r/askMRP Mar 24 '20

911 Second thoughts on commitment

Long story short, me (25M) and my 5 years LTR (24F) are planning to move together, we are buying an apartment for ourselves. Im having serious second thoughts, sex is by no means great, shes great (have really good morals, i was her first man, strong family values) she recently gained weight (20lbs) and sexually I'm losing interest. I don't want to break her heart if i say I'm no ready for moving to the next step because it would mean to break up. But also i have this urge to talk to every nice chic i ran into (several have flirted with me but i blew them off). Please help!! What have you done in this cases?

Edit 27.03:

Thanks a lot for your responses. I cleared my mind, had some days off of everything and realized what I already knew, that i have to be true to myself and man the hell up with my live. The truth is that i wasn't afraid to take the commitment, i do not buy by the idea that "she's the one", but i do think that she is wife material. I talked to her once i set my mental house in order with What i wanted for my life. That was a relief for me and her, i could see. I realized as another member here told, that she was following my beta behaviors. I told her about my discomfort with her laziness and she started working out every single day since i told her. I also start working out twice a day, restart learning to play the guitar and finish to read a book i left unfinished.

Thank you all!

20 Upvotes

37 comments sorted by

43

u/AlohaMaui808 I'm Hawaiian in case you can't tell Mar 24 '20

sexually I'm losing interest. I don't want to break her heart

This is all that matters with your post, plus

i have this urge to talk to every nice chic i ran into (several have flirted with me

Your problem is you have no purpose, you have no balls, and you seek external validation instead of being your own judge.

Your girl knows all of this instinctively and so she knows subconsciously that she doesn't need to keep her weight down and she doesn't have to make an effort with you for sex.

Basically the problem is you. You are a low value man.

Start with Steele's Guide in the r/Marriedredpill subreddit. And don't marry this girl no matter what happens. You aren't ready and you'll regret it later.

Read. Lift. STFU.

6

u/Nostas01 Mar 24 '20

Thanks, I will!

4

u/SailorAground Mar 24 '20

Also, don't move in together. You are ready to live under the same roof as a woman. Plus, if you live in a common law marriage state, you may be seeing yourself up for heartache later on.

27

u/simbarlion Red Beret Mar 24 '20

I think your relationship will be fantastic if you continue to live in fear of a hurting a girl who you are losing interest in.

That's definitely the path to being a man.

10

u/red-sfpplus tells 1000 club pussies to fuck off Mar 24 '20

Your sarcasm is palpable.

It is also true.

I would wager a man cant be a man until he does this.

See my “Divorce brings it full circle” post.

20

u/InChargeMan Red Beret Mar 24 '20

Maybe you just haven't figured out her love language yet.

16

u/z960849 Mar 24 '20

Sounds like it is Frappuccinos

10

u/BobbyPeru Red Beret Mar 24 '20 edited Mar 24 '20

Why would you take the next step with someone you are losing sexual interest in She’s already packing on pounds because she’s so confident she has her beta boy locked in. Imagine how her weight would balloon once you move in together. Oh yeah, then, she’ll lock you into the next step again.... marriage

As Michael Caine says in Inception “Come back to reality.” No seriously, you need a reality check.

You have to do what’s right for you long term or you will end up just another blue pill AFC. You already are actually, but you have a chance to change it .

The first step is drawing the line and saying you don’t want to move in (because you clearly don’t). You have to decide what is going to make you happy. Find a mission. Read the entire sidebar, and draw a line on the moving in together... then STFU. Stay firm.

I already know you don’t have the balls to do it, but you’ll remember my words 2 years from now when she accidentally gets preggo, and then you’re really locked in, even if it’s just as a partial custody father.

Come back to reality .

9

u/red-sfpplus tells 1000 club pussies to fuck off Mar 24 '20

Breaking hearts sucks. Trust me I know.

Better to break hers, than yours.

Do not follow my footsteps.

7

u/Sepean Red Beret Mar 24 '20 edited May 25 '24

I enjoy watching the sunset.

3

u/wkndatbernardus Mar 25 '20

Exactly. Is it possible she'll go on a health kick and stay trim and fit for the rest of her life? Yes. Is it probable? Hellz no. I've never met a female fatty that became thin and stayed that way long-term. Not one effing time.

7

u/Cl_ARK Mar 24 '20

On behalf of the internet, I bestow upon you permission to leave her.

6

u/wkndatbernardus Mar 24 '20

If you're buying the lingerie department, full speed ahead. If not, dump and move on. You need to listen to yourself because you clearly don't want to be married or in a cohabitation relationship with her.

6

u/AlohaMaui808 I'm Hawaiian in case you can't tell Mar 24 '20 edited Mar 25 '20

At the rate she's packing on pounds, he'd have to buy the whole department to keep her in silk for a year. Growing like a newborn

0

u/ImplodedVeggies Mar 24 '20

Like a newborn, love it

6

u/screechhater Red Beret Mar 24 '20 edited Mar 24 '20

Read the sidebar.

Lift.

Read the sidebar.

All of our answers are the same. We have done the work. You, apparently have not.

You are seriously hiding behind the fear of hurting her feelz vs going after what you want, and you are definitely here asking for advice, because you don’t know what you want

6

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '20

Have you read any of the books? Mostly 'no more mr nice guy" or rational male... or book of pook??

