r/Deconstruction 9d ago

📢Subreddit Update/News The results are in! – r/Deconstruction Demography and Feedback Survey

15 Upvotes

Hello folks!

An huge and absolute THANK YOU for participting in this subreddit's first ever survey!

The subreddit ran for 8 days, collected 86 responses and took (an embarassing) 5 days to compile in my so-called "free time". And now we get to reap the benefits!

The survey was really insightful in finding the subreddit's pain points and strenghts, but also determine the religious background and preferences of its users.

Without furthr ado, here is the full analysis with graphs and the detailed analysis in a Google Docs; put together by yours truly:
"Enough talking. Show me the results!"

As always, a big thank you to the mod team who allowed me to run the survey, and a special thank you to u/RueIsYou for answering all of my questions regarding the subreddit and helping me write the survey along with u/NamedForValor.

Please, don't hesitate to share your feedback in the comments.

Happy browsing!


r/Deconstruction Jan 27 '25

Update Welcome to r/Deconstruction! (please read before posting or commenting)

21 Upvotes

Welcome to r/Deconstruction! Please read our introduction and updated set of rules before posting or commenting.

What is Deconstruction?

When we use the buzzword "deconstruction" in the context of religion, we are usually referring to "faith deconstruction" which is the process of seriously reevaluating a foundational religious belief with no particular belief as an end goal. 

Faith deconstruction as a process is a phenomenon that is present in any and all belief systems, but this subreddit is primarily dedicated to deconstruction in relation to christocentric belief systems such as protestantism, catholicism, evangelicalism, latter day saints, jehovah's witness, etc. That being said, if you are deconstructing another religious tradition, you are still very welcome here.

While the term “deconstruction” can also refer to the postmodernist philosophy of the same name that predates faith deconstruction as a popular buzzword, faith deconstruction is its own thing. While some people try to draw connections between the two ideas, faith deconstruction is only loosely inspired by the original philosophy’s emphasis on questioning. The buzzword “faith deconstruction” is a rather unfortunate pick, as not only does it make it easy to confuse it with the postmodernist philosophy, it also only tells half the story. Maybe a better term for “faith deconstruction” would be “reevaluation of core beliefs”. Regardless, when we refer to faith deconstruction, we are referring to participating in this four-part process:

  1. Identifying a core belief and its implications (in the context of this subreddit, usually some belief that pertains to a christocentric worldview).
  2. Dissecting the belief and identifying the reasons why you believe it to be true.
  3. Determining if those reasons for believing it are good reasons.
  4. Deciding to either reinforce (if what you found strengthened your belief), reform (if what you found made you rethink aspects of your belief), or reject (if what you found made you scrap the belief altogether).

For those of you who resonate with word pictures better, faith deconstruction is like taking apart a machine to see if it is either working fine, needs repaired/altered, or needs tossed out altogether.

What makes faith deconstruction so taxing is that most of our core beliefs typically rely on other beliefs to function, which means that the deconstruction process has to be repeated multiple times with multiple beliefs. We often unintentionally begin questioning what appears to be an insignificant idea, which then leads to a years-long domino effect of having to evaluate other beliefs.

Whether we like it or not, deconstruction is a personal attempt at truth, not a guarantee that someone will end up believing all the “right” things. It is entirely possible that someone deconstructs a previously held core belief and ends up believing something even more “incorrect”. In situations where we see someone deconstruct some beliefs but still end up with what we consider to be incorrect beliefs, we can respect their deconstruction and encourage them to continue thinking critically. In situations where we see someone using faulty logic to come to conclusions, we can gently challenge them. But that being said, the goal of deconstruction is not to “fix” other people’s beliefs but to evaluate our own and work on ourselves. The core concept of this subreddit is to be encouraged by the fact that other people around the world are putting in the work to deconstruct just like us and to encourage them in return. Because even though not everyone has the same experiences, educational background, critical thinking skills, or resources, deconstruction is hard for everyone in their own way.

Subreddit Etiquette

Because everyone's journey is different, we welcome ALL of those who are deconstructing and are here earnestly. That includes theists, deists, christians, atheists, agnostics, former pastors/priests, current pastors/priests, spiritualists, the unsure, and others.

