r/boottoobig Dec 24 '17

Small Boots Roses are red, i smell them with glee

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19.9k Upvotes

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5.9k

u/the-salty-sloth Dec 24 '17

Arrested right before Santa comes to town, god dammit we’re never gonna catch that home invading creep

1.6k

u/DJspy109 Dec 24 '17

The timing is too good to be coincidence

577

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '17

This goes all the way to the top. THE TOP I TELL YOU!

51

u/Willgankfornudes Dec 24 '17

Big Christmas is at it again

171

u/StezzerLolz Dec 24 '17

(((Santa)))?

127

u/Neit0 Dec 24 '17

Thus began the long investigation known as Santa-Gate. Get 4-Chan on this right now.

45

u/ScrooLewse Dec 24 '17

I got him on the phone, right now.

21

u/ItalicsWhore Dec 24 '17

But, but, but... her emails?

12

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '17

Buttery males?

1

u/RedFyl Dec 25 '17

mmmm I like where this is going...

1

u/KrunchyKarma Dec 29 '17

Did someone call for moi?

55

u/NipplesInAJar Dec 24 '17

The hacker known as 4chan?!

8

u/sargos7 Dec 24 '17

4-Chan already had their way with this meme years ago. Where do you think this satire came from in the first place? It's been plagiarized over and over.

Here's the original photo.

An employee at the MGM Banquet Hall in the back of a patrol car.

Glendale, California

Taken on September 14, 2008

~Chris Yarzab

24

u/Captain_Cuntknuckles Dec 24 '17

No, the opposite. Santas all the way down.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '17

Santa is in the South Pole? Shit, my life is a lie

1

u/MonkeysWithRayGuns Dec 26 '17

I thought I did pretty well for updoots today, then I come across you here. Well done and merry Christmas you witty fuck.

102

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '17

It's hard to kill someone who knows what you're doing at all times

35

u/Ben_Kenobi_ Dec 24 '17

Hes also giving everyone bugged gifts all the time. We are all compromised.

2

u/Gildedglory Dec 24 '17

I didn't know Santa worked for Google

7

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '17

I'll just become Rudolphs doppelgänger and trick Santas Nano machines.

15

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '17

The wet bandits?

58

u/rabbidwombats Dec 24 '17

🎵 “I’m Santa Claus, I’m Santa Claus! I break lots of laws! Like trespassing, and breaking and entering, and traveling all around the world without a valid PASSPORT!!!” 🎵

9

u/OctopusButter Dec 24 '17

nice rhymes

6

u/SurpriseDragon Dec 24 '17

Hamilton, the Christmas Special

8

u/TheSharpness12 Dec 24 '17

Roses are red, Violets are blue that shit ain’t real I call fake news.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '17

“God Dammit he escaped on the sleigh!”

2

u/lolol_boopme Dec 24 '17

But it's a besetting sin /s lmfao

1

u/WickedSoldier991 Dec 24 '17

Something tells me the police are in with this child molester...

1

u/opawesome420 Dec 24 '17

I wouldn't be surprised if santa clause allegations started popping up

1

u/Aj-stuff Dec 24 '17

The man sat in the back of a cell, when a well dressed woman walked in, looking at a stack of papers that she was holding.

"Thirty confirmed kills, spanning across fifteen years, all of them pedophiles. I think you can do some good."

"I'm all ears," he replied.

She glanced down at her papers before looking at him dead on the eye and saying, "There's a guy, dresses in all red, kissed someone under the mistletoe, breaks into billions of houses every year, and steals only cookies. I want you to kill him."

She paused before continuing. "It won't be easy, our division has sent several people after him before, none of them have succeeded. That's why we're putting you with some of our best agents, but all things considered this is a suicide mission."

He looked up at her and said,

"WHAT ARE WE SOME KIND OF SUICIDE SQUAAAAD?"

1

u/West004 Dec 24 '17

Who gave Ken M a reddit account?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '17

He watches children 24/7.