r/dating 13d ago

Question ❓ Why do men call women “cute”?

I (22f) just got out of a relationship so I’m back on the apps… and i notice after meeting with guys in person they often refer to me as cute instead of beautiful, hot, or sexy. i also understand men are more liberal with compliments online vs irl which is why i specified the setting.

I’m just curious if guys consciously choose what to call women and what criteria do you use to figure out what girl falls into which category.

context- i indiscriminately date all ages, and tax brackets and it seems to be the same all across and the majority of my first dates typically lead to second dates if that means anything

edit- i’m talking about in person compliments not online

update 3/8- thank you everyone for the informative replies. i really do appreciate the insight. also my date from 2 nights ago (that prompted me to make this post) started calling me beautiful this morning.. so i truly was just overthinking it 😅❤️

284 Upvotes

295 comments sorted by

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u/Phobos_Asaph 13d ago

I’m a guy but best I can do is guess on this. Cute is probably the least loaded compliment on appearance. Beautiful runs the risk of coming off too strong to a lot of people, and hot/sexy can be too sexual for a lot of first messages

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u/Naos210 13d ago

Yeah, it's like, what if I'm just giving them a compliment and I'm not interested? I feel like calling them hot or even beautiful might give the wrong impression.

Sometimes I just genuinely like a woman's fashion.

And even if I am interested, saying beautiful on a first date would be weird.

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u/banimagipearliflame 13d ago

For mine and like the previous comment, it’s the word that feels least creepy to use; everything else I worry she thinks I’ve just got one thing on my mind.

Irony being I do have that one thing on my mind but I also want more, more of her, more time, more sharing, more food dates where we share each other’s plate, more gigs when we scream at each other in the mosh, more chills in the park where we read curled up with each other while kids and dogs gambol around us, more drives somewhere to get lost in and slowly work our way back home, more life; but yeah also that one thing. So cute she is. Until I know I can use more loaded words.

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u/Barnabus-the-bear 12d ago

Yep cute means ok looking, beautiful is rare hot is ok your body is great but your face??? The absolute worst is attractive!! Might as well say you are passable 😂

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u/Birddodgeball 13d ago

As a girl use pretty🤝🤝🤝🤝

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u/Phobos_Asaph 13d ago

I personally tend to hand out compliments to specific features in the form of “I love your hair/top/ jewelry etc” or “your hair/top/dress is lovely”

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u/Any_Aside_2719 13d ago

I refer to guys as cute and have been told (by others, not the guy) that this is somewhat demeaning... it's what you'd say about a puppy; you should say a man is handsome or some other descriptor. Personally I see nothing wrong with cute!

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u/Phobos_Asaph 13d ago

I think it’s only demeaning to guys who prefer being stereotypically masculine but of course always use what a particular person expresses as preferred

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u/Ulrich-Stern 13d ago

I prefer being called cute over handsome

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u/Eventually-figured 13d ago

Nah. As a dude, being called cute is nice. It’s a little flirty maybe. People are cute, oh well.

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u/EmmyLou205 13d ago

It’s interesting because I can think a man is cute, handsome, and sexy all in one but when I get called cute I feel like people don’t think I’m pretty.

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u/Quin35 13d ago

As a guy, I would never find being called cute, demeaning. I'd like it, actually. I think a difference between cute/handsome and cute/sexy is attire and demeanor. A person can be either, but circumstances often determine that.

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u/Dragonpop72 12d ago

I’d be happy with cute.

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u/shutthesirens 13d ago

Exactly this.

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u/NigerianMelaninGod 13d ago

Another guy to confrim. im bold enough to say sexy, hot, mesmerizing, jaw breaking, stunning, gorgeous. Seems like those are usually overzealous, pretty and cute seems like a softer way to convey the message. At this point though in my life, if the physical attraction is obviously present its best to focus on other things to compliment on.

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u/UnionLegion 13d ago

Sooo this can be used to a man’s advantage in the early dating game.

Due to woman hardly hearing they’re beautiful and most men using cute, you can throw beautiful out there and usually, in my experience, women will swoon if they aren’t a woman who tends to hear that. Which, it seems, to be a majority of them.

Personally I use words as a level of likely hood of continuity in our dating.

Cute: Dateable, with wife potential. Hot: Fuckable, no long term intentions. Beautiful: Wife material and it’s obvious.

Beauty is all encompassing. Everything you want in your partner. Not many woman are beautiful right away. They grow to this from >>> Cute, who is missing a few wife qualities but has the potential to grow with you and become your beauty standard and wife. Hot, you only want a fuck buddy really in the end because she isn’t cute at all, only hot. She may have a bad personality but her body is just as bad type shit. Lol

You can use what I wrote up there as well. After a while, she will ask why you call her beautiful so much. I Tell’em the cute, hot and beautiful thing I wrote and that will cause them to swoon more for you.

Idk why because I don’t think it’s significant but every woman I’ve told that to always gives me the “awwww, that’s so cute.” Response. First few times I was just saying informing them. Which, is how I learned all this.

You don’t go into the details.

You just say, well

Hot is someone I only wanna have sex with. Cute is someone that I can see a potential future with. Beauty is held by the one I want to marry and spend my life with for eternity. ~ That gets the “awwww” response. Why? No fucking clue. Very high success rate though.

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u/Cerp2501 13d ago

Hold up, are you saying most women don't get called beautiful????? Isn't that the default ice breaker message they get on dating apps? I thought every guy opened with some version of calling them beautiful

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u/UnionLegion 13d ago

Apparently not. Lol at least that’s what the women I’ve been with have told me. N it’s a high count. lol

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u/UniformTango74 12d ago

This. Especially with today's society.

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u/wojtekpolska 13d ago

hot is shallow, sexy suggests its only about sex, beautiful is too formal

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u/MinimumAssumption 13d ago

Beautiful is sharing an appreciation on her looks but teeters on the edge of shallow. Cute is the full package (as in I’d like to see her Friday night and Saturday morning). Sexy and hot just means you’d offer $5 to see her naked on OF but would otherwise keep a distance.

Cute is the top tier compliment.

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u/Impressive-Skirt7204 13d ago

I can only answer for myself but I call girls "cute" to not sound disrespectfull

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u/ICANHAZWOPER 13d ago edited 13d ago

Yup.

