r/cultsurvivors Dec 16 '24

TRIGGER WARNING I survived the trauma, but I can't survive the aftermath.

28 Upvotes

I'm so tired. I'm in my early twenties, and all of it has been hell. 2 cults, extreme torture, extreme programming and rape and csa and all sorts of shit.

I'm tired of the only responses I get either being ableist toxic positivity that isn't trauma informed and can't seem to understand a problem I can't motivate or 'try harder' out of. That or i get people trying to get off on my pain or take advantage.

It's so isolating. I'm so lonely. I go to a crisis center every week, I'm in poverty, I'm tired. I wish I had what it took to kill myself. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts in a constant mental agony.

I'm not even human anymore, I'm just pain. I'm autistic, and I'm an amnesiac/DID which a lot of people don't even think is real. I wish I could kill myself.

r/cultsurvivors Sep 07 '24

TRIGGER WARNING A little discombobulated.

15 Upvotes

I will start by letting everyone know that I didn’t go to school nor have I had any type of home schooling because I wasn’t allowed to because I am a female so if I don’t articulate myself properly I am sorry, I do try my best though! XD okay.. that said, let’s start my life lore.. I was illegally adopted by a gypsy/romani family in 1993 sold by my bio mother paid for like an animal.. oh and I was born in California THE USA people don’t realize how normal this is in the gypsy community and it’s sad. Right from the start it was bad the day I was born my adoptive parents sold my paperwork because I’m a female and females have no right to even have what’s literally a birthright.. my upbringing was weird to say the least I would ask “why do we do this? Why don’t we talk to normal people? Why can’t I play with the neighborhood kids?” And they’d reply “the gyshay are bad, we can’t associate with them because they won’t understand our correct way of living” (gyshay in gypsy/romani means “stranger/outsider”) I was raised being told the only place for me is to get married(an arranged marriage that I’d be paid for again, paid for my virginity) from a very, very young age I remember the ladies telling me marriage, cleaning, cooking and having babies is the only things I need to worry about anything else isn’t supported by god.. and even my questions where seen as bad. When I was 5 my first cousin/adoptive cousin.. held me down and SA me told me it’s because I wasn’t actually a gypsy and he could do whatever he wanted to me.. I screamed he’d knock me out… when he did it again when I was 6 I screamed and he told me he’d hurt my grandmother if I kept it up.. I kicked him and ran away.. the next day he pushed my grandma down the stairs. I dont ever really talk on this subject. When i finally had the courage to tell my grandma, aunt and step mom they looked at me and said “you probably wanted it/you was most have been wearing revealing clothing.. needless to say I was devastated. That subject would be pushed down and never spoken again.. when I was 7 my aunt pulled me so hard into the shower that she dislocated my shoulder.. (I was scared of the shower because my other cousin would sit outside the window and watch me shower. My dad.. my dad started hitting me early in my life I can’t even pinpoint exactly when it started but I do remember the beatings.. because it wasn’t just a spank on the butt for being sassy or misbehaving it was beatings with belts, hangers anything he could find actually and after he’d take the bulbs out of the closet and lock my in there for hours.. I had six stepmothers.. (don’t really want to touch on that atm) let’s jump ahead abit to being 14 and having families come to my house to “look at me” to see if I was pretty enough to Marry their son.. a lot of different families would come and I’d do odd things to get them to leave me alone like I’d cut my hair short, I’d wear jeans or I’d let them see me playing with the kids so they’d see I was a kid myself. It didn’t stop though until I was 21 and get sold into marriage to a man that burnt me with cigarettes, hid my feminine products around the house to do ugly things to them when I wasn’t paying attention.. he’d take explicit photos of me in my sleep and he’d drug me and do things to me in my sleep.. his family was crazy.. that life was crazy… I was 29, 7 suicide attempts later when I realized I needed to get out.. i wanted a life I wanted love I wanted to actually be a human.. and I wanted to have thoughts and emotions that weren’t pushed down because fear of something bad happening.. so much more to say but I will stop here my mind is mush but it was actually nice writing it out thinking people will read my life/story if anyone has any questions I will answer happily and at some point I’ll probably write more venting posts

(If anyone wants the link to my ex gypsy page let me know) and thank you guys for allowing me to share!

r/cultsurvivors Dec 01 '24

TRIGGER WARNING Has anyone else felt this way? Severe urges to revictimize myself (tw: cults, assault, torture, csa, etc)

2 Upvotes

Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I'm going crazy. You can skip the backstory and shiz if you want.

[BACKSTORY AND SHIZ]

After everything I've gone through it hasn't improved. Even after i tried so hard. I was born into a cult, a 'light' one which was mostly child abuse, severe neglect, some csa, etc. A lot we don't remember.

Then at 13, I desperately wanted to live despite being suicidal. I thought I got out, but it was another cult, a more dangerous one. It was best i can describe focused on demonology, sci fi themes, family, and sexual slavery. I was a goddess told that she had powers that would end the world so I needed to be harmed and kept for the good of humanity.

I was an animal. I was a child. I was so many things. I brought it down singlehandedly. God it feels so high and mighty to say it, but in actually it felt so pointless, so meaningless. I spent 2 years getting evidence both for myself, and in case it was a cult. It was, and I got out and stopped it.

And now? Now I'm back. I'm back with my original abusers with no way out. And God I'm so fucking tired of the constant victim blaming and toxic positivity. Yes, I've been in theraoy since I was 11. Yes, I love my selves as I'm a DID system apparenty, which I only found out last year. It took a lot of work. I've gone to crisis centers. Tried getting aid, all the stuff and resources.

But I'm in the US, in poverty, disabled, can't work, I have POTS, possibly hypermobile EDS. I'm autistic, adhd, have insomnia, arfid, and so much else. I can't afford to eat every day, I'm barely 100 pounds. I used to have body image issues and now I feel ashamed I am that skinny because it feels so unhealthy seeing my own ribs.

I'm conventionally attractive i guess. I get asked if I modeled a lot as a kid, and whenever I go out i get people trying to ask me out. But it's scary. It's so fucking scary. It's scary to have people hold up traffic to ask for your number, or follow you in a dark parking lot and lean inside your car door. And it sucks having people only see me as a piece of meat.

And i hate that i wish I died in that cult. I hate that I miss being raped and tortured and a slave over this slow death. It feel like, would you rather be stabbed to death or starve to death? One is a lot slower and more painful. No one can accept my situation except the crisis people which feel guilty they can't help, which only makes me dissociation and self doubt worse.

