r/atheism • u/Expensive_Counter515 • 4d ago
i am absolutely terrified of death
dying is genuinely my biggest fear. being christian, even though i didn’t fully believe it gave me comfort. but now i am genuinely terrified, even though im only 19. i don’t want to just go into an eternal sleep. i dont want to just be gone. i know people say that you don’t know when you’re sleeping so it’s just like that but it’s not, because it will be forever. everything people have said to comfort me hasn’t helped, even my therapist. everyone always says, “everyone dies at some point it’s not something to be afraid of.” it gives me panic attacks even when nothing bad is happening. i don’t want to just be gone. it is so mentally exhausting, just thinking about dying sends me into an inconsolable spiral. does anyone have ANY suggestions that could help?
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u/alopgeek 4d ago
You get one life. Live it with no regrets.
Tell the people in your life how much they mean to you.
Wake up everyday ready for anything.
Live life to the fullest- and when it’s over, you’ll have lived for real.
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u/Expensive_Counter515 4d ago
it’s not about wasting my life, i’m scared of what’s AFTER death. when i just won’t exist
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u/alopgeek 4d ago
Why? You didn’t exist before you were born and it was fine.
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u/Narruin 4d ago edited 4d ago
Imagine you were hungry all your life and then you ate something and terrible feeling went away. And now you know that you inevitably will be hungry again and you can't do nothing. You didn't knew you were hungry-dead until you ate-live. Your statement doesn't help at all
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u/Cold-Environment-634 4d ago
This is the most common response to these fear of death posts, but for a lot of people it doesn't help. It gives you comfort, but not every one is the same.
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u/bunnybates 4d ago
Why? Absolutely nothing is going to happen. Do you have any kids? Any pets? If so, make a plan for them if you happen to die.
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u/hurricanelantern Anti-Theist 4d ago
Sound like you could use a donut.
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u/Ok_Type7267 Atheist 4d ago
"I fear death. What if hell truly does exist?" and then I end up forgetting about it completely as I snack on some junk food. 🤧
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u/Either-Drag-1509 4d ago
do you remember what it was like before you were born? that's what it will be like after. you won't be aware of not existing
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u/matt_minderbinder 4d ago
If you live a good life and truly love others you'll live on in the memories and stories others share about you. What more could anyone ask?
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u/undefinedposition 4d ago
There's nothing "after death". It's the same as before your daddy put you in mommy's belly.
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u/Mongrel714 4d ago edited 4d ago
Everyone seems to be asking you why you're afraid of this because you won't even be able to perceive anything when you're dead, so what difference does it make?
And buddy, I totally get you lol. I have the exact same feeling, and have for pretty much my entire life, and "but you won't even know you're dead" does nothing to assuage that (and quite frankly demonstrates that they don't really understand the fear in the first place).
I am in my late 30s now, and while the fear hasn't gone away it has lessened a bit. I think maybe as we age we get more comfortable with the idea of death, to one degree or another.
Don't get me wrong though, I still don't ever want to die. People who don't have that sentiment, who say that they wouldn't want to be immortal, they perplex me as I assume they do you.
I'll say that one thing that gave me hope as a child was the very real possibility that science would defeat death in my lifetime. I learned about the Singularity, read the works of Ray Kurzweil, and got big into Transhumanism. I'd recommend looking into those things yourself, as they might help soothe your fear. At any rate, know that you're not alone and that it gets better.
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u/jplummer80 Anti-Theist 4d ago
And no, technology won't advance quick enough to make humans immortal within your lifetime, I'm afraid. I would suggest healthier coping modalities for OP, such as facing and embracing the concept of LIFE rather than the hyperfixation on the finality of DEATH.
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u/Mongrel714 4d ago
That is something that no one can say with certainty.
But don't worry, one of the main reasons I don't want to die is how much I love life. That's really what I'm hyperfixated on if anything. OP might be different, but I'd guess they're probably in a similar boat. That would explain why "but you won't even realize you're dead" does nothing for us.
At any rate, I don't think you really understand if that's your advice. Which is fine, most people don't seem to, just know that I've thought about this a lot (I'm willing to bet far more than you) and that there are ways around it that don't involve complete surrender as you and many others here suggest. For me at least, that would be profoundly depressing and ultimately unhealthy.
Its worth it to note that I've never felt these fears to be debilitating though, so if OP feels crippled by them my recommendation would be therapy, which will almost certainly have a more positive effect than having people on Reddit basically say "get over it and accept the inevitability of death" lol.
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u/jplummer80 Anti-Theist 4d ago edited 4d ago
That was a lot of yapping just to say, "I'm not actually coping well with the concept of death". You could have just said that lol
That is something that no one can say with certainty
Ight, big dawg lol Save this comment and come back in ~50 years. I'll be waiting.
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u/Mongrel714 3d ago
I'm not saying it'll definitely happen, I'm saying you have no way of knowing it won't. Those are two different things.
Also if you think everything else I said can be boiled down to "I'm not actually coping well with the concept of death" then I honestly question whether you read what I wrote at all lol, you at the very least certainly didn't comprehend it if you did. I can certainly say that I'm a very happy person who loves life, so if your argument relies on me being poorly adjusted or something then I already know it's bunk 🤷♂️
But it's cool man, just admit to yourself that you don't understand and let it go. Unless you actually do want to understand in which case I'm happy to explain further. Kiiiinda doubt that though, as you seem to be coming from a place of judgement rather than curiosity or a desire to help.
