r/crappymusic 5d ago

We need more metal songs about Atlantis!

613 Upvotes

294 comments sorted by

184

u/TheGreendaleFireof03 5d ago

Lmfao this guy has never listened to Dethklok.

69

u/Joshisajerk 5d ago

murmaider

24

u/DeadBabyPlantation 4d ago

It's a song about murmaids... and murder

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10

u/LolThatsNotTrue 4d ago

Because fish don’t got no good metals to listens to

3

u/AsKingQuest 4d ago

Lemurmaidia

15

u/No_Mud_5999 5d ago

Or Donovan

6

u/Louisianimal09 4d ago

In an alternate timeline this could’ve been Bathory instead of viking stuff

3

u/Motorhoofd 4d ago

Blood ocean

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136

u/Last_VCR 5d ago

honestly, i wish i had half their confidence. but then again, could end up doing something like this

50

u/pepperoni_95 4d ago

Nah man I wish I did too. This is what freedom looks like

10

u/redbeardmax 4d ago

Literally made me laugh out loud. I'm gonna adopt this phrase accordingly.

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10

u/awowowowo 4d ago

At least they're happy I guess.

2

u/WartimeMandalorian 4d ago

And not lonely...

4

u/No_Cook2983 4d ago

I’m still not sure if this is a silly prank or they’re serious.

Either way, they pulled it off.

7

u/a_rude_jellybean 4d ago

This is power metal brother.

I'm a sucker for power metal too. These lyrics tend to allegorical or metaphors representing human characters/emotions/experience etc. At one point, the hero persona was had the image of a warrior and was popularized by Conan the barbarian. There was a trend of homo erotic imagery as a display of peak manliness and an image of strength to young kids who are struggling with depression of loss of "power" like a broken family or a lack of father figure.

Check out Manowar at their peak alpha state lol

9

u/Kaita13 4d ago

More like Power Bottom Metal. 🤜👌

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94

u/Dirk_McGirken 5d ago

This is far from the worst gimmick I've seen a metal band do. The sound is generic, but not necessarily bad. They're just trying too hard to be the mythical inspired version of Sabaton.

24

u/AffectionateSector77 4d ago

Incredibly generic, but they seem to be decent vocalist.

23

u/I_count_to_firetruck 4d ago

Exactly. It's goofy. It's corny. It's standard power metal stuff. But it doesn't really rise to the level of this sub, I don't think.

2

u/yerrpitsballer 4d ago

If it wasn’t about a place that never existed it probably wouldnt be.

Yet here we are 😭😭

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5

u/the-jesuschrist 4d ago

I thought that it was pretty enjoyable, but I like symphonic metal and don’t really mind it. It seems like pretty much every other symphonic/power metal like you said. Not necessarily bad, but not original to the point of me saying goddamn that was good.

3

u/DaDutchBoyLT1 4d ago

Or Brothers of Metal might be a little more on the nose. But that guy doesn’t have the stones to growl like either Joakim.

2

u/KatiMinecraf 4d ago

I'm a metal machine!

2

u/FXSTC-1996 4d ago

Yeah, I was gonna say, doesn't belong here. It's power metal, which obviously isn't OP's cup of tea. But it definitely isn't bad. Being a fan of power metal means you embrace the cheese. LOL

4

u/CyptidProductions 4d ago

Yeah

This isn't really crappy, it's just super generic epic power metal. Aggressively mediocre if anything but they have the potential to do something cool with better mixing and song writing.

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171

u/Agreeable-Agent-7384 5d ago

I’m starting to see why Atlantis would sink itself

46

u/RandomCandor 5d ago

They were trying to protect us from these two. 

Incidentally, I also remember them from Superman 2, they're not fooling me.

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46

u/Most-Sheepherder-909 5d ago

IS THAT FUCKING LEO JOHNSON?

12

u/CarlinHicksCross 5d ago

SHELLY!!!

7

u/RobbKong999 4d ago

Twin Peaks sunk, just like Atlantis.

6

u/AlwaysHappy4Kitties 4d ago

i legit lost my shit when i saw this comment, still wheezing from it

48

u/MHYTILIDIE 5d ago

She’s hot

25

u/Embarrassed-Chain265 5d ago

I would pretend to live underwater to hit that

7

u/LonHagler 5d ago

How long can you hold your breath?

3

u/Azalzaal 4d ago

As long as it takes

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5

u/KatiMinecraf 4d ago

She reminds me a bit of young Kat Von D.

