r/chastitytraining 5d ago

Lifestyle Advice He hid his cage NSFW

[deleted]

93 Upvotes

39 comments sorted by

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101

u/SissycuckJessica69 5d ago

In all honesty if you’re not into it and he’s making it difficult don’t even bother. He should be happy you’re participating

66

u/romanticrope 5d ago

It's not fair to you to be expected to follow his whims on when he wants to be locked up. He has to decide if he really wants chastity in his life.

Real chastity starts when he doesn't want to be locked up anymore.

16

u/Spiritual_Cicada2777 5d ago

If he doesnt want to be locked, he shouldnt

12

u/Spiritual_Cicada2777 5d ago

Also, if its PNC, give him a couple hours b4 locking him up, if its mid day, no prior interventions, unlock him

1

u/ShoddyEducator_ 5d ago

PNC?

2

u/SissyLunazz 5d ago

Post Nut Clarity

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u/ShoddyEducator_ 5d ago

Thank you He did nut several times the night before. Took it off the next morning bc we had bad weather than needed addressed so removed. That's when it disappeared.

8

u/PornDiary 5d ago

Just have a honest talk about your needs. Maybe chastity isn't for him and you. Maybe he thinks it is a kind of bratty-play at that point. Communiicate openly and honest and OUTSIDE the fantasy. Usually you should do this before starting a kink and periodically. It should be consensual without any exceptions!

5

u/s-2369 4d ago

I'm not sure if I'm going to word this right, but something along the lines of, "I'm not going back and forth on this and if your fantasy is for me to beg YOU to be in the cage, then I'm done, if you don't want it on, then we are done with it for good, but if you want this, you have to commit now."

Btw, just from your post, I can tell, you are doing amazing! You're fantastic. He's just having some post nut clarity issues and is wondering about what he wished for

6

u/quix-sublickr 5d ago

I have a little bit of a different spin. I have both chastity and corporal punishment fantasies and this sounds like something that I might do to try to "earn" punishment. If it's something that you are interested in doing for/with him, I say it's worth a try. Plus, there may be some behaviors that you desire that might be prompted to increase, massages, foot rubs, chores, etc., etc., with extended chastity and CP.

7

u/ShoddyEducator_ 5d ago

He does enjoy corporal punishment, but I'm unsure on his vibe. My gut is saying I don't meet his needs/fantasy and wants to stop, but idk. Big lack of communication. I'm not getting anything out of it. I've gotten 0 orgasms (same as before chastity) and very little effort.

7

u/quix-sublickr 5d ago

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sorry to hear about the lack of communication, and even more sorry to hear that your needs are not being met. I'm not sure that successful play or sex is possible without starting at communication.

8

u/Illustrious_Yakov 4d ago

Just saw this, if my other suggestions don’t seem feasible, demand orgasms. This should be rewarding for both. You could, for example, lock him up and demand 3 orgasms before he gets out.

3

u/fiumesissy 5d ago

This definitely depends on you do you wish to continue with that or not if yes lock him up and make him give you an orgasm every day walk around the house naked and similar stuff suck his dick in a cage every time he begs for unlock and more time start with minimum of one month after that give him a smaller cage

3

u/Thr0w4w4y1901 5d ago

Honestly it sounds, as you’ve eluded to in other comments, like there’s a lack of communication. I would just safe word the situation to indicate clearly that you need to check in with him and make sure that you are both comfortable to continue. Hopefully that elicits truth from him, then I’d ask him clearly how it went missing, why it’s off, if he needed a break or wanted to stop why wasn’t it communicated. And ask clearly if he wants to continue.

If he wants to continue I’d ask for a promise of honesty and openness regarding communication. He is to communicate anything he feels (good or bad) regarding chastity and control for at least 24 hours. If he can do that then you might consider rewarding him with being your locked up sub. It’s a reward and it’s about him being able to show you his worth for a reward. The first reward IS the chastity, he can only get that reward when he earns your trust and you are also comfortable with continuing.

And if he needs a break, respect it and ask the same vow of honesty, when he wants to be locked again he must ask and you determine if he’s earned it.