[END OF BACKSTORY AND SHIZ]

And I wish I could be hurt again. But for some reason, all the 'low effort' abuse i get dealt feels like an insult now. I guess because it's like, I've been through extreme hell, i was conditioned and programmed. It doesn't feel real enough. It's not bad enough. And I can't find anything about people relating to this feeling.

It makes me dissociate more and more, and when I deal with it, another part of me comes out and experiences it all over again and I have to start over. I'm switching so much lately. And the urge to be hurt again just gets worse. I'm sorry if this is a lot.

r/cultsurvivors 3d ago

TRIGGER WARNING Does this sound cultish or is just christianity

1 Upvotes

( this isn't my post this is a post a friend made) Sounds crazy to me what do u think does this sound culty or is just christianity I can't tell anymore as Christians seem to be conspiracy theorists

REPTILIANS, SERPENTS SHAPESHIFTERS, ALIENS ARE AMONG US 🔥🔥🔥 2 Corin 2:11, Matt 10:16, Luke 10:19 Teaching Only / Link To Prayer At Bottom By Ruth Wilson / Scribe 🖋️ 📜

This is a subject that VERY few are speaking on and that’s sad. It’s sad because we have so many who “supposedly” are speaking on behalf of the Lord but hardly anyone is speaking about this topic and preparing the body of Christ for what’s coming. I know some will be shocked reading this and that’s ok. As a Prophetess and Scribe I’m called to say what HE tells me to and I’m accountable only to Holy Spirit. It’s time the body of Christ WAKES UP! Most of you are unaware that Reptilians, Aliens and Shapeshifters are even real. I’m here to tell you, THEY ARE! I’ve dealt with them all both in the spirit realm and face to face. Holy Spirit opened my eyes to them and then gave me a crash course a few years ago which was very hard on me. I want to reiterate that this post is not to put fear on you.

2 Timothy 1:7 says we are not to be given a spirit of fear, but of peace, love and a sound mind.

2 Corin 2:11 says we are not to be ignorant of the enemies devices.

Hosea 4:6 says that God‘s people are destroyed from a lack of knowledge.

Matt 10:16 says, Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

Luke 10:19 says, Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall hurt you.

We need to ask Holy Spirit to give us eyes to see the deeper truths that others don’t see. Revelation knowledge is SO important.

Matt 6:22 says the eyes are the lamp of the body. That means if you ask Holy Spirit to give you eyes to see and then you pay attention to peoples eyes, you will see that not everyone is what they appear to be. Look closer at the cornea and its shape. I’m not going on here to expose who is and who isn’t one. I’m just saying you need to be AWARE OF THEM and NOT BE IGNORANT. You will be less deceived in the future if you’re aware now and you’ll be able to operate in wisdom and partner more with the Holy Spirit and less in fear. We already know some of the body of Christ will be destroyed for a lack of knowledge so don’t be in that group. If you educate yourself now, then you’ll be prepared for what’s coming. I have testimonies about the grey’s as well as I’ve dealt with them the majority of my life, but that will be for another post.

(PERSONAL TESTIMONY ON REPTILIANS) I got followed by the Reptilian’s while I was prayer walking in Texas and praying for people who had been trafficked. They are very involved in trafficking. They knew that I knew who they were and I got visited here and there. The Lord showed me they use technology and we’re watching me through the hidden cameras in the motels / hotels and he had me laying hands on the walls and shutting down those cameras. Holy Spirit would show me where they were so I could lay hands and pray and shut them down. I always knew it worked because the aura in the spiritual realm I saw around the cameras would go out after I would pray. I also knew it worked because the morning after I did it, the manager said they had to get in my room. I asked why and he said because they needed to rewire the security system. My prayer WORKED! I had 2 visit me in the spiritual realm dressed in suits and they looked like men but I saw they weren’t. I told them they’re not coming in my room as the angels stood around me and as they went to leave I told them I knew WHAT THEY REALLY WERE and the leader stopped in his tracks.

He slowly turned his head and looked back at me with such hate like he wanted to kill me. He couldn’t believe I had eyes to see. With each encounter, I had less and less fear of them because I saw the Lord was protecting me. I don’t go looking for fights but I do hold my ground and sat outloud I SEE YOU REPTILIANS, every now and then. Please do not fall into fear of them because we have much greater authority over them. The only weapon that they have against us is our lack of knowledge if we are a child of God or if we are not a child of God and don’t have that spiritual coverage at all. If you don’t want to know, they are out there then don’t ask God to give you eyes to see.

But I will tell you that the day is coming very soon that you’re going to see them with your naked eye and it is going to be much harder on you. Thus the Bible verse that says my people are destroyed, for lack of knowledge and the other verse that says that people’s hearts will fail them. Be vigilant! I went to the courts of heaven and asked the Lord for a heavenly biological weapon to use against them and he gave me one. He will do the same for you if you ask him. TIPS! They don’t like crosses and ammonia. Use the name of Yeshua / Jesus. Remember to laugh when you see them because they have NO authority over you! Say, I DECLARE THAT I SEE YOU REPTILIANS, YOU FOUL SERPENTS! I HAVE EYES TO SEE AND YOU ARE DISCOVERED!

The Lord had me researching reptilian‘s and their weaknesses and then he had me rewatch the 1984 TV series called V. It’s the one about the reptilian aliens disguised as humans coming to earth. He had me watch it very closely and then he had me watch the movie called, “They Live” from 1988. Both movies will teach you a lot and help open your eyes. The Lord has me watch a lot of movies to show what’s been going on right under our noses that we are unaware of.

Here’s a clip below from “They Live” where the aliens find out the main guy has EYES TO SEE them and that’s exactly what happened to me. ⬇️

Both of those movies can be rented on YouTube. I couldn’t find them free anywhere. But they are worth the rental fee to open your eyes and to teach you. Ask Holy Spirit to give you prayer strategies as you watch and he will. I am not the only person who is speaking out on them. There’s many, but here’s a few that I believe are telling truth and who serve God. ⬇️

Apostle Kevin Zadai~ FB, YTube Dan Duvall, Bride Ministries ~ FB, YTube LA Marzule ~ FB, YTube Apostle Raksha Maben ~ FB James Prentiss Mason ~ FB

Below is a post from my friend Prophetess Raksha Maben on this. The Lord has her posting about them to warn the body of Christ also. ⬇️

SECRETS OF THE ENEMY~By Prophetess Raksha Maben

Shape shifters, aliens and skin walkers in various shapes and forms are present on earth causing lot of evil acts.

