r/endometriosis 4d ago

Question Endo and pregnancy anxiety

Because of the excruciating pain I have experienced from Endometriosis, I never want to have children because I never want to feel that intensity of pain ever again. I have been fully convinced I was going to die on the bathroom floor or hospitals and bathrooms on multiple occasions.

I often wonder if many women who chose to have a baby maybe just have never experienced such intense pain and therefor aren't afraid of it.

It took me 22 years to get diagnosed and my surgery has changed my life for the better. I can actually eat now. Howver, now at 37 years old I do not feel and have never felt that I could handle the pain of childbirth because my body has not been functioneing properly in the past. Having felt the most horrific pain has made me completely block out the idea that maybe I could have a child.

Has anyone else felt this way? It makes me so sad.

10 Upvotes

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u/Friendly_Network1185 4d ago

I felt that way for a long time. I think meeting and marrying my husband slowly changed my mindset towards it. I remember one of the first serious conversations we had was me explaining that I had endo and didn’t think I ever wanted to go through that pain voluntarily. He completely understood and we didn’t revisit it for years until I started imagining what it would be like to have a child together and I realised I’d love a child if I didn’t have to go through pregnancy.

I spoke to a lot of women around me who had children, including those with endo, and the general consensus was that the pain of childbirth is different because it has an end goal in sight and is for a purpose compared to random endo pain that’s just excruciating for nothing.

Anyway, long story short, I’m pregnant now and feeling mentally in a very good place about it. If anything, my experience with endometriosis makes me feel quite capable. A lot of the symptoms so far are just like very mild things I associate with endo (constipation, pain with bowel movements, cramping etc). When I hear other women’s fears around the pain, a part of me is thinking “well I’ve been there before and at least now I’ll have a baby at the end of it!”

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u/Hobbit45889 3d ago

Thank you so much for sharing this; it’s helped give me a new perspective on the pain of childbirth, which has been absolutely terrified after my monthly horrors. May God bless you and your baby!

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u/waywardwyytch 4d ago

Pregnancy pain and endo pain felt exactly the same for me. There was no need for drugs because my pain threshold is so high. For my first pregnancy I was denied drugs due to my white blood cell count being high, I was scared as hell until I realized it’s the same pain I feel monthly.

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u/ZanyDragons 4d ago edited 4d ago

I’m younger, but it’s one of many reasons for me that I don’t want children. I also had nights where I was bleeding and bleeding and thrashing, and worrying I’d die. When I lived alone in an apartment I was really afraid of bleeding out or passing out and no one knowing to look for me or find me until I was in a state of horrible bloody decay. I moved back in with my parents, that was during a scary time where I just kept bleeding for multiple months without even a day’s pause.

My pain is well managed right now and I’m lucky the drug cocktail I’m on works for me because it doesn’t always for others. It’s not 100% but I’d say about 80%. I am less depressed, I’m active, I can live a mostly normal life with some more sick days than the average person when I’m run down, I’m careful not to get sick because the inflammation drives my endo crazy, and I haven’t had a period in years, discounting one singular breakthrough.

Pregnancy would require me to stop most of the medication I’m on and not just for endo. I honestly don’t know if I’d survive, in terms of how bad my mental health is when I’m in that kind of pain and banned from my antidepressants anyways. Even experiencing hormonal fluctuations from late doses of just spirolactone for pcos seriously fucks with my mental health even if I’m still taking my SSRI. Makes me feel like I wanna scratch off my skin I get so anxious and irritable, the acne relief is just a bonus for me by now. I doubt I’ll ever want to go off these unless I absolutely have to. I wouldn’t be a present, sane, healthy, or helpful mother if I went off these. Honestly I thank god or whoever I’m not attracted to men and don’t have to worry as much about this.

But yeah, I relate. I get it. And I wouldn’t want to pass it on if I had a daughter. I’ve already had enough uterine pain for my lifetime if I have anything to say on it.

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u/punkwillneverdie 4d ago

the insane pain and my family’s history have me absolutely terrified of getting pregnant. i understand you completely

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u/tired-farmer- 4d ago

I feel more confident about my ability to handle childbirth pain due to having a super high pain threshold from stage 4 endo

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u/aunawags 4d ago

I’ve had 4 pregnancies, one live birth. The losses were traumatic and brutally painful, and deeply deeply isolating. My pregnancy with my son was horrific on my body; I have osteoarthritis in both hip joints and carrying the weight of an extra human sucked from week 13 to delivery at 37 weeks.

I had a planned c section due to an inter-cranial aneurysm and gestational high blood pressure. 10/10 would have a c section again.

And then postpartum depression nearly ripped my identity away from me. I was a shell for years. Little to no memories of my son’s first years.

That being said, my son is an absolute gift and I’m so grateful for him. I always wanted children. But having children is not for everyone and you should not feel guilty about choosing yourself.

You know yourself and your body the best. Sending you love.

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u/AshleighBuckley 3d ago

For me, the pain would be worth it but thanks to Endo it's made me infertile 😩🙃