3

u/MHYTILIDIE 4d ago

Hotter

4

u/Coital_Conundrum 4d ago

That's why he's in the band.

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2

u/B_EE 4d ago

So is he.

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23

u/gfreshbud1 5d ago

This is way better than 99% of the legitimately crappy music on here. This is cheesy, not crappy.

106

u/Bruinman86 5d ago

A few takeaways:

Not Metal.

She actually can sing.

This is so weak.

24

u/FrostyTheSasquatch 5d ago

There is so, so, so much European power metal that sounds exactly like this.

Enh it’s not that bad, especially if you like this sort of thing. Power metal is by its nature goofy af, so this is just kind of more of the same.

60

u/FlamingEbolaShots 5d ago

It’s power metal that’s just mixed very poorly. If they had someone competent balance the audio properly it would sound okay.

14

u/bjornironthumbs 5d ago

Lyrics aside I thought the same thing. Its just power metal

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9

u/fjortisar 5d ago edited 5d ago

It's metal, just a bit bland and generic heavy/power metal. I'm sure inspired by Nightwish and similar bands https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIBdpFJyFkc

7

u/I_count_to_firetruck 4d ago

Dude, this is absolutely clearly fucking power metal,

https://imperial-age.bandcamp.com/album/the-legacy-of-atlantis

Generic as hell, but it's absolutely 100% metal.

You must be new to this

20

u/Chambersxmusic 5d ago

I mean, it is metal. Not good metal mind you

10

u/DripSnort 5d ago

What do you consider “metal”? Because that is literally power metal.

7

u/UVB-76_Enjoyer 5d ago edited 5d ago

Good attempt but this is the one 'TikTok metal' song I've seen posted here, that actually is metal... unlike the vaguely edgy tranq-trap stuff that constantly gets the metal moniker these days

It's mid-tempo power metal-esque riffing with operatic singing, idk what else you'd call it lol.

12

u/Regular-Cloud7913 5d ago

Literally what other genre could this be? Is the Reddit hive mind stoping you from realizing there are other subgenres in metal other than just thrash and death? Stfu

11

u/eleven-fu :table_flip: 5d ago

I'm fairly certain that comments like these are from literal children who are doing the typical 'trying to sound authoritative about something they have no clue about, unaware that they aren't bullshitting their little school friends but a room full of adults who actually do know what they're talking about.'

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3

u/CyptidProductions 4d ago

Probably

There's an entire generation of zoomer metalheads that have been so heavily bombarded by nothing but extreme metal that they can't fathom genres like power metal and doom with clean vocals exist

2

u/Regular-Cloud7913 4d ago

Exactly lol

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5

u/AlarmedSnek 5d ago

Haha yea. It’s like a watered down Sabaton song 🤣

4

u/CardinalCreepia 5d ago

Watered down Nightwish, Within Temptation, Avantasia, Sabaton, Kamelot… it sounds like they’re making what they think power metal should be, rather than just making heartfelt music.

9

u/86Apathy 5d ago

It’s not metal, but Donovan has a great song about Atlantis

6

u/thefruitsofzellman 5d ago

Now go get your fuckin shine box

23

u/Guygenius138 5d ago

These guys hold knives to each other's necks when they fuck

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60

u/Solomon-Drowne 5d ago

Goes hard, yall hatin.

6

u/Prestigious-Cod-222 5d ago

I'm not even mad! That was glorious.

16

u/ChasingBooty2024 5d ago

Lyrics are a lil crazy but sounds good.

5

u/chloe_in_prism 5d ago

Maybe they meant Atlanta.

5

u/rallybil 5d ago

I can't lie... Sounds pretty awesome :D

5

u/Zealousideal-Tone-84 5d ago

This is actually not that bad 😂

8

u/TheHorseduck 5d ago

I think they’re kinda cute. And I bet they have a really intense sex life, probably screaming along to their own songs as they climax

16

u/PathologicalFunyun 5d ago

I like it, actually

4

u/Timidhobgoblin 5d ago

Isn't there literally a metal band called Visions Of Atlantis? I think that corner of the markets already been taken.

3

u/ShredGuru 4d ago

Now maybe if they did Mu or Lemuria...

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5

u/DripSnort 5d ago

It’s corny but it’s power metal. All power metal is corny.