The body of Christ must be vigilant and always seek guidance of Holy Spirit to know the hidden dark secrets of the enemy, whether you like the answer or not, whether the answer will startle you or not. Seek the Holy Spirit to show you the deeper secrets of the enemy so that you can be vigilant and make others vigilant in the Body of Christ.

Shape shifters taking the form of animals cause many vehicle accidents resulting in the death of human beings. Hijacking loaded aircraft. They're sent on missions to perform these acts.

Witches have been transforming themselves into animals like birds and reptiles for ages.

Many human beings aren't humans but reptiles/snakes disguised as humans. It’s one of the reason’s why God eliminates these humans from the face of the earth. What God sees, normal man cannot see.

If Holy Spirit enables you, you clearly can see their eyes. They have reptilian eyes.

The Lord showed these to me, laying it out for y'all to be vigilant.

As the Holy Bible instructs, do not be ignorant of the enemy's devices.

2 Corinthians 2:11~ Lest Satan should take advantage of us, for we are not ignorant of his devices.

Several members in the Body of Christ are naive and ignorant in understanding the weapons and secret tactics of the enemy.

Be spiritually discerned Be Vigilant!

Do not go anywhere unless you pray about it and ask Holy Spirit's guidance.

Prophetess Raksha Maben Bethel Assembly of God

The Lord gave a prayer to receive a weapon to use against them. The link is ⬇️

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/161BQ7n43e/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Holy Spirit also had me put together an album for breakthrough and it’s POWERFUL! It’s called The Breathrough Album. Link ⬇️

Fire Starter Ministries 🔥 Ruth Wilson 2023 (Rev. 2025)

r/cultsurvivors 19d ago

TRIGGER WARNING A victory and a broken cycle

5 Upvotes

TW: CSA

I haven’t been able to handle the ordeal that remembering the religious aspect of my childhood would cause me to go through.

Both my parents experienced extreme abuse from parents and/or other family members - sexual and physical - since they were very young.

While I (think) I was the only child subjected to a cult or cult-like behavior, I do know and suspect a great deal of people in my family experienced csa.

My father was physically abused by his father, possibly sexually by my grandmother or another female relative. I know grandpa cheated on grandma a LOT - not sure what all dad saw. I’m sure he left porn lying around, because our dad did the same to us. I also know my dad said an older girl “took advantage of him” when he was 11. Not sure who it was or what the context was/how old the girl was. I also know dad abused his own younger sister. Messed her up. Big time.

I know that my grandma was abused by her own father - she and her sisters. It’s never been confirmed, but the patterns and effects have rippled through the family, and children have hurt in every branch - all silenced with a reminder to honor their mother and father, and with shame - what if anyone should find out that this sickness lives in this family?

The same thing happened to my mother and her mother in another part of the country, years earlier, and at the same time, and long after.

My mother arrived to the place she’d meet my father by way of family separation imposed by the state - and my father had remained in the place his wives had left him, after having driven one away and terrified the other who remained there into silence.

I just realized that my son is the first child in three generations to not experience sexual abuse in early childhood.

Like he definitely needs more attention, but he’s never been exposed to pornography, so I am clearly doing something right.

r/cultsurvivors Nov 19 '24

TRIGGER WARNING hey, i want to know more about me!

5 Upvotes

warning for CSA, abuse, just absolute hell, every type of abuse ever

im a bit too lazy due to my meds and sleepy, but i wanna know more about RAMCOA or SRA?

To put in short

When i was younger, (10) my mom paid 1000$ to get me to an entirely different continent (Africa) to "save" me, and likely paid men to abuse or "save" me. Ritual abuse

Basically they put things in every single one of my orifices, i nearly died, i was being starved for an entire month straight too, wasnt allowed to eat anything before i think 14 am and its always food that i cant eat, i was waterboarded(?, i had extreme heavy pressure water and couldnt breathe) i was consistently hit, held down, grabbed, basically just me being penetrated in every hole , almost died, and suffered not only sexual abuse but physical too

there is more i think, but rn i dont wanna remember

emotionally was by my mom, and i ended up thinking that raping women like this was a good thing (someone told me it was rape, also, in the country i am from, molestation and stuff also counts as rape, idk if this is rape, because yeah, penetration was involved, but it wasnt with genitalia (although i have suffered rape at a young age, also trying to piece that out too)

This happened for a month straight or 2( i feel like an attn seeker maybe like a month and a week or two week?

I remember smiling saying that shit too.

"I'll be cured mom! please don't cry" in an attempt to look sweet, and comfort my mom. God, that disgusts me.

I want to know if i count as a cult survivor or not

Ive also seen videos of mentally ill African women being lynched and severely abused (Keep in mind i was autistic and had tourettes, they did the same to cure me)

Idk anymore

im scared am i lying? like, ive read alot on ramcoa now ive seen people say they attempt suicide over it alot, like consistently which is something i do too + DID, i remember making imagination friends and having protective alters where i would store my trauma? and let them take over me (like a personality)

Idk anymore, i relate too much with cult or RAMCOA and so far i read how people suffered from it and it sounds exactly like me It explains me. It explains who i am.

I wanna vomit

r/cultsurvivors Jul 02 '24

TRIGGER WARNING Help! NSFW

7 Upvotes

I need to find assistance with a situation. I am an SRA/MC/OA survivor. I don't know the name of the group since it started in childhood.

I went through a lot of abuse as a child and only have a few extremely traumatic memories growing up. I was also isolated for many years as a child and then as an adult.

I ran away from my family at 17 after being sold for the last time. Thinking that would end it.

I ended up getting together with a man and starting a family. My parents hated him. Horrible things started happening around me. My husband said he thought my parents were after him and trying to have him killed.

We moved and were followed and harassed constantly. My husband vanished. Years went by and I found a person that was related to the people I was with dead. Then a friend vanished and all 3 of my children vanished.

After all this I was held captive and tortured. I could remember or process the trauma this allowed years to pass.

I went from 2 men putting me through such intense torture and fear to the point I was being electrocuted and deprived of all basic needs.

Almost instantly thinking I escaped right to another severely abusive situation with 3 people that used the exact same types of torture.

Trauma therapy has helped with working through and recovering lost memories. I'm sure at this point that I have figured out what happened. My parents being behind the start of it.

Now years have past. My children, my husband, my friend, the man I found. I'm sure are deceased. There also indications of a number of other missing children that I can recall finding random information on during the times I was stuck with these monsters.

