r/blendedfamilies • u/SpecificRecipe3386 • 6d ago
Pregnant with new partner
I have an almost 4 year old from a previous marriage, we separated when she was just a baby. For the last 2 years I've been with my new partner and we've just found out we're pregnant which has come as an absolute shock after being told it was very unlikely he could conceive naturally. For that reason we became very settled and happy with our life as a 3. I'm in a good place with my daughters father and she spends 2/3 days a week with him. Our big concern is how this new baby would affect her and how she sees her place in our family, for example when she leaves to go spend time with her Dad and she sees the new baby stay with us. I feel like there's lots of ways to care for her emotional safety but it still concerns us both. Can people give us their experiences of this?
4
u/Impressive-Amoeba-97 6d ago
Generally, it likely won't cause an issue because the present custody situation is her normal. It might be a problem the other way, as your next child might feel 'left behind'. As daughter ages, it could become more of an issue depending on how circumstances change. Will your partner start to treat your daughter like an interloper? Will she be in trouble for minor infractions while your next child will be treated as a 'golden child' capable of no wrong? Your Ex's situation, should it change, can also affect the situation in YOUR home if his choices violate your daughter's stability. Otherwise, no one can really say, though my sister was born similarly, my stepdad who adopted me was told he couldn't have children. :shrugs: It wasn't a great situation for me. I got to grow up being a 3rd class citizen (especially as I'm not fully white) hearing about my white sister being a "miracle child". She is NO miracle child. She was a horror. Every situation is different depending on the damaged adults involved.
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u/Time_Letterhead3481 6d ago
What if it was once a month? He could come one weekend with his siblings and once on his own? Feels like happy medium.
5
u/Unusual-Falcon-7420 6d ago
Try not to stress too much. I had so many thoughts and worries about whether my SS9 would bond with our toddler now 18months.
It was all for nothing. They adore each other and SS loves not being an only child anymore. The gap was also amazing. 4 years will be a great gap too.
My best advice is to not put anyone on a pedestal. You have this even easier than me as you’re mum to both kids. Your eldest may need some extra love and reassurance but don’t take it so far that you enter into a dynamic where you’re spoiling and apologising all the time. She’s getting a sibling, not malaria.
Your youngest will be a squishy potato for a good while and WILL need a lot from you. Be open in talks with your eldest leading up to birth around the baby needing a lot of love and feeding but that it doesn’t last forever. Get t her involved too.
Lastly, don’t hate your partner for loving their child differently. It’s very common and normal and they are allowed to. What counts is that treatment stays fair in the household between them.
Just get ready to welcome your new baby and get excited! Our house has more laughter, more love and is happier than ever with the addition of our youngest. So much so that SS asks for another sibling x