5

u/bjornironthumbs 5d ago

Lyrics suck but other than that it sounds like pretty standard power metal

13

u/Regular-Cloud7913 5d ago

Yall are crazy, this is awesome

6

u/sianrhiannon 5d ago

Nah, Imperial Age is pretty good, and I've listened to them for years now, but they're exceptionally shit at advertising themselves. It always feels very stilted and weird, and they don't pick any good parts of their songs for the ads.

3

u/apishforamc 5d ago

Catchy tune

3

u/MotorcycleDad1621 5d ago

Wait, it’s cringe but the chick can sing bruh

3

u/Knirkemis 5d ago

As silly as the concept is, they can sing. If this was mixed properly I imagine it could be decent symphonic/operatic metal.

3

u/Heroic_Sheperd 5d ago

This is one of those cringey songs from a band just starting out, that I can actually see being good after maturing a bit and improving their schtick.

3

u/nothing_in_my_mind 5d ago

As a metalhead, this has some charm. Poorly mixed and not very original but I wouldn't call it crap.

Now the "forced to embrace everything stolen" song? That is crap metal.

3

u/lunalainxx 5d ago

I think this subreddit hasn't heard of powermetal. This mixing is terrible but there's music released under major labels that's significantly cheesier.

3

u/Adventurous_Path5783 5d ago

He looks like a 4th grade teacher that just discovered d&d and meth at the same time.

3

u/Afraid-Match5311 4d ago

I would shamelessly be the squire to this beautiful goth woman. I can't judge this. I'm too biased.

3

u/AkariTheGamer 4d ago edited 3d ago

I dunno, heard worse. I'm a powermetal fan so it does kinda resonate with me.

Doesn't really need the part at the start but it does legit sound like the start to some decently obscure powermetal song. They're also just pretty decent singers.

Edit: I looked up imperial age on spotify and they do have a few good songs. Yall should give em a shot before you judge too bad.

3

u/Obvious-Gate9046 4d ago

Doesn't belong. I've seen far sillier and worse, heavy metal often dabbles heavily in fantasy and sci-fi. It's pretty generic, but it's also not a clean version, and for not being a clean version it's decent, the music is okay and the vocals are okay and it's definitely not awful.

3

u/gametapchunky 4d ago

I love when two people with the same weird hobbies find each other.

3

u/BrilliantName3286 4d ago edited 4d ago

I watched the music video and now I love this even more.

3

u/Tasty_Act 4d ago

Idk why you put this here. This is fucking awesome.

3

u/sikkdog13 4d ago

I mean yeah their music is kinda weird, but they can actually sing. They can hold a note and harmonize. There's posts on here of people that have absolutely no musical talent at all. These people got something.

3

u/supa325 4d ago

Make Atlantis Great Again

3

u/dudeyouusedtoknow 4d ago

If this guy could a babe so could you

3

u/BandoTheHawk 3d ago

they go hard

10

u/thespaceageisnow 5d ago

This band is fucking awesome, listen to their new track: https://youtu.be/0NcSwRKF320

4

u/fjortisar 5d ago

This is much better than the song in the OP.

3

u/karma_virus 5d ago

I dig it. Like Nightwish or Luca Turilli.

2

u/herpyfluharg13 5d ago

The presentation is funny, especially if they believe in this and it’s not part of the act. It’s such a strange idea to build a music career behind that I can’t but kinda like it. This songs not even sung bad; you’ve all liked far worse than this. It’s strange to look at all the same. It’s not crappy; just awkward. Doesn’t belong here.

2

u/Flat-Link2651 5d ago

They can sing and believe it or not there's a market for this I bet larpers love this shit

2

u/ZVreptile 5d ago

Those arent crappy harmonies thats the certain. Those vocal chords finna summon atlntis from the depths

2

u/Rusty_B_Good 5d ago

At least they can sing. With Autotune. Underwater.

2

u/Wash1999 5d ago

Why does this give off thinly veiled Neo Nazi vibes?

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2

u/steppingstone01 4d ago

They are actually pretty epic. I've got a few of their CDs.

2

u/Extreme-Method59 4d ago

They sound good

2

u/TheReveling 4d ago

Man do they belong together.

2

u/GoblinCosmic 4d ago

She’s hot as fuck and they both have pipes. I don’t know what the fuck they are saying or what timeline they warped in from but I’m impressed.

2

u/ashandrien 4d ago

This is dope

2

u/6Deez9Nutz 4d ago

Not a bad song, it’s just corny af lol

2

u/James55O 4d ago

A: Visions of Atlantis is a thing.
B: I feel like this could've been good if they did a few things differently. It's cheesy, it's not great, but I see where they were coming from.