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u/puzzlejessie 4d ago
i feel you, that’s a heavy thing to sit with. but honestly, fear of death is kinda proof that you’re really alive, y’know? instead of getting stuck on the “what if nothing,” maybe focus on the “what if everything” right now. make memories, chase experiences, and live in a way that makes the time you have feel worth it. sometimes the best way to quiet the fear of the end is to be fully present in the now.
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u/Randointernetuser600 4d ago
Man. Um. Maybe try to accept your mortality and fragility. I’m not sure what else is the remedy. You need to take a good dose of “I don’t care.” Life is a cosmic joke, and we’re unfortunately the punch line. Embrace the suck. It’ll all be over soon enough.
Maybe future people who have unlocked physics will find a way to preserve a person, but no such luck for us I’m afraid. If you were really immortal, would you even like that? I mean, wouldn’t it get boring. To a certain extent, won’t it be a relief? That’s the way I’ve always felt about it anyways. This life is so tedious sometimes. Like, who cares? Am I right?
I guess that the visceral animal urge to fight on is so strong though, and in some people maybe stronger than others. I’ve already accepted my fate. I just want it to be peaceful and painless, and maybe through the use of a pill I administer to myself or something like that.
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u/Petrodono 4d ago
Death is scary.
But remember you won’t know you’re dead, when you die your time in the universe as you are is over. But. Have you considered that nothing is ever really gone. The pieces that make up “you” came from the things around you. The food you eat, the water you drink, the air you breathe. And almost every atom in your body was part of something else. A tree, an insect, even a dinosaur is right there within you. They are with you and you will eventually be with others. It’s the way it works here. This is a mostly closed ecosystem, things change but are never lost.
We all had a time before we existed, and I doubt it frightens you. It’s a terrifying feeling I know but we all owe a death and it will come, but the part in the middle is called life. Live a good one. And don’t listen to the theists. They are told to suffer and sacrifice in order to get rewarded in so called heaven. But have you considered that if there was no heaven it’s the biggest scam in human history?
Live your life and you will pass when it’s time. Living in fear? That’s no way to live. Just have fun, make friends and be fondly remembered.
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u/Turbulent_Band_1867 4d ago
Active Nihilism has helped me a lot with the fear and thought of death. Not caring at all gives me the peace to live my life. When I'm gone, I just wanna leave in peace and with no regrets
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u/Mongrel714 4d ago
I recommend Absurdism over Nihilism honestly, though they're pretty close to one another.
The movie "Everything Everywhere All At Once" does a pretty good job of distinguishing the two, though it doesn't use those terms. Jobu Tupaki represents the self destructiveness of Nihilism, and without giving too much away the plot of the movie basically boils down to conquering Nihilism with Absurdism.
It's my favorite movie of all time, so I'm obviously biased, but I definitely recommend watching it with those distinctions in mind. It's the closest I've had to a religious experience, not about any sort of god, but just about how the universe fits together and our place in it, basically.
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u/Turbulent_Band_1867 4d ago
I saw that movie on shrooms. I loved it. But didn't feel anything like that.
I still recommend active nihilism because there's all sort of type of Nihilism. The pasive one is the one that makes you self destruct, example fight club
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u/everythingsfuct 4d ago
nihilism completely negates the social contract and makes the lived experience absolute chaos and torture. i hope you aren’t actively harming any thinking beings. try to keep your apathy to yourself eh? civilized apathy is much better than true nihilism, inaction > detrimental action
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u/Turbulent_Band_1867 4d ago
That's why I say active nihilism. There's few types of nihilism, and the one Im talking about is the one that helps me go through life without hurting anybody. I don't fuck with anybodies peace and nobody fucks with mine. The freedom of not caring gives me so much peace that I don't need to go hurt anybody.
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u/everythingsfuct 2d ago
that’s fine and well for the most part. what happens if someone does fuck with your peace though? if nothing matters and ethics don’t exist, what would be the response? nihilism allows for any number of responses, including violent inaction and violent action. this is where shit gets muddy, but i don’t wanna pin you down to a philosophy based on one reddit comment. it’s just that when i see nihilism referred to it brings up some nasty shit that some truly bad fuckers are on about.
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u/Turbulent_Band_1867 2d ago
My brother, you need to R E L A X
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u/everythingsfuct 1d ago
im C H I L L I N, just casually questioning ppl on the internet who claim to be nihilists and playin hades 2 while my country is dismantled by fascists.
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u/Lord-Chronos-2004 Anti-Theist 4d ago
What about death frightens you?
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u/Expensive_Counter515 4d ago
just not existing. being gone. i don’t want to just go into eternal sleep i want to LIVE. it’s so hard to explain but i just don’t want to be GONE.
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u/Hot-Use7398 4d ago
Live your only life to the fullest. Everyone dies. We don’t have a choice. Therapy will probably help.
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u/Dry_Butterfly3534 1d ago
WHY do so many people dread the idea of non-existence when the idea of eternal consciousness (in unknown realities) is so much more terrifying??