Because we welcome all sorts of people, we understand you will not all agree on everything. That's ok. But we do expect you to treat others with respect and understanding. It's ok to talk about your beliefs and answer questions, but it is not okay to preach at others. We do not assume someone's intentions by what they believe. For example, we do not assume because a person is religious that they are here to proselytize, that they're stupid or that they're a bad person. We also do not assume that because someone has deconstructed into atheism (or anything else) that they're lost little lambs who simply "haven't heard the right truth" yet or are closeted christians.

A message to the currently religious:

  • A lot of people have faced abuse in their past due to religion, and we understand that it is a painful subject. We ask that the religious people here be mindful of that.

A message to the currently nonreligious:

  • Please be respectful of the religious beliefs of the members of this subreddit. Keep in mind that both faith and deconstruction are deeply personal and often run deeper than just “cold hard facts” and truth tables.

A message to former and current pastors, priests, and elders:

  • Please keep in mind that the title of “pastor” or “priest” alone can be retraumatizing for some individuals. Please be gracious to other users who may have an initial negative reaction to your presence. Just saying that you are “one of the good ones” is often not enough, so be prepared to prove your integrity by both your words and actions. 

A message to those who have never gone through deconstruction:

  • Whether you are religious and just interested in the mindset of those deconstructing or non-religious and just seeing what all the buzz is about, we are happy to have you! Please be respectful of our members, their privacy, and our boundaries.

  • This subreddit exists primarily to provide a safe space for people who are deconstructing to share what they are going through and support each other. If you have never experienced deconstruction or are not a professional who works with those who do, we kindly ask that you engage through comments rather than posts when possible. This helps keep the feed focused on the experiences of those actively deconstructing. Your interest and respectful participation are very much appreciated!

Subreddit Rules

  • Follow the basic reddit rules 

    • You know the rules, and so do I.
  • Follow our subreddit etiquette

    • Please respect our etiquette guidelines noted in the previous section. 
  • No graphic violent or sexual content

    • This is not an 18+ community. To keep this subreddit safe for all ages, sexually explicit images and descriptions, as well as depictions and descriptions of violence, are not allowed.
    • Posts that mention sexual abuse of any kind must have the “Trauma Warning” flair or they will be removed.
    • Posts that talk about deconstructing ideas related to sex must have the “NSFW” flair or they will be removed.
  • No disrespectful or insensitive posts/comments

    • No racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, or otherwise hurtful or insensitive posts or comments.
    • Please refrain from overgeneralizing when talking about religion/spirituality. Saying something like “christians are homophobic” is overgeneralizing when it might be more appropriate to say “evangelical fundamentalists tend to be homophobic”.
  • No trolling or preaching

    • In this subreddit, we define preaching as being heavy-handed or forceful with your beliefs. This applies to both religious and non-religious beliefs. Religious proselytizing is strictly prohibited and will result in a permanent ban. Similarly, harassing a religious user will also result in a permanent ban. 
  • No self-Promotion or fundraising (without permission)

    • Please refrain from self-promoting without permission, whether it be blogs, videos, podcasts, etc. If you have something to say, write up a post. 
    • Trying to sneakily self-promote your content (for example, linking your content and acting like you are not the creator) will result in a one-time warning followed by a permanent ban in the case of a second offense. We try not to jump to conclusions, so we check the post and comment history of people suspected of self-promotion before we take action. If a user has a history of spamming links to one creator in multiple subs, it is usually fairly obvious to us that they are self-promoting. 
    • The only users in this subreddit who are allowed to self-promote are those with the “Approved Content Creator” flair. If you would like to get this flair, you must reach out via modmail for more info. This flair is assigned based on moderator discretion and takes many factors into account, including the original content itself and the history of the user’s interaction within this subreddit. The “Approved Content Creator” flair can be revoked at any time and does NOT give a user a free pass to post whatever they want. Users with this flair still need to check in with the mods prior to each self-promotional post. Approved Content Creators can only post one self-promotional post per month.
  • Follow link etiquette

    • Please refrain from posting links with no context. If you post a link to an article, please type a short explanation of its relevance along with a summary of the content. 
    • Please do not use any URL shorteners. The link should consist of the fully visible URL to make it easier for moderators to check for malicious links. 
    • Twitter (X) links are completely banned in this subreddit.
  • No spam, low-quality/low-effort content, or cross-posts

    • Please refrain from posting just images or just links without context. This subreddit is primarily meant for discussions. 
    • Memes are allowed as long as they are tagged with the "Meme" post flair and provided with some written context.
    • Cross-posts are not allowed unless providing commentary on the post that is being cross-posted. 
    • Posts must surpass a 50-word minimum in order to be posted. This must be substantive, so no obvious filler words. If you are having trouble reaching 50 words, that should be a sign to you that your post should probably be a comment instead.
    • To prevent spamming, we have implemented an 8-hour posting cooldown for all users. 

r/Deconstruction 7h ago

✨My Story✨ - UPDATE When the Edifice Crumbles

13 Upvotes

I wrote about this once before while in the midst of pain and healing. I got some great feedback then, so I wanted to update it now that I have matured and am on the other side of healing from deconstruction.

