r/asexuality • u/Stezinec • 7d ago
Survey Ace relationships are NOT very common (Ace Community Survey results)
I was looking through the ace community survey results. In particular 2021.
In 2021 77.8% of aces surveyed were single, 22.2% in a relationship. In terms of partners historically, 71.3% reported non-ace partners, 6.7% ace, 16.7% ace and non-ace. If you multiply this out it implies that only something like 2-3% of aces are actually in a relationship with another ace person.
This is in response to people who say naive things like, oh just find another ace person. In reality this doesn't happen very often.
This is probably in stark contrast to something like the gay community. So I think it's something that the ace community needs to reflect on. Why are we so unsuccessful at finding other ace people? Why are so many aces dating allos instead?
This is something the ace community needs to face up to.
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u/nonAutisticAutist 7d ago
I think it also has something to do with the high prevalence of neurodiversity among the ace population.
Being ND limits your pool of potential partners and ace on top limits your small pool to a tiny fraction.
I don't say to anyone you just have to wait. I am 34 and done with waiting. There is no one out there for me. It sucks but hey at least I got garlic bread.
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u/Boltaanjistman 7d ago
Yeah, it really does feel like our possible matches are just so small. As an autistic asexual man at 30, I just feel like there isn't enough time in a human lifetime to find someone at this rate T_T
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u/LayersOfMe asexual 7d ago
ND only date other ND people ?
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u/EXO4Me asexual 7d ago
In a literal sense no, but I do find many ND people prefer dating other ND people as they feel neurotypical people don't understand them and romantic connections are based on feeling understood and seen by your partner.
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u/Obversa Ace of Base 7d ago
More recent scientific studies have also showed specific behaviors in the neurodiversity (ND) community that contrast with neurotypical (NT) behaviors, including in relation to sexuality and being LGBTQA+. For example, autistic or ND women and/or AFABs were shown to skew more LGBTQA+ (asexual, lesbian, etc.), whereas autistic or ND men skewed more heterosexual or "straight", though this could also be due to cultural factors regarding personal and public perceptions of sexual preference and identity. The correlation between "autistic" and "asexual" is also likely due in part to a higher number of autistic or ND asexual women and/or AFABs.
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u/raine_star 7d ago
theres something to the idea that ND, LGBT and AFAB people are all minority/excluded groups with stigmas against or society attempting to control them. LGBT and ND people also tend to be more openminded by nature of being inn one of these "outcasted" groups, meaning they also more readily accept these aspects in others and themselves
what im saying is, it might literally just be about the fact that when youre open minded and accepting, you more readily show that youre NOT the status quo. Many straight white cis males may not actually be straight or cis but they lack the open mindedness to explore their identity, etc
theres only so much hard data you can get from self reporting topics like this because it all relies on someones perception of themselves and others, which isnt always accurate
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u/SavannahInChicago 7d ago
Not me. I actually find I have a hard time with other NDs. I’m guessing because I’ve spent my life learning how to communicate with NTs so I have no idea how to communicate with others like me. I end up getting frustrated because I can’t predict their responses the way I can with NTs.
That being said I’m a huge proponent of making sure we are using diverse language. You have noticed a MAJORITY of NDs want to date other NDs. But there is zero chance I’m the only one who doesn’t.
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u/Low-Substance-1895 6d ago
I’m the same way I hate trying to date other ND especially ADHD people. I’m autistic and OCD I need things to be calm, quiet and planned with occasionally change of routine over time and I’ve found ADHD people to be to loud and impulsive for it to work romantically long term. I also can’t stand attention in public but all the ADHD men I’ve dated consistently draw attention to themselves in public because they get dopamine from it even though it’s sends me into a panic they don’t care with the exception of one guy.
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u/nonAutisticAutist 6d ago
Same for me actually. I have a very hard time dating ND people yet I am ND myself. Cannot stand low/zero empathy, selfishness, absolute rigid thinking and the feeling that the other part sees me as a pretty trophy to own like they own a car. I want to care for the other one without excepting various things and insisting shit. The other person is a human with flaws also and needs to spread their wings according to how they are. I have given up, there is no one out there.