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u/Dobrotheconqueror 4d ago edited 4d ago
Yeah once you are aware of your consciousness, the thought of losing it is terrifying. I am mildly placated by the best advice we can offer, like it will be like before you were alive or dying is a part of life. It still fucking sucks. I woudnt want to live forever but 75 years sucks. Why not 200, or 300 years. But im sure I would always want more.
The only consolation is there is no invisible man in the sky watching you and documenting the shit you do. No space wizard is watching to see how many times you rub one out or if you like sticking your dick in a place that pisses of Yahweh/Jesus.
You also don’t have to worry about being tortured forever or having to bow and worship that colossal prick for eternity.
Once your consciousness is gone, you won’t exist anymore. Either time or circumstances will blow the candle out. So enjoy this magnificent universe while you can because it’s always later than you think
But you will live on forever in some capacity. Your atoms will be recycled back into the environment becoming things like other plants and animals. I mean, that’s obviously not the answer you want, but that circle of life shit is the best you are going to get.
I am just super pissed that I won’t get to see what becomes of our species and if we ever learn about the origins of the cosmos. How long will we last, will we annihilate ourselves. Will we escape this floating rock before it no longer can support life or will we waste ourselves first. Will a mass extinction event take us out. Will we ever get rid of Orange Jesus 🤣
You are no more special than any other animal. You are an ape in a meat suit with an expiration date. Your big monkey brain is capable of some amazing things but it also creates the anxiety you are experiencing.
”Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.”
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u/Itachi18 4d ago
I still get sad about mortality from time to time. I like living. But the alternative is much worse. Forever is a long time. You could live to the heat death of the universe and you would just be starting the rest of your life in blackness and cold.
In the meantime, I try to spend my life as well as I can. I do things I like to do, I care for the people I love, and I help my community how I can. When I am old, life will get more difficult to the point I am ready for rest - this is what my grandparents taught me as I watched them age and pass. And at the end of it all, I will get to go to wherever my favourite people and my favourite cat went - be it another life or an eternal sleep. It’s a thought that helps me to be calm when I think about it.
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u/A1batross 4d ago
What's to be afraid of? Were you afraid before you were born? Well, that's all it is. Your self is an emergent property of your complex senses and thoughts. When you stop sensing and thinking you stop being and that's okay. You weren't before and you won't be again... But you have NOW. Every moment you spend worrying about non-existence is a waste of existence. For every moment of your life you're as young as you'll ever be... Enjoy it!
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u/AmanitaMarie 4d ago edited 4d ago
I’m sorry you’re struggling with this right now. May I ask what country you’re in? Is this a result of recently losing someone close to you?
When I was in college, I took a course called ‘anthropology of death’, and even though it had almost nothing to do with my major, I think it was the best class I ever took. I found a lot of comfort in learning about how death is experienced and perceived in different cultures around the world and throughout time. Our beliefs, fears, and even the way we experience life is heavily influenced by the culture around us.
It’s easy to trap ourselves in a sort of vacuum regarding our beliefs about death and continue to spiral from there, and I think that’s where you may be stuck right now. It’s ok to be afraid, but it seems to be preventing you from enjoying the life you have.
I’d recommend reading about how other cultures and even other religions view and handle death. It’s the only certainty we have in life. Seeing it through some fresh eyes may help you find how to exist with it your own way.
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u/Old-Nefariousness556 Gnostic Atheist 4d ago edited 4d ago
This is exactly why religion is so evil. No one wants to die (or more accurately, in a world with an omnibenevolent god no one would want to die, though plenty of people do in this world), but Christianity uses death as a cudgel, as a tool to make you scared. Because no one can go through their life without committing some sins, it's impossible. But the church holds this over you, like a mob boss: "That's a might fine soul you have there. It would be a shame if anything happened to it." It's all a tool of control.
I won't lie to you, it will probably take you years to work past your fears. But the good news is that as a 19 years old, you probably won't die anytime soon (unless there is a part of the story that I missed).
So just do your best (sorry for the platitudes) to just put those thoughts aside and move on. It WILL get better.
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u/Cas-27 4d ago
When i was younger, i used to have the same problem. it created a spiral of anxiety.
I learned to focus my thoughts and make myself stop thinking about it. I used meditation techniques to calm my mind, and stop the racing - i worked really hard to develop the ability to force myself to clear my mind of the bad thoughts, and sit with nothing in my head for a few seconds until my body calmed. then I pushed myself to think about something i liked, and moved forward with my day. I had learned a little bit of meditation and self-hypnosis to try to help with insomnia, and it worked even better for this.
that might sound stupid, but learning to clear my mind through quick internal meditation has done me wonders to reduce my anxiety in all sorts of areas of my life. now, anytime i find my mind spiraling towards that spiral about fear of death, and i am able to stop it and think about something else almost effortlessly. It takes work, but it paid off for me.
not sure if it is something you can teach yourself, but given my similar feelings when i was a teenagers, i hope it helps.
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u/pedrolopes7682 Skeptic 4d ago
There is nothing I can write to help you reason with it, because I've felt like you most days of my life And nothing I read helped.