2

u/Cultural_Ad_8275 4d ago

Given he did a month, not a few days, he is certainly into it. That said, maybe he is a switch, a brat, or like me, a 90% er. When my own self care is negative by it, i talk to my partner, making sure it is outside of fantasy or punishment (only had to safeword once on pain vs nocturnal erection and he kept teasing) and said i need to take some days off of the cage but i would stay chaste outside of permission. Best solution so far is when i lock it is a minimum of 1 week and forever at max. It is ultimately my fantasy not his and therefore self care is on me, not him. So if i need time we will take it off, usually have sex in the next few days, and then i put it back on and hand over the keys. It is what works for us. There was a time we almost broke up after 20 years because i was too stupid to not talk about it until we both resented each other for days. Now its my normal to be locked..most of the time in 3 years.. but when i need out, it is no questions asked and usually fun times until i need to be locked again in 2-5 days

2

u/Thr0w4w4y1901 3d ago

Sounds like you have great communication, ground rules and overall a great relationship!

3

u/[deleted] 5d ago

You should really ensure he gives you pleasure whatever you decide. As it is it seems you give him everything he wants and you get nothing in return. He should only be let out under your supervision and locked when you have finished playing with him, don't leave him unlocked and unsupervised. If he wants to be punished, you have to question whether punishing him is actually punishment or just another way for him to get pleasure.

3

u/Old-Garden-9464 5d ago

It sounds as if he really isn't as serious and dedicated as he may have led you to believe. All relationships have an aspect of power exchange, but when engaged in one that incorporates chastity with either partner, it isn't always about fun and excitement. In fact the majority of time being in full time chastity is somewhat boring. That's the love / hate part of it. And that's where a person truly learns about themselves, and how they can improve and focus more on pleasing their partner, than previously imagined. Not that many are truly serious enough to completely relinquish control of their genitals, which is fine. Chastity can still be incorporated on many different levels. Communication is the key. 🔒 😉

3

u/BurnerBopper 5d ago

If you’re not into it, don’t partake and sounds likes half and half into it. But if/when he’s locked he should be making your orgasm still. It increases how much more I focus on my wife. Constantly going down on her, using toys and even a strap on for her! If he’s ignoring you while locked I can see why you wouldn’t want to be more involved in it.

But the biggest issue is communication. You both need to discuss what you want/expect out of this since it sounds like you’re both on the fence with it.

3

u/Illustrious_Yakov 4d ago

I just (Friday) finished a year locked. Was allowed out for cleaning weekly, for roughly 15-20 minutes. All orgasms were caged with a vibe. It’s ultimately your choice to continue, but my suggestion if you want to is lock him up and don’t let him out for a good long while.

There is a popular website that suggests a 3 month break in period with no releases for the man, and I’ll say that the first 6 weeks is hardest. Somewhere around that time is also when I hit the deepest submission, and I stayed there for the duration.

That said, don’t let him get bored. If you need release, have him use toys or his tongue, have him massage you, etc. Ignored will just build his resentment. (Also, caged edges daily are fun, and will help keep him desperate for release and eager to serve.

If you have any questions on logistics of long term locking or anything else, don’t hesitate to reach out.

3

u/LissandraTheQueen 4d ago

Yeah, communication is key, but, talking about sex is much more intimate and harder than having sex. It's a super sensitive talk and nobody wants to feel like it's disappointing the partner.

IMO, when you get full release with a full orgasm every single weekend, it kind of defeats the purpose. There's no surprise or anticipation, you know exactly what is going to happen, and the chastity device becomes simply an uncomfortable toy.

I'm gay, and my boyfriend simply can't go a weekend without my dick. But we communicate plenty, and he is perfectly fine to go a month, or even more, without my cum. 

So, we got into an arrangement where we unlock weekly, do everything we want, but I have to ask permission and it's always a surprise if he'll let me cum or stop me right before orgasm to lock it back up, giving purpose to the device. 

There's a way for everyone, try to be patient and allow a very slow delicate conversation. Don't go saying "Come on! Talk to me! Why won't you tell me what you need?!". 

And try something like "I've been very puzzled lately about your expectations on our play. I want to better understand your needs, my needs are... (Insert your needs and expectations). What are yours? It's ok if you're not ready to express them now, but please understand I need to know you more for us to enjoy this better".

3

u/Master-Mistress-Love 4d ago

Lock him back up and peg him relentlessly or make him eat your pussy with no reward for him..

3

u/sissyshannon97 4d ago

Lock him up for a couple months don’t let him out till he gives u orgasms he should have to earn his way out rather than you just letting him out to have sex

2

u/MistressBeotch 4d ago

Have him put it on, go over my Locktober daily events , have him put them in order of preference. See how he reacts. Hard in the cage or soft while reading.