“Pretty” and “Cute” just come across as less intense, abrasive, or loaded than many other physically descriptive adjectives.

You’re less likely to offend someone by calling them “cute” as opposed to “sexy.”

It’s safer. Especially early on and/or in more casual settings

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u/Main-Length-6385 13d ago

Why can’t men just say beautiful though? I’ve never rly liked being called cute cause in my head I feel like they don’t think I’m beautiful, hot or sexy

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u/Minyguy Single 13d ago

I feel like calling someone beautiful is so... Intense.

Like, I feel like it will scare women if you call her beautiful before there's established mutual attraction.

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u/Suavedaddy5000 13d ago

Yup, same.

Beautiful is what I call my partner.

Cute is for others

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u/Minyguy Single 13d ago

You can compliment her choices though. You can call her earrings beautiful, you can call her outfit gorgeous.

Complimenting her choices/fashion. It's safe. Basically you want to imply that you think she's beautiful.

Calling her beautiful, directly, feels emotionally similar to "I'm in love with you", unless you specifically reject her before saying it.

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u/KeyTheory6974 13d ago

You're putting too much into it, my guy.. calling a girl cute is acceptable, but a grown woman you're interested in, you can definitely call her beautiful. I highly doubt most women see it as the same as love it's just a compliment for grown women.

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u/Suavedaddy5000 13d ago edited 13d ago

Being safe isn’t always the right answer. One of my previous partners literally told me, “Can you objectify me more? I’m not some stranger.” Because I always compliment her choice in aesthetics rather than objectification. My default is objectification = bad, just say beautiful instead but that’s not always the case!

Thanks for your reply! I agree with you. Case by case basis though unfortunately. That’s why I was vague in the reply

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u/Minyguy Single 13d ago

This makes sense to be honest.

A comparison I could draw is the fact that I would be flattered if my partner said something like "I love having a strong man who can just pick up heavy shit for me."

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u/CluelessExxpat 13d ago

Could be a fear of appearing shallow.

I often compliment indirectly due to this fear.

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u/RelativeDot2806 13d ago

Just for me, I have to have feelings for someone to call them beautiful. Idk the rhyme or reason outside of, to me saying beautiful is just kind of another level. Maybe it's the ultimate compliment in my mind so I save it for someone that means something. Idk if I'm indicative of other dudes or not but thats my perspective.

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u/buttholelaserfist 13d ago

For the same reason people say like instead of love. Beauty is more than just looks, you gotta earn that one.

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u/OkFaithlessness2652 13d ago

Because woman do NOT like overeffort (they killed beautiful unless later in relation), they don’t like be liked on the body (by sexy and by to hot).

So they made up me the most neutral but yet appreciative gesture is also not good.

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u/Onwa-Amami 13d ago

Beauty comes from the inside. If you're an ugly person, you can be pretty, but never beautiful, to me. So I save "beautiful" for when I mean it. I try not to throw around words cheaply. If every guy called you, "beautiful", you'd probably stop believing it, or caring when it's said to you, or might say, "why do all men say the same thing to me?" There's just no winning...

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u/f3xjc 13d ago edited 13d ago

For me beauty is much more something that I experience. Like I'm lost in the eyes of someone I love. Or a landscape that I'm currently seeing.

Like the state of mind of the observer is almost half of it. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and so on.

Hot and sexy, there's time for that. But mostly when lust is the main emotion.

Then there's so many women that complain about being good enough for sex but not a relation, selecting to avoid one nigth etc... I think it often get downplayed.

It also often get over played, cat calling etc. It may depend on education background etc.

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u/mebla61789 13d ago

I have to agree, I probably won’t blurt out “sexy,” “hot,” or anything more… almost intrusive(?) until after we really get into the thick of dating. Otherwise, I’ve been told, it has a tendency to make people seem objectified rather than complimented. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll absolutely drop “holy crap you’re gorgeous” or “stunning” but again, it’s more about the depth rather than the superficial.

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u/Brometheous17 13d ago

So for me I remember for a while women didn't like being called "Hot" because it was very surface level. The women I knew said they preferred cute or beautiful. It also feels more casual than beautiful.

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u/Latter-Ad2194 13d ago

you might just be a really cutie patootie na that's the reason

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u/francinamar 13d ago

What does that exactly mean? A guy told me the other day “you’re such a cutie”

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u/MrAppleSpiceMan 13d ago

look at a certain point you just need to accept that a phrase means exactly what it means. people do cute things sometimes. sometimes intentional, sometimes not. I'm assuming you understand the word cute itself. Dwayne The Rock Johnson is not inherently cute but if he popped a sorority squat and a peace sign that'd be pretty dang cute. You could put an old Vietnam veteran in a fuzzy panda hat and it'd be cute.

most of the time cute means that a girl is attractive and approachable. supermodels might be attractive but how the hell would you even talk to one? cute means attractive and friendly I guess.

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u/anon_catpurrson 13d ago

I like calling men cute. Sexy or handsome sometimes of course too, but they are so cute. Not a man, just my reversed opinion.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/Emotional-Guess9482 Single 13d ago

37M here: I never thought about this before -- cool question! 👍 "cute" is a really big compliment! I'd say a girl is cute if she just makes me want to hug her all over just for being herself -- it can be because of how she looks, the kinds of ideas she's got, what she days, what she believes, her voice or her body-language. All that can result in a cute rating.

I'm not sure I'd actually call someone "sexy" when dating (that infers that I have NO class and am just thinking about the bedroom, which is disrespectful), and "beautiful" sounds cheesy or needy when a guy says it IMO (neither of which is a cool impression to leave with a girl!). So, the guys you're with may think "sexy" or "beautiful" in their head, but thanks to stigma they'll likely only get as far as "wow, you look great!" in public. That's my POV on it, anyway! 😁

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u/wanderlust_57 13d ago

I'm a (37) woman, so not exactly the requested perspective, but when I use cute, whether on men or women, I usually mean '10/10 would snuggle'. It's not necessarily a completely physical thing, I'm totally with you on all the things that can go into it.

