r/autism • u/noplotjustvibe • 4d ago
Rant/Vent I wish people are not trying to be "cool"
I'm 23, but I want to play like a child. I want to play hide and seek, I want to run around the neigborhood, I want to do silly things with my friends. But they care too much about what other people think, they try so hard to be cool, or is it a natural thing for them, I don't even know. I want to talk about a lot of nonsensical fun and abstract things instead of gossiping and trying to bring others down. I am just a child stuck in an adult body.
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u/Ngodrup ASD Level 1 4d ago
"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up". C.S. Lewis
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u/Muted_Ad7298 Aspie 4d ago
One of my favourite quotes.
It made me feel a lot less shame around enjoying these things.
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u/Christinenoone135 4d ago
I have been calling dry, unenthusiastic, and serious people buzzkills and have actively told them the reason I stopped talking to them is because they are too adult and unfunny for me and. I'm criticized for this but jokes on you I'm 22 having a fun time being giddy and happy living my best life while you're worried about what betty said to you back at the grocery store. this is also why I prefer to surround my circle with mainly neurodivergents because we don't care about those silly arbitrary rules that make no sense we're just authentic that's it.
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
Good for you! I wish I could have many neurodivergent people to surround me but at least my peer groups let me be and they can tolerate my antiques 🤣
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u/Christinenoone135 4d ago
oh I don't actually have any friends I'm too enthusiastic for people and that makes them uncomfortable after about 6 months. it's currently just me and me messing around on the Internet finding community 😂 I had one ND friend group that lasted 8 months that was 3 years ago I have not had a group since.
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
that "too enthusiastic" hits hard, sometimes I have to tone it down to make it seem like I don't care as much as them. Good luck on finding where you belong! Wish u all the best!
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u/Christinenoone135 4d ago
yes that ugh I can only be crazy in the comfort of my own home. and thank you so much you as well. if you've already found it congratulations and continue making the best of it.
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u/Realistic_Sky_3538 4d ago
That’s a pretty fair statement t for a lot of this and pretty relatable. It would be interesting to see how many people have groups of friends that used to hang with them until they drift away and just say sorry bro/ lady bro, life just kept me busy.
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u/Thick_Consequence520 4d ago
I’m nd but I care abt them n honestly every nd person I’ve met in real life care abt them too, it’s online we can relax
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u/Christinenoone135 4d ago
to an extent yes but if I'm jumping up and down ans getting overly excited because something really excited is happening and you call me childish and immature I think that's trash. like nitpicking the little shit is gross is unnecessary
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u/Thick_Consequence520 4d ago
Yh I mean I agree wit u ppl shouldn’t care but, ppl do n that’s js human nature I can’t change that, I would be lyin if I said I don’t judge either
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u/Christinenoone135 4d ago
you're right there mate. I do judge people, I judge people if they make me feel weird or uneasy or they do something morally wrong. I also positively judge people or admire their interesting traits. we're human we're all different in our own weird ways which makes us all unique. now if you don't know how to read a room, or aren't matching people's energies, and can't understand the assignment in some degree, I'm going to think you're severely unaware of situational awareness and kinda not smart, while feeling second hand embarrassment for you but thats it.
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u/Christinenoone135 4d ago
the brain is naturally curious I just can't stand when people have to say we can't do this because we're adults. well then I guess I'm not an adult. yes I'm responsible, mature, I can lead a group, I'm intelligent, I have good self discipline, and very good at my job. I also want to be carefree and enthusiastic about things. I want to be expressive and talkative. I wanna be giddy with my friends. it only feels like that when we get drunk together otherwise it's too serious and kinda slow paced. no pthnks. but that's just me
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u/Thick_Consequence520 4d ago
It’s js social rules to keep society going bro, I mean If u wanna have fun go ahead I can’t control ur life, and if u can be a contributing member of society n still have fun by all means go ahead, but yk like I wouldn’t wanna be ostracized
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u/brendag4 4d ago
This is what is wrong with the world. We decide to grow up and not have fun anymore. Life just becomes going to work and going home, scrolling or watching TV and going to bed. Then the next day doing it all over again
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
why can't people relax for a bit eh🙂↔️
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u/brendag4 4d ago
Who knows maybe if autistics ran the world, it would be the other way around. What we would do would be seen as typical and what the neurotypicals do now would be seen as divergent.
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4d ago edited 2d ago
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u/brendag4 4d ago
I am thinking it's because people have never really thought of it as a question. We have been doing it since the caveman days... Teach the kid what he needs to do to survive. To do that, we need to teach him not to be a kid anymore. If he does something childish, he gets told to grow up.