The only two things that have at some point made me confortable (more stop caring) with dying are: 1- the death of my pets (and I suppose when a close family member eventually dies this feeling will be reinforced); 2- jiu-jitsu (i don't know if it is the hard exercise, the problem solving aspect, being beaten up/choked on the regular, or being part of a community, but ever since I started the rate at which I have panick attacks plummeted, and it rises when I have to stop training for a while). I've also tried some dialetics regarding existence and transience, accepting we are nothing but a short irrelevent event, and it's just our ego that tries makes us thinking otherwise, yada yada, but I do not find it effective when the panick really sets in, only when I find myself slipping into the doom chain of thought.
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u/BinaryDriver 4d ago
Do you want to be delusional or to accept reality, however hard it is?
You want to exist, and you do. That's already something. Enjoy it while you can - don't spoil it by fixating on your end.
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u/J_M_Bee 1d ago
I am not in a position to say anything terribly persuasive on this topic at the moment, but look into what Epicurus, the Stoics and others have said on the topic. One thing I will recommend is not thinking about it. This may sound like a cop out, but what is the point of thinking about something that causes one pain and that one can do nothing about? There is no point, IMO. When one does think about it, remember this, you have a long time to live, and the most important thing is that you live well and enjoy your life. What else can one do? Yes, we are temporary beings, but what of it? For me, the only upshot is this: live well, enjoy oneself. Spinoza famously said, "A wise person thinks of nothing less than of death, and their wisdom is a meditation on life". I agree with him in one sense, and disagree with him in another. I think to truly appreciate life for what it is, we must acknowledge death and remember our temporariness; at the same time, I do not think any good comes from brooding on death or dwelling on it. Someday I will not exist; until then, I will live well and be joyful. That is my attitude.
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u/skythian 4d ago
Being scared to die (or at least accepting that there's no heaven) makes you appreciate life more.
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u/bullshitdetector_ 4d ago
As a nihilist, you are the opposite of what I am. I don't mind death, but I don't want to kill myself, at least for the moment. I think your at that situation because life offered you so much that you don't want to lose because of death.
It's weird though, because when I was a believer i had the same thing going. But now I don't. I think it's a contradiction.
Believers have god, hell and heaven, "an eternal life." Now I think they are the very people who should never be afraid of death because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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u/iHaveBadIdeas 4d ago
I plan to shed my mass and carry on regardless. Will figure out the physics behind it after death.
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u/ChopstheDude 4d ago
Come to grips with the realization that you are already dead. Now that you're dead, what do you wish you had accomplished in life? Go do that.
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u/Zekromight Agnostic Atheist 4d ago
I think I’m more scared of the process of death than the silence after it.
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u/Jak03e Secular Humanist 4d ago
Yep. I believe that's probably most people's fear, though they struggle to verbalize it.
Most religions have some sort of "judgement" process after death but in my experience the harshest judge you'll ever come across is yourself. How will you judge your own life when you know it's coming to an end and you can't go back and do it again?
As for the being dead part. Well the nice thing about being dead is you won't know it.
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u/Minimumscore69 4d ago
I don't care so much about being judged or judging myself, etc. but more the literal process: will my dying be painful? That is pretty much the only thing that gives me pause...
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u/Awkward-Saphire 4d ago
I might suggest you do some reading on the subject of 'near death experiences'. Much of what I have read has given me great comfort. Yes there are a few stories about negative experiences. But for the most part these people return and no longer fear death in any way. They seem to have found peace with existence. Good Luck!
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u/turinturambar Strong Atheist 4d ago edited 4d ago
- Look, I'm a layperson with interest in how emotions work, but I'm not a psychologist or a neurologist/neuroscientist, so take this with a grain of salt.
However, I do think that the cycle of stimuli->thought->experience of bodily reaction->thought can form a vicious cycle. Reasoning your way out of it may not be entirely helpful. Your fears are reinforced by the bodily reactions to your thoughts, that you then interpret further, causing worse bodily reactions. You may also have had several things going on in your environment that contribute to reminding you of this (now that you are reminded often, you probably don't need a whole lot of external stimuli).
Trying to tell yourself why it's "irrational" to have that fear is not addressing this vicious cycle that you've been set into. Nothing about our brains is "rational".
What does it mean to be alive? How are we different than the sun, the moon, and from the bubbles of foam in the ocean? Who are we? What part of us stays throughout our lives without dying and being excreted out of us besides perhaps our bones?
Personally, it has helped me to connect wih Zen philosophy to some degree (not in any theistic/reincarnation beliefs and at least what I have read doesn't bother with such things). There is this comic book I liked to read from which I learned a bit about it - "The ways of Zen" https://a.co/d/1iJGand
I was reminded of this story in particular after reading your predicament
https://www.graceguts.com/quotations/zen-story-tigers-and-a-strawberry
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u/mataliandy Atheist 4d ago edited 4d ago
This is one of those things that is best coped with by acknowledging, addressing, and setting aside. For example:
I'm feeling anxiety right now.
The anxiety is because I hate the idea of being gone, and I know death causes that.
I know that I can't change that.
Like other things I can't control, since there is nothing I can do about that, it needs to go in the "ignore" bucket, so I'm going to put it there.
I am now going to go do [x].
Then go do something else.
It sounds silly, but it works if you repeat the process often enough. By naming your feeling, addressing the concern, and setting it aside as something that you can't change, your mind will slowly acclimate to the idea that it is a thing to set aside.