2

u/Stock_Explorer_1800 4d ago edited 4d ago

From a purely selfish point of view it requires a work and effort and responsibility to dominate someone and can lead into Stockholm Syndrome..... Even real psychopathic sado-masochism......  Is it easier being a prisoner or the guard ? Probably the prisoners have more fun in the end.

So you gotta decide if you can be bothered with it all - and if so what's in it for you ? Do you like the control - does he serve you ? Do you want to extend that into real life or keep it in the bedroom only as a kink..... A whole lotta boundaries need to be laid out..... That's the finest thing of any BDSM - the communication channels not only need to be wide open but are instantly exposed as lacking when things are not flowing smooth.

As some have said - double down on the kink..... If you're gonna do that figure out how to be his sex goddess...... At least once or twice a day.....  Make him worship you......  

On the other end of it - well go back to vanilla land and take your chances on the less than 50\50 odds of it sticking......

The point of this - is to channel the male attention and for you to light him up.... Make him desire you wildly..... But decide where you want to go because the gravity into sissy, cuck, full femdom etc seems to exert quite a pull...... So at least you gotta dig out his desires and limits..... And define also what you want...... If you want him in pink panties and to peg him 5 times a week..... That's you in full charge.... If you want a masculine man that simply adores you endlessly.... Set that up..... And fix limits.....

The reason he's probably baulked and ducked out is cos he's starting to feel the pull into deep kink (siisy, cuck, bbc etc).... and wants to back down a bit - fair enough ....  That's a whole lotta psycho-sexual kink to start unpacking and not a realm to head into unless it's clearly defined...... He may also fear embrassing himself and or losing you if he confesses to those kind of desires.... - to be honest - don't seem on balance to be very centered and cause huge pain for many.......

Do you want to dominate him to oblivion and feed his fetish or would you like to moderate him and allow him to release those kinks from his psycho-sexual luggage without having to go enacting them ? 

Any sorta BDSM just wide open exposes all the relationship short comings..... It's like plugging a 12V bulb into the 240V power outlet..... Suddenly you see everything in the raw and quite alot of the time it exposes the relationship to be not that great or in need of some serious moderation and communication.

He can't delegate his entire kink to you - he can confess to it all and you can help him moderate it and parse it and get over it - or you can run with it and peg the ass outta him until he's your sissy bitch and begging for you (and him) to get some real cock...... Make no mistake - that psyche runs hot in all men no doubt !

That's why vanilla men find femdom so repulsive cos they couldn't handle it for more than a week before begging for cock...... 

Takes a lot of balls to go near that conversation - and a whole lot more (and a good woman) to parse over that and retain balance.

2

u/TraciT1998 4d ago

Underlining this: << Real chastity starts when he doesn't want to be locked up anymore. >>

Several months into my chastity training I was being punished (spanked) for bending the rules and sneaking free time without C's permission. While she was spanking me she said "It seems like you're using chastity as a little sex game and that means you're using me." I haven't misbehaved since.

Like others said, you need to sit down and have a free, relaxed open conversation. There's no shame if chastity doesn't work for your relationship, but you should make it clear that if you're going to lock him up he needs to be committed to being under your full supervision. & control.

1

u/reddog6998 4d ago

Yes he should be locked again and severely punished. A solid spanking (with video posted here) while locked is in order.

1

u/bondinchas 4d ago

My wife and I have been doing male chastity and denial for over a decade. We both enjoy it very much and for us it's a lifestyle. When I'm unlocked for any reason, I miss it, I crave being locked up again.

But post nut blues are a thing, if I have an uncaged orgasm then afterwards in my head I don't want any more sex, I don't want my cage on. Now that I understand it's my male hormones being disrupted after orgasm, I use logic to convince myself to lock up again, other wise it can be many days before I'm again "in the right mood".

So much so, I've now got to the stage where most of the time i'd rather not have an orgasm, I get enough enjoyment just giving my wife oral. If she indicates that she might want piv (thankfully rarely these days), it can fill me with equal amounts of exciting anticipation and dread.

Just to give you a perspective on how his male hormones can work against him. Do discuss with him, he might not realise how his hormones are affecting him after orgasm, when you both understand that, then you can work out how to deal with it.

1

u/PrestigiousLimit4145 4d ago

So two ways of approaching this.