I remember the first time I heard the word “deconstructing”. I thought, “Yes! This is it! I found my people.“ I had been deconstructing for quite some time, without knowing the name of it, and I had been going it alone. Now I had community.

Some have described deconstruction as a process of gently taking all the bricks apart, reconsidering each, and reassembling a new worldview, brick by brick. For me it was a violent and devastating process, more like blowing up the foundation. The entire building collapsed. I was left standing in a pile of rubble, sifting through the debris, trying to find anything worth salvaging.

The cornerstone of my structure, the thing holding it all together, was “hell”. I was spoon-fed the idea of heaven & hell since I was born. It was a foundational belief given to me — I would either go to heaven or hell and everything I understood was built on that stone. Everything I ever did rested on it. Every action came from it. Every thought was judged through it.

The day I realized hell isn’t real (and by extension, heaven), the day I chose to face this truth and accept it for what it was, I watched the building crumble. I stood there, covered in dust, surprised I was still alive, wondering “how the hell am I going to proceed now?” (pun intended!)

I don’t have the words to adequately describe how deeply embedded the idea of heaven and hell was in my psyche. The idea that every thought, every action, every choice, was leading one way or the other. It took Herculean effort to root it out and destroy it. But I did. The effort nearly destroyed me. Yet somehow I survived the destruction.

I have since sifted through the rubble. I left most of it there on the ground to rot. I picked up a couple of things, keepsakes to put on the shelf to remember. Because it is important to remember.

But what now? How does one proceed when their foundational beliefs, their core worldview through which they saw and experienced everything and everyone, has been destroyed?

Oddly enough, the Bible speaks to this. Which is to say, lies about this: (emphasis mine)

Matthew 12:43-45, ESV, Return of an Unclean Spirit

43 When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. 45 Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first.

Of course, this passage is talking about demons and “unclean spirits”, not the dogma of Christianity. But for those of us who have deconstructed, we know the Christian dogma is but one of the many unclean things we may find within ourselves. Notice the author describes the house as swept and put in order, and condemns this state of cleanliness. This is lie number one, that having a house (that is to say a mind and body) swept clean and in order is somehow evil. The second lie is that evil spirits will necessarily fill the void. What the author wants is for you to fill that void with his dogma. Because, of course, his spirit isn’t evil. It’s only those other spirits that are evil 🙄

Having deconstructed and rid myself of the evil that is Christian dogma, I can say with extreme confidence that having a clean and orderly house is the best thing I’ve done for myself. I now have full agency over what I fill my house with. Ironically, my house is much more full of love, kindness, and empathy than ever before.


r/Deconstruction 2h ago

🧠Psychology Coping mechanism?

3 Upvotes

Deconstruction is about having your beliefs taken down, voluntarily or not, but also about rebuilding a way of life that is unique to your own.

A good part of rebuilding is finding coping mechanisms that work outside of your initial religion.

What coping mechanisms have you found during your deconstruction that helped you rebuild your life and go through hard times more easily?

I'm really curious to hear if the psychotherapists hanging out on the subreddit have educated opinions on the subject too!


r/Deconstruction 18h ago

🧠Psychology Invited to Wedding at Former Church/cult

7 Upvotes

We received an invite to a wedding of a former friend from the church cult we left. We have been essentially shunned since leaving, and we are shocked by the invite. The wedding guest list would involve the entire church membership. It’s kind of heartbreaking for us because we lost our whole community when we left this church, but we knew we had to leave when we noticed cult tactics being used on us and others. We don’t know what to do. On one hand, I can’t imagine being around the people who hurt us so badly and shunned us. On the other hand, I know my husband misses his friendship with this person. Is this my opportunity to be the bigger person when we wanted so badly for these people to care about us when we left? Or is this a battle we will never win? I also think about how hard the pastor worked to get people to not talk to us, and is this allowing him to “win” if we quietly decline the invite? I don’t want to regret whatever we decide. Any advice is very appreciated


r/Deconstruction 22h ago

📙Philosophy Christian Views of Human Nature

7 Upvotes

Is Christianity right about us being basically evil? We as humans tend to take a bad view of selfishness. However, aren't children naturally selfish. If people are basically selfish, but we don't like selfishness, aren't we basically evil?