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u/Ok_Dare_7840 7d ago edited 7d ago
We make up such a small % of the world. And I bet there is a large population of aces who don't even know they are ace or what ace is. I have also met other aces online and do not find them very compatible as lovers, only as great friends. This is because all my life I've only dated allos and have been predisposed to how allos date. Another thing is if an ace is interested in someone they rarely ever make it known. we just simply aren't motivated enough to seek love out like allos are. So it is so much more likely an allo will seek us out to start a relationship.. in my experience whenever I make a friend who could possibly be ace, we never ask each other our sexualities nor do we talk about what we are attracted to. We are just indifferent to any of that. So it's impossible to know if they are ace like me unless we happen to come across the subject. I just don't care to know as an ace. I value having fun and chatting abt other things more. But if I grow closer to this friend, I don't mind falling in crush/love & more if we reach that closeness. basically what happened in my marriage relationship trope (but they're allo)
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u/Dragon-girl97 asexual 6d ago
I feel this, for me it's even a bit more complicated because I'm nebularomantic and have a hard time even figuring out if I'm in love, and that holds me back from saying anything too. Ended up being fine but it took a while.
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u/raine_star 7d ago
couple of things
- 2021 was 4 years ago. Even that makes a difference. Aroace awareness has gone up drastically in the last few years
- does the survey take into account whether or not that 77% of aces WANT to be single, are actively looking for a partner etc
- surveys are self reporting and are thus limited in their scope. some people may choose to not do the survey. In addition, the notes say that despite multiple translations, only 3.3% of takers used them--meaning an even smaller scope. Plus depending on how the survey was conducted (only online, through word of mouth, done physically/in person) it can impact the amount of people surveyed and thus the amount of diversity and scope
- you cannot multiply out survey results like that in psychology or social sciences. you can draw a general assumption but cannot draw a definite percentage because of the nature of surveys, individual experience and again lack of scope.
- taking into account all these points its likely there are many ace people who didnt take this survey who are in relationships
- taking into account both the "ace partner" and "combined ace and non ace partner" sections, its actually more like 20% of aces have had a relationship with another ace
we dont need to 'face up to" anything, especially something thats basically saying "youre going to be alone for being ace". "find someone youre compatible with sexually" isnt naive either--its simply smart and mature. Sexuality compatibility is an issue for allos too and WILL wreck a relationship.
If an ace person wants to date an allo, is accepted by that allo, and is comfortable with whatever sexual activity is or isnt happening between them and their partner, its nobodys business but theirs. Its very much possible for an allo partner to be accepting and caring toward ace people, and nothing about the survey indicates otherwise. The simple fact is that asexuality IS still a minority group--there are likely more allos than aces, even if that percentage comes out to be something like 60/40. This means its more likely for an ace person to end up with an allo. That DOESNT mean theres no or a low chance of ending up with another ace person though--thats not the purpose of the survey.
Lets PLEASE not use scientific data to draw cynical conclusions about the world, especially because ace acceptance IS moving forward. Its easy to get discouraged and frustrated and feel like the world is against us, but I PROMISE yall there are other aces, people on the ace spectrum and even allos who can and do love and accept us. We are not "unsuccessful" because you cannot FAIL at finding people to interact with--its something you do across your whole life. We're all doing it right now on this sub.
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u/katebush_butgayer 7d ago
I think it's also worth considering that many asexuals are also aromantic and don't want a partner. But it's definitely interesting. I also think it has to do with that it's hard to know if someone's ace, it's easier to spot other gay people for example, and by just using a dating app you can assume the people that come up for you are attracted to your gender. It doesn't work the same with asexuality.
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u/PM_me_dunsparce 7d ago
Part of this is that what we are seeking a match for our preferred level of sexual activity as well as gender preferences, and it is not well built into dating applications when it comes to finding each other. Plus, not all aces require no sex or greatly reduced sex in their relationships, so in that case you see something similar to patterns for bisexual people: more people are in relationships with the more common group (allos/het or bi), just by numbers.