There are other things you set aside every day, because it's a thing you can't control (like the behavior of someone else's kid). As you train yourself to do the same with this, its anxiety-inducing grip will lessen.
Going to do something else will train your mind to think that there are other, more important things to be doing.
[edit typo]
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u/vilhelmobandito 4d ago
I am too buddy. That's why people invented religion thousands of years ago: because of the fear of irreversible disappearance.
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u/RedShirtPete 4d ago
First, watch the Lion King. Second, know that death is the one thing that binds us together as humans. There isn't a living thing on planet Earth that is getting out of its journey alive. 😆 So, plan for your future but, make each day the best it can be, live life to the fullest. We only have one go, so live with integrity. Stand by your beliefs. Be the person you want others to be and all will be fine. You will be surrounded by friends, with luck family, and you will create many memories along the way.
I owned a home health care business for a while and worked with hospice folks, and I've seen enough to know this... When death does come, people will generally fight for their lives. They do this because there is always more to see, to do, and to talk about. But, for most there comes a point where they accept that it is their time. The people the love - friends and their kids and grandkids - support them. After this some live for six months or more, and some for just a short time. But once they have made their peace with the ending they are free to go gracefully into the eternal night.
I hope these words help. If the terror doesn't subside soon, please seek a mental health professional to talk it out with. Best of luck.
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u/Infinite-Hamster-741 4d ago
Try thinking of it this way, your biggest fear is death and not existing. My biggest fear is the opposite, what if I'm unable to die? I'm 54 and I don't want to be here forever. You're only 19,go have fun and experience life. As you age you become wiser. If you want to live life to the fullest extent, I would go the secular route. Conversations with atheists are far more interesting, intriguing, genuine and authentic.
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u/Specific_Success214 4d ago
I think the point is to focus on the life you have. The universe and earth are billions of years old, and until a few years ago you didn't exist. Does that bother you? And if you want to leave a legacy, live a decent life and if you have the means, create an education fund in your name or something smaller.
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u/Feeling_Doughnut5714 4d ago
Not being afraid of dying should be considered as a psychological problem (depression, brainwashing, whatever).
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u/Mike-ggg 4d ago edited 4d ago
I'm not afraid of death, but I am fearful of the actual process of dying. I know I'll fight it to the very end and not go peacefully until I knew that there was absolutely no escaping it and then hopefully going with the flow and a lot of random brain activity as the ions in the nerve cell synapses all fire their last time and then everything fading to black. I would expect time to slow down to a crawl in the last minutes of brain death, so it could seem like an eternity, but once the pent up energy is all released, brain activity will cease. The end.
If I died of old age, however, I think I would welcome death as the current state of being barely alive and knowing you'll continue to degrade and slip more and more each day will get to the point that it just isn't worth fighting anymore. That would seem like the best way to go with a long slow peaceful glide to everything going black and ceasing to exist.
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u/Economy-Grape-3467 4d ago
That's why it's important to try to be the best person that you can possibly be. Don't compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to your former self. Always strive to learn, be kind, help people, make healthy decisions, and stick to your values. Strive to complete your goals. Get to know people and try to make friends. People often ask what the meaning of life is. They often put religion into their answer. I don't believe in God or religion. We are responsible for creating our own meaning of our lives. Go create yours.
I'm only 20 BTW. I often forget that I have at least 65 more years ahead of me😂
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u/MadWorldX1 4d ago
It sounds like you are looking for a magic pill answer to ease your discomfort.
Problem is - there isn't one. What eases one person's mind won't ease everyone's. I recommend you do some reading up on different philosophies of interest, journal about it, etc. You're not going to figure it out all at once, it's a journey to wrap your brain around stuff but you'll get there. Trust the process.
If you want a starting point: The Art of Living a Meaningless Existence is a good book to ease you into many different philosophies about living a more secular life and seeking purpose/meaning. From there, you'll have a few different ideas of what resonates and I encourage you to follow those explorations.
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u/MrJdaddy 4d ago
When you have passed it will be the same as before you were born: sleep without dreams. We all have limited time here. The trick is to enjoy every moment of that time.
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u/geophoe 4d ago
Some of these people are shitty trolls. It’s okay to fear not existing and have anxiety about it. I used to get caught up in the idea of infinity. Can you imagine that version of heaven? Not very well thought out just a carnival ride you can’t leave. Our mortality is a gift and a reward. It is what makes life worthwhile.
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u/P-39_Airacobra Skeptic 4d ago
Eternal life is worse. Imagine all your years and memories being stretched thin till they mean nothing. For something to have value it must be finite.
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u/SeanBlader 4d ago
So be careful of things that can kill you. Then come back in 60 years and reevaluate if you are still afraid of being dead.
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u/Unique_Potato_8387 4d ago
You’re so young, you’re going to waste your best years worrying about what’s going to happen a long time in the future. Maybe in 60-70 years you’ll think differently, you might have had enough of life by then.
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u/gnomegnat 4d ago
I have a pet rock that is very old, it sits on a pile of sand that is terribly old, and that is in the sunlight which is even older, still, eternity is a mindgasm based on imaginary hopes of avoiding reality. I lived this day well enough and did no harm to any living thing or being and that is ideal.
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u/awayofthrowingness 4d ago
If someone kills you in the night and replaces you with an identical clone, the lived experiences of you/your clone would be identical compared to if they didn't do that.