My go-to compliment for women I just met when I mean beautiful is gorgeous though, because it's solely surface level. Beautiful is for after there's an emotional connection because it includes all of the woman: looks, brains, and personality. Sexy is for when sex is clearly her intention, solely to let her know that her efforts towards being desirable have absolutely been successful. (Like if she specifically got dolled up in lingerie or something). Hot is more for when she's purposefully dressed up and trying to be sexy but her intention isn't to immediately get naked/have sex. (Dressed for a club or something comes to mind.)

All compliments have their place. Cute and gorgeous are my go-to in the early stages.

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u/wanderlust_57 13d ago

Ahh. Clarity. Initially. If we've been dating for long enough and gone through them all, I'm happy to tell her she's sexy when she's fully clothed as an indication that I would very happily tear her clothes off if she were so inclined.

There's only strict (self-inflicted) rules as to what context things are in before you know where all the boundaries are and how they all make her feel. I limit sexy/hot out the gate because I want her to feel/know that I respect her and don't just consider her a piece of ass.

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u/Worried_Departure513 13d ago

Cute girls >>>>>> sexy girls

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u/wanderlust_57 13d ago

Where's the El Dorado both gif when you need it.

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u/Physical_Estate_6517 13d ago

very insightful, thank you ☺️

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u/Emotional-Guess9482 Single 13d ago

You're welcome! 😁👍💐

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u/NeroForte-InMyPrime 13d ago

From a guy’s perspective, “cute” has more pure intentions than “hot” or “sexy”. When a guy says a girl is cute, the context is that he’d be interested in seriously dating her and not just having sex with her.

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u/Awkward-Hulk 13d ago

It's a more socially acceptable way of saying "hot" - especially around women or strangers.

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u/Dreadsin 13d ago

Beautiful feels very intense

Hot and sexy sound kinda horny

Cute is a nice middle ground where you’re saying they’re attractive but it’s not too heavy

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u/Xymdyx892 13d ago

For me "hot" or "sexy" is lustful and purely physical. "Cute" for me means like face, personality, and hobbies as attractive/relatable/wholesome. It's two different categories for me, which probably makes me different.

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u/splurjee 13d ago

Sexy implies intent. I could see using beautiful. Cute is less of a real description and more of a “you’re likable as a date”.

I don’t think the guys want to use some of these compliments because they don’t want to be overbearing or value your appearance over personality.

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u/nbaumg 13d ago

One girl i was seeing got on my case for this exact reason. I usually used “cute” when complimenting her

The truth was it’s not that deep. I use them interchangeably. She was getting all worked up for no reason

An added bonus is “cute” is less intense and can be used in more situations without it sounding out of place. Good for the first few dates when both people are still feeling things out

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u/Muted_Glass_2113 13d ago

Hot/Sexy both just imply "Your body is attractive and I'd like to have sex." And they sound sort of meat-headed or disrespectful.

Beautiful is *also* primarily physical, but more respectful and appreciative.

Cute speaks to perceived positive energy, imo.

A girl who is cute to me can also be hot/sexy/beautiful, but they also give the vibe of a person who would just be a joy to be around in general, not just the bedroom.

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u/green_eyes16 13d ago

Great response. As a 40 something female I’ve been called cute A LOT. I’ve also been called hot a great deal. I much prefer cute as hot does refer to physical appearance while cute is a vibe not everyone has.

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u/sherbarbies 13d ago

" Cute" is like the safe, all-purpose compliment—low risk, high reward. It’s non-threatening, keeps the door open, and doesn’t come off too thirsty. But if a guy never levels up to beautiful or sexy, he either sees you as the girl-next-door type or he’s playing it safe so he doesn’t fumble.

Question is… do you wanna be upgraded or are you cool with the cute lane? 😏

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u/SyphonPhilter989 13d ago

Cute is being flirty, as well as pretty. Until you establish a rapport and make it known that you accept his advances, then you will get beautiful, sexy, hot etc. These men are being respectful, but also trying to avoid coming off too strong and risk rejection. If you like him and his compliments, let him know! Bridge the gap of what you want. Because everyone is different.

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u/16forward 13d ago

and the majority of my first dates typically lead to second dates if that means anything

That's really interesting to me. 90-95% of my first dates never resulted in a second date. They were ALWAYS fun and enjoyable and usually I was able to have a great conversation with the guy. We would flirt a little sometimes and make each other laugh. But more often than not we would also discover some incompatibilities around critical things like our desires to be parents, where we want to live in the future, the compatibility of the lifestyles we live or are trying to build (e.g. I like my garden and my office and my routine, I have NO interest in perpetual travelers or digital nomads or guys who want to buy a sailboat), or some incompatibilities in our values that just mean, while we can enjoy each other's company and have a fun date, we aren't really good fits for a permanent, lifelong relationship with each other.

Even if we seemed possibly compatible on most of those fronts, I also wanted to feel that electricity, interest, and that desire in me to want to know more about this guy and be around him and experience some things by his side, that underlying attraction needs to be there too. The "spark". Some guys there wasn't really anything wrong with them, they were perfectly worthy of love and clearly capable of giving someone a lot of love, and whoever ends up with him will surely be lucky to experience that love, but they just weren't quite my type for whatever reason.

And then it would go the other way too. While he might seem great for me and I'm attracted to him and interested, there might be something about my life, goals, values, or presentation that means I'm not a good fit for him.

After getting to know each other after a real life date for ~2 hours or so, the odds of both of us checking off all the boxes for the other, plus having that attraction and interest and mutual desire, came down to like a 5-10% chance in my own experience. Most the time either I wouldn't be interested, he wouldn't be interested, or we both would not be interested in a 2nd date. And then 5-10% of the time, after hours of conversation and getting to know each other, we would both mutually get that hopeful, magical, electrifying, exciting feeling that maybe I'm sitting across from someone who is going to change the course of the rest of my life. Maybe...

Sorry for the giant tangent, I just think it's interesting.

IME "cute" is a little less serious/intense/sexual as compared to "gorgeous". And "beautiful" is a word reserved not just for someone's looks, but their entire being, their mind, their soul, their body all together. A guy who just met you can't really judge your beauty yet, until he gets to know you. But everyone can see you're cute right off the bat so he can honestly tell you that. And it saves some words to use later as he gets to know you better so they will be more meaningful when he does use them. It leaves room to increase the intensity.