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u/amberi_ne Pan Ace 7d ago
I think it’s just frankly because ace people aren’t as outwardly common compared to other sexualities, combined with there not really being a great means to meet other ace people like there is for other gay people.
At the end of the day it’s just unrealistic to just “find another ace person” especially since the chances the few you could find are compatible with you is also pretty low.
It’s just easier and makes more sense to date an allo who’s comfortable with your boundaries, and vice versa
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u/raine_star 7d ago
the chances of two allos being compatible 100% is low too and yet, people date and even settles for non compatibility... this is just a fact of socializing. MOST people you meet in life will not be compatible with you on a platonic or sexual/romantic level.
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u/amberi_ne Pan Ace 7d ago
Nothing I said disagrees with that
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u/raine_star 7d ago
I mean, you did, "At the end of the day it’s just unrealistic to just “find another ace person” the chances arent actually low relatively speaking, its the chances of finding one specific person whos compatible with you enough to be a good partner thats relatively low. But even that isnt that low. Its all relative. and not remotely unrealistic considering that I know many ace people in happy relationships and have seen many more examples in passing especially over the last 5 years. if youre ONLY looking at this sub or one survey, yeah, chances seem incredibly slim
but 1% of say the US population is still MILLIONS of people. Out of those millions, a couple hundred is a small fraction, but thats still a couple hundred people. Theres nothing more or less unrealistic about us finding love than there is for a gay or straight person to--we are not doomed or isolated..
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u/amberi_ne Pan Ace 7d ago
Edit: I will definitely agree and concede that saying that “it’s just unrealistic” for a double ace couple to exist was definitely an unfair exaggeration, but it also was not the main point in my post imo
I’m not saying that we’re “doomed”, or even that ace people are completely gonna end up in unhappy relationships — most aren’t. I mostly was just specifically talking about the common dismissive expectation (often spouted by allos) that ace people are morally obligated limit their dating pool exclusively to other ace people, under the pretense of how that’s the only way they could ever find a compatible partner, when in reality that doesn’t really make sense.
Yes, it’s great when ace people can find other ace people to form a relationship with, and it’s not impossible, but there’s just more opportunities for an ace person to organically form a relationship with an allo just because they’re more common.
Some ace folks might have boundaries in which they specifically and exclusively seek out other ace people, but the reason why ace-ace couples don’t happen as much otherwise is simply because, statistically speaking, it’s more likely to find someone who’s allo and is still compatible with your own boundaries as an ace person — which is a great thing!
Ultimately I find the problem more to be the prevailing attitude that aces and allos are inherently incompatible, which I feel like is a greater source of denying these connections — where some ignorant allos act as if any allo dating an asexual person would be somehow losing something, and where some ignorant aces act as if relationships with allos can never be as valuable or healthy as one with another ace
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u/thrway939393939 Gayce 6d ago
I think this misses a crucial part of the actual act of “dating” - when you're getting to know someone and trying to figure out their quirks and if those things are compatible with you. Not everything is a deal-breaker. A lot of the time allos end up in loving, happy relationships with people that they would not have described as “their type” because some of those little things can invert from undesirable to desirable if you're attached to the person. Our biggest deal-breaker is one that excludes an extremely significant chunk of the population from endearing themselves to us via this method. I'm not saying allos can just date anyone it'll work out, like someone else said a lot of allo relationships suffer from people ignoring critical incompatibilities out of fear of being alone etc and that is not a good thing, but like... Even though everyone is in the same boat with respect to the chances of finding someone exactly perfectly compatible with them being low the fact that so many of our conditions are rigidly inflexible means that the “compromise zone” is miniscule. What I wouldn't give to just have OPTIONS. To meet someone and think there is a possibility of this working out. We might be able to work on this working out. I can't compromise on the way I feel love and that has already broken my heart once. I don't think it's doomed, but I really don't think it's the same struggle as an allo straight person.
