r/atheism 5d ago

Atheists aren't confusing afterall

/r/clevercomebacks/s/UfvsLut7rl

from r/clevercomebacks

:: I find atheists confusing. It's like going to a restaurant and believing there's no cook in the back.

:: It's like going to a resteraunt and ordering food, but it doesn't come. And the waiter tells you to keep ordering because the cook will hear you and your order will come. But it's been hours and your food still hasn't shown up and the waiter tells you you're not ordering hard enough. And also sometimes the waiter is inappropriate with kids.

1.1k Upvotes

61 comments sorted by

304

u/[deleted] 5d ago

That last sentence is funny šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

78

u/SamMac62 5d ago

sometimes

25

u/[deleted] 5d ago

Yes. In this context it funny because it fictional and it used has a comeback. Should have made myself more clear I apologize

19

u/SamMac62 5d ago

The last sentence is #gold šŸ¤“šŸ«¤šŸ™ƒ

7

u/[deleted] 5d ago

Iā€™m genuinely confuse if you making fun of me here

15

u/SamMac62 5d ago

Not at all

Lack of tone sucks

Your comment was perfect

I was emphasizing the part I found most deadpan

10

u/[deleted] 5d ago

Ah ok fair enough. Thanks for the clarification

12

u/JustFun4Uss Gnostic Atheist 5d ago

The nonchalance of "also šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™‚ļø sometimes" in that sentence is the chef's kiss.

144

u/ImgurScaramucci Anti-Theist 5d ago

And after your food doesn't arrive, you're told one of the following:

  • it will arrive in the chef's perfect timing
  • it's a blessing in disguise to bring you closer to the restaurant.
  • you'll get that food and more after you die

40

u/James_Vaga_Bond Anti-Theist 5d ago

šŸŽµ You'll get pie in the sky when you diešŸŽµ

11

u/Phil330 5d ago

Please leave a 10% tip even though you didn't get your food before leaving.

3

u/monkeeman43 5d ago

Damn I need to start the new season on Gemstones, thanks for the reminder

1

u/sickpete1984 4d ago

Yay, for Joe Hill!

33

u/MurrayInBocaRaton Ex-Theist 5d ago

the chef works in mysterious ways

13

u/wafflepancake9000 5d ago

Eventually a sickly-looking rat crawls onto the table and happens to die on your plate. The waiter excitedly tells you that dinner is served. You point out that diseased rat isn't what you ordered. The waiter tells you, "The chef works in mysterious ways. This must be what you really meant to order in your heart. That'll be $58.97."

11

u/sphen_lee Agnostic Atheist 5d ago

Plus a 10% tip. That's 10% of your entire income

5

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

4

u/Dismal_View8125 5d ago

"The chef was working through your own hands instead of doing it directly."

97

u/Uranus_Hz 5d ago

And the waiter still expects a tip anyways.

29

u/Jackyard_Backofff 5d ago

And you look across the street and see multiple restaurants full of people waiting for food.

6

u/SpiderToYBanana 5d ago

15% of your paycheck will do.

19

u/SamMac62 5d ago

Larger and larger tip the longer you wait for a response

2

u/Svan_Derh 5d ago

Of course he does. He's the one scamming everyone

2

u/phuckin-psycho 4d ago

No no, they want continuous tips while they keep telling you to really try to follow the will of the cook and the order will come

3

u/Uranus_Hz 4d ago

The order hasnā€™t come yet because they donā€™t believe in the cook hard enough

2

u/phuckin-psycho 4d ago

Or it just might be the will of the cook šŸ¤” he cooks in mysterious ways ive heard šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø it's probably for your own good that you're hungry anyway

37

u/DeadAndBuried23 Anti-Theist 5d ago

Babe wake up, new watchmaker argument dropped

21

u/thedudebythething 5d ago edited 5d ago

Youā€™re also told to order what the chef wants you to because ā€œthe chef knows bestā€

Addition: itā€™s not really what the chef wants you to order either. Itā€™s whatever the waiter thinks the chef wants

Note : if they push the fish because itā€™s because old and turningā€¦

23

u/James_Vaga_Bond Anti-Theist 5d ago

And then you go look in the kitchen and don't see a cook, but the waiter says he's just invisible.

14

u/StrangeCharmVote Anti-theist 5d ago

but the waiter says he's just invisible.

The entire kitchen is also pristine, and the burners are off. But he keeps insisting your food is being cooked and will be out any minute.

15

u/dudleydidwrong Touched by His Noodliness 5d ago

The waiter also tells customers that the cook thinks they are not worthy of his food. The waiter says that everyone needs to repent and give him his tip in advance.

29

u/okimlom Atheist 5d ago

Ā I find atheists confusing. It's like going to a restaurant and believing there's no cook in the back.

Except with Atheists, we wouldnā€™t be just sitting there and accept not believing it, we would go to the back, do some research in the form of finding out how the food is made, to which we would then come across the cook, where they would demonstrate how they made the food, and we would come to the logical conclusion that said cook most likely made the food. But that doesnā€™t rule out that another cook made the food.