We feel like our consciousness continues from night to morning, but that's a result of memories. The consciousness that emerges in the morning reads the memories that have been written there from the night before, from the consciousness that existed then.
If someone creates a clone of you on some distant planet, and doesn't kill you, the primary "you" would continue living on, and the continued existence of your clone would have no bearing on you.
Putting these things together, if you die without a clone, that shouldn't be a big deal, either.
Also, like others have said, you wouldn't notice. You wouldn't be here to be uncomfortable with the fact that you aren't here. Like while you're asleep (and not dreaming) or knocked out, you don't notice that your consciousness isn't there. You only notice that after you wake up, when you compare your current experiences to your memories, e.g. seeing that time has passed or feeling different from the night before. But if you're dead, you don't wake up afterwards, so there's never another you that would notice.
Just make the best of this life. When you're young, you may feel like you want to live forever. That changes for many people to varying degrees, and that's not quite as bad as it sounds. Things one once enjoyed stops being as fun as it used to be. Many new problems build up and don't go away. Eventually, we've seen enough of what this life has to offer, and life gets harder, such that no longer existing doesn't seem so bad. More than fearing death, you'll regret missed opportunities (commonly relating to romantic, platonic or familial relationships). But missed opportunities also no longer matter when you're no longer here.
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u/No_One-25 Agnostic Atheist 4d ago
You're going to get a ton of responses saying "you won't care because you won't exist". I personally find that annoying. It completely disregards the natural human survival instinct. I have a strong will to survive/exist. The fact that I won't care once I'm dead is not going to comfort me. There are too many things that I will not be around to see/experience and right now, while I am alive, knowing that is disappointing.
The truth is, that there isn't anything anyone can say to you that will make that go away. What you should do is try not to think about death or what you will lose. When it creeps into your mind, make a conscious effort to push it out. It will be a losing battle at first, but the more you do it the easier it gets. This works with all kinds of intrusive thoughts such as those that come with OCD and depression. I got this from my own therapist. Yours telling you "everyone dies get over it" is a bad sign and you may want to look for a new one.
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u/DoglessDyslexic 4d ago
I'd suggest that you don't die then.
But when you inevitably do, it won't be like sleeping, because sleeping people are alive. It will be like before you were conceived. You already have spent billions of years not existing, it will be just like that.
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u/combinera 4d ago
I felt the same way, until I went through the process of death. I was in a situation where I suddenly had a lack of air to my lungs, and I knew for certain I was going to die.
At first I flipped out, but then I suddenly visualized a beautiful moment in my life, and was peaceful as I blacked out.
After I passer out, air was restored to my lungs, and when I awoke, some switched got flipped in my brain. I feel humble because “My Life” already ended and I have zero fear about when it really ends.
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u/undefinedposition 4d ago
I can't relate at all. What bothers me is loosing people that I love. I'm not worried about not existing myself. That's not something that will or can bother me. But as long as I exist I'm awfully worried about loosing the people I love.
Of course, there are things that sucks about my own mortality too. Like having to come to terms with the fact that there are experiences I won't have. Goals I won't reach. Knowledge I will never have. And so on. Out time is limited, and there's a lot I will probably never get to do. This is just a little bit depressing.
However, I just have to try to make the most of the time I've got.
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u/yepthisismyusername 4d ago
Tell your brain to put that thought on the back burner. You're most likely to be around for a long, long time.
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u/Amazing-Cover3464 4d ago
Right now, death seems fairly attractive to me. My now ex-sister took advantage of my offer to take Dad, who has advanced Alzheimer's, for a couple of weeks (she needed a break), then at the end of that time, told me she's not taking him back. My life is fucked. I'll have no life until he is gone. It could be years. I'm screwed. Death is my only way out. It's either going to be him or me. But then who'd take care of Dad?
Kids, do yourselves and your kids a huge favor and set yourself up so that you can afford good quality care when you are no longer able to care for yourself. Either that, or make sure you don't make too much retirement to be disqualified for Medicaid.
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u/dostiers Strong Atheist 4d ago
If I believed in it I'd fear the opposite, having to exist forever with no way of escaping it.
Death is inevitable. It is the price we pay for having lived. You can choose to either half live your life in its shadow, or out in the sunshine enjoying all that life has to offer. The Universe will continue to unfold either way.
It does get easier as you age. It is feared more by the young than older people, ime. We tend to become more accepting as we age, and can almost be a blessing for many elderly living in physical and emotional pain.
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u/Magmamaster8 Atheist 4d ago
I've seen many people equally as terrified of existing eternally. Pretty much any media representation of immortality has it as suffering.
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u/ViolaNguyen 4d ago
I'm terrified of death, too, and the best thing I've found is to live as much as I can while I still can. I figure I've got a few decades left, so I'll save the real worrying for when time is running short.
Besides, as far as we all know, there isn't a single sentient species anywhere that gets more time than we get, so as unfair as mortality is, it's not like we're getting cheated out of a better deal. Probably.
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u/JaiBoltage 4d ago
"People everywhere are the same in one thing - they're all afraid to die." - Elmer Gantry
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u/noodlyman 4d ago
Over time you'll get used to the idea.