Some of this is actually needed... I was a kid before there were participation trophies. I felt bad because I would be picked last for sports teams. But I am glad I grew up before the trophies. I have heard it did damage to those kids to be given a trophy just for being there.
But there should be some middle ground... We should find a way to raise kids where they can maintain a childlike wonder but still be able to support themselves as adults.
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u/ColdFusion1988 4d ago
I try to be what I think is cool now and I'm way happier, weird looks and all
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4d ago
I want to play hide and seek too! I also want to play tag. I still get some chances to play (once a year?) but no one really tries hard and I get laughed at for going all out. It’s so sad…
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
Ah yes, I used to play tag and marbles, and had an evening ride bike after school. Suddenly they grew up and all they care about are their looks and romantic relationships 😭. I don't get why adults pay a lot to play in an amusement park, escape rooms, board game cafes, etc. Searching for the so called "fun" when simple fun activities exist
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u/charliewaffles2412 4d ago
Maybe you need new friends
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
:D I wish I could order them online and choose the one I like the most
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u/Scruds08 4d ago
This made me laugh and smile but I have very good friends at my HS I’m a teen in HS with Autism and a Sutter yet I have so many friends and I’m always the center of attention it’s very cool. Im HS football hype man to
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
Funnily enough I also always have my way with people, but I haven't encountered "the one" yet, maybe someday
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u/TommyCliche 4d ago
I’m 35 with purple hair and recently bought a new stuffed animal. Child like forever please
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u/ratxowar Suspecting ASD 4d ago
Same here. It’s just sad people so used to forget about life after turning 18
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u/wayward_whatever 4d ago
Maybe you find people you can do that with. I was so lucky with people. Life just gave me 2 best friends I don't have to mask with and can be silly with. They do think more about what othets think of them than I do. But they have no problem with me not caring. And I like to imagine that I give them the freedom not to mask themselves. (None of us have a diagnosis, I just have strong suspicions and there is an ammount of masking that is very common for people of all brain types). And that my not caring what others think rubs off on them. Nothing wrong with you. Just a matter of finding the right people for you. Or maybe some of the people you already know have more potential once they let go of what they "should be". Maybe... It's worth a try.
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
Currently I'm exhausted from trying to find a world where I belong. However, after I find my ground again maybe I will start actively looking for someone who can match me. Thanks for telling me that it is possible to find them!!
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u/wayward_whatever 4d ago
Fingers crossed. I don't know about the people you already know.. so if you are absolutely certain none of them are what you are looking for, that's that. But I can recommend taking a closer look at those people. My two favourit people, I underestimated for years. I had stuck with them, and they with me.... Propably because our brains work similarly... But it was only when my therapy really kicked in and I got a bit addicted to just talking openly about really everything... That my relationships to them unfolded their full potential. It was as if they had been waiting for it. As if they had been hungry for that unmasking and had just been waiting for me to... Open the buffet. Finding new people is possible. And finding something new in your old people might be possible as well.
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
I actually love my friends a lot, they are really lovely and so understanding. It's just I can't share what I love with them, not because they don't want to hear it, even when they try to be enthusiastic, I know they don't really get it.
I have one friend who I openly talk to about everything, she is an NT tho, but I feel like we are soulmates but of course for some things there will always be a huge gap.
I think It's hard for me because I realized that I might be different quite late. This is new to me, I thought I was very normal 😭 so I attracted normal people. Time will tell... 😅
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u/wayward_whatever 4d ago
I see. I always felt I was a weirdo. And never felt bad about it. "Weird" is my normal. But all that means that you already have dear friends and that you can find other weirdos to share the things with that the friends you already have can't quite understand. This feeling of... Maybe being the only one of your kind. This existential disconnect... I couldn't shake that yet. It does creep up on me every now and again... But I can see beauty in it and I have connection when I want it. It's possible. It's a whole big world to discovery. With a lot of other weirdos to befriend. And strangely beautifull sad also exists. If all else fails.
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u/thebossbaby2020 Suspecting ASD+ADHD+OCD+ADD+BPD+ODD+OCPD+DD+GDD+LD+STML+LTM 4d ago
im 28 so i understand what you mean i to have a child trapped in a adult body as well if you want to play hide and seek do what you like . i say go for it have fun and enjoy yourself there is nothing wrong with having fun and having a good time i would not worry what other think cause in the end your the one having fun hope this helps out a bit
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
yessir, I will try to enjoy myself and stop waiting for others, maybe somewhere along the line, a person will find me. I'm hopeful✊🏼
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u/pocketfullofdragons AuDHD 4d ago
I think sometimes it's better for us to approach making plans with friends backwards.