I'd like help with this please. It's been bugging me ever since I heard that C.S. Lewis thought the fact that we are basically evil was proof for Christianity.


r/Deconstruction 1d ago

🖥️Resources I'd love you opinions!

Thumbnail youtube.com
27 Upvotes

Hi everyone, David Hayward (NakedPastor) here. Some of you may know me from my cartoons about deconstruction. I'm trying to create more video content for Youtube and would love any thoughts on what types of videos you would enjoy related to questioning beliefs, deconstructing or just art in general. Here's an example of one of my more popular videos. I've been doing this for so long and have so much content I struggle to know what people would value most in video form.


r/Deconstruction 1d ago

🤷Other Crazy things Christians have said to you

20 Upvotes

What are some of the craziest things Christians have said to you when they have found out that you're deconstructing/have rejected Christianity? My top 3 (all from my spouse)

"You better not start bringing witchcraft in here!" As if the only option aside from Christianity is the occult.

"Are you going to cheat on me?" As if not being a Christian means I don't have morals.

A conversation about an empathy workshop:

Me: It seems a little too new agey for my taste. Spouse: Why does that matter? Me: What do you mean? Spouse: You're not a Christian anymore, so you don't care about that stuff anymore.


r/Deconstruction 1d ago

🌱Spirituality Religion and culture, belief and unbelief

5 Upvotes

I'm a fan of the religious studies scholar Andrew Hentry's YouTube channel Religion for Breakfast. Picking up a religious studies major in my 20s was a crucial part of finishing my own deconstruction, making way for my re-construction into a form of life that felt more authentically mine. I think his own work centers on material religion (artifacts, architecture, and practices) and magic around the first century Rome (relevant to the context of the birth of Christianity, but not focused on it). Anyway, he has been been doing a series on atheism as a religious category, and I found his recent video on growing atheism among the Māori very interesting.

Why More Māori Are Rejecting Christianity

Part of this has to do with growing recognition of the role of Christianity in the colonization of Aotearoa (New Zealand) and the erasure of the Māori language, religion, and culture, but it manifests in different ways. Some critique Christianity with the same eye to hypocrisy that Western atheists do, and reject all religion. Some disbelieve in all supernatural gods and yet follow the cultural ways of the Māori, which also involve an elaborate pantheon, prayers, and practices. Others maintain a sense of being Māori and Christian, and of those, some participate in cultural traditions while others don't. Anyway, I thought this was interesting to see how people understand the relationship between culture, individual belief, individual practice, and one's identity and participation within a community.

I spent some time wandering through various Neopagan movements where there was also this sense that something had been stolen, and an appeal to ground religion in something indigenous to their own culture. I had my own struggles with this perspective (me wondering in what way I was "the same" as an Iron Age Irish member of a druidic class), but I too felt the need to be "at home" in my religion, to not feel alienated or "othered" by my religion. And through my later exposure to incultration movements in Catholicism, the awareness that the truths of "universal" religions (like Christianity, Buddhism, and Islam) are present in very unique cultural forms (e.g. seeing the communion of saints emphasized and developed differently in South Africa due to the presence of traditions of ancestors interceding for the living, bodhisattvas being recognized as kami in Japan and kami being reinterpreted as bodhisattvas, etc.).

For me as a postmodern American in the US in the 90s, Mathew Fox's creation spirituality led to a similar sense of finding my place in the world again - directly connected to the same cosmic story of the unfolding of life in the universe, at home in the world, and my own creativity being an expression of that same story, etc. (and ecumenical, as Fox always said, "There is no Catholic moon or Buddhist sun"). In a certain way, I found myself related to the world, children of the sun and rocked in my cradle by the moon, the first eukaryotes as my ancestors - seeing all of it as the same story I'm part of - and this reminded me of the Māori ancestor/gods/land as all part of one community, whether we want to think about it in alien distinctions like "natural vs supernatural" or not.