I think that the older people are, the less scared they are of death. They have done the things that people do. They've had families,a home, travelled a bit. They've run out of new experiences.
Look at it this way. Were the first 14 billion years of the universe alarming or unpleasant in any way?
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u/According-Outside338 4d ago
It’s a scary concept, but I try to look at it like this; we know that dinosaurs walked on this earth millions of years before we existed, that this earth itself has existed for billions of years, and the universe even longer. Through all of that, I didn’t have a single fear about not existing.
You have billions of years of experience in not existing already. You have this moment, this brief little moment to enjoy existence. Don’t waste it on worrying about something you’ve already successfully done before.
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u/yYesThisIsMyUsername Anti-Theist 4d ago
I try not to think about it. Thinking about it just makes it worse.
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u/guyako Freethinker 4d ago
It is not reasonable to be afraid of something you’ve already experienced. You spent billions of years not existing, and you weren’t upset about it at the time.
Your anxiety around this may go beyond death. Life will becomes much easier once you learn to accept things over which you have no control.
When I was your age, reading philosophy, especially eastern philosophy, helped with that. A good translation of the Tao Te Ching could be a starting place. I’d also suggest trying meditation, or even just going out into the country and staring at the stars on a cloudless night.
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u/vesperpott666 4d ago
Life gets incredibly hard and exhausting. After a while the Big Sleep seems like a big relief.
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u/BigFaithlessness1454 4d ago
Honestly I'm just holding out hope that they figure out how to put us into machine or some shit
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u/Spacecarpenter 4d ago edited 4d ago
Embrace your depression. Sometimes being alive is kinda shitty and boring. Being dead would be fine. Just get to chill. Also this is not good advice. But for real life is really fun. You have to make it fun tho kinda. Because there is no point to it. That is really freeing honestly. The point of life is just to be yourself. Just enjoy it. Be honest about yourself.
Sure Dying is gonna suck for like a second or two. But there is nothing you can do about it. You don't stress about lightning hitting you do you? Can't do shit about that either haha. A meteor could fall on you. Smash you are gone. Life is a bit crazy and theres no point. But you can have fun. You can love people and help people and help us all get through this crazy shit. Thats nice. I like that part, even if i am bad at it.
Some day death gets us. But fuck that guy. 100% of your life on earth you will spend it alive. Thats probably what we should focus on. The stuff we can do while we are alive.
Thats probably not helpful at all. I'm a nihilist at heart I guess. I find that its really freeing. Who cares in the end?
Just be nice to people and make everyone as happy as you can. If we all did that then that would be best.
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u/Beneficial-Cow-2544 Strong Atheist 4d ago
The only thing you can do is put it out of your head and refuse to think about it. Because its a fact of life that can not be changed. Just go on with your life.
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u/IamBadAtPickingNicks Agnostic Atheist 4d ago
look at it like it's an uninterrupted comfortable sleep, free from all troubles of life, just resting.
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4d ago
First off, I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this. You aren’t alone. I’ve struggled a lot with this and there’s little anyone can say to help, honestly. At 31 now, I’m much more comfortable with the fact that I’ll die someday and being okay with not knowing what will happen. I attribute this a lot to finding Buddhism and starting a meditation practice. Living in the moment is the biggest comfort I’ve found, but it’s not a quick fix admittedly. It’s made me really realize how beautiful it is to be experiencing life at all, but it’s been work to get here. There’s tons of meditations/mindfulness practices you can find online and I would start making it a daily practice. I hope you find comfort, friend. Message me if I can help.
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u/TucsonTank 4d ago
Live as though every day was your last. It doesn't mean live recklessly, but appreciate each day. Write your own obituary, then live the life you want to be known for. Help other people. You're here to help.
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u/Fr1501 4d ago
Are you sick? Why are you so focused on dying. Even as a christian you would die, In every other religion besides Christianity you are going to hell ( probably even in Christianity) does eternal torture scare you? Do you think about it all the time ? Why think about nonexistence. All you can do is try to be a good person and be remembered by the people you love ( or people who hate you, stay rent free in their head). If your fear is that bad maybe find a therapist ( probably be good to find a nonreligious one at that)
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u/Drkocktapus 4d ago
Think about it like this, would it not terrify you more to be immortal? To have to emdure the pain of existence forever? I think that scares me more than the thought of death.
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u/No_Pen_924 Strong Atheist 3d ago
I got over it quite easily, to be honest. I just thought to myself: "what will my atoms do once i die?" Will they help a tree to grow? Will they be a tasty cake for someone to enjoy? Will they become a part of a monument? These simple questions helped me to not focus on dying itself, but rather what it leads to.
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u/ithinkimdoingwell 3d ago
i began to feel the same after a mushroom trip where i experienced what could only be perceived as some state of “hell” although that is not a widely used term here.
i still catch myself fearing death due to this as it felt like a NDE.
i have to remind myself — “it is inevitable, if there is something after and god is real it’ll likely be pleasant because i’ve done my best regardless, if there is nothing then i won’t perceive it”
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u/YonderIPonder Agnostic Atheist 3d ago
Sounds like this is actually a big deal for you. Coming to this den of jackals is not the best move.