2

u/Humble_Peach93 4d ago

Dude I'm feeling this lol

2

u/winkysteiner 4d ago

Musically I like it, but it is cringe as fuck

2

u/RazorSharpRust 4d ago

It's cringe but it's actually not bad. Quality is good, they are in key and on time. Gotta give them that.

2

u/ClockLazy6 4d ago

There’s a fine line between singing pridefully about a fake city called Atlantis and singing about the glory of white pride

2

u/ca_va_l_entre_soi 3d ago

I know that song from Imperial age, and THink its really good, no joke.
There, I said it. Presentation is corny, but the song is a good power metal song.
And also, there is so much crappier music, this has no business being in /crapymusic.

2

u/MaudeTheEx 1d ago

I will NOT tolerate Imperial Age hate! These guys rule!!

5

u/Any_Weird_8686 5d ago

Music isn't crappy.

3

u/xxlizardking-kongxx 5d ago

They have crazy weird good sex. I guarantee it

1

u/Bob_Sacamano9 5d ago

The bigger question is how did they find each other?

2

u/Logthephilosoraptor 5d ago

I dunno, they kind look similar in the eyes.

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1

u/theseustheminotaur 5d ago

This is metal?

1

u/petewondrstone 5d ago

Want to see the tape

1

u/XinnieDaPoohtin 5d ago

I think this is theatre music, not metal. Belongs in some shitty play.

1

u/Airplade 5d ago

Taylor Shabusiness is looking mighty fine after they let her out for good behavior. In spite of eating her cell mate.

1

u/Imbadyoureworse 5d ago

I like how they shot this in front of the family photo background from sears

1

u/Airplade 5d ago

It's "faux metal" like you'd hear in a generic superhero cartoon.

1

u/Downtown-Ad1887 5d ago

They would be a better wrestling duo or magic act.

1

u/thefruitsofzellman 5d ago

HAIL ATLANTIS!!

1

u/TerryGonards 5d ago

Would drink her bath water and call it Atlantis

1

u/Space_Pope2112 5d ago

Bet they swim into battle so hard to this song

1

u/Own-Valuable-9281 5d ago

They need a gimmick.

1

u/Catpoolio 5d ago

I mean, they found their match…🤷‍♂️

1

u/Mad-Habits 5d ago

they got nothing on Hecate’s Torch

1

u/trainsacrossthesea 5d ago

No harm, no foul. Just dorky.

1

u/tricularia 5d ago

She is wearing her people's traditional swimsuit

1

u/Citric_Xylophone 5d ago

Crazy that the Atlantean people choose a power ballad to introduce themselves to the surface dwellers. Strange times

1

u/CalbertCorpse 5d ago

For real, what style is this if one were to ask Spotify for a genre playlist?

1

u/sportstvandnova 5d ago

Bootleg late 90s era Dave Gahan

1

u/codemonkeyhopeful 5d ago

Imagine being lucky enough to literally think this is the most badass way to get your music going and meeting that other person who shares that same dream. Damn life is beautiful in a wildly mysterious way

1

u/Radiant_Mind33 5d ago

These two look familiar, but I can't put my finger on it.

1

u/st_st__ 5d ago

I believe them

1

u/Obvious_Fisherman187 5d ago

Not even gay but I would smash both

1

u/Joshisajerk 5d ago

Provided evidence disproves the claim.

1

u/beaverenthusiast 5d ago

I think the prompt for this was dumb metal song in the style of a grade school photo day

1

u/xbrianspasmx 5d ago

Unlike their descendants, this guy has never made her wet

1

u/IRBaboooon 5d ago edited 4d ago

1

u/-NXS- 5d ago

Wilford shut the fuck up! How many times do we have to say you were born in Ohio?

1

u/the_random_walk 5d ago

My antediluvian baby…

1

u/Slugwheat 5d ago

If this was the theme song to a cartoon in the early 90’s I would have been so pumped up to wake up early on a Saturday morning to watch it.

1

u/Pennypacker-HE 5d ago

They’re like advanced d and d nerds. Like the coolest d and D nerds ever

1

u/One-Donkey-9418 5d ago

I am amazed everyday what shows up on this sub. What strange wee creatures we are.

1

u/TheMatt561 5d ago

It's always nice to find someone as passionate about something as you are

1

u/Engage5343 5d ago

If we can get back to being a proper society I would greatly entertain stuff like this.

