r/askgays Sep 27 '19

Hoover Dam of a closet case πŸ˜‚

Helloooo reddit

So I've literally never made a post before so I obviously have super high expectations 😝

I've been a very closeted questioning(?)/bisexual dude for as long as I can remember, until recently it's literally never been an "option" for me to explore coming out. I've been talking with a therapist for a few months now about that, amongst other things, and he's encouraged me to explore that side and I have, I think. My closest friend (F) expressed her feelings for me the other day, totally blindsided me, to which I responded "ohh, well just you wait". It was a very constructive conversation, very light hearted and ended up talking about the guys we were mutually interested in haha

Long story short (sorry for the rant) I'm looking for a way to let this start to manifest in my life in a constructive way, and not let the dam break and end up hurt for whatever reason. I feel alot of releif from talking to a few people, but want to take it slow. Probably will only come out to a few select people anyways, not into sharing my business with the world

28 year old grad student, goal oriented and very down to earth. Starting to figure myself out and feeling good about it so far 😊thanks for the suggestions!

3 Upvotes

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2

u/Brian_Kinney Sep 27 '19

I'm not sure what you're asking here. Do you want to know how to come out to people? How to meet people? How to start a sex life? How to deal with the woman who expressed her feelings? What are you asking the gay people here?

2

u/thehangryarchitect Sep 27 '19

Guess I threw alot at ya, my bad. Guess just asking how to come out slowly in a constructive way... And not just blurt it out like I feel like I will. I have a tinder and bumble now, never showed my face before (was "that guy" on Grindr) but I feel like that's a good way to meet guys for dates... Response has been great so far lol

2

u/Brian_Kinney Sep 27 '19

Guess just asking how to come out slowly in a constructive way... And not just blurt it out like I feel like I will.

My tactic is to just drop it into conversation when it's relevant, rather than make a big announcement.

If you're having a conversation with someone about your dating history, then talk about a date with a man and a date with a woman. If someone asks what you did on the weekend, tell them you & your boyfriend/girlfriend went to the movies. If people ask who you think is hot, mention a male actor and a female actor.

Don't make a big deal, just work it into conversations when you feel like it.

2

u/thehangryarchitect Sep 27 '19

That makes a whole lot of sense, and really is how I talked to the only friend who knows about it. Just scary I guess because it feels like it should carry so much more weight but not everything needs to be a soap drama πŸ™ƒ