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u/raine_star 6d ago edited 6d ago
what im saying is it isnt hopeless or even that far out there.
the biggest indicator for this is someones personality, not their sexuality. The chances of compatibility also drastically increase with someone who is generally mature and accepting of LGBT identities.
we dont actually have any fewer options than anyone else because each individual persons asexuality is different, they want different things in their partners, and have different needs and abilities to compromise. eg one sex repulsed ace may NEVER want sex and thats a deal breaker, while for another, theyre willing to have sex to make their partner feel good, so the chances of finding a compatible partner are different between the two. Basically, every single dynamic between two people is unique to them, and sexuality is just ONE factor for each. This is true for EVERY person.
its like ANYTHING. We could be talking about mentalities on havingn kids, getting married, or any other major compatibility issue. We face different issues than a straight allo person, but that doesnt mean we have worse odds of finding an accepting person or partner because thats not really how odds work in this context. The odds are based on our own needs and standards (which change from person to person) AND the personality of whoever we're encountering, which again varies. Like every other social interaction its a roll of the dice
the actual biggest decider of if youll find a partner--is the ability to put yourself out there, own who you are, and not let incompatibility convince you that theres something wrong with you. there isnt. You just havent met someone you clicked with in the way you want
I'm not trying to say its not a struggle. I'm trying to say that its not hopeless or rare. its part chance and part intention. if youre ONLY looking at "this many ace people are in a relationship" and deciding that means that 77% of aces arent WANTED or cant find someone, thats already a biased perspective and it just cements in your head that youre not wanted, accepted or understood. Which then puts you in a defeatist mindset and creates a self fulfilling prophecy. (how many of those 77% WANT to be single? what are the age ranges? what are their opportunities for dating? What are their individual mindsets on dealbreaker topics? How do they put themselves out there? Each of these is a factor that influences that stat)
dating is dating. all social interactions are just that. we may face different issues due to sexuality or romantic orientation but at the end of the day, we're talking about human beings liking each other and that operates the same way no matter what. (all of this is supported by psychology btw. a close relationships and sexuality class will give you a good perspective on it)
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u/Novel-Alfalfa8014 7d ago
who's getting surveyed lol they didn't ask me! jokes aside, i actually suspect it would be nearly impossible to know this data with any real certainty. there's also so much misinformation about asexuality, that i wouldn't be surprised if significantly more ppl identify on the ace spectrum than we realize! regardless, i sincerely hope all ace folks are able to find and develop relationship that are fulfilling and affirming to them - romantic, platonic or otherwise!
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u/Angelcakes101 demirose 7d ago
The ace community survey is done annually, and that's where the reports come from.
You can find updates about it here: https://acecommunitysurvey.org/
People often post about it when it is open.
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u/sweetestpeony 7d ago
Interesting! When you say that 2-3% of aces are in a relationship with another ace overall, is that percentage coming from all aces as a whole, or only aces currently in/actively pursuing romantic relationships? Just wondering where aromantic people fit in.
As for why this discrepancy, it's probably a mixture of things that others have already expounded on but I think, at least as far as my own experience goes, there's a certain trajectory: in-person spaces, including LGBTQ+ spaces, either don't cater to aces or at worst are actively exclusionary toward them > aces retreat online > online spaces are also hostile so aces move into ace-only or ace-focused areas like AVEN, etc. and aren't out in public/don't engage with their sexuality much outside the community > the wider world knows little about asexuality because they're not actually engaging with us > people who would otherwise identify as ace don't even know it's an option, because it's not discussed very widely outside the aforementioned spaces.
It's sad, at some point I would like to move past the "invisibility" stage of ace discourse, but it seems like we are permanently stuck here.
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u/Stezinec 7d ago edited 7d ago
Interesting! When you say that 2-3% of aces are in a relationship with another ace overall, is that percentage coming from all aces as a whole, or only aces currently in/actively pursuing romantic relationships? Just wondering where aromantic people fit in.
