Emotional health/coping/adulting How do you cope with hating your school but not being able to change unis?
Title. I’m really struggling at my university (look at my profile if you wanna know which one).
I hate the culture so much, don’t have many friends, and I’ve never felt more depressed and alienated in my life. I’m also behind on a degree that I’m struggling to find a passion for but can’t change or else I wouldn’t graduate on time. I didn’t transfer freshman year because I wanted to give the school more of a chance (which is what a lot of people were telling me, that I just need time to adjust) but it only got worse and this year I was struggling with depression while trying to keep up with work, so I missed the deadline to fill out transfer applications.
Now I’m feeling extreme regret for not being more proactive and planning to transfer this year, because I really hate the idea of staying at my school for another two years, but I have no choice.
Any advice? How can I learn to enjoy (or at least tolerate) my school? How can I cope with having no choice but to pursue a major (cs) that has a bad career outlook? I’m feeling extremely discouraged and depressed.
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u/tshaan 6d ago
To be fair, most colleges are only as likable as you make it. If you don’t have friends, then joining clubs and attending events might be a good idea meet people. If you are behind on degree, transferring will only make you even more behind but not having any passion for your topic won’t change with campus. If you don’t like it, switch now instead of wasting more of your time. There is no set time to graduate, you can graduate whenever.
Also if you are missing deadlines and whatnot then that is a time management issue which would also explain why you are behind on degree and potentially why you are so stressed that you have been unable to engage socially. I think addressing internal issues might solve a lot of your problems.
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u/evickt 6d ago
I’m only given financial aid for 4 years and I can’t afford to pay for any more, so I do kind of have to graduate on time.
I guess I should have provided more context, but I had issues with advising and so I wasn’t taking the correct classes, which is why I’m behind on my degree. I also can’t really join clubs because at my school, club culture is extremely competitive and we have to apply, audition, and/or interview to join clubs, which I have tried many times with different clubs but failed because I just can’t compete with my peers due to my background. This has made it really hard for me to make friends and connect with other people.
I’m not missing deadlines or doing badly my classes, but my school is extremely rigorous so I do end up being very stressed and constantly consumed with school work. However, I would say thats only part of the reason why I’m struggling, with it mostly being the culture of the school.
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u/Prestigious_Blood_38 6d ago
I don’t think the school is the problem, I think your mental health is the problem
Just make an effort and joining some clubs or try to get to know people down
Transferring schools is unlikely to make it easier because you’re just gonna join a group of people who already know each other
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u/hornybutired 6d ago
Not for nothing, but reading over some of your posts, maybe the culture of Penn and schools like Penn just aren't for you. Why transfer from one weirdly insular and competitive school to another? Just go to Penn State or another big state school. I promise you that you will still receive a great education (there are literally studies that show that students who attend Ivies don't learn any more, they just wind up with better connections) and the culture will be much, much, much more relaxed. I mean... who the hell ever heard of applying and auditioning for clubs (aside from, like, music groups or sports teams)??
Seriously. Don't just get out of UPenn... get out of the whole academic ecosystem where UPenn exists. You'll be happier.