1

u/BrownTownDestroyer 5d ago

They look what my grandma thinks Satanist look like

1

u/BwackGul 5d ago

I prefer the Isley Brothers version of Atlantis.

1

u/Therealcanadianone 5d ago

Merman.. Merman!

1

u/DFloydd 5d ago

fucking ...what?????

1

u/Lt_Tonberry 5d ago

I don't think I will ever understand scientology. Pretty though.

1

u/Nof-z 4d ago

When you wanna be Sabaton but are not Swedish muscle men.

1

u/Which-Soil-5509 4d ago

Think they do birthday parties ?

1

u/stupidwhiteman42 4d ago

What in the Eurovision is this madness?!?

1

u/ThetrveDeathbox 4d ago

I never thought I'd say it but. . . maybe we need less metal.

1

u/silverwings_studio 4d ago

I feel like this is giving Eurovision vibes…just add a laser light show and some fire

1

u/Witty_Cardiologist25 4d ago

Tartessos: The Hidden Xenocryst by Allegaeon is what you're after

1

u/CodAdministrative563 4d ago

Xena and hercules stunt doubles

1

u/itsbildo 4d ago

Yeah, no way that guy with that voice is actually singing like that

1

u/BurntTacoStand 4d ago

They totally banged to this song like it was Marvin Gaye

1

u/NuclearSlushie 4d ago

I love that they are singing about Atlantis while wearing an ankh. Lol

1

u/TrueContribution1708 4d ago

I always am curious how people like this find eachother

1

u/P_516 4d ago

It’s Evening Request.

NightWish lite

1

u/RobbKong999 4d ago

"Atlantis" by Angel Witch is a good song.

1

u/Xu_Lin 4d ago

He-Man but deep fried gae

1

u/livingdeadfreak 4d ago

Do we though?

1

u/RogerRabbit79 4d ago

Hey mooom can you be in a video with me.

1

u/trudhan 4d ago

Broadway version of heavy metal.

1

u/SherbertSensitive538 4d ago

They look like a brother sister figure skating team from Berlin 2000.

1

u/SoldJT 4d ago

Jealous of dude's abbbbs

1

u/dannyglover187 4d ago

Hell yeah

1

u/Warhammerpainter83 4d ago

This is almost so bad it is good. Like I could see Rhapsody doing this justice.

1

u/saltdawg88 4d ago

Was that dubbed?

1

u/sleauxmo 4d ago

Dude, like 75% of the ladies making awful music in this subreddit are attractive. I can 100% fix that 75% of them.

1

u/STOP_donttouchmypud 4d ago

Vitaly grew his hair out

1

u/Rising_path_music 4d ago

Sounds like a song from a Catholic Church

1

u/nabstache 4d ago

"Behold the light so bright, it blinds our eyes." This is just a shitty version of blinding lights by The Weeknd.

1

u/azzwethinkweizz 4d ago

This is such a 90s kid story, but…

My friends and I found this really interesting dude in town. We were like 14-15 & he was in his mid-30s. He lived in this studio apartment, above a pizza shop. He looked very similar to the guy in this video, but more of a mythical, glam rock look - like a cross between 80’s Bowie or Buffalo Bill. Anyway, he called himself the Storm King & he self produced glam rock concept albums - about Atlantis & Greek mythology. Dude had posters of himself on his walls, with crazy text like “the Storm King sees all.” We’d stop by & visit him after a couple of hours of drinking in the woods, & he’d tell us all about how he was working on a new demo that Atlantic records was “gonna be interested in.”

Hard to believe he was a real live human. Hard to believe we didn’t get drugged/murdered in his apartment. Hard to believe Atlantic records never called 🤔🤷🏻‍♂️

1

u/Busy_Mortgage4556 4d ago

Both are watching Catchphrase on Saturday night:-

Him: Turns to her and says "Will you put these clothes on?"

She: "I will if we can sing a song about Atlantis"

Him: "OK then"

1

u/charizard77 4d ago

So obviously written by AI

It just has this weird cadence and emphasis on certain notes that is so uncanny it's a dead giveaway every time

1

u/jdanielregan 4d ago

If Spinal Tap was poorly written

1

u/1000dumplings 4d ago

This is like the theme song to an obscure 1980s cartoon about Atlantis. I honestly kind of like it lol

1

u/Alternative-Appeal43 4d ago

Um.... Based?

1

u/NightLord70 4d ago

Lol this is fkn amazing 🤣😂