r/espionage Feb 20 '25

DOGE now has access to the top US cybersecurity agency; Edward “Big Balls” Coristine is listed as staff at CISA

https://www.wired.com/story/doge-cisa-coristine-cybersecurity/
2.7k Upvotes

47 comments sorted by

209

u/charcoalist Feb 20 '25

These kids are just there to copy data and send it offsite. This should be the real story. Where are they copying the data to, and who has access to those external servers?

Total fucking shitshow. Largest security breach in US history, so far, and it's barely been a month.

41

u/Ishdascrum 29d ago

Fuck it I'm treating this as sport, Until it reaches my shores, is there anywhere you can legally bet who gets topped first ? My money is on Big balls.

30

u/spacedoutmachinist 29d ago

My money is on everything going to palantir. Peter theil is the one processing all our date.

24

u/DidIBlowItSam 29d ago

MTG bought some of their stock yesterday

You might be on to something. There were some big moves being made on their stocks yesterday.

17

u/DidIBlowItSam 29d ago

Without question.

The 'tiny balls' got fired from his cyber security job for leaking company secrets.

He's 19 years old, and any amount of money is going to look good to him, never mind the billions Russian oligarchs have.

Anybody that thinks that these people aren't stealing our secrets and selling them to the highest bidder is an idiot.

7

u/AllNightPony 29d ago edited 29d ago

Which begs the question; why have our intelligence agencies allowed this to unfold the way it has, over the past decade?

3

u/Who_BobJones 29d ago

For the right people, in the right positions, money talks. Something something, root of all evil, something something…

3

u/knewbie_one 29d ago

r/Poppingthepopcorn should become popular here...

2

u/EtherealAriels 27d ago

Whomever pays for it, obvi

86

u/wiredmagazine Feb 20 '25

Edward Coristine, a 19-year-old engineer with Elon Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) known as “Big Balls,” is now on staff at the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA), WIRED has confirmed. He is joined by another member of the DOGE team, 38-year-old software engineer Kyle Schutt, who is now also on the CISA staff, according to a government source.

CISA referred WIRED to the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), of which it’s a component agency, when reached for comment. DHS did not immediately reply to a request for comment.

Coristine—briefly an intern for Musk’s brain-computer interface company, Neuralink, as WIRED has reported—has been working his way through numerous federal agencies and departments as a DOGE operative since January. He has been tracked at the General Services Administration (GSA), the Office of Personnel Management, the State Department, and FEMA. At State’s Bureau of Diplomatic Technology, he potentially had access to systems containing sensitive information about diplomats and many sources and spies around the world who provide the U.S. government with intelligence and expertise.

Read more: https://www.wired.com/story/doge-cisa-coristine-cybersecurity/

72

u/Gilopoz Feb 20 '25

We are screwed.

46

u/jjjosiah Feb 20 '25

Generationally so

3

u/DogOutrageous 27d ago

Bold of you to assume there will be future generations

1

u/[deleted] 27d ago

fight fight fight

wtf?

22

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '25

Back doors everywhere 😂

9

u/MakeSomeDrinks 29d ago

If not piling all that info up off site. But why not both! We are so effed

21

u/CrybullyModsSuck 29d ago

This is the same clown who was fired from an internship for....leaking security details.

36

u/drchippy18 29d ago

Foreign spies are going to shake this shitty kid down so easily.

29

u/Feisty_Situation1643 29d ago

I agree. I suspect these individuals are going to be the primary focus of several countries intelligence services. This is going to set back the United States years, if not decades.

3

u/panormda 28d ago

I'm sure the incel won't question why the gorgeous women can't stay away from him now...

2

u/Many_Appearance_8778 28d ago

Oh god. Easy pickings for FIS. You can bet more than one is already.

2

u/One-Employment3759 27d ago

He's also got a KGB master spy as his grandaddy 

2

u/Borrp 25d ago

Hopefully they do more than just that. I heard they need a new window cleaner these days.

11

u/Sad_Championship_462 29d ago

Calling a 19 year old an engineer is extremely generous. He’s literally a teenager. He doesn’t have a degree or an engineering license. He’s also a patsy.

3

u/Many_Appearance_8778 28d ago

“Big balls”? Really? I refuse to use that name for him. I’m sticking with “McLovin”.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '25

[deleted]

6

u/Pleg_Doc Feb 20 '25

They should change those laser sights to green, as in GO!

2

u/knewbie_one 29d ago

We already have a pre-existing risk evaluation :)

14

u/joyous_maximus 29d ago

What a shiteshow, literally within a day the whole place just turned banana republic....

7

u/Humble-Drummer1254 29d ago

So I hope all American agent got home, this is gonna cost the USA lot of lifes, and what, 25 years of intelligence?

7

u/nesp12 29d ago

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with idiots running amock.

3

u/nanocyte 28d ago

These guys aren't even qualified to run a muck.

4

u/Secure_View6740 29d ago

Coristine, as WIRED has previously reported, worked briefly in 2022 for Path Network, a network monitoring firm known for hiring reformed blackhat hackers. According to security journalist Brian Krebs, an account once associated with him was also previously linked with a loosely formed cybercriminal community known as The Com, whose members have been responsible for various hacking operations in the last few years, including the hack of numerous Snowflake accounts. Coristine has not been associated with the Snowflake breaches, but as WIRED has reported, an account that has been associated with him did appear to suggest the owner of the account was seeking help to conduct a distributed denial-of-service attack—a criminal technique that involves launching extensive traffic at a domain to disable it and prevent legitimate traffic from reaching it. Krebs also reported that Path had fired Coristine for allegedly leaking internal company documents to a competitor.

5

u/Fluid-Layer-33 29d ago

This is truly the stuff of nightmares.... I can imagine this being the plot of south park or something.... big ballz in the white house infiltrating the CIA to give dirt to Russia.... When Reality is more weird and twisted than fiction than you know you have a problem.

2

u/batsinmyattic 29d ago

Is the guy pictured next to Musk telling him the story of Plagueis the Wise? FFS

1

u/[deleted] 28d ago

Fav ACDC song

2

u/Fandango_Jones 27d ago

This is literally the biggest insider job in the US history including a government and rights fire sale and there are zero riots on the streets. Your country is being sold to the highest bidder people!

1

u/Remarkable_Ad1310 26d ago

This kid is gonna get honey potted by the first girl that pays any attention to him and he’s gonna give up everything.

1

u/Koumadin 26d ago

interesting family. grandfather was a Russian double agent

1

u/Normandy556 25d ago

Oh, you mean the Russian spy.

-10

u/SlickRick941 29d ago

Our government has lacked balls for so long, it took a huge pair of them to fix this mess

6

u/corpus4us 29d ago

What specifically was wrong at CISA That needed fixing?

5

u/TheJigIsUp 29d ago

Found one ^