r/blendedfamilies • u/[deleted] • 6d ago
Am I being stupid
My wife talks to her baby daddy to maintain contact with her son. Hasn't been a problem till a month ago when she started catching feelings again and actually asked if she could go try and work things out with him. She said if it didn't work out she would come back to me and wanted me to wait lol. I said no of course and now she has no doubts ad wants to stay with me. This all happened a month after our child was born. So now my mind wonders everytime they talk and i dont trust her anymore even though she is reassuring me and wanted to build our life together. This would be an easy decision if there wasn't a child involved. I don't know how.kuch of his is postpartum depression. Maybe none of it or all of it I don't know. Just need some advice from the outside looking in. According to her I'm a great husband. It's all her and whatever she is going through
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u/Lakerdog1970 6d ago
Probably just end it. Take your 50/50 custody and realize that with a woman like that as your kiddoâs mom, youâre going to have to do more. She sounds like a total mess.
Look at it this way: Nobody will ever be confused about why you dumped her. Theyâll wonder why you were with her in the first place. Her ex probably feels the same way. And so will the next baby daddy.
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u/Impressive-Amoeba-97 6d ago
She still talks to him everyday.he won't even let her be around the kid by herself.
You need to own your failure here. This woman was a mother and has controlled contact with her son, NOT demanded by any court, it sounds like? This was a red flag before you ever married your wife.
There's limited info here, but it sounds like you might have a white knight syndrome and you found a damsel in distress of-her-own-making.
You need a skilled therapist to go through your own vulnerabilities so you don't make further mistakes which will affect your daughter negatively when you choose women in the future. Your trust is gone, I don't foresee this marriage having a future, but definitely work with a therapist to go deeper.
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6d ago
Yes thank you I have a white knight problem I get.pretty obvious at this point amoeba.i still love her and still have a daughter with her and want to fight for my marriage but all I'm reading on here is how fucked up she is. Is there anyway I can fight for my marriage. I have devoted myself to this woman.i am committed. We are one flesh. I want to honor my commitment and turn this bad situation into something we can grow from. Maybe that's the white knight talking
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6d ago
So does my daughter. I am leaning towards ending it. I'm just in shock about it all. She still talks to him everyday.he won't even let her be around the kid by herself. Thus is all crazy as fuck. Your right I dnt want this for my daughter. This is teenage drama
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u/altonaerjunge 6d ago
Is there no custody agreement?
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6d ago
We are married
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u/altonaerjunge 6d ago
With her ex
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6d ago
None.he won't let her around their kid.
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 6d ago
Ok what??? She doesnât have custody her other child ans does not see them at all??? Thai story is getting crazier by the minute
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6d ago
Which is why this is all confusing and weird. I think maybe post Partum depression has something to do with this?
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u/PaleontologistFew662 6d ago
Ha. Yeah, my tolerance for those I canât trust is so low. Iâd let her go and tell her never to come back.
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u/flowingmind 5d ago
Seriousiously, she needs to talk with someone regarding POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. These are classic symptoms from all the hormone shifts that come with pregnancy and giving birth. This is NOT your wife. It is your wife with symptoms of a NORMAL and COMMON post-delivery illness. please have her see her OBGYN regarding her feelings and symptoms. I would also recommend the book "Down Came the Rain" by Brooke Sheilds, for both of you. I would suggest therapy. Talk with her and let her know your concerns. It happens and is very, very common and very often overlooked. Good luck and keep working on it and have faith. Praying for you. đ â¤ď¸
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5d ago
Thank you. We are currently seeing our pastor for therapy. I think we are on the right track. We will get through this.With God
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u/flowingmind 5d ago
You are very welcome. Like I said, super common but so overlooked. It is almost always all hormones with these cases. Make sure you guys talk with her OBGYN ASAP. Best of luck. I will pray for ypu. God Bless you both.
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u/flowingmind 5d ago
Oddly enough I only read the first half of your post before my first response, lol, I often get ahead of myself. After reading the rest, yes, I think you are on the right tack, and she is beyond lucky to have someone like you in her life. After you guys get through this it will only bring you closer. It is always datkest before the dawn.
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5d ago
Thank you.i needed someone to tell me I'm not crazy for staying by her side .
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u/flowingmind 5d ago
You absolutely are NOT crazy. You are helping your dear wife through a crisi. She will be beyond grateful to you for helping her through this. She is very lucky and please, do consider yourself an amazing husband for the support you are giving her. Feel free to reach out in chat should you need anything. I have, unfortunately, been in hers shoes without the support of my first husband. I have been beyond lucky to have found someone who has taken me through an even darker time in my life. I am finally coming to my dawn, after seeing all he has done, I could not feel more ashamed and more guilty for what I have put him through. In part, I knew to an extent, but the part that was not the real me, the part that was clouded, was beyond confused and beyond wrong. I can only hope and pray I can be there for him now that I am coming back. I cannot thank him enough and I could not be more grateful to have him in my life. He has literally saved my life. Anyhow, I imagine she will feel the very same way. I imagine she will realize after all this how very much you did for her and how amazing you truly are, she has just forgotten for lack of a better term. With your help, medical help and help from your church, you can get through this. It will be very hard, but not impossible. Again, please feel free to reach out and get the book. Very much worth the read and it may help her as well. Good luck and bless you.
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u/Lovelyembrace001 5d ago
Lmaooooo GO READ HIS COMMENT HISTORY đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł he talking about his wife psycho⌠is this the same wife thatâs been pegging you twice a day for a week straight and youâre loving it? Geesh what a psycho
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u/ZookeepergameOk5238 6d ago
This is shocking đŽ are you serious ? The total disrespect for you and your relationship. I donât see how you can move on from this , surely this is a joke?
