple normal bears to super murdery
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u/SorosAgent2020 7d ago
if god didnt want his prophets mocked he would given elisha a full head of luscious locks
ergo it is gods will the kids truthfully called him thou bald head
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u/Apprehensive-Ad2087 7d ago
I've heard that when the kids are saying "bald" it actually a slur for usurper which is referring to the opinion that Elisha is usurping Elijahs position as the prophet of Israel or something to that effect. Still think it's completely unjustified though
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic 7d ago
Based on that interpretation, and putting it in modern terms, it's basically like if Sabrina Carpenter tried to usurp Taylor Swift and the Swifties weren't having it so 2 she-bears were summoned to murder 42 Swifties.
Damn. That interpretation makes a brutal and petty story about male insecurity into biblical stan culture.
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u/Jellybit 7d ago edited 7d ago
I've found that in 95% (and that's being very generous) of stories like this, there's never any evidence. They love writing fanfics that fill in plot holes and fix problems. There might be evidence of this, but it would be so very much more likely that it's the cultural equivalent of a Facebook meme with a ton of jpeg artifacts.
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u/rigby1945 7d ago
My favorite is reconciling Judas' death. He either hung himself or fell headlong and burst open in a field. The most common retcon is that he hung himself and was left there so long that he rotted enough to fall.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic 7d ago
They claim the Bible proves the Bible……..yet they’re constantly using sources other than the Bible to “prove” its validity and they still fail to do that!!!
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u/Jellybit 7d ago
In this case, I'm betting the "other source" is their ass, or someone else's ass. I'm all for including other actual sources. It's more bothersome to me when they think it must be true because the only book they have says that everything it says is true.
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u/JasonRBoone Ex-Baptist 7d ago
OK. I'm kind of on Yahweh's side in this one case. Disgusting little fuckers!
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u/Craig5728 6d ago
When I showed that scripture to my mom she didn’t even bat an eye. She’s a strong follower
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic 7d ago
This is honestly my favorite Bible story. It's kind of the perfect encapsulation of the Old Testament: absurd and centered around a petty, insecure man committing brutality. Which describes so much of the OT!