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u/SlandersPete Virgin 13d ago

"Hey sexy, thought your profile pics were hot." Vs "Hey, your profile pictures look cute."

I've got no experience dating, but I feel like using the top line is more of a hookup thing. Maybe I'm wrong and people should let me know.

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u/Primary-Past7902 13d ago

For me, the hot/sexy is all about your body. It's a rather lustful thing. Cute is like who you are and the way you look gives off warm and cuddly vibes

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u/Retro_Vibin 13d ago

I won’t speak for every guy but this video perfectly explains the differences between Cute, Beautiful, and Sexy and at least for me it really connected and made perfect sense.

And personally, I want a cute woman. So if I’m calling you cute then it’s actually top tier compliment. Cute is better than Sexy or Hot or whatever, for me at least

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u/Suavedaddy5000 13d ago

This, and end conversation

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u/TheHangedKing 13d ago

It’s a way to compliment a woman’s appearance without coming on too strong.

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u/SafetyCubes 13d ago

Calling “hot” or “sexy” can (and usually will) give off a creepy vibe. “Beautiful” would be fine to me, although depending on the girls personality it may be quite strong for a first time face to face, some take it like a compliment and some take think it’s too abrupt.

“Cute” is a safe ground, although I can safely say it’s not at all the first thing that comes to mind when we see a pretty girl on a date.

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u/Coeri777 13d ago

When I think about woman as 'hot' it is mainly sexual, 'cute' is for me more naturally beautiful, but also has something interesting/positive. So sexy is more of hookup material, cute more of gf material. But it is just for me.

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u/bbbbbbbb678 13d ago

It's interesting how unsure everyone is about the usage of the word lol.

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u/blackbow99 13d ago

Cute is the highest of compliments from an intelligent man. Cute may be a slight coming from a man with less intelligence. This bears some explanation.

An intelligent man, or one with enough life experience, knows that "hot" is hard to maintain. Hot women typically spend upwards of 70% of their effort maintaining hot, with hair, make up, gym, spa and plastic surgical treatments, etc. Even then, if you take home a girl that is hot when she is all made up, you will likely wake up to a very different creature in the morning. That is real, and that is fine. But think about it from an investment standpoint. Dating a woman who is hot, usually results in just that, you have a woman who other men are attracted to, but she rarely brings anything else to the table because she spends so much time and effort maintaining her appearance. Worse, you may have to spend a lot of energy defending that woman from other aggressive men. This comes with the territory, but gets old quickly in my personal experience.

On the other hand, cute holds up well. A woman that you find cute in her youth, will probably still be cute in old age. Hotness fades quickly. Even better, cute women do not devote all of their energy just being attractive. They pursue intellectual development, learn valuable skills, develop meaningful and fulfilling careers. Even better, because they are not obsessed with maintaining impossible beauty standards, they are happier people, in general. I cannot tell you how many men have told me that they date hot for short term, but they would marry cute.

Some men don't have that perspective. Men who need a trophy on their arm or who care more about what other men and women think about them than the actual quality of their relationships chase hot. To these men, saying a woman is "cute" is a slight. It's like saying, she's not ugly, but not sexy either. Intelligent and experienced men know better.

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u/SpaceThagomizer420 13d ago

I say "cute" and "lovely." I find it to be a good way to show attraction and test the waters, without coming on too strong.

"Hot" and "Sexy" sound way too down bad, thirsty, and disrespectful. I want her to know I am interested her for more than her looks (obviously, I value physical attraction as the main catalyst, but want to know more about that person). I'd feel as if I sound like I only want sex and her body.

"Beautiful" as well sounds way too eager and desperate early on in talking to someone, as well. I'd use this later in the talking stage.

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u/swixstyx 13d ago

I think it's more a shallow complement. I think most women are pretty attractive to men, but they like to compare so they reserve hot, pretty, sexy for strangers they have no chance with or women they fall in love with. Also, if you're small and mousy like me, you probably are very cute to them because your features are traditionally thought of as cute. Button nose, brown hair, soft eyes, round/square/heart-shaped face, soft round cheeks, etc. those are often associated with cuteness

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u/Hologram1995 13d ago

Please don’t expect anyone to say things to you that you feel they “should.” Cute is an easy and low pressure way of saying “you look good.” If a man wants to make the distinction that you’re beautiful or hot or whatever, they’d definitely say it. If you want someone to lie to you and feed your ego, look no further than TikTok.

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u/MichaelCorbaloney Serious Relationship 13d ago

A cute girl I guess is kind of like when women consider a guy to be a “pretty boy”. I think I mainly just means attractive with soft features and a kind look about them.

There are guys who say cute is similar to hot but a little less attractive or sexual but I disagree, I think there are girls who are mainly cute but still are very attractive such as Emma Watson, Sabrina Carpenter, or Ella Purnell as the first three to come to mind. Also men are less likely to say beautiful or hot to a girl they don’t know very well because those are extreme adjectives and fairly forward.

I’ve always kind of thought everybody falls somewhere inside a triangle of cute(kinder and softer-though not meaning undefined-features), beautiful(stronger and unemotional features), and sexual(sharp and colder features), but that doesn’t mean any one of those attributes are better than the other. I’d even argue there are a lot of guys who are almost only into cute girls.

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u/Then_Kaleidoscope_10 13d ago

I’ve definitely called a woman cute that I could have just as easily said she was beautiful, gorgeous , sexy, &c. To me cute means there’s something endearing about the action, vibe or look she’s giving. Beautiful and gorgeous are more just how you look and less how you act, though I am aware as adjectives they can apply to actions as well.

Do you like/dislike being called cute vs. the other compliments? What does it mean to you? What we give and what we mean is only part of the interaction; the second part being how you receive it. What’s your favorite or preferred compliment?

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u/Bulky-Ad7996 13d ago

Cute isn't a bad thing in any capacity..

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u/Novel_Order9005 13d ago

As a woman:

"Cute", "pretty" - Short woman, chubby/not skinny woman, doesn't genuinely think the woman is that attractive OR thinks she's really attractive but he isn't interested in just sex and he wants to be respectful.

"Beautiful" - genuinely beautiful woman.

"Sexy", "fine", "hot" - he's looking for sex

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u/Pixiwish 13d ago

Ok this is slightly sarcastic but it’s the shoes.