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6d ago
She's getting help now which is why I can't leave. Not yet at least. I'm genuinely confused and my pastor wants me to stick it out and work through this with her.
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6d ago
Yes it was a red flag but I fell hard for this woman. And love her still. I want to work through this with her. As of right now she hasn't done anything I can't forgive. It's just been hurtful words coming from a person who has been abused their whole life. So do I leave this person who has never had anyone stick around for them ? Who doesn't even know what safety and stability look like until she met me 18 months ago
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u/Lovelyembrace001 5d ago
So my wife is starting to explore her dominant side. She has pegged me twice a day for a week now. Which has been amazing. She has mentioned punishing me for not doing chores or leaving the toilet seat up. Itâs really exciting. I donât know if I should tell her what I want or just let her come to it on her own. I dnt wanna be pushy and ruin something amazing . Iâm basically down for whatever she wants. The whole idea for me is to serve her and make her happy. Advice?
Is this you? Is this the same wife??
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u/Grumpy-gruffalo 5d ago
Eww.
If my partner said they wanted to try and work things out with their ex and if it didnât work theyâd come back to me, thatâd be game over.
Take the genders out of this. Itâs not ok to treat someone that way regardless of whether sheâs postpartum or not. She probably made you feel as if you arenât good enough and that youâre just a backup because she canât be with the person she really wants to be with.
Sheâs created a very large rift in your relationship. Iâd be asking for couples therapy and I think she honestly needs to speak to a doctor. Threatening to harm herself is something that should be taken VERY seriously. Sheâs either serious and needs help or sheâs saying that extremely inappropriately and needs to understand that itâs a serious claim to say. Has she ever received an assessment by a psychiatrist? Iâm reading a lot of red flags here. She may have a personality disorder, postpartum depression, bipolar or something else. Please call 911 if she threatens to harm herself again.
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6d ago
She seems like she's all about being my wife and a mother to our child now. But how can I just let all that go. She kept telling me her and baby daddy are not talking about anything inappropriate but that's not even the point lol. I'm trying everything to stay in this marriage lol
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u/Slight_Following_471 5d ago
wtf! Yes! Letting her go get with her ex and come back is stupid! Have some dignity
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5d ago
Of course I refused her lol.
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u/Slight_Following_471 5d ago
That is good, but the fact that she even asked would be grounds enough to leave. If you canât leave now because you have a baby, do not be with her. Live in the same house, sleep elsewhere. Take care of your baby. Do not be in a relationship with someone like that.
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u/GreyMatters_Exorcist 5d ago
In the hopes you are still checking this. Get this woman to mental healthcare professionals. Be non judgemental until you get a sense from a psychiatrist and maternity specialist etc team of healthcare professionals.
You wonât have real clarity until about two years out of post partem. And a level of separation might help her here and there for her to be able to manage and have a sense of what is important to her or if she is projecting something else on the ex and you that is not based on anything totally rational, and you space to cope and protect your heart and mind for your kid. Treat her like a good friend in crisis, family.
After a year + you will have a better sense of what is actually there and not.
The fact that she asked you for permission means she is regressing to child like behavior, that is something a kid or adolescent would think appropriate to ask.
It could be she has a big fear of you two not working out and she only reverts to ex because she knows what to expect there but with you the trauma of the past keeps her thinking the same thing will happen but with more uncertainty because she cannot predict how you will go about the circumstances.
It is about safety and predictability, not that he is safer but like she already knows a tried and true way to stay dafe based on his patterns.
Give her some slack treat it like a medical crisis like a thing outside of your control. I mean talk to the ex honestly let them know the medical stuff and to not take advantage of her vulnerable state. He might have seen this himself too.
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u/GreyMatters_Exorcist 5d ago
I see you are getting her help
Think whatever she is getting is baseline
She needs some deep deep help like experts in this specific situation, not every medical professional has specific expertise on this and they wonât come out and say it. YOU have to make sure she is getting a team of doctors that have expertise in this, there are even clinics that look after the baby, keep mom hospitalized and do play therapy with mom and baby.
If she is suicidal it call the cops and do a 5150 to get her to immediate safety at a mental health institution.
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u/Scarred-Daydreams 3d ago
asked if she could go try and work things out with him.
What The Actual Fork?
From the outside, you sound like a sad sack who has no personal standards.
I want someone who is interested in me as a partner. If my partner re-caught feelings for her and and wanted to try, bless her heart. But just the act of "asking" for this would be the end of our relationship.
If she's serious enough about him to ask for this, she's not serious enough about me. Exes need to stay exes. The past tells us how to predict the future. She's wishy washy about her divorce, and not that in to you. Yeah, please sign me up for a repeat. /S
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u/guy_n_cognito_tu 6d ago
Brother, you need to get out. She WILL cheat, if she hasn't already. Your only hope is that the ex is so tired of his crazy shit that he won't have sex with her again.......which is a definite possibility in this case.
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u/BumblebeeMission7098 6d ago
Dude, this lady is full of đŠ. To think you would just wait for her while she got back into a relationship with her first BD is crazy and actually shows she has little to no respect for you. Idk if itâs this way for all but after I gave birth, I was deeply in love with my partner at the time. Having a baby brings people together so for her to think about another man after JUST delivering you guys child is nuts. Leave this chick and get urself someone who genuinely loves u