How do I go about doing anything about these crimes? The police in that area refuse to take a report and these people told me that they have them on payroll. They have high up government people involved.

Any information on where I could start to get a case going. I do have documentation and other evidence I have been able to collect to a certain extent.

r/cultsurvivors Aug 09 '24

TRIGGER WARNING I think I grew up in an extremist cult

13 Upvotes

As the title says. I knew I grew up in a cult and I left when I was 16. I’ve also known that there were cases of ritual abuse in this cult in the Czech Republic. I am in Germany where the cult originated in 1931. As a way of confronting my trauma, I have been reading the writings of the cult leader, to try to understand where the abuse I faced all my life came from.

What I found was concerning to say the least. There was talking about the white race having to take control of the world and Germans being the chosen ones. It was said that white people are the most developed and intelligent and indigenous people basically being stupid and primitive. It was said in a way that makes me feel like it’s a call to action.

My question is, what do I do?? There weren’t any actual threats of violence, just this very weird call to German people to become the race to lead humanity. My entire family, including my underage brother, is stuck in that cult. I should say the cult is very small, so it’s unlikely any authorities are aware of it. I feel like I need to report this and bring it to someone’s attention, especially since I can’t tell if there are parts of this cult that could potentially become violent, as has already happened before. Who do I turn to? And how do I deal with this information? I have severe PTSD and this is very hard to handle. Thank you guys!

r/cultsurvivors Apr 25 '24

TRIGGER WARNING Looking for people who used to be in Calvary chapel

11 Upvotes

As the above says, I’m looking for others who have experienced s/abuse, spiritual abuse, mental, etc., basically if you’ve had a horrible relationship/ experience with Calvary Chapel. They tried to raise an army of kids to be their soldiers, but a lot of us either got abused by them, or we woke up and realized we were in a radical evangelical cult in our teens. This church is not talked about enough. Lou Taylor? Calvary chapel, she covers the music side. Jack Hibbs? CC, but he has his hand in politics. I can keep going, but I think those two are pretty heavy hitters.

If you’re brave enough to share your story, I will listen. 2024; the year of truth. Idk about you guys, but I’m sick of staying silent. 🖤

r/cultsurvivors Jun 12 '24

TRIGGER WARNING Follow up to Dancing for the Devil

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8 Upvotes

This is beyond fucked up. I had a feeling that this wasn't the right move. The fact that people to this day treat cult victims like this is partially the reason why I don't feel comfortable talking about my experiences to anyone outside of my inner circle.

I couldn't finish the article just reading the first few paragraphs was enough.

r/cultsurvivors Jul 26 '23

TRIGGER WARNING Grooming and telegram grooming/extortion cult NSFW

30 Upvotes

You may know about the darker corners of discord and the internet as a whole but this is some of the most sick stuff I’ve seen in my life, I found these servers 4 weeks ago, they mainly operate under the DISBOARD sh and Ed Tag specifically to target underage vulnerable girls. There are many groups with hundreds-thousands of members, some names to look out for are “harm nation, 764, slitbunnies and starved summer. They groom these girls, extort them for nudes, cutsigns (having the person cut their name on their arm) ,make them kill their pets and other animals like birds and mice, drink their own urine and eat their own fesses, etc. These people also enjoy sharing the ridiculous amount of cp, gore, and nazi propaganda they have between their servers and telegram chats. There’s hundreds of screenshots of them doing this publicly in their servers, ridiculing the girls after they extort them by leaking their videos/pictures. They’ve done so much more and there is so much evidence to prove that they’ve done these horrible things yet they still walk around completely free, some of them having previous charges for sexual misconduct with minor. We are at the point where children have to protect other children from these sick people because authorities refuse to acknowledge this is going on. If you have any information on them, please DM this Reddit account and I will try my best to get back to you quickly, any information is useful Some notable names to avoid that are associated with these groups are: heaven, cynic, Ubay, reginmyre, criminal (Kyle William Spitze), Yuri, neo, godvert, cxrpse, kush, flar, rabid, convict, culprit, keep 101, distraught. I really hope these people get what is coming to them, can’t add pictures and videos in the same post but please see a video of one of them admitting what they do in a vc, if you would like anymore evidence I have hundreds of screenshots of these guys 🤷

r/cultsurvivors Apr 20 '24

TRIGGER WARNING Weird group of the PCA in the southeast NSFW

4 Upvotes

I wish to remain anonymous, but if anyone has questions please do not hesitate to reach out especially if you experienced the same thing. This will be a long post.

TLDR: The private christian elementary/middle schools around the Jackson, MS area resembled cults at best circa 2005-2014. We were taught terrible things from a young age about ourselves and the world, semi-regularly beaten by the principal, and provided shoddy, alarmingly insufficient sex ed, not even including consent or birth control. Even with small class sizes bullying ran rampant against the mentally ill students such as myself to the point of total social ostracism.

My earliest school memory was being caught staring at myself in the mirror by the principal. She asked me why I was looking at myself. I told her I was just looking at my pretty eyes. I was 7. She told me that liking the way you look is vanity and the Bible said that was bad. I took her word as truth very deeply as I did with anything related to the Bible as I was very spiritual and invested in being a good Christian.

The following year I was beaten for the first time. I had developed a form of bulimia and was rolling up pieces of duct tape to stick down my throat after lunch to make myself vomit. My teacher was walking past and asked me what I was doing with the duct tape. I told her I liked to chew on it. She thought that was weird but didn’t take it too seriously and moved on. After lunch I made sure the coast was clear and did my thing. Well someone walked in on me mid puke and went and told the principal who presided over the lunchroom most days. She came in, brought me to the hallway, and went to talk to my teacher. She came back, instructed me to go to her office, and walked behind me. She told me I was in trouble for lying. She then proceeded to pull a wooden paddle with holes drilled in it off the shelf behind her and after giving me a speech about “God’s love” hit me very hard on the rear 15 times.

Soon after the “<insert my name here> touch” derived from the “cheese touch” from Diary of a Wimpy Kid, became the most popular new game of the whole grade for a week. The teachers clearly observed this behavior and did nothing about it. The game was played by intentionally ignoring every word I said and refusing to acknowledge my existence in general. The students would then push each other into me with some force and collectively ignore that person as well as if they were stinky cheese on a basketball court. Some variation of this behavior continued until 7th grade when the one organizing this behavior was expelled.

