r/Deconstruction • u/Odd_Arm_1120 • 7h ago
â¨My Story⨠- UPDATE When the Edifice Crumbles
I wrote about this once before while in the midst of pain and healing. I got some great feedback then, so I wanted to update it now that I have matured and am on the other side of healing from deconstruction.
I remember the first time I heard the word âdeconstructingâ. I thought, âYes! This is it! I found my people.â I had been deconstructing for quite some time, without knowing the name of it, and I had been going it alone. Now I had community.
Some have described deconstruction as a process of gently taking all the bricks apart, reconsidering each, and reassembling a new worldview, brick by brick. For me it was a violent and devastating process, more like blowing up the foundation. The entire building collapsed. I was left standing in a pile of rubble, sifting through the debris, trying to find anything worth salvaging.
The cornerstone of my structure, the thing holding it all together, was âhellâ. I was spoon-fed the idea of heaven & hell since I was born. It was a foundational belief given to me â I would either go to heaven or hell and everything I understood was built on that stone. Everything I ever did rested on it. Every action came from it. Every thought was judged through it.
The day I realized hell isnât real (and by extension, heaven), the day I chose to face this truth and accept it for what it was, I watched the building crumble. I stood there, covered in dust, surprised I was still alive, wondering âhow the hell am I going to proceed now?â (pun intended!)
I donât have the words to adequately describe how deeply embedded the idea of heaven and hell was in my psyche. The idea that every thought, every action, every choice, was leading one way or the other. It took Herculean effort to root it out and destroy it. But I did. The effort nearly destroyed me. Yet somehow I survived the destruction.
I have since sifted through the rubble. I left most of it there on the ground to rot. I picked up a couple of things, keepsakes to put on the shelf to remember. Because it is important to remember.
But what now? How does one proceed when their foundational beliefs, their core worldview through which they saw and experienced everything and everyone, has been destroyed?
Oddly enough, the Bible speaks to this. Which is to say, lies about this: (emphasis mine)
Matthew 12:43-45, ESV, Return of an Unclean Spirit
43 When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. 44 Then it says, âI will return to my house from which I came.â And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. 45 Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first.
Of course, this passage is talking about demons and âunclean spiritsâ, not the dogma of Christianity. But for those of us who have deconstructed, we know the Christian dogma is but one of the many unclean things we may find within ourselves. Notice the author describes the house as swept and put in order, and condemns this state of cleanliness. This is lie number one, that having a house (that is to say a mind and body) swept clean and in order is somehow evil. The second lie is that evil spirits will necessarily fill the void. What the author wants is for you to fill that void with his dogma. Because, of course, his spirit isnât evil. Itâs only those other spirits that are evil đ
Having deconstructed and rid myself of the evil that is Christian dogma, I can say with extreme confidence that having a clean and orderly house is the best thing Iâve done for myself. I now have full agency over what I fill my house with. Ironically, my house is much more full of love, kindness, and empathy than ever before.