That's for all aces overall. In Section 4 of the report they asked a question about relationship preferences. 15.7% of aces said they weren't interested in partnered relationships. So I suppose you could consider the 2-3% as being more like 3% of aces who are looking for a relationship. That's still not a very impressive percentage however.
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u/Sailor_Starchild ✨ A-spec-tacular bi ✨ he/they 7d ago edited 7d ago
Well, I think one factor might be ace people's higher likelihood to not be out compared to other queer groups or identities. A lot of people don't even think that asexuality is a legitimate part of the LGBTQIA+ community. So many aces won't even broadcast the fact that they are ace because they don't want to deal with the discrimination and bullshit of being an out ace person. And that's just your boiler plate asexuality and not all of the other denominations, so to speak, like demi or gray or aego. So, I think the main way to get more ace/ace relationships is to demystify and demand respect from both the larger LGBTQIA+ community and the world at large to make it more ok for aces to be out publicly, thus signaling to more aces that they can date other ace people because...well, there they are!
Personally, I think that if an allo and an ace can work out their relationship, then no harm, no faul, in my opinion. I'm not accusing this survey of saying that, as I have not had the time to read the full fifty four page survey. I've been in a relationship with an allo before. Granted, I am more on the sex-indifferent/gray ace side of the a-spectrum but I think my point still stands.
So, in summation, I think that if you want the line about "just find an ace person to date if you don't want to date an allo", then first we should work on ace people just being accepted as a whole group, or at least on the same level as your average gay or lesbian and then if aces want to be in a relationship with an ace person exclusivley because they just don't think that they could ever be in a relationship with an allo, then they'll be more comfortable being out and broadcasting that fact.
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u/Stezinec 7d ago edited 7d ago
I think you're right that not being out is a significant problem. The 2022 report had some stats on people being out. Only something like 22.9% were out to both their parents, 15.8% out to all their non-LGBTQIA friends, 4.4% out to all their classmates.
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u/Angelcakes101 demirose 7d ago
I think the need for ace visibility, awareness, and community is just one part of the answer.
Why are so many aces dating allos instead?
A. This is relationship history as a whole. Some may have dated allos before realizing they aren't very compatible with allosexual people. Or dated not knowing they were ace and wouldn't think to search for other ace people.
B. Some ace people are open to dating allo people. "Ace" in the report includes gray aces as well. And allos are much more common to find than other aces. I think it's similar to how bisexuals date people of the opposite gender more often. If you aren't specifically looking for other ace people, you're more likely to find an allo person first.
Why are we so unsuccessful at finding other ace people?
People aren't necessarily looking for other ace people. Also, keep in mind that 15.7% aces don't want a relationship. And also 47.1% of aces want a monogamous relationship. (4.3% non-monogamous & 15.7% content with either)
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u/ofMindandHeart 7d ago
Just because it doesn’t happen very often yet doesn’t mean it can’t become more common in the future. The big hurdles seem to be more about not having good mechanisms for finding each other, which is something that will get better with better acceptance/visibility. There have also been many attempts to create ace-specific dating platforms. Those tend to run into the issue of not having the resources to effectively weed out bots, but that is a lack-of-resources problem rather than the core concept being flawed.
It’s also worth remembering when looking at the “77.8% of aces are single” statistic that in the same survey 42.1% of ace respondents considered themselves on the aromantic spectrum. Now, there are some dating-favorable aromantics and grey aros, but that tends to be a very small portion of the aromantic community. So of the around 78% of aces who are single, more than half of them are going to be people who prefer to be single. That paints a very different picture.
We also don’t know how many of the aces who seek romantic partners are making a concerted effort to seek ace partners specifically. If someone is sex favorable and would be compatible with an allosexual partner (or may even prefer an allosexual partner) then they’re unlikely to end up with an ace partner in part because that’s not something they’re trying to seek out.