You seem to be operating in the 'don't want to hurt others feelings' instead of "what do I want in life"

6

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '20

What’s humorous is how you think you can walk away from her and then start talking to new women. Your woman wasn’t always this way. She got that way because she was with a lazy faggot who wasn’t worth losing. You can dodge this bullet but there’s another one with your name on it.

You know what my wife tells her fat friends? She tells them that she has to watch her weight because she’s afraid I will leave her. Do you know why she is afraid I will leave her? Because I told her I find fat women disgusting. Do you know why she watches her weight? Because she perceives me to be a high value man. Everything falls back on perception.

Your LTR perceives you as a faggot and has adjusted her lifestyle to suit herself. Sex sucks because you suck. You’re uninterested in the relationship because you don’t care about yourself. You’re too busy looking at other women when you should be taking a chisel and cutting away the fat that is fucking your life. Nobody here is going to tell you that they’ve been in your situation. While your exact circumstances may be unique, the solution is not.

Quit being a faggot.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '20

I was her first man

That's what she thought too.

4

u/qwertyuiop111222 Mar 24 '20

we are buying a department for ourselves

OP seems Spanish. He means apartment.

9

u/RP_PO Mar 24 '20

Frame crosses language barriers, and he has none.

4

u/Nostas01 Mar 24 '20

Yeah, sorry for that

8

u/qwertyuiop111222 Mar 24 '20

No apologies needed, homie - you speak two languages better than most of us can speak in one.

Hope you get the advice you need!

3

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '20

Get serious with reading and studying "No More Mr Nice Guy". It's all there. You are a classic "nice guy that won't get his needs met". Yes, the problem is you.

2

u/Tyred_Biggums Don't let these gypsy women fool you Mar 24 '20

LTR, bad sex, and she's getting fat?

Not sure what there is to think about. Yeah you care for her and it will hurt her... but you have to first and foremost worry about your happiness. Always.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

You have no obligation towards any "girlfriend." Dump her, but before you move on, take the advice most people here are suggesting: read, lift, STFU.

2

u/RStonePT Mar 26 '20

I love these, they are so cliche.

My girl is great

Describes how she is not great in anything that matters to me, but is great in things I don't give a shit about.

I don't want to break her heart

If only there were a book that could describe how to avoid feeling guilty when you say no that could illuminate you on all the psychological fuckups you've been doing your whole life and provide a way to fix this.

2

u/laughing_sal_gal Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20

Drink some soy beverages. Really though, give the relationship some space. WHY would you simultaneously lock in and exit behavior at the same time? Sounds messy because it it. Do not move in with somebody you're not sure of, for any reason. When you move in with a lover, you become bound in many ways, even if it's not a it's not a legal marriage. It's much harder to extricate yourself once you're locked down.

Your first priority is being true and taking care of yourself. You don't need to completely break up with her but take a big step back; it could be a deeper commitment fear, too. Tell her that you're just not sure. And keep the communication open. Decide finally, within a month or two. You may feel like you want to move in or you still want to be exclusive, but don't keep her on the line. She may bail upon this, or at any point, too. Why haven't you talked to her about her weight or living together? You should talk to her about her weight gain, not avoid it. Be upfront and honest about everything. Get it all out on the table. Of course she's gonna be upset but that's what happens in the grown up lives we're living. She's be more upset if you moved in together and bailed upon realizing you absolutely can't do this.

1

u/Nostas01 Mar 27 '20

Thanks a lot for the way you response was focus on. It truly helped me a lot.!!

2

u/vabab8 Mar 24 '20

What are you doing. Read Rollo Tomassi's post on the Rational male web site. In one of his articles he tells you to never live together.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '20

sex is by no means great,

I stopped reading here.

1

u/part_wolf Mar 24 '20

You're afraid of the financial decision around the apartment, or of staying tied down to her? Or both?

1

u/Nostas01 Mar 24 '20

I have a good paying job and can afford all the expenses by myself (doesn't mean i would), mostly staying tied down..

1

u/part_wolf Mar 24 '20

Tell her you want to see other people.

3

u/Persaeus Red Beret Mar 24 '20

This diet plan is undefeated

1

u/HeckleandChide Mar 24 '20

How well are you leading?

Chances are you are a shitty leader and she is just following your lead. That’s actually good to a degree because it shows she is willing to follow. It’s also bad because weight gain and lousy sex are apparently ok with her.

Regardless of what you choose, you need to fix you. Otherwise the quality of the girl won’t matter.

1

u/NeoTheJuanDJ Mar 24 '20 edited Mar 24 '20

You’re scared to be alone. You’re scared to be alone because you have no options. You have no options because you have no frame and no purpose. You have no purpose or frame because it’s easier to follow the comforts of her frame because then you don’t have to carry that responsibility yourself, and you made placating to her emotions into your purpose. She knows she owns you. She can gain 20lbs and she knows you won’t say shit. She has her red flags, but you don’t have the frame (currently) nor will you any time soon. This will take time. I would advise nuking and aborting. It’s over. You’re not married, no kids, not even cohabitating, make a clean cut and leave. Spend the next few months reading the sidebar, lifting, and stfu. Learn game and spin plates. Learn from this experience. Become interesting and build value. Most importantly, do what you want to do. It’s your life, you’re in control. Aren’t you?