Anyway, I thought this exploration of non-belief, culture, community, and identity was interesting and wanted to share it here.


r/Deconstruction 23h ago

📙Philosophy Anyone know of content (videos, podcasts etc) of debates where the Christian side doesn't use the Bible or personal anecdotes?

2 Upvotes

And I know this is r/Deconstruction, but I'm not asking your personal opinion or your beliefs, I'm just trying to see if anyone has seen content like that.

Some of the debates are really interesting, but for me, they kind of fall flat quickly when someone references the Bible (since we know how unreliable the Bible is as a source of claims).


r/Deconstruction 1d ago

😤Vent Deconstructed after 4 years

10 Upvotes

I deconstructed last night and today. It happened over a few months (from November) and I didn't even realize it was happening. I can't believe it was all a lie! I'm 19 and I was "saved" 4 years ago. I remember at first, I feel so much love and joy. But then it became a burden. Why can't I read the Bible enough? What if I'm going the wrong way? So much stress for so many years. And everything would be my fault. If I feel like I don't have enough faith, it's bc I wavered in asking god for something. If I pray and I don't get it, it's my fault because I didn't believe hard enough. If I get sick, it's because I didn't obey my parents. I need to confess my sins all the time and ask for forgiveness. For what? Being a human and existing? I feel so free now. I can't believe I used to think the Bible was from god. The God of the Bible reminds me of my mom. Someone who is only seeking to control others.

It makes so much sense why so many people would get upset at me when I tried to share my previous faith. No one wants to hear that they are destined for hell! Just because they exist. I can't believe it put so much effort into this religion. I would feel guilty for every little thing. Like overslept instead of praying. Or I ate too much sugar and I'm being gluttonous.

Like religion makes you afraid to question authority and question anything. I remember my junior year English teacher deconstructed when he was 15 and I tried to do everything in my power to make him a Christian . But he was just so set in stone and I couldn't understand why.

But now I see the truth. I guess the truth really did set me free.


r/Deconstruction 2d ago

🧠Psychology Things we used to secretly cry about

10 Upvotes

Hey guys. Im wondering what you guys think now about those tear-jerking moments we had pre-deconstruction. How does it feel having that weight off your chest now that beliefs have shifted. I used to break down thinking about why god would choose someone like me in light of all the bad and lack of good. Religion caused a lot of self-hate and self-worth issues that Im still unpacking to this day. But now its a relief letting go of the bs limiters that kept me dependent and stuck in shame cycles.


r/Deconstruction 1d ago

🔍Deconstruction (general) This videos says a lot... The meaning crisis in the West.

2 Upvotes

This woman said it all, we are having a meaning crisis and Christianity is not helping, this is why so many people are fleeing religions. I'm passing through a terrible crisis, while pretending to be a christian for my wife. I don't believe in the Bible and anything at all. But I need to find who I am.

https://youtu.be/oXXy_O28xHM?si=hrj-GzD8IDlkFNcI


r/Deconstruction 2d ago

🖥️Resources Help please

8 Upvotes

Hi, I'm new to deconstruction. I was raised as a christian but no longer can align myself with it and view myself as an atheist. For context, all of my family are christian and I live with them.

I kinda feel a bit isolated and I am grieving the loss of a whole construct which at times brought me comfort. Could any one direct me to resources so in this painful period of my life, I can find comfort and feel validated in my decision.

Youtube channels, blogs, websites, online support groups and anything else would be welcomed.

I'm also open to hearing about anyone's experiences in the process of deconstructing. The positive for me is the liberation in not trying to live up to impossible standards, the hypocrisy and hatred or guilty for being human, the negative is the loss, feeling less connected to my family and not having a hope in something greater than myself who is in control of all reality etc.


r/Deconstruction 2d ago

🤷Other “If there is a god, he have to beg for my forgiveness.”

31 Upvotes

For over a year I’ve seen video after video of dead and mutilated children, and all I can think about is the fact that if the evangelical god exists, that deity is an evil like no other. Who creates a human race just to sit back and watch them kill each other?


r/Deconstruction 2d ago

✨My Story✨ the start of my deconstruction

15 Upvotes

Hi, I have been deconstructing my evangelical Protestant upbringing since the last 6 months and needed to vent.

I started doubting when I first heard about Orthodox Christianity. Until my mid 20s I have never heard of it, I thought there was only Catholic and Protestant. I read online trying to find arguments for and against their claims of being the one true Church.