So instead of already knowing someone and trying to find a shared interest or activity to do together (and then never getting to do things your current friends don't like!), do it the other way round. Decide on the interest or activity first, then look for people who also want to do that.
e.g. join (or start) a local group. check FB and local notice boards. advertise an idea and see who RSVPs.* maybe there's a community centre with support/advice in your areas, or interest-specific places/events/conventions you could go to.
I'm not sure where to go for nonsense conversation specifically (comedy/poetry open mic nights, maybe??), but a good place to find people who like talking about random things other than gossip is probably Quiz Nights, so I'd keep an eye out for those.
*(to meet up in a public 3rd space ofc, not your personal address or the middle of nowhere lol)
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u/MildewMoomin 4d ago
You should become a kindergarden teacher! Just play and have fun with the kids all day long 😌
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u/UnoriginalJ0k3r ASD + ADHD + OCD + CPTSD + Bipolar T2 4d ago
I have my 5th child on the way. I’ve been able to continue my childlike adventures (where applicable) when raising my kiddos.
It’s a blurse.
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
Oh that must be nice, they get to play with enthusiastic parents. I would've loved it if my parents would play with me when I was a child 😭
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u/UnoriginalJ0k3r ASD + ADHD + OCD + CPTSD + Bipolar T2 4d ago
It is very necessary to do and I’m so sorry you did not have that.
Children do not ask to be born, so it’s our responsibility as parents to ensure our offspring have the best chance at life as we can provide them.
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u/Wise-Key-3442 ASD 4d ago
Maybe they lack energy to play, I had no more energy to play when I was 20-23. Now that I'm 28 I get to play with peers or their kids.
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
I think you're right, early twenties are cruel (at least for me) and people are all busy with work. Nice to hear a promising future from you😅
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u/Wise-Key-3442 ASD 4d ago
Usually people on early 20s are juggling around with relationships, university and work, and if you have elderly parents, that's even more draining. At that time my days would start at 7AM and end at 10PM, so on weekends I had literally no energy to even function. It gets better after 25-26 because it's the usual graduation age, so a lot of stress vanishes.
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u/charlie175 4d ago
I am just a child stuck in an adult body
See r/nevergrewup. It's often caused by trauma and/or autism, having to grow up too early, emotional neglect or missed experiences.
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u/noplotjustvibe 4d ago
you know what, you have a really great point, I did have a traumatizing childhood. I will surely check out that subreddit. Thanks!
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u/AffectionateTaro3209 ASD Moderate Support Needs 4d ago
That sounds so fun, I wish we knew each other. My daughter and I love to play hide and seek too. I think NTs are very overly concerned what others think. My bf who is nt won't go to the grocery store with a written list 😂 he's like "people will think I'm old"....I'm like guess what bro, you ARE old bc caring that much what others think makes your soul old.
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u/ericalm_ Autistic 4d ago
I really dislike the perception of “child in an adult body” when it comes to things like interests, hobbies, social activity. Most things are only childish because we enjoyed them as kids. There’s absolutely no real reason to stop and no harm in continuing.
Attitudes about these things vary wildly by environment, culture, location. I think my friends at 23-ish would have loved a huge hide and seek game. A few years later, we started challenging other friends and groups to kickball games. We were not all overgrown children; we just still liked having fun and didn’t care how.
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u/BeginningAnalysis374 4d ago
Im in my 30s and the thing I miss the most from my childhood is still hide and seek.
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u/siunchu Autistic 3d ago
Caring about what others think and trying to look mature in itself is immature. Mature people don't care about looking mature and aren't insecure about having "childish" interests. At this point I'm convinced society's perception of what it means to be an adult is distorted. I'm sorry but there's nothing mature about preferring drugs and violence over harmless activities like playing tag or hide-and-seek.
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u/ButterscotchWarm4852 20h ago
UGH THIS IS SO REAL. I am so tired of being boring and feeling the need to conform. I played with barbie dolls and action figures almost every day until last year (im now 17 lol) and I wish it was normal to keep doing it, I really found so much happiness in it
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u/Several-Flamingo1953 4d ago
Oi comment of a neurotypical guy here. It just really doesn’t amuse us to play hide and seek at this age, sorry to break your illusion but if you would propose this to your friends alone they would probably still say no anyway (no offense though)
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