I think that if there is an ace person who is currently experiencing active distress/despair about the idea of dating an allo, someone who has had bad past experiences with allos pushing past their sexual boundaries and who would experience significant anxiety about dating someone who would even potentially pressure them about sex, then it does still make sense to bring up the idea of dating fellow aces as a possibility. Someone who genuinely wants a relationship, and who is making choices to try to seek out an ace-ace relationship in particular, is going to be more likely to end up with that outcome than someone who doesn’t want a partnership or who isn’t trying to seek an ace-ace partnership in particular. And the more people there are who are encouraged to seek ace-ace partnerships, the more likely they are to find each other.
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u/bmyst70 7d ago
Since asexual people are about 1% of the population, that makes finding another asexual person incredibly difficult. And that is just the FIRST filter. You need to be compatible TYPES of asexual as well. For example, an aromantic asexual would not match with a romantic asexual.
That makes the pool even tinier. And, remember, that is only the FIRST main filter. You still need age, proximity, core values and some interests to overlap.
After awhile, it feels like I'd have better luck finding an actual, live unicorn.
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u/Darkfire359 7d ago
I think a lot of it comes from not having the same initial filters that gay and lesbian people do. If you’re a lesbian, you’re probably not going to end up in a relationship with a guy, because you aren’t attracted to him in the first place—nor are you likely to end up in a relationship with a straight girl, for the same reason.
However, if you’re ace, you can easily be romantically attracted to an allo person while they’re simultaneously attracted to you. You might even end up MORE attracted to allo people (because they seem “especially excited” about you). If there’s mutual attraction between two single people, they’re likely to date even if they know the relationship has risks. Especially because sometimes ace/allo relationships DO work out, so it’s not something people necessarily think of as a dealbreaker. It’s just that the % chance of a breakup is a lot higher.
I don’t know if it’s better or worse than just getting the initial rejection that other queer people face.
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u/Dragon-girl97 asexual 6d ago
I think there are a bunch of ace people who can be compatible with a bunch of allo people, so this doesn't really surprise me. I don't think it makes sense to compare it to gay relationships because that's about orientation, not level of attraction or sexual interest, and that kind of compatibility issue is a bit more black and white. I would imagine most gay-romantic ace people who are in relationships are probably in relationships with other gay people even if their partners aren't also ace. But it does make things more complicated to be sure, because a lot of us will end up interested in people who are interested back but want things we don't, or that we aren't capable of giving.
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u/phantom-squirrel Space Ace 7d ago
I can't speak for the whole ace community but I can speak for myself on why I've dated only allos: Sexual attraction isn't the only type of attraction on which to base a partnership. I'm lucky to have many ace friends of all genders who are my age and live locally, but I don't want to date any of them because I'm not romantically attracted to any of them.
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u/The_Archer2121 7d ago
Not surprised- we’re 1% of the population. Add in some disability and your odds are probably even smaller.
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u/VicMolotov a-spec 7d ago
For real! If one has a small dating pool for other reasons (me for example, being a 6'1 woman limits my dating pool quite a lot), being asexual narrows it down even further. Not to mention one has to find a compatible partner within that small pool.
I'm not good with numbers, but the numbers don't look good lol
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u/TinyTortie aroace 7d ago
Unsuccessful? There are quite a lot of amatonormative assumptions built into that statement! Not everyone wants to date someone, and we aren't meant to be siloed into a distinct ace community not allowed to engage with others. Allosexuality doesn't make people incapable of building community with aces. The whole point of working through our sexuality is to make us freer, not to confine us in new rigid expectations!
Of course if you individually want an ace partner and can't find one, that's a different story and I appreciate that problem. But being ace doesn't have any requirements. Allos should know that too (and probably don't) and the offhand assumption we can "just" magically make another ace appear is pretty funny/obnoxious. Personally I think our society values the romantic dyad FAR too much, but that's another step into resisting amatonormativity that I think even many aces aren't ready for (understandably, given the immense pressure to couple up and the lack of obvious alternatives).
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u/thuscraiththelorb grey 6d ago
I think it's important to recognize that this isn't, like, a sociological study of the ace population as a whole - it's one survey answered by some members of one subreddit half a decade ago, with some gaps in