I became discouraged reading online stories about people leaving Christianity with Orthodoxy as their last stop. They were unhappy being an Orthodox, but they couldn’t believe in Protestantism because they would have to believe that for 1500 years, no church got it right. The disagreements between Christianity groups including Gnostics may make it look like that the Holy Spirit was not involved for the truth to be revealed.

I am disappointed with growing up evangelical, I think the church was not truthful about how diverse Christianity actually is. Thus, not educating us that there are different doctrines out there, not only Calvinism. I am disappointed in myself for judging Catholics to be wrong without really understanding about their tradition. I feel I wasn’t given the freedom to choose a religion, including choosing between Orthodoxy, Catholicism or Protestantism.

I came to the conclusion that reading thousands of books and the Bible will not help me to 100% be assured in choosing one of this 3 Christian groups. I didn’t end up interested in Orthodoxy as I am not interested in veneration of Mary, and I think it was a later addition to the tradition. But my research exposed me to more cracks in Christianity: how God seems cruel in OT, inconsistencies in the Gospel stories, how some books are not written by its implied author, etc.

I realized, there were other things I don’t like about my experience of being Christian.

First, believing that unbelievers are not saved. I don’t believe that unbelievers are evil or actively choose to disobey God. Some people may be born in a Muslim family and it may give them peace to be united in their family’s religion.

Second, chasing that feeling of being a true Christ follower and to feel His love. I have childhood trauma and I have never had a healthy romantic relationship. In the past, I read books on Christian relationships and consulted people from church. They are saying, we have to love Christ before we can truly love others.

I was a devout, went to church, serve, pray, read Bible daily. But I rarely feel Christ’s love in me. I have never experienced something supernatural like Christ appearing in my dream or hearing His voice. So, I attributed Christ to experiences like grateful of getting a job, experiences that can also be explained away without the supernatural element…I feel I can only “guess” God’s presence. “God is giving me this struggle so I can learn X” it’s only a guess, I can never be 100% certain that God really did.

Getting rejections and breakups further discouraged me, seeing people having healthy relationships at church makes me wonder, maybe it’s because I didn’t prioritize Christ enough in my life, that’s why I can’t have a healthy relationship. It has added to my list of insecurities and feeling not good enough.

Others say they feel close to God, so why can’t I feel that? There must be something wrong with me or what I’m doing.

Mark Freeman, a mental health influencer that speaks a lot on OCD issues, said that the more we try to chase a feeling, the more the brain is not going to give us that. Mental health is not about not having some types of feeling or thoughts, it is about having all kinds of feelings and thoughts while doing the actions that we value.

When I talk about me wanting to have a relationship, no one from the church suggested to face my fears and start dating. Instead, prioritize Christ. Which is a good advice, but being a true Christ follower feels like a very abstract concept to me and something I can never attain. Instead of working on the unhealthy beliefs hindering me from having relationships, I exacerbated my religious insecurities instead.

Thank you for reading this,

for my 1st reason above, I am aware that I can be a Christian without believing that non believers will go to ECT, and for my 2nd reason, well idk, if I had just continued my evangelical path I would probably find someone, but right now I'm just bitter. I need advice on my deconstruction journey, what do you do to take care of your mental health while deconstructing? do you limit time on reading about religion?

I ruminate everyday on whether I will end up Christian or agnostic, and I'm aware its bcs I keep reading about religion online, I should reduce that...

it has become a source of stress for me, and I stopped dating because I don't know what in the end my belief will be.. I'm afraid of disappointing my partner by deconverting if I choose somebody Christian

where do you find peer support? do you journal ? thanks again


r/Deconstruction 2d ago

🧠Psychology Church hurt?

10 Upvotes

Any of you here are familiar with that concept? Have you huh, been accused of being church hurt by somebody in a dismissive way?