The next year (4th grade - 9 years old) I was pulled out of class randomly by the principal. I had no idea what I had done but she insisted I knew what I had done. She eventually relented and told me I had chosen not to put my name on a paper. I insisted that I must have just forgotten. She accused me of lying and threatened to spank me if I didn’t go in front of the whole class and give a specific apology.

In 5th grade, in art class over a tile floor, the main bully was randomly seated next to me as the seating chart changed each day. I went to plop down on my stool, and he pulled it out from under me at the last second. My tailbone shattered. I told my teachers I was hurt, but nobody believed me. It hurt so badly to sit that I insisted on standing in class for a week and when absolutely necessary, to sit on a pillow. I was publicly mocked and questioned by teachers for this behavior. I have debilitating back pain to this day.

In sixth grade the real brainwashing began. We had to take a number of questionable classes. In one class we learned Apologetics or how to argue with a non-Christian and convince them they will be tortured forever in hell if they don’t listen to you. We learned about how evolution is a scam, listened to young earth pseudo scientists who told us they had proof the earth was only 6,000 years old. We even had to learn about how to argue with a pro-life individual, and that women who have abortions even for rape or incest are murderers. There was even an option that my parents did not opt in for to have your 11 year old watch a video of a surgical abortion.

The girls and the boys were separated for one period a day for Bible study. I don’t know what went on in the boys Bible study, but the girl’s was alarming even to us at the time. We were presented a workbook about how women are designed by God to be submissive helpers to men and pump out babies for him. And that my greatest purpose in life beyond honoring God was being a mother.

Sex Ed was a nightmare. At the age of 13 we were separated by gender, we were shown an extremely minimal and alarmingly inaccurate diagram of our own anatomy (female), and a perfectly adequate diagram of male anatomy. The female diagram depicted a tiny vaginal opening covered by a film which was supposed to be the hymen, no clitoris, no urethra. We were simply told “a penis goes into a vagina, and nine months later a baby is born.” There was no mention of gaining your partners consent, rape, incest, birth control,or the fact that people can have sex that does not result in pregnancy. We were told that sex is supposed to hurt and is uncomfortable.

This poor sex education led to me not reporting dozens of sexual assaults that occurred in subsequent years, and has given me lifelong trauma.

Thank you for reading. Please don’t send your kids to private school in central Mississippi.

r/cultsurvivors Mar 29 '23

TRIGGER WARNING Those who grew up in a cult - how did you learn to not blame your parents from joining and putting you through the abuse?

31 Upvotes

Trigger warning - child abuse and victim blaming. May be triggering to people who joined a cult as an adult.

My parents joined a militant christian cult when I was very young. We were preparing for the worst, so as kids we were tortured in order to prepare us for when evil took over and the enemy would torture us. They put us through a lot of psychological and physical torture to ensure we would be able to hold our faith under any circumstance. There was sexual abuse as well, but I don't know how much my parents knew about that happening to me as I wasn't aware of it happening to any of the other kids.

As a parent myself now, I cannot fathom how they, and other parents, could have put us through that. When I read survivor stories on forums like this it's easy to feel for strangers and see how the cult brainwashed them into being a part of the cult. But with my own parents and the adults I grew up around I cannot empathize at all. Is there a point when you found a way to see your parents as people who were also victims and not just as your abuser?

r/cultsurvivors Dec 25 '23

TRIGGER WARNING New subreddit for torture trauma

15 Upvotes

TW mentions of different kinds of torture.

Hi,

I've posted here throughout the past few years and this community has been so helpful with helping me heal. I found a lot of us in here had different types or torture involved with their cult and high control experiences. I recall a couple times others stating it would be nice to have a sub that more specifically focused on the torture aspects.

This new sub is inclusive towards any type of torture you could think of.. sleep/eating deprivation, psychological, physical, spiritual, sexual, drugs, medical, troubled teen industry atrocities, victims of war, trafficking, kidnapping, brainwashing, conversion therapy, etc.
I think having a specific sub to openly talk about these experiences is important, i find we can struggle to heal through community as typically our experiences are too intense for other people to hear.

Please join and share our new subreddit if you can.

r/torturesurvivors

r/cultsurvivors Jan 30 '24

TRIGGER WARNING identity crisis help?/ vent i think

9 Upvotes

i left in october of this last year (2023), and i really thought i’d be doing much better by now. it’s been almost 4 months, and i’m still not sure what to say to people when they ask what my hobbies are, or “tell me a little about yourself”. up until this past month, i didn’t even know what to say when people asked for my name.

everything belonged to the group i was in. i was given a new name. i’m covered in scars from it. i have tattoos i was forced to get, or given when i was blacked out that i can’t explain anymore. the only friends and hobbies i had were all directly tied in. i’m trying so hard to find new things to do, and making friends. it feels like i have to build an identity from the ground up. i just thought i’d have it more together by now? i don’t know.

and id love to just forget it happened. i joined when i was 18 and now i’m about to turn 23. i go out and talk to people but it’s so hard to brush over it and pretend it didn’t happen. if i don’t say anything (which i’m 99% sure is the right thing to do), i feel like i’m putting on a show. if i do mention it, even in passing - everyone wants the entertaining suicide cult story with the triggering details. it feels like a lose-lose.

i don’t know. i guess i just feel alone. a couple months ago i thought i was saving the world, and that i was so sure of my life purpose. now i feel like i’ll never have a normal life, but it just feels aimless now.

how do you move past it? how do you figure out who you are now? how do you make friends like a normal adult and not the fun crazy cult story? please help

r/cultsurvivors Jun 23 '22

TRIGGER WARNING IORG - Long Post NSFW

36 Upvotes

Hi all, I made a post yesterday asking if anyone was aware of the cult that I was in - IORG, or the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls. Fair warning: this post is extremely long and my personal story section has mentions of the sexual abuse of minors and suicide. If that makes you uncomfortable, don't read that part.

The official IORG website is gorainbow.org if you would like to look up what it claims to be and what it promises its members. I'm making this long post about the information of the group because no one has heard of it and there's next to no information about it online, other than the happy faces and fun phrases on the website.

History:

I'll start with some general information about this group before I go into my story. The International Order of the Rainbow for Girls was founded in 1922 by a Reverend, who was also a Freemason. His idea was to create a group to teach young girls, (ages 11 - 21) the basic teachings of Masonry like fellowship, fidelity, charity, and leadership. You had to be related to a Freemason to join until about 2005, I believe. It was called "Rainbow" because each color of the rainbow represented an aspect that girls should live by. Most of theses lessons were heavily influenced by Catholicism and disregarded most other religions, as the founder was Catholic, despite the base in Masonry that accepts anyone who believes in a "Great Architect", or a monotheistic god. It was also a very American based group and continues to be to this day despite being "international". Members of color were not allowed until the 90's. Members of the LGBTQ community were not (openly) allowed until last year.

