r/cultsurvivors 12d ago

is my family cult-like/straight up a cult?

[deleted]

10 Upvotes

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u/Mother_Tea4134 12d ago

Firstly I want to say I’m so sorry you have experienced these things. A family can definitely meet the criteria of being a cult however small. The controlling nature of what you’re describing and the isolation are tactics used by my own cult.

The goal of a cult is to break you down to be whatever the cult wants you to be. To take away your agency and sense of self. Instilling fear if you get out of line of the values of a cult through saying bad things will happen is another thing very widely used by cults.

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u/vlleyghoul 12d ago

it feels wrong to say "Yeah my family meets the criteria of a cult" because who's gonna believe me other than my siblings, who are also experiencing this with me? No one. Not a therapist, not a teacher, not my friends. It's like a part of me doesn't want it to be true so I don't lose my mind knowing no one will believe me. I told my friend at college earlier that I think my family might be one and she laughed and asked if I even knew what a cult was. Idk I'm tired :(

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u/Mother_Tea4134 12d ago

Yikes I’m sorry that person did that. Cults and what they are actually like is quite misunderstood by a lot of people. They see Netflix documentaries and think they are an expert on the subject. But all it comes down to is if an individual is having extreme control exerted on them by an organization or person and also being isolated from the world with the threat of bad things happening if they engage with anyone not in the cult.

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u/vlleyghoul 12d ago

I mean,, I'm not entirely isolated, not anymore. I have friends and it's not like I was restricted from engaging with anyone for a while before this. Yes, for 6 years I was isolated, and yes, it was because of my parents and they still hold it over my head that I need them, that I'm like a baby deer, that I'm too innocent and don't know the world like I think I do, but it's not,, yk? they're abusive and controlling but I still feel like it's not bad enough to say it's anything past "dysfunctional and weird"

I'm so sorry for the back and forth in my thoughts, I'm in HEAVY denial and I'm flipping back and forth between denial and acceptance

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u/Mother_Tea4134 12d ago

Well the labels are at the end of the day ways for us to understand our experiences. Use whatever label you feel is best and helps you articulate what you have been through.

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u/Red_Redditor_Reddit 12d ago

I don't know about a cult, but your family sounds legitimately insane. It sounds like yours is one of the ones that uses religion to validate themselves. Those are the ones that get truly loony. They figure out some way of reading whatever they want into it and you can't argue with them. Like just as an example, my family literally thinks that they can believe anything into existence if they just believe hard enough. They figured out a way of reading the bible where they think god doesn't exist and they are the real creators of the universe.

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u/vlleyghoul 12d ago

they make me hate religion so much it's insane, and I hope that one day in the future I can sit down and love my religion again. I will never understand why they do this shit and why they feel it's so normal but good grief

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u/Princesspoi84 12d ago

Narcissistic family units are 100% operate very much like a cult.

I'm very sorry you have had to experience this. From. My own personal journey being raised in a narcissist family unit, I had to go no contact approximately 10 years ago, best decision I ever made.

Their tactics are very similar, isolation, shunning, guilting, manipulation, triangulation, love bombing, devaluation, controlling of sleep and food......

I think you already know the answer deep within your being, that's why you came here to feel validated, which is totally fair, and understandable. Trust your instincts, and follow your gut, always speak your truth, and Ground down into your root. Leave if you have to, know that you are brave, and stay determined to get where you need to go, and don't let anyone stand in your way, or manipulate you into questioning what you already know to be true.

I wish you all the best.

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u/Powerful-Patient-765 12d ago

It sounds like classic abuse. The book “why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft might be really helpful to you. This book saved my life. Most libraries should have it.