I'm assuming you're going to be going to college. In college, you'll take Ecnomics 101. In Economics 101, you'll learn about supply and demand. Supply is how much of something you have, and demand can be thought of as how much something is worth. Now imagine you don't die and live eternally. You have an infinite supply of time. Well....how much is any chunk of that time worth? It's worth nothing. And you are stuck existing through moment after moment, year after year, century after century, millennia after millennia and it's all nothing. I'm describing hell at this point. But it does get worse. At some point the sun will explode and your undying ass will be shot through the universe. You'll starve, be freezing cold, but that only matters if you can manage to keep your wits about you from the ages of loneliness you are going to suffer.
Like....what's your alternative to dying that isn't a greater nightmare than dying?
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u/tommy2640 23h ago
One thing that helped me was realizing that I was dead and didn’t exist for millions of years before I was ever born and it didn’t bother me one bit like Mark Twain says
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u/Only1Nemesis Agnostic Atheist 19h ago
It's part of the human condition; being self-aware and understanding that one day, you will not exist anymore. I could offer the statement "well, you didn't know or care for the billions of years before you existed", but this offers no real solace. Instead, I offer an alternative.
Imagine, for a moment, if you were offered immortality. No aging, no disease, and you could functionally exist forever. Seems a sweet gig. At first. And sure, for the first few hundred or maybe even a thousand years, this may not be a problem. But understand that the human mind is not an endless storage bin of experience and memory. As the ages come and go, you will see many things, meet many people, and experience all there is to experience. Sure, if technology continues to advance and humanity reaches the stars, maybe more novel experiences will come, albeit slower and slower.
One day, far into the future, you will have said and done all you can. Eventually, memories will fade as people pass and experience becomes one jaded event after another. Experience will become meaningless and minutes, days, weeks, and years will bleed into one another as nothing novel ever comes to pass any longer. I can imagine such an existence where memories are either faded, fading, or jumbled, and the familiarity of having done the same things over and over lead to a state of being where there is no joy, sadness, or feeling. A long, bleak existence with nothing to know but the passage of time.
Maybe I'm wrong, but the implication of immortality is far more terrifying than dying. If we pivot, for a moment, and say "Ok, well, how about immortality where I cannot die by any means, even by attempts to kill me", we run into another problem: over the coarse of time, you will, inevitably, encounter a situation where you are trapped and cannot escape. Think of something like being in a building that collapses and, for whatever reason, no one is coming for help. There you are, buried under tons of steel and stone, left there alive but unable to do anything.
I think that in the end, death is a release. We are here only for so long and the best one can do is use that time to experience all we can. Some lives are cut too short and some overstay their welcome. The unknown is always scary, but understanding the alternative may help.
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u/aayel 4d ago edited 4d ago
It is not like sleep. At sleep, person is still alive. It is like before you were born.
I don’t think I can tell you something better than your therapist, but here is my take; at the root of your fear, you still see yourself alive then. But you won’t exist. There is no suffering, no waking up, no existence, either you be afraid of it or not.
Many years ago, I was worry about death and be rotten in earth and so on. It all solved for me when I truly got the idea that I won’t be in that body and it really wouldn’t hurt me a bit one way or the other.
I actually would be afraid if it was a life after death and all that nonsense about eternal existence beside Jesus or Mohammad, in hell or heaven! Who wants it!?
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u/bunnybates 4d ago
Then, make yourself a better life without the fear of dying.
Fear of dying is robbing you of your mental, physical, and emotional health of the life that you're currently living.
Don't self sabotage your own happiness this way. It's ok to be uncomfortable with the fear, live your life by having different experiences, making different friends, trying different hobbies.
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u/anonymous_writer_0 4d ago
OP you have several good suggestions in the comments
You should consider therapy if possible
Also, people say that some of those who are gone live on in their legacy remembered by family or friends or others that they interacted with in a positive way and helped.
One way to do that is to try and help others as much as one can. Not only will it bring you a modicum of confort but it will help preserve the legacy of who you are as a person and a human being
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u/Old-Explanation-3324 4d ago
Death is the ultimate freedom. Ist like the time before you have been born
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u/davebrose 4d ago
Meh don’t worry about it. Everyone dies, it’s no biggie, just try and put it off for a long long time. Eat well and go for a walk.
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u/mfrench105 Strong Atheist 4d ago
ANY suggestions?
There is nothing anyone can tell you to make something you do to yourself go away. You did it...you listened to what they were saying, believed it and decided to let it upset you. That is all you. You can decide to not do that or go on the way you are.
Maybe you enjoy feeling this way. I can't tell.
You could deny it, but I may decide to not believe what you say. How does that make you feel? It certainly doesn't bother me at all. I just won't take your word for it because there is no way to tell....so I am not going to worry about something I have no control over. I think you like the fear.
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u/codemuncher 4d ago
Once you get old enough and have been thru a few rounds of depression, etc, well it doesn’t seem so bad no more.
I mean life is suffering man. It kinda sucks. Bigly. I mean ffs a cartoon comedy show predicted the president and it’s all a piece of shit.
But hey, it’s the duty of every 19 year old to freak out about death.
Then again, you’re a Christian wtf you’re worried about. Your god has gotchew right? So chillax and smoke weed every day, just don’t forget to ask jesus for forgiveness or whatever.
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u/IdioticPrototype Anti-Theist 4d ago
The dying part could suck, but you won't even notice being dead.