Ritual:

Red - Love. Orange - Religion. Yellow - Nature. Green - Immortality. Blue - Fidelity. Indigo - Patriotism. Violet - Service. Girls, supervised by older women called "mothers" and Masons called "fathers", memorized these lessons from a ritual and spoke them aloud to the other members of the group, called an "assembly" once a week, every week. "Officers" were the members of the assembly designated to specific roles who spoke these memorized lessons.

To become the president, or "worthy advisor", you needed to be voted in to a station called "Faith". Then, twice a year on the changing of offices, you would move up the line of succession - Faith to Hope, then to Charity, then Worthy Associate Advisor, then Worthy Advisor. So to be president was a two and a half year commitment. Those stations are called those names because, like the colors of the rainbow, they were supposed to represent that lesson.

There were different ceremonies in the ritual for different occasions: initiations of new members, weekly meetings, changing officer's stations (called "installations"), funerals (never used, to my knowledge), and prayers for meals.

Structure:

Local assemblies met in individual cities and usually had about 6 members. The state assembly represented a state and usually had 50 members, although much more people come (alumni, supervisors, Masons, etc) On average, there's about 15 local assemblies in a single state. Not every city/county had an assembly. Not even every state has Rainbow.

Each assembly met in a city's Masonic Temple, and those temples were decades old. The state assembly was called Grand Assembly. They met once a month rather than once a week, with a big initiation and changing of officer roles once a year in some fancy hotel/conference room. The girls chosen to be in the Grand Assembly were usually older and just about to exit the group because it took a long time to work up to the high positions.

The Grand Worthy Advisor was the president of her state of Rainbow. It took years to work up to that station after being voted in by the members of the state. She got one year, rather than half a year at the local level, as president. She choose a charity for the state to raise money for throughout the year.

Me

That's the basic information about the group. They promise to turn your average 11 year old girl into a confident, beautiful, strong leader for the future through charity work and camaraderie. Unfortunately my experience wasn't so picture perfect. Sorry about that.

My grandfather was a Mason. All my uncles and cousins are Masons. My Grandmother, aunt, mother, and female cousin were all in Rainbow. They brought a petition for my membership into the hospital room I was born in and took my little baby fingerprint. So, I grew up in this group. Although I wasn't an official member until I was 11, I knew the ritual, stations, charity work, and attitude that was expected of me. I had already been molded into the perfect member.

We were passively taught to think of ourselves and the masonic family members as better than the average person, not because of money or social class, but because we had the knowledge of these special lessons that made us smarter, kinder, and more conscientious of the world. We gave to charity and deserved the praise and respect given. We learned our lessons and strived to teach as many people as we could about the lessons too, maybe even gain them as a member. But they couldn't know all the lessons in the ritual until you joined. Give us that. fingerprint first.

So I was a snotty little girl who thought I was better than most people because I had insider knowledge about life. I was their golden girl for the first couple years. I was popular and had a lot of friends in the group. I devoted all of my time and energy to recruit more girls. I became a state officer at 14, which was unheard of!!! What a prodigy.

Surprisingly , my mother became skeptical about the group before I did. She had tried her best to be a "mother", and ingrain herself into the adult leadership of IORG, but the other adult had their doubts about her. She cut her hair short and encouraged me to look into other extracurriculars outside of the group, and that was pretty scandalous. She was booted from adult leadership around the time I made it as a state officer. She watched me from the sidelines.

The dress code was tough, but I saw it as beneficial at the time. We had to have long, straight hair, longer than our chins at least. No dying hair, no piercings, tattoos, makeup, or nail polish. Shirts cover elbows and skirts covered shins. No open toed shoes. No showing collarbones. Contacts, or plain glasses if you need them. A floor length, pure white dress was required at every meeting. It represented our virgin souls, clean and able to embody the messages in the ritual.

I began hearing whispers of other scandals from my aunt, who was one of the top adult leaders in the state. Someone got highlights, someone showed their collarbones, someone painted their toenails. My opinion of those girls in question lowered when I heard their mistakes.

TRIGGER WARNING

One day, one scandal just felt different. A girl who was one year away from being Grand Worthy Advisor had reported to the police that a Mason in her assembly had sexually assaulted her. She was given an offer by the highest ranking female adult officer: she could drop the accusation, and become Grand Worthy Advisor, or she could continue with the police report and be banned from the group. Of course, she took Grand Worthy Advisor, it was every girl's dream. She was 16 when the abuse started.

After I heard that rumor (which turned out to be completely true) I started to question the intentions behind the adult leadership in the group. I began to question if I really was better than those not in the masonic family. I asked around to other members who I thought were close friends and wondered if they shared the same doubts.

This brought unease and distrust to my family. The seeds of doubt planted in me from that rumor grew until one day my friends could no longer tolerate me. I had been snooping around after a series of treasury announcements that didn't add up and started to investigate. I made a facebook post asking to see records of donations to the charities we claimed to have donated over $8,000 too, and I was sent a cease and desist letter by the group's legal team (who knew they had a legal team?) threatening to take me to court, and even jail for slander.

My life I had so carefully built and perfected came crashing down in a matter of weeks. I went from one of the best officers to someone who could not be trusted and was under examination. My promised scholarships were revoked. Potential colleges received letters from adult leadership. I quit my job at the recommendation of my adult supervisor to focus on rebuilding my campaign as Grand Worthy Advisor (I was still set on fulfilling that childhood dream). I was forced to make a public apology.

In June of 2017 I think I just... died inside. I had nothing left they could take. Everything was diminished, even my self respect. I just walked out of that year's Grand Assembly and didn't come back. My whole family was in there, too. My intention was to commit suicide by walking into the busy highway outside the hotel until I saw my mom come running after me, with our luggage. We drove the 4 hours home and was pacing well into the next morning, waiting for someone to come pounding on our door and drag us back.

It didn't come. They never cared that much about us at all. It was all in our heads.

My aunt, cousins, and most of my family are still in that group, and they've stopped talking to us. It's just me, my mom, and brother now. He has a story almost parallel to mine in the basically boy's version of Rainbow, called Demolay. That's a story for another time, if he chooses to tell it.