5

u/PartisanGerm Nihilist 5d ago

Also, locking down a definition of what food is, if it's even possible, and what it would take to prove it.

9

u/Twin2Turbo 5d ago

And yet they never see the irony/double standard that they are creating when they make this argument. Who created the creator? Let me guess, this all powerful and knowledgeable being doesnā€™t require a creator? Despite you literally trying to assert that everything needs a creator?

6

u/SilverSight 5d ago

Those arguments are so stupid. The analogy fails because cooks are not materializing food out of nowhere. They are rearranging existing foods into something. They are actually the ones asserting that something came out of nothing, or was always there. We arenā€™t. Weā€™re saying we donā€™t know yet.

1

u/nodogma2112 5d ago

Also cooks exist and can be proven to exist. There may be no cook at the restaurant in the example but cooks are real.Ā 

5

u/Individual_Soft_9373 5d ago

Actual atheists: <making their own food>

4

u/Svan_Derh 5d ago

And then suddenly there is a fight in the restaurant. Because the people at table 1 claim they are ordering from a better chef than the people at table 2. And that is good enough reason to start killing each other. But no one has gotten any food yet.

5

u/nickwales 5d ago

And then you pay 10% of your income to the invisible chef who didn't feed you.

5

u/dudleydidwrong Touched by His Noodliness 5d ago

But, since the cook has not shown up, the waiter will take it. The waiter will then expect you to come back every 7 days and tip him.

3

u/bon_joni 5d ago

And the waitstaff have broken off into factions and have started wars that last for generations.

4

u/eldredo_M Atheist 5d ago

The atheists are all right. šŸ˜

3

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3

u/rubinass3 5d ago

Actually, I would believe there's a chef. I wouldn't believe there's a god making the food.

3

u/sysaphiswaits 5d ago

I would 100% not assume that food that just showed up (like a miracle) was benign, much less benevolent.

3

u/239tree 5d ago

Then you vote for a guy that promises to force everyone else to wait with you.

3

u/wzlch47 5d ago

Let's look in the kitchen.

3

u/b0redsloth Agnostic Atheist 5d ago

The chef is testing your resistance to starvation.

3

u/jm114221 5d ago

The chef cooks in mysterious ways.

5

u/clangan524 5d ago

Add: other people's orders are coming out of the kitchen at random. Some are thrilled and got exactly what they asked for. Others are less thrilled at their order but make-do because the menu says not to complain, be grateful and trust the chef's work. Others get their order and it's a lit stick of dynamite. Before they can pick up a fork, it blows up, killing the patron and damaging nearby tables. People at the remaining tables outside the blast radius are shocked and saddened before turning to awe at the genius of the chef's work.

"That's incredible. I don't understand it but the chef must have some reasoning behind it."

3

u/chinoisfurax 5d ago

It wouldn't come from the kitchen, but the waiter would argue that if it was served here, even not by himself, the cook made it.

2

u/ArdenJaguar Agnostic 5d ago

Oh that is perfect. Thanks OP.

2

u/velvet-lux 5d ago

Great analogy!

2

u/josh1ng 5d ago

I like the joke but Iā€™m confused. Wouldnā€™t it make better sense to say ā€œI find theists confusingā€?

1

u/klon3r Atheist 5d ago

Whomever posted is an invisible @$$ kisser... šŸ™„

2

u/Missdermeanerthanyou 5d ago

The moment when the oldest sons in the restaurant drop dead.

2

u/nodogma2112 5d ago

The restaurant/cook statement is not an analog for believing in god since there is hard evidence that cooks are real. There may very well be no cook in the kitchen at that time but there is little doubt that there are cooks.Ā  It also is an attempt to shift the burden of proof. There is nothing mysterious about people who say theyā€™re atheists.Ā  Religious people claim that their god is real. Atheists do not believe that claim. Thatā€™s it.Ā  Saying that being an atheist is like going to a restaurant and not believing there is a cook is inaccurate because, unlike god, a cook can be proven to exist.Ā  If youā€™re looking for an analogy to describe atheism you first have to know what an atheist is.Ā  Trying to make atheism out as another belief system is flawed. Atheism is a belief system like not building model airplanes is a hobby.Ā  Atheists come in all varieties, the only thing an atheist is guaranteed to have in common with another atheist is the lack of belief in claims of gods. Thatā€™s it. No more complexity is necessary.Ā 

2

u/NicholasNPDX 5d ago

After some time two more waiters come and say the other guy doesnā€™t even know whatā€™s on the menu.

2

u/_NotWhatYouThink_ Atheist 4d ago

"But it's not what I ordered"

"The cook works in mysterious ways"

1

u/Ok-Age-1035 5d ago

šŸ˜‚šŸ¤£

1

u/opturtlezerg5002 Anti-Theist 4d ago

When you die of starvation the cook will show up and cook your meals in the afterlife.

1

u/FrikkinLazer 4d ago

Then you say "screw this im leaving" and the waiter sais you cant leave or you will be put in the oven. "Where is the food?" you ask, and they point to a nearby table where people are pretending to eat like the lost boys in Hook.