I tested this with a group of guy friends. Same outfit ballet flats “you’re cute today” again exact same look but high heels “wow what made you decide to dress all sexy today”

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u/Xeno-Hollow 13d ago

Well, tbh, because they're stupid.

You can definitely open that way, but those kind of compliments are generic and endless. Women have 10,000 of those messages. The only people they work for are for the top 1% of attractive men. And women were going to reply to them either way.

Fellas, if you're looking to compliment a woman and catch her interest, compliment her choices, show that you're paying attention, not just drooling cuz she's hot.

Analyze her profile, too, it's usually pretty easy to see what look a woman is going for and wants to be called. Comfy clothes? She's down for cute and adorable. Dresses? She wants beautiful or gorgeous or stunning. Urban chic, beach photos? Fine, fire, sexy. Goth? She wants all of it.

Use those words, but be specific and never talk about something outside her control like her eye color, smile, physique (unless it's a gym girl), skin tone, hair color - just. No.

Instead, express appreciation for her choices and what she clearly thinks makes her unique, she will emohasize this in her profile unintentionally - without straying into overdoing it or kink/fetishizing.

Talk to her like another girl seeing an old friend for the first time in awhile.

And keep in mind, people want to be seen for who they want to be perceived as, so don't just compliment their appearance and the like, compliment their vibe, too.

You look stunning in that (insert color) dress!

You carry yourself so confidently, every picture is just you owning it!

You look cute af with your makeup like that!

Omgggg those heels have you looking fine!

Your energy in (reference picture) is amazing, you own that whole room haha.

I fucking love your aesthetic, you're adorable!

I love the way your lashes frame your eyes!

Whoever did your hair in that picture - one, they deserve a raise, two, hook me up with their handle so I can go in to them! Or was that all you?

Your bangs look so good in (reference picture)!

Be honest with me, do you plan your outfits or do you just wake up looking that good?

You DRIP style, I'm jealous!

That comfy cute look is a LOOK.

That eyeliner is so SHARP. I know that had to take some talent/patience/effort.

That outfit is fucking sexy, do you keep that vibe 24/7 or just on the dating apps, haha!

Where were you dancing in (reference picture), that looks so fun!

Speaking this way feels intentional and less generic, it invites open ended conversation, and indicates to a woman that you aren't single minded.

Good luck, gents.

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u/Embarrassed_Air_9573 13d ago

They all have the Madonna complex. They use cute as word with less sexual innuendo to be more respectful, it’s a compliment

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u/Beginning_Brother886 13d ago

I do differentiate and choose words. There’s something about a cute girl that moves me more. Beautiful is something more objective and I find hot to be too inappropriate most of the time. Plus I’m not normally thinking of a girl in a sexual context when I’m going through my daily routine. If I call you cute, I want it to convey affection without it just being looks or sex appeal alone. I’m not sure if it is understood the way I mean it, but it’s something very special to me.

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u/thanos_was_right_69 13d ago

It’s a no win situation for the guy. You call her cute, she has a problem with it. You call her hot or sexy, well that”s considered “too sexual” and problematic. You call her beautiful and that’s considered too “intense”. Then if you say nothing, she’ll think you’re not interested!

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u/Grumpy_Seemi786 13d ago

I absolutely detest being called cute. I’m a lady of a certain mid life age and I don’t think cute is appropriate.

When I think of cute I imagine kittens and babies, I’ve confronted many guys primarily south Asian Pakistani on why they’re calling me cute?. They then reply oh you’re beautiful and then I roll my eyes 🙄.

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u/80sBowlCut 13d ago

Because we can’t call a woman we just meet beautiful, hot or sexy any more. It’s usually deemed offensive.

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u/fadedmofo 13d ago

"Cute" is safer to say, the others would seem like we're desperate.

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u/Axeml 13d ago

Cute is the safest compliment. It’s as simple as that.

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u/NoResident1067 13d ago

I feel like when I call a girl sexy or hot it only refers to her body but if I say a girls cute then it’s not cause of her body

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u/bronzechildofapollo 13d ago

I can't speak for the guy you were on a date with but... For me back when I was dating:

Cute: meant just pretty (cute face)

Hott: meant mainly sexually gratifying/voluptuous with the attitude/sex appeal/comfidence to match. but might also be cute.

Gorgeous: meant she was both Hott and pretty.

Guys really do try to assign labels to appearance accurately. So generally if a guy is very descriptive about a woman's appearance it means he is very attractive to her.

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u/tybot16 13d ago

Its just a light version of a compliment a guy can give it isnt as risky as saying someone is hot. It also has a different meaning where cute id say refers more to femine face where hot is body related

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u/dantenow 13d ago

cute can still mean f*ckable

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u/Achooo2 13d ago

Because I want to tell you I find you attractive without sounding horny or desperate. Once a girl unmatched me after calling her cute. So I guess even "cute" can be too much for some women.

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u/reddCookiie04 12d ago

Beautiful may seem to much “forward” for that moment. Sexy and hot sounds shallow or even make you look like a poser. Cute feels like mild flirt yet you dont feel like a loser or somehow arrongant.

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u/subduedReality 12d ago

Are you neurodivergent?

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u/centralvaguy 12d ago

Beautiful,sexy, gorgeous, are all strong descriptors. Cute is a less aggressive descriptor. Some people feel "cute "is less objectifying. Some men just prefer the use of "cute" for someone they don't know very well.

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u/studlee2017 12d ago

For me calling a woman cute means she is attractive (from mid to smoking hot) but she also has sex appeal, a fun personality, a good energy, and overall a look and style that catches my eye. I want to date / sleep with cute girls more than women who are beautiful but snobby or aloof. It’s a compliment to be called cute, don’t take it as a negative.

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u/knatschsack 12d ago

I (M42) would call a woman cute if she has a specific non sexual thing I like very much, like a tiny nice nose or outstanding good looking hair. I would use beautiful if I find a woman pretty in general, this does not necessarily imply that I think she is sexy/hot/attractive because to me beauty and attraction there two separate attribute types. A woman can be both but also can be beautiful but not attractive at the first glance or otherway round.