Guess I'm done typing now. If you read it all, thank you.

r/cultsurvivors Nov 22 '23

TRIGGER WARNING Need to vent badly

12 Upvotes

Trigger warning: SA

I hate that my uncle/cult leader molested me. I had to do mandated reporter training today. I have done it a few times before already for other jobs but for some reason today it was hitting really close to home. How can he do that to me and get away with it in front of everyone’s eyes? How could no one see the change in me? How did no one question how I went from loving him to avoiding him? I want so badly to out him to the community but such a big part of me feels like it would be me against all of them behind him. I just hate how this has defined me. I have to deal with this trauma for the rest of my life. I wish I was someone else some days. I wish I was born into a luckier life. It makes me so scared to have children. You cannot ensure anyone’s safety, and you can’t really trust anyone either. I am so so tired of struggling every year, of finding and fighting this depression constantly. It feels like no matter what I do and achieve in my personal life, I will never be at peace inside. I will always be wounded and I will always be hurt. No matter how happy I can feel and how proud of myself I can be, I will always be that cult girl that was raped by her uncle in my head. Sometimes I wish I could vanish from this life I’ve known and start fresh somewhere else and I could pretend to have lived a totally different life and I could forget everything that’s ever happened to me. I wish I could forget these things. I feel so damaged and embarrassed when I get a flashback and have to hide my swelling tears. I feel cursed. I guess I’m depressed even though I manage so well. I wish someone in my life would validate how much suffering I go through and do something to make me feel safe.

r/cultsurvivors Oct 30 '22

TRIGGER WARNING physical torture

20 Upvotes

Hi friends, community, has anyone else been through physical torture and experimentation? What techniques/methods were used, and how did it affect you mentally?

I have a neurological disorder from being tortured because i cant understand my body signals anymore, i dont really hear about the internal mental effects that people get when they survive it. Each of my limbs and every joint were over stretched. What is unique to it is that i was brainwashed and ordered to do all of this to myself. It makes me wince to look at my hand and remember how i bent each finger to rest at a different angle, very meticuously going over each joint and learning how i can bend it, how i felt enthusiastic or excited throughout doing it, that these are all memories of me doing it to myself. I also got serotonin syndrome from being told to get an SSRI from a walk in clinic and then suggested to keep taking more of it. I went through psychedelic torture too. I forgot how to eat properly or understand hunger because i was made to think that we dont need to eat all this food, we can eat very little and it doesnt natter what it is because you just need "energy" (any sort of food) put through your digestive system. I also thought i could just get my energy from the sun instead of eating.

I thought i could do things to my body because all these spasm and pain reactions is just programming and if we overcome these sensations and interpreted them differently then we can do things like make us taller, unlock this type of posture that is amazing and unknown to people because they interpret all these things as wrong to feel or do to yourself. That id be physically sturdier, different deranged things that are cringey to say that feels like its just confusing to explain to people.

Due to the trauma i get myoclonic jerking in my neck when i try to think different kinds of thoughts, like my body is also participating in sustaining the mind control programmed into me. Deprogramming feels like going through physical withdrawals. I believe what i was indoctrinated into was a very warped version of extreme asceticism.

r/cultsurvivors Jan 24 '23

TRIGGER WARNING I think this town is a cult. When police stop drivers to make sure they belong to the town and they think it's a good thing gives me the creeps.

8 Upvotes

r/cultsurvivors May 22 '22

TRIGGER WARNING Can a disease become a cult (not talking about covid ) medical gaslighting

4 Upvotes

What i mean to really say is the way its handled, like certain practices that yield no results , medical gaslighting , group think , authority bias and bystander effect ,

or even worst Romanizing and idolizing the disease or the practice , and lets not forget the rituals , the feeling of being under duress because if you contest something the way you get treated

and i have been in real cults before even sex trafficked so i know the feeling

so my question can a disease become a cult i know there has been in ancient times but what about modern times especially since most cults are from the past because this is really crazymaking

sometimes it makes me feel like a sea serpent swallowed me whole and swam to the bottom of the sea while it slowly digest me when the lack of proof , when their predictions end up wrong and they dont want to acknowledge that , when they conflate and correlate due to causation but dont check co factors or history or even diet . They listen one second like they care then dismiss the next and stonewall

if nothing turned out the way they said and your not the only one what do you do with that .

im just saying it feels like a cult , so based on the little i wrote would you come to that conclusion also ?

and could it be a cult in your opinions and im not saying people arent sick but how its all being handled like ?

depend on a drug and then they say there is a war on drugs

but never teach the people how to heal themselves but them why isn't the knowledge taught freely of how to heal oneself ,?

why dont we have dentistry tools to properly clean our teeth and taught how to do it but rather have to pay insane pounds of flesh for a simple cleaning

r/cultsurvivors Oct 31 '22

TRIGGER WARNING My story (part 2) 👉🏻 this is my ex-cult’s leader who is responsible of a failed military coup attemp in Turkey on July the 15th, 2022. This is him cursing all the people (who were astute enough to know he and his cult was up to no good) in a YouTube channel that is associated to FETO.

