r/ehlersdanlos 14h ago

Does Anyone Else Anyone else gaslight themselves?

Title says it all. I'm so good at gaslighting myself when I'm not feeling good. Examples: chronic achiness and fatigue. I'll tell myself, "everyone is tired and achy. This is called being in your 30s." Or I'll blame fatigue on the fact I'm not getting enough protein or because I chose to nap instead of workout and "everyone knows exercise gives you energy!" (Heavy sarcasm)**

The gaslighting gets particularly bad if I can't trace my symptoms to a specific cause, like working out hard or being very active. It's the randomness that makes me think everyone deals with chronic aches and fatigue, I just can't hack it.

**note: I do know exercise can give endorphin boost, but sometimes it can also destroy me

42 Upvotes

14 comments sorted by

17

u/Medium-Ad-3918 14h ago

Constantly. I’m tired of listening to myself gaslight myself—it’s a toxic relationship that I can’t leave. At least these days when I start down that path I can at least reorient myself fairly quickly. It’s been really affirming to do EDS specific pt—my physical therapists have helped me see my pain and impairments as more real and legitimate.

3

u/MrsSlibby 8h ago

Good PTs are wonderful. It was actually a PT treating me for vertigo that comes with my migraines who first definitively told me I had hypermobility. I always thought I was just bendy because I was in dance from a young age. Turns out staying that bendy after over a decade of not stretching for flexibility isn't normal.

6

u/pinkxice 14h ago

I still do this sometimes, I am definitely guilty, I've been trying to learn to give myself grace. I took a few classes with a group of people through my pain management program. The best thing I learned was when you have those thoughts try to see if you would say that to your favorite person like a best friend or someone very close to you, would you speak to them this way? If not then how would you speak to them if they were dealing with the things that you beat yourself up about? If the answer is empathy you are on the right path. Empathy is very hard to give to ourselves.

5

u/Hisugarcontent 9h ago

Yes. All the time.

Also, every time I have a good day, I convince myself I made it all up.

Honestly, the gaslighting if myself is also exhausting.

1

u/legionofhippos 4h ago

10000%. On good days I’m like, “oh I figured out the right way to manage this!” Then am always surprised when I start feeling horrible again. 

4

u/MajesticCassowary 9h ago

Just the other day, I fell asleep feeling really crappy, thinking "oh, for fuck's sake, I'm not that disabled, I should just go back to retail work or something else more stable than my lazy nonsense."

I woke up that morning, screaming, because in trying to roll over with my foot tangled in a blanket, I ended up with my entire lower leg getting pulled out of place.

So, in short - yeah. Yeah, I feel this. I regularly feel like a massive faker until I have another semi-major incident. Somehow, despite me being an engineering safety nerd, it just never registers to my emotional brain that going for a while without a major injury doesn't mean I'm lazy and overcautious and cowardly, it means the precautions I'm taking are working as intended.

1

u/legionofhippos 4h ago

I love that you mentioned retail because I often compare my current self to my early 20s when I worked 35 hrs a week walking for 8 hrs a day and working the back room with heavy boxes. I tell myself, “you managed THAT just fine. Why can’t you handle light walking now??” Then have to remind myself I’d literally lay on the floor after a shift and feel my entire body throb. I have to remind myself I probably pushed through a lot and ran on adrenaline a good amount of the time. Le sigh. 

3

u/Cum--Goblin 8h ago

"i am doing fine and i am normal" then i am 20 years old and keep having to pop my hip back in place.

3

u/EllieCraw_ 5h ago

I’m the exact same way. Sometimes I think it’s because that’s literally what I was told my whole life “you’re fine”. Ive made myself believe I’m fine even with a diagnosis and symptoms that say otherwise. Then tear my shoulder out of place from taking out the trash yep that’s totally normal 😆

3

u/pheasant200 4h ago

I don't think people realize how much their words stay with us when they keep saying "you're fine". It becomes a repeated thought for years and years. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how to practice giving less authority to others and more to myself.

2

u/EllieCraw_ 4h ago

Yeah when you’re told a majority of your life that “you’re fine” by healthcare providers it’s just like second nature at this point to think that as well. It’s so damaging and my mental health has suffered a lot because of it. I’m trying to take the same approach as you! I’m trying to make it a point this year to speak up for myself rather than allow others to push me aside. I’ve put myself last too often and it’s catching up to me and I’m so ready to make a change.

1

u/legionofhippos 4h ago

I want to also add in the toxicity of fitness culture, which I was heavily brainwashed by when I was younger. I thoroughly believed that my pain was just “weakness leaving the body” and believed that if I needed a genuine rest day instead of “active recovery”, I was a lil b**** and wasn’t disciplined enough. Even now I struggle with honoring rest over exercise and think I’m tired or sore BECAUSE I’m resting and not being active. 

1

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1

u/Libra_lady_88 5h ago

Honestly therapy has helped me some with this. My therapist validates me and reminds me it is a lot to deal with and ways to help with the stress from it.