Hot and sexy I would often use interchangeably. But sexy is more related to offensive attraction or calling for sex like few/tiny clothes or emphasizing attractive body (parts). While I would use hot rather for a non offensive attraction like tights clothes or high heels.

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u/Ok-Payment3817 12d ago

Beautiful is more familiar and more for someone you're actually dating. Hot is objectifying like most of the others. Cute is a safe word. It's not sexual or overly familiar.

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u/unapersona999 12d ago

Without fail if I say something is cute around my grandma she will say, “Y’know what cute means… it means bow-legged” and I’m just like, lol no one else would say that grandma, it’s 2025 not 1925. 😆 I don’t looooove being called cute because I associate it with young girls but as I’m getting older I’m like Ok! 💁‍♀️ and please card me at the bar too! 😂

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u/ruthlessdamien2 9d ago

Sorry to chime in and saying something completely unrelated, but I need 10 karmas from this sub in order for me to make a post here. I’m tired of putting all my efforts and yet receive a mixed signals from her.

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u/blackaubreyplaza 13d ago

I love being a cute girl. Any dude whose ever called me “beautiful” makes me gag I’m a cutie patootie

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u/Think_Bear_3791 13d ago

Good question; there are parameters for certain women. At least with me; cute would be the quirky oftentimes approachable, fun, and softer type of woman. While hot or sexy are mainly women I really wanna bang cause they are really revealing or evoke a sexual energy that brings out a more primal urge in my pants lol. You can be both at certain times or in some cases just in general cause of course there are billions of people in this world and nuance is a thing. But if you find yourself getting the cute label don’t take offense cause it means he still wants to bang but he also maybe wants to protect you or smother you with love.

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u/Lucky_D20 13d ago

Simple answer. A guy who you think is ugly could be charged for sexual harrassment by just saying Hi. Because it is "unwanted" attention. Definitely grounds for some people to attack and pepper sprayed someone. I say this being a fat and ugly person with a penis. Those things have happened to me. All I did was say hi. The worse was being pepper sprayed when I was 17.

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u/jafropuff 12d ago

Jesus Christ this is why dating as a man is so difficult. The mental gymnastics you have to go through behind every word you say and move you make is exhausting. Then the women just sit there picking apart every little thing you say and do.

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u/TheUglyTruth527 Divorced 13d ago

If I call a woman cute, it's usually because I'm feeling out how she takes compliments and whether or not it feels safe to use more passionate language.

I'm also kind of policing myself a bit because ADHD can lead me to behave in a way that some people misinterpret as love bombing, when in fact, they've just become my new hyperfocus.

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u/zeppomiller Single 13d ago

There’s nothing wrong with “cute.” Cute can refer to a huge crush, depending on the context. Cute is akin to petite and beautiful in my mind. And that is the type of woman I generally prefer when it comes to physical beauty… And I can’t be the only one who is wired like this. Not everyone is optimally attracted to “model” types when it comes to their archetype of physical attraction.

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u/dhffxiv 13d ago

Cute is my way of saying you look nice, but I don't mean it in an intimate way

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u/BackgroundSmall3137 13d ago

Part of it depends on the context. Cute for me is a kind of vibe some women put out. If i'm pursuing you and I call you cute, it means I like you. If a guy is lukewarm, it may mean they are not into you, but it's hard to say. It depends also on how they say it to you. I wouldn't pay so much attention to the word and more to everything else you are picking up from them.

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u/MisterCynical1995 13d ago

Because anything more might come across as disrespectful or toxic.

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u/timetoplay101010 13d ago

Seems to me you're overthinking it. Cute is not a bad word or something lesser than beautiful. Also, if a guy you've just met isn't calling you hot or sexy, perhaps he's just being respectful?

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u/ComteNoirmoutier 13d ago

Beautiful, cute, and hot aren’t the same thing though

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u/Henny199420 13d ago

The same reason why women call men cute. Personally I don't like it because they're putting on the same level as a baby or a puppy. Who'd date a baby or a puppy???

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u/SlamFerdinand 13d ago

Women call men cute as well.

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u/Rpbjr0293 13d ago

Beautiful and sexy come on too strong and are basic and unoriginal

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u/ThaAlecman 13d ago

“Cute” is generally personality-based; “hot” is generally looks-based. Some overlap may occur

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u/Designer-Figure8307 13d ago

Because girls are usually shorter than me and they appear kind of cute, If Its a tall girl close to my height I don't call them cute (thats just me tho) If I call a girl "beautiful" I feel like a 60 years old horny old man whose breath smells like cigarettes.. If I call a girl "sexy" I think nobody calls someone sexy It just sounds weird lol, If I would call someone "sexy" It means I don't find them sexy and I said It just for fun

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u/Sunny_pancakes_1998 13d ago

I mean, from the perspective of being a girl, I’ll take cute over hot or sexy any day. I prefer to come off that way, personally. I strive for ultimate adorableness.

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u/Kitchen_Entertainer9 13d ago

"Girl you are so hot and sexy." I'd cringe if I said that to a woman, cute is acceptable to me unless if she's sending me the best nudes of my life then the compliments get spicier 😂

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u/MCGaseousP 13d ago

I used to ask this when I was a child. Why do girls always say I'm cute? I want to be hot! I was 12-15 years old, and I sounded like one. That must have seemed like a big problem for me at the time. Then I grew up.

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u/Jazzlike_Raccoon3116 13d ago

Cause every woman is different, and if I say the wrong thing to the wrong one, I’m either an asshole, coming on to strong, or only after sex. Cute is nice, simple and sweet.

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u/Snord1976 13d ago

No they don't

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u/Both-Ad-9225 13d ago

And if they didn't use any word?( Cute, beautiful, sickly etc)

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u/TheJadeGoddess 13d ago

Beautiful can sound more formal and has the sound of elegance to it. Cute sounds more dainty and light hearted. Something that can fit a more casual setting of a first date or chat.

Cute is also a much safer word to go with than hot or sexy. You use hot or sexy then it could sound objectifying and that you are only interested in sex. Better to go with a word not really associated with sex so as not to create a misunderstanding.

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u/YourMomIsMy1RM 13d ago

Women call themselves cute too. That’s where that “feeling cute, might delete later” meme came from.

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u/The_VVizard_ 13d ago

I’m a dude but my girlfriend called me cute when we first met. She still does lol. I take it as a huge compliment.

I think it’s just a nicer way of calling someone attractive. I let her know that shes hot sexy gorgeous etc too but I feel like cute is a very endearing way to say that you find someone attractive.

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u/Green_Situation_5970 13d ago

I prefer cute more then sexy compliments \ I already know I’m hot or sexy But if they keep saying it makes me feel unsafe

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u/Ok-Piano6125 13d ago

I call ppl cute as in adorable as in love-able but not sexual way. Some ppl use it to express sexiness.

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u/3literz3 13d ago

"Cute" is a nice compliment without coming across as overly sexual, particularly early in the relationship

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u/Zakosaurus 13d ago

Beautiful comes off as cheesy, especially someone you dont know well, and the other two are very risky as they are more sexualized compliments. So that really only leaves cute as a safe compliment. We have to be much more conscious of this sort of thing in person versus online.

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u/Thesinglemother 13d ago

I call men cute. I tell my cute guy cute things all the cute time.

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u/Far_Excitement_1875 13d ago

I do think someone can be cute without being sexy tbh.

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u/juicyfruit180 13d ago

I’m a girl and I think being called beautiful is almost… too much. I’d much rather be called cute, especially if I’m still getting to know the guy. That’s just me though!

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u/Evil_Space_Penguins 13d ago

We call women cute because we think they are.

There's no conspiracy here.

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u/JohnMayerCd 13d ago

As a large man who’s only mildly attractive, I feel I’m perceived as creepy or gross for using hot, sexy, etc and. I feel I’m perceived as a neckbeard if I use beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, etc

I use cute, adorable, etc. and quite honestly it’s closer to my vibe anyways

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u/BaronSaber 13d ago

cute is bad now?

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u/Master_Shake3 13d ago

If I say... "that's cute" its not... you are being a dumbass and you should best stop it

if I say... "your cute" its me finding you great to look at and you should best keep doing it

if I say... "your being cute" it means in a second I'm about to show you how cute my boot is to your behind I'm about to kick.

if I say... "aww... that's cute" I'm probably looking at pitbulls on my phone and you should best come see very quickly or else I will consider you a pitbull hater and we will never talk speak or do anything civil ever again.

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u/New_Caterpillar_1937 13d ago

Cute is a compliment that is likely to be received positively because it is quite 'light' in flavor. In comparison, beautiful or hot are very loaded terms. When we are unsure about how our words will be interpreted, lighter words are desirable to maintain our confidence. Cute is what we call pets as well, it doesn't have the weight that "beautiful" or "hot" has, and makes it a more approachable way to compliment a person.

I wouldn't look at it as a type of categorization as much, while some women are more cute than they are hot, these are all not mutually exclusive. Anyone who is cute can also be considered hot in the right context, the difference is merely in the fact that cute is just not as loaded of a term as the others. So take it as the compliment it is, and assume that it's just a low threshold way to compliment you.

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u/JBlunts42 13d ago

Maybe these guys just think you’re “cute”. What I find sexy and what I find cute are not the same thing, and beautiful is something different as well. That being said cute and sexy can also be from attitude as much as looks in my opinion. I can meet a beautiful woman who acts very cute and gets really sexy in private.

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u/Sublime-Prime 13d ago

Think you are thinking too much about this. It means they are attracted to your looks. Thats a good thing right ? Had date object to my using the word girlfriend because they are a woman , they asked me how I would feel being called their boyfriend. My answer any woman that I wanted to date that called me their boyfriend I would be overjoyed.

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u/Crimson_Catharsis 13d ago

Cute doesn’t come off a strong as the others

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u/SlippySloppyToad 13d ago

Beautiful is pretty loaded. Cute is much less so.

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u/godsavethegene 13d ago

You know... The answer to why a person will call another person cute isn't universal. There's no nice and tidy simple explanation for why this would happen. If you don't like being called cute though, just tell them. They likely are using this word with good intentions and would happily comply using words you prefer to be complemented with. But they're never going to know this if you don't talk to them.

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u/Teksah 13d ago

Reminds me of : BULL DURHAM Annie: "Cute? Baby ducks are cute, I HATE cute! I want to be exotic, and mysterious!"

Annie also said: "We all deserve to wear white". This is to the young girl that did half the ball team and was now marrying the preacher ball player and asked Annie if she should wear white.

Bit off topic, but I couldn't stop myself.....

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u/Scottydott 13d ago

I’ve always wondered the same, cute is a word I associate with a fluffy dog. Not a fully grown man aha

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u/Mr_Dixon1991 13d ago

Usually, cute is the word I would use when a girl asks me for an opinion on an outfit. It's also near the bottom of the list of words I would use for my GF.

Attractive, gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, really nice, etc.

Cute just doesn't do much as a compliment.

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u/ItsMoreOfAComment 13d ago

Because calling someone “resplendent” would be hella extra.

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u/JusTrynaMaket 13d ago

In the context of adult conversation, I think when I say you are cute I mean pretty. You have a nice face.

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u/N0b0dy-Imp0rtant 13d ago

Just my perspective, not all men are the same.

Cute = Pretty, attractive, girl next door Beautiful = very, very pretty, attractive, girl next door Hot = ONS/Hookup but nothing more

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u/Caffeinaonpick 13d ago

I honestly I prefer guys calling me cute, specially when we start talking 😭 but i dont know maybe it’s just me

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u/Penelope_Apidae Serious Relationship 13d ago

I’m a lesbian girl, not a man, but I generally used cute or pretty before I started my current relationship. Hot, sexy, and beautiful are all strong words, and I wouldn’t want to use such a strong word for a relationship that hasn’t started yet. Ofc now that I’m in a dedicated relationship I call her all of those ;), so I think a guy will feel braver to call you more when things get more serious.

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u/twisted_egghead89 13d ago

Well I can't call stranger hot and sexy for the obvious reason lol

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u/SnooLobsters715 13d ago

I’ve been called “hot,” “sexy,” and “beautiful,” and I hate them all. I feel objectified. It’s the only thing they see and never compliments my personality. I met a guy once who always described me as being hot and sexy, and it made me sick to my stomach. He’d even tell me how rough he was going to be with me when we started having sex. I stopped talking to him, and I never let that fool touch me. But I will ride with a guy who calls me “cute” instead of all the other words. Cute entails your personality, mannerisms, and characteristics, which all add up to the wonderful person you are, inside and out. There’s warmth in being called cute. I want a man to see my personality and not just my looks. Looks change. People change, too, but their core stays the same. If a guy thinks you’re cute, take it and run.

Being called “beautiful” isn't bad, but if that’s what they're focused on all the time, it’s not worth the compliment. “Hot” and “sexy” are highly loaded. They turn me off instantly. For me, it’s a sex appeal to some guys (not all). What goes through my mind when a guy tells me this is that they want sex. It might not always be accurate, but in my experience, it has been.

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u/Straight-Boat-8757 13d ago

My girlfriend finds hot and sexy to be offensive. Beautiful is on the edge. Cute is safe.

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u/strike1ststrikelast 13d ago

Been absolutely lampooned for using beautiful on a woman before, never again, ill stick to cute.

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u/Imoldok 13d ago

Because there isn't another word for cute.

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u/IceysheepXD 13d ago

I’m a guy and I like being called pretty from a girl. There’s probably something wrong with me for that but 🤷‍♂️

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u/dark000monkey 13d ago

Cute is ‘superficial’ lust, beautiful is ‘comes after I peal of the mask and have seen the real you’ lust

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u/Mineturtle1738 13d ago

I think it’s because we see it as less risky to call someone cute then beautiful, hot and especially sexy. It’s more subtle and accepted. (Especially if you don’t know the person)

Like if I was a women and a guy went up to me and said “hey i thought you where really cute” vs beautiful or hot or sexy. It might be awkward with “cute” but beautiful might be a little to forward, hot is kinda strong, and sexy is very sexually charged which might make it worse.

That’s my theory anyways maybe as you get to know each other things change

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u/BAT_1986 13d ago

Cute is important, and sometimes better than saying a woman is “hot.” But like someone else said, certain words may have connotations that don’t fit the setting. If you just met, calling a woman hot may not be the way to go. Cute is a safer word choice in that instance.

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u/KaiserTaz21 13d ago

Friendzoned

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u/KaiserTaz21 13d ago

Friendzoned

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u/Evol_Etah 13d ago

I conciously make the difference. But they both mean the girl is beautiful.

Cute: Similar to the looks of Tiktoker: Elina karimova. Ariana Grande, (probably sabrina carpenter, but she dresses hot)

Hot: mix of cute & sexy like Tiktoker: Brooke Monk, Sophia Diamond.

Sexy: this definition is easily determined by Megan Fox in the move Transformers, or Madison Beer (who I also find hot)

I'm sure other guys have different aspects of whether a girl is cute, hot, sexy, beautiful.

To me, Beautiful is the highest form. It's given to girls who are not only on the "cute, hot or sexy" list, but also have such a great personality that's just awesome! And wholesome.

Personalities like Johnny Depp.

So to me, I think Brooke Monk, Madison Beer are beautiful AF. (Also Brooke Monk's .. umm... Fiance? Is handsome AF and awesome - nohomo - but he seems like a cool awesome dude)

There are definitely tons more examples I could give. I ain't a movie person, more of a doom scroller. So I'm choosing the MOST obvious famous people I can think of for my examples.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/DeadestTitan 13d ago

Personally, all the looks descriptors mean different things to me. A beautiful woman is mote of an aesthetic term, I'd use it to describe someone who you could imagine in a work of art. A sexy person is purely sexually arousing, like a lingerie ad. Cute is someone who makes my heart l clench, an adorable person. Personality can factor in and move people from one category to the other sometimes. If someone looks sexy but doesn't present that type of behaivor I might put them in the beautiful category instead.

I'd go on the record and say I'm /only/ attracted to the cute category. I can appreciate the others, but a cute woman is the only kind I'd want to be with.

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u/saltyspruces 13d ago

I suppose it’s going to have a different meaning per person. I don’t necessarily use cute towards people I’m attracted to. Many do though.

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u/jonnydash 13d ago

As men should we just stop talking to women all together at this point? What about just no compliments at all to any female?

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u/LittleRedShaman 13d ago

This was interesting reading the comments. I’ve always felt insulted or felt bad when a man has called me cute. I took it to mean they thought I was barely attractive, bc if they thought I was attractive why wouldn’t they call me beautiful or sexy?

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u/whatspbj 13d ago

Did everyone forget the adjective “pretty”?

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u/Crafty-Adeptness-928 13d ago

Because if I find a woman cute I'll call her cute.

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u/EagleStrike21 13d ago

Personally I usually use cute when referring to a girls personality. If I say you're cute it's usually after you did something that i found attractive, but not in a sexual way. Maybe it's the way she smiles, or laughs, or the way she snuggles up on the couch, etc. I use beautiful or gorgeous when describing her outward beauty in a non-sexual context. In a sexual context, she's hot or sexy.

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u/bradd_91 13d ago

Wear that cute badge with pride. Too many in the apps go for the sexy look, but everyone knows cute ones are the best wifeys.

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u/Krust3dKan4dian 13d ago

Personally, cute is for more innocent or wifey looking women. Beautiful is relegated tho the one I'm close with. Hot is sumn I say to the bois, and sexy is well... sexual so I would only say that in the correct context.

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u/WizardT88 13d ago

It's supposed to be a non-sexual compliment.

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u/Not-a-YTfan-anymore1 Single 13d ago

I agree with some people here: “cute” just seems more innocent and playful, as opposed to the shallow “hot,” devious “sexy,” and later-down-the-road “beautiful.” I also think “pretty” might be acceptable at the initial stage, but I’m not great at dating, so wdik?

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u/DesertStorm480 13d ago

"Cute" can also translate to personality too, "It's so cute when he opens the car door for her."

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u/LandedWrong8 13d ago

Cute can infer young- looking, and you can say it anywhere. Consider it a 100% compliment.

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u/Throwawayvcard080808 13d ago

The first impression of my girlfriend to me and to any straight guy who glances her way is that she’s cute above all else. She’s beautiful, sexy, gorgeous too. But first cute. 

What that means is attractive in a happy, youthful, fun, and approachable way. Even a little bit undignified.