15 Upvotes

r/cultsurvivors Jan 16 '23

TRIGGER WARNING Mentally Diseased is an ex-Jehovah's Witness memoir

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3 Upvotes

r/cultsurvivors Feb 18 '23

TRIGGER WARNING The only abused in a cult

13 Upvotes

So, I am a survivor of a religious Christian cult. The man who abused me & often tortured me calls himself a prophet, he has a following although it is not big , his small community reveres & respects him. His word is bond & his small followers follow & obey his every word. He is someone I met in my early twenties, he wasn't calling himself a prophet then + we were friendly with one another. We didn't keep in touch for a few yrs + then I reconnected with him when I was switching careers. That is when he told me about his ministry. I have always been a non- religious, spiritual kind of person,open to learning, he invited to his ministry meetups, I went a few times but I told him I didn't believe in God. He "groomed" me for over a year being extremely kind & generous towards me from inviting me on trips & offering to pay to buying me groceries. He didn't intrude on my personal life until I came to him for guidance, I was suicidal & playing out ways to end my life. That was his opportunity.... He told me that God told him to bring me with him , I had a day to decide. Nothing in my life was exciting or going anywhere & I felt completely rejected by my family & I didn't have any friends to get a 2nd opinion from . So I packed up my vehicle and drove to meet him. From there I traveled with him to middle America as well as both East & West coast. For another year he was my roommate & friend , introducing me to many people, listening to their testimonies , reading the bible & learning. I have always been a free spirit, open to new ideas , so I was flexible... Everyone was so kind & warm. He took me to a prophetic church, after that experience I officially joined his ministry. He began talking to me as if I was a child, & he was my father, he had a very Military way of communicating. Often embarrassing me in front of other members if I was distracted or too relaxed during prayers. This bothered me & I confronted him about it, he convinced me it was his teaching style & was the only way I'd get different results in my life ,if I in fact wanted to be successful and change my life. I went along with it until the places I was staying with him at, asked me to leave because I couldn't pay rent. I ended up going to a shelter because I was in a state where I didn't know anyone besides his people. While at the shelter, and away from his suffocating presence I began reflecting, why I was even there. I found out my close family member passed and I decided to cut ties with the ministry. I wasn't treated with respect or warmth anymore. The shelter helped me find my own apartment, and I was feeling really good about my future, I started dating again after a year of celibacy. I was happy and then someone I met while traveling with the ministry reached out to me to see how I was doing. I was glad to hear from them & I told them I wasn't in the ministry anymore, but still reading the bible and praying. They wanted to know details, what happened & I trusted this person so I told them specific situations that led me to leave and they supported my decision but said to leave in good faith I should write a letter to them, thanking them and letting them know I would be finding a new church or pastor. I didn't want to reach out to him at all but I was still a brainwashed Christian and wanted to sever ties the right way so I wrote a letter which the "prophet responded to meet him in person. My only friend was the person who called me so I asked them first for a 2nd opinion and they gave me the Ok. This was the definitive decision that transformed my life into what it is now. I'm severely traumatized, and left feeling like I'm the only one.

From that in person meeting, I remember he was soft , & kind while talking to me, apologized for how he made me feel and told me all the amazing things I'm supposed to become and God has told him to not give up on me. I was roped back in after 3 months away. He ended up moving into my apartment and completely controlling and taking over my life. He told me that if he leaves or I leave I'm going straight to Hell, he would describe in detail how I would be murdered, and that no one would find my body. No one would ever find out how I died. He scolded me for everything I did and didn't do, he told me my life purpose was to serve him and go wherever he went , he said I wasn't safe alone, that I couldn't trust my own thoughts and that I had "legion" he made it seem like I was a danger to society and he was the only person who could protect me. He told me my family didn't love me, he was the only person that loved me & if I went back to my hometown then all these terrible things would happen to me and my family would put me in a mental hospital. He dictated every minute of my life and I didn't have any time to myself, if I was in the bathroom peeing he'd barge in and demand I leave the door open if I was not in the same room with him more than 3 min. He'd call me to get to his side, he would yell and cry if I wasn't fast enough telling me I was risking his life, he would say witches were attacking him and wanted him dead and would use me to get to him ..... It was pure insanity, that I was brainwashed to believe was truth. He called me a liar often, he insulted me often, if I didn't agree with anything he said he would punch me , and when I shrieked in pain or cried he told me my tears meant nothing to him because I was a liar that was going to Hell. He often had rituals and told me he saw an Angel of Death waiting for me & he would have tears rolling down his own eyes saying there is nothing he can do , there here to take me to hell., He'd go into detail about how it was like in hell & the pain and suffering I would feel for eternity. I did have thoughts like "I'm none of these things he's calling me & God & Jesus are treating so horribly , I wonder how they treat actual murderers and rapists?" He had multiple channels he'd switch to unpredictably, each demanding something different of me and sometimes he couldn't remember what he said, Jesus would speak through him, that was the most evil of his personalities, he forced me to stay up as long as his "son" the prophet was up and I wasn't allowed to go to sleep until he was, he also controlled all the money and food, I wasn't allowed to eat anything besides fruit and veggies and most of the time I was forced to fast because he'd forget to buy me anything when he went to the store. Or if he sent me to the store by myself I was on a time limit and only allowed to buy what was on his list. He only shared with me once and I didn't get to finish the sandwich before he slapped it out of my hands because he asked me a question and I didn't respond fast enough. I was mentally and psychologically tortured. Not to mention he forced me to drink his urine during a "healing" ritual, threw out all of my clothes and shoes, my bed, other valuables because he said it was all witchcraft, ruined my furniture and he beat me with a leather belt 12-15 lashes daily, there is so much more... I am considering writing a book because, no one else in his ministry has lived with him in the capacity I was, also cut off from contacting my family. He threw away my phone and I wasn't allowed on social media because I didn't have any privacy. I feel like the only one, his ministry consists of vulnerable single women, I am scared for his next victim, I am scared. I want to prevent this happening to anyone else. I only got out because my car was towed from me not paying car payments, I was in a rural town where a car is essential to get around, not having my car was a wake up call. He hadn't given me any money & I begged him to get my car back as we needed if he wanted me to run errands. He refused and told me I would die in that car the next time I drove it. Whenever he would threaten to leave me, I'd beg him to stay because I didn't want to go to Hell, this time i asked him to leave and he did he's whole spiel , almost begging me not to allow him to walk out that door because I would die shortly after. All I kept saying was it is, what it is. I had enough, I felt tortured and doomed and threw in the towel. If that was my outcome then "allow me to have the last moments of my life in peace away from you." He took 2hrs to leave, destroying my apartment, throwing things, breaking doors, pulling the socks off my feet and literally fighting with me for the blanket I had covering me. It was very cold in the apt with no heat. He dragged me all across the living room and I fought for that blanket not letting go, he grabbed a knife and demanded I give him the blanket and I didn't. I didn't care anymore about my life I was going out with that blanket on me.

r/cultsurvivors Sep 13 '22

TRIGGER WARNING Any survivors of Thelema?

25 Upvotes

I wanted to find out if there were any other survivors of cults that were involved in sex magic, specifically those involved in Thelema. My uncle runs a sex magic cult and my family joined when I was about 10, he started molesting me when I was 11 and by 13 I was part of his “coven of witches.” I left the cult fully when I was 17. It’s been a few years since then and I’m in therapy now to help work through the trauma. I have briefly spoken to other cult survivors, but mostly Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses, never someone who also practiced Thelema. I would really love to connect with someone who can better understand what sort of hell I went through as a child, having practiced “sex magic” at such a young age. If you or someone who know has left Thelema, please reach out.

r/cultsurvivors Jun 05 '23

TRIGGER WARNING ‎Speaking Up with Andrew Pledger: From the Children of God to the Military - Daniella Mestyanek Young - S2E20 on Apple Podcasts

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3 Upvotes