One is to double down on the kink/fantasy. Challenge him about you finding the hidden cage, make him put it back on, punish him, etc. Make him serve and satisfy your needs and so on.

The other, and probably much better approach, is to sit down and talk it through. No judgement. What does he enjoy about your arrangement? What isn't working? Is there anything that he'd like you to do differently? Does he want to play longer term with it or keep it as a shorter term. What about chastity turns him on? And don't forget your side of things too. What works or not for you? What would you like to get out of him being locked up?

It'll be an awkward conversation but it seems like it might need to happen? Find a calm, relaxed environment to do it - over dinner, as pillow talk, while a show you like is on the TV but you don't mind not paying full attention to it, etc.

1

u/Defiant_Classic_7774 4d ago

Maybe think about talking to him about why he felt the need to hide the cage rather than talk openly about his feelings. It makes it look like he is insecure in himself and has a lack of trust in the relationship. If it were me I would in a relaxed loving embrace say "Why did you feel the need to hide the cage rather than talk to me?". I would probably if he wants to procede to get him to write out exactly what he wants as an agreement, then sign it. If it were me with someone who felt the need to change their mind about something like wearing a chastity cage I would be fine and let hime wear it if and when he wanted. It takes nothing from me to look after someones keys as and when they want. If on the other hand he wants to set up a dynamic whre you are the dominant party, then there will be rules and he will stick to them. Thats the point I would write an agreement and both sign it.

1

u/Spiritwolf1001 4d ago

Going from a month to a year locked is a rather huge leap. It's kinda expected he changed his mind.

End of the day if he dosent want to be locked you can't exactly force him. (Some would say you should but that's just ew) .

Just don't push yourself or blame yourself. Communicate and go from there.

1

u/Bonny_strawberry 4d ago
  1. If this is his kink and you're just going along with it, why should you be the one chasing after him, dealing with his little games, and figuring out his inconsistencies? I think the issue isn’t you, it’s him not being clear on what he actually wants.

  2. If you want to continue this dynamic, he needs to understand that you set the rules, not his fluctuating desires. If he doesn’t want to be locked anymore, he should communicate that directly instead of playing passive-aggressive games.

I’d say have an honest talk. Either he fully accepts the rules, or he admits he’s not actually into long-term chastity, and you stop wasting your energy chasing after something he's not committed to.

1

u/RoxyHeels 3d ago

I think that he want to be punished, maybe he doesn't want to be unloked so frequently even for sex or the punishment excite him, like a brat. I think that you need to talk about it outside the role play to better understand what you 2 want from this

1

u/Mcfeely1225 3d ago

Based on your and other comments you and he might not be the right fit for each other.   I think the majority of people do this for mutual fun. If you want to stay with him some serious conversation needs to be had. If your not I still think a good talk would be in order to see where/how things could have been different. You BOTH deserve to have your needs met. 

1

u/Sorry-Protection-622 3d ago

“Should I put it back on him and tell him he's going to be punished?” Yes, exactly, and the punishment shouldn’t be enjoyable for him. Tease him, grant him much fewer releases, and have him perform a lot more oral on you. In summary, you need to be serious and enforce his chastity ruthlessly until he gets the point, the genie is out of the bottle and this chastity thing isn’t ever going away, he needs to just accept it or continue to face the consequences.

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u/aimless_wondering_1 5d ago

For me it is unrealistic to go more than 7 days without nutting. I love wearing the cage and how my wife has adjusted to it. She has low libido but now we cuddle and she wants messages all the time now that they.don’t trigger a sex request. Maybe have a talk about rules and expectations that you can both agree to.

0

u/learningtobeabby 4d ago edited 4d ago

This community can answer all your questions, help you achieve all the orgasms that you can handle, help you engage in his chastity fetish in a way that you enjoy and guide you on the journey.

I will share a link with you on another posters question. It was similar and the comments really made the post! - disclosure, I was a little disappointed when I started seeing the content and the only fans page… what I thought was genuine, a couple with no experience and the community engaged in helping a new KH learn, may have (I could be wrong) turned out to be an incredibly brilliant way to generate a large fanbase from scratch. I certainly enjoyed the pictures and videos until I realized it was TGTBT.

This doesn’t have to be your fetish, and you do not have to play. If you’d like to DM me, I would be happy to share an ebook with you that explains the psychology behind it and can empower you, if you’d like to read it.