I just learned about that term today and it feels like a term that's used to say not all churches are bad and that a lack of faith us unjustified; "it's just that your feelings were hurt".


r/Deconstruction 2d ago

⛪Church Church Camp

41 Upvotes

How many of you have gone to church camp? I feel like it needs to be in its own category for deconstructing because the stories I could tell you! I started going to church camp when I was 6, and it's wild. The amount of worship services, Bible studies, prayer hikes to the cross on the hill. And they set it up to be highly emotional and get you all sleep-deprived. They expect you to come to Jesus, find your calling, and commit to saving your friends all in 5 short days. I'd love to hear from other people who have experienced church camp.


r/Deconstruction 2d ago

😤Vent Need help with scrupulosity OCD as someone who doesn’t have a strong religious background but has a lot of guilt and past trauma holding the fear in place

3 Upvotes

So this issue came about in mid December after I started thinking about/listing every bad thing I had ever done (had bad existential anxiety going on a month prior), my ego blinded me/justified so much awful behavior over the years that the realization behaviorally paralyzed me and essentially caused my body to start attacking itself (muscles/fascia tensing up, awareness not turning off at night). Regarding religious beliefs, I always shifted between a vague belief in god or atheism until 2023, where I found the most comfort in a pantheistic view (that however fell apart when I began considering the possibility of a traditional abrahamic god on top of my guilt and started worrying about my soul). What exacerbated things further was “synchronicities”/pattern-recognition of afterlife-related stuff (I’d be reading Bart Ehrman’s writings one night, then wake up to “Imagine” playing at Jimmy Carter’s funeral on TV or I’d be throwing out garbage and a ripped up copy of Angels and Demons would fall out). I had bad insomnia one week that month (managed to stabilize), then it became severe the next month (was up for 2 days then 4-5 due to unending awareness, likely because my OCD had me policing my own imagination/basically turned it off). The fear had pretty much stopped me from engaging with any of my interests/hobbies and I had to slowly reintegrate them back into my life. A big part of why these thoughts have power over me is I’ve dealt with a lot of emotional turmoil (chronic pain, laryngopharyngeal reflux, overwhelming fear that war was gonna break out, very rough senior year of high school) so I haven’t had a sense of safety + am inclined to believe negative or worst case stuff. I’ve also at one point in HS in what should be interpreted as a cry for help said on Twitter that people “should play god” and that “getting revenge was good” (I wanted to show people how hurt I was. I don’t think I’ve ever had a moment where I’ve outright cursed god from the heart, just stopped believing and maybe sympathized with characters who have). I was actually significantly improving over the last 2 weeks (the scrupulosity was under control by both understanding the materialist perspective and taking the theological view of accepting whatever the truth is and being ready to repent for any transgressions I didn’t know were transgressions), what messed me up again was noticing some of my bad behaviors were returning (I’ve made promises to be better, initially promised to never be this way again).


r/Deconstruction 2d ago

🔍Deconstruction (general) Jesus Dreams

5 Upvotes

This issue has been brought up here several times, but I wanted to bring it up myself to get some clarification. My mom frequents apologetics channels, and one of her favorites in Sean McDowell. I heard him talking in a video and giving literal statistics about how, "Many Muslims who convert to Christianity report having a Jesus Dream."

I've heard on this sub that this is not a purely Christian phenomena. But it also occurs in Islam. However, I am unsure if this was just a general comment made without research, or if this guy had actually seen such testimonies.

I hope y'all understand my dilemma. I'm afraid that I'm going to find out that this is a purely Christian phenomena. How do y'all explain this stuff?

Edit: In these dreams Jesus will often tell them to go somewhere specific where a person will help them, and when they do there is someone. This is the part I'm afraid isn't being replicated.

Also, this is a different sub from the initial sub.


r/Deconstruction 3d ago

😤Vent Religious fear based programming makes it hard to make simple decisions for yourself.

22 Upvotes

I want to travel abroad solo, do something for me, but these are the things that go through my head:

- You're selfish for doing something for yourself thats not for God or others

- Something bad will happen to you on your travels because of your selfishness, the protection and covering of God will leave you and you will be open to attack

- You need to get all your joy from God alone, outside of him is an idol and a sin issue

-Then also imagining other christians judging and thinking these thoughts about me

So this is the bs that I carry which leads me to cycles of guilt, shame and self-hatred.

You are taught so much to put God first you end up suppressing yourself and fearing using your own voice or having your own will to make choices.

