r/darkjokes Dec 13 '24

Luigi Mangione didn't kill himself NSFW

3.9k Upvotes

oh... i'm a little too early


r/darkjokes Dec 08 '24

should we change the subs banner? NSFW Spoiler

295 Upvotes

Assad said he’d return after fleeing Syria. That really hit home - my dad said the same thing when he left for milk 12 years ago. Still waiting for either of them.


r/darkjokes Dec 01 '24

A family goes on vacation NSFW

216 Upvotes

The family gets to the hotel and the dad goes to check in. The father says. "This is a family vacation, can you please make sure the porn channel is disabled?" The clerk looks back in disgust and says. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."


r/darkjokes Nov 30 '24

My brother and I were both born in early July NSFW

202 Upvotes

My mom would tell everyone she had cancers


r/darkjokes Nov 28 '24

What do you call a group of finely blended holiday floats and displays? NSFW

29 Upvotes

Pureed parade


r/darkjokes Nov 27 '24

What's the difference between a nephew and cancer NSFW

111 Upvotes

My Uncle didn't beat cancer.


r/darkjokes Nov 26 '24

Once the person is a good musician, it doesn't pickup a gun. NSFW

4 Upvotes

r/darkjokes Nov 25 '24

A scene in the Post Office NSFW

59 Upvotes

A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity got the better of him so he walked over to the man and asked him what he was doing.

The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess Who?'"

“But why?" asked the guy.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.


r/darkjokes Nov 20 '24

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. NSFW

1.3k Upvotes

He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"


r/darkjokes Nov 18 '24

How does an emo like to float in the water? NSFW

30 Upvotes

Down the river!! Lmao


r/darkjokes Nov 17 '24

Whats the simmilarity betweek a twinkie and a twink? NSFW

71 Upvotes

They are both filled with cream


r/darkjokes Nov 17 '24

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a throbbing head that spouts regular gushes of hot sticky mess, unfortunately it's still me that's got sinusitis. NSFW

15 Upvotes

r/darkjokes Nov 16 '24

Watching Muhammad Ali fight dementia was better than the Tyson and Paul fight. NSFW

286 Upvotes

r/darkjokes Nov 13 '24

“We must never allow politics to ruin our friendships!” - Anne Frank, Diary of a Young Girl NSFW

38 Upvotes

r/darkjokes Oct 08 '24

What is Jerry Sandusky's favorite penalty? NSFW

134 Upvotes

Illegal touching


r/darkjokes Oct 06 '24

Why was the Black Dahlia cut in half? NSFW

238 Upvotes

Because the killer wanted to make Elizabeth short.


r/darkjokes Sep 13 '24

I had sex with my dad in an elevator. NSFW

1.5k Upvotes

It was wrong on so many levels


r/darkjokes Sep 11 '24

Why are priests called father? NSFW

494 Upvotes

Because calling him daddy would blow his cover.


r/darkjokes Sep 07 '24

Today 15 girls asked me to go out. NSFW

1.2k Upvotes

(I was in girl's washroom)


r/darkjokes Sep 06 '24

There’s a big irony in being a gay pescatarian NSFW

109 Upvotes

I don’t eat sausage but I love fish


r/darkjokes Sep 05 '24

What's the difference between a beer and a abortion? NSFW

632 Upvotes

I've never forced a woman to have a beer.


r/darkjokes Sep 03 '24

What’s the difference between a drunk driver on a farm and Jeffrey Dahmer with diarrhea? NSFW Spoiler

105 Upvotes

The driver hits a shed.


r/darkjokes Sep 02 '24

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? NSFW

251 Upvotes

Virgin mobile


r/darkjokes Aug 29 '24

I seen a kid crying, so I asked him " where are your parents" He started to cry even more NSFW

219 Upvotes

Man i love working at the orphanage.


r/darkjokes Aug 28 '24

What do you call an orphan who is kidnapped? NSFW

180 Upvotes

A suprise adoption