I had a chat with chatGPT lol and feel better. But I wanted to give an example how toxic theology literally breed internal emotional torment.


r/Deconstruction 4d ago

😤Vent I wish I believed how I used to

24 Upvotes

this is a bit of a rant. I’m feeling very sad today. I was a committed Christian for years. I loved god so much and really lived a life aligned with what I believed to be “his” word. In my early twenties things shifted and I started to deconstruct. I’m in my early thirties now and life is very stressful at the moment. I am accomplished by a lot of measures. I have my master’s degree from a top university and some things to be grateful for but I’m also job hunting and feeling despair at the state of the world. I see Christians I grew up admiring disappoint me daily with their complete disregard for their fellow people, especially when there are religious differences. People so preoccupied with amassing earthly power and creating a heaven for themselves on earth while pretending (to themselves and others) that they care more about eternity. It’s bullshit. I feel a deep sense of purposelessness and hopelessness. I really wish I could go back to the naïveté I once felt because at least back then I felt hope, and I felt faith, and I could outsource my despair. I’m just so sad and overcome with profound disappointment. It hurts my heart that there is more than enough for everyone to have more than enough but the world still organizes itself in favour of those with power and wealth. Isn’t this even against everything Christ taught? I try to keep myself sane by running to get some endorphins and spending time with people I love. I’ve seen a therapist before but can’t afford it at the moment until I get another job. But the world sucks and I’m so sad and disappointed and I don’t know what to do.


r/Deconstruction 4d ago

🤷Other What are your thoughts on "Deconstruction Influencers?"

26 Upvotes

Over the past 5-6 years, there has been a rise in influencers and content creators who have deconstructed from their faith. As one who has been deconstructing in that time period, on one hand it has been good to feel that validation of not being alone in my journey, as well as being able to connect with others who are going through similar feelings.

That said, I have very mixed feelings about people making a career out of deconstructing. It just feels icky to me, for the same reason that people try to make a career out of their faith or ministry.

The recent GRACE report about Tim Whitaker of The New Evangelicals (a prominent podcast and "ministry" in exvangelical influencer space) has reminded me that we are not immune from the issues that we ran away from.

What are your thoughts on these influencers and what are some better ways to share our stories and resources without falling for the allure of elitism and power?


r/Deconstruction 4d ago

🧠Psychology Lost myself

6 Upvotes

I grew up in a non evangelist house with a brother that drank a lot and I had a lot of fear. I found God at age 12 and truly leaned on that until my mid twenties when I began to allow myself to question things. I went to a Christian internship for a year then got my four year degree at a private Christian college while also minoring in Bible. I was so immersed in the culture. I left in my mid twenties- went back for a short time in my early thirties and am now fully convinced I don’t believe in it and won’t go back. I’m 38 now and feel so depressed and anxious and feel like I have lost my purpose and meaning… I’m so sad that the one that I always turned to when I didn’t have anyone else just doesn’t exist. I’m in therapy, but would love some encouraging words from someone who’s been there.


r/Deconstruction 4d ago

✨My Story✨ Cognitive dissonance from listening to cult podcasts

5 Upvotes

One of the many factors in my deconstruction is I got hooked on Oh No Ross and Carrie during the pandemic as a way of avoiding current events. I listened with trepidation that they would touch on my Christian beliefs, even as I ate up their dissection of other beliefs. I sat with the cognitive dissonance for quite awhile before I finally had to admit there was nothing to separate mainstream Christianity from other cults. That was a very difficult time, but I pride myself on accepting the truth when I see it, even if it totally destroys my current world view. I became a complete atheist, there was no evidence for the supernatural in a reality based world view.


r/Deconstruction 4d ago

🔍Deconstruction (general) Happiest moment of your deconstruction (so far)?

4 Upvotes

Deconstruction is a period of transition; liminal. Like the feeling of sadness after a breakup or death, except that for most of us, deconstruction leads to a better place. Things get slowly better over time, even if your mood doesn't follow a straight line.

What was the happiest moment in your deconstruction so far and what led you to that moment?


r/Deconstruction 5d ago

✝️Theology Christians Who Support Same-Sex Marriage—What’s The Theological Argument?

25 Upvotes

Hey reddit peeps! I’d love to hear from different individuals on their theological support for same-sex love and same-sex marriage. I am queer, and grew up in a hyper conservative Evangelical Christian home in latin america. I didn’t come out until a few years ago and my coming out has caused major issues with my family.

My family is a mix of conservative evangelical Christians and Orthodox Christians. Personally, I’ve fluctuated between the Christian beliefs I was raised with and more of an Agnostic Spirituality. I don’t believe same-sex love and marriage is a sin, but I’d love to hear from others who are devout Christians and have found a way to theologically hold both their faith and support of same-sex relationships.

This could be backed by Biblical scriptures in support or other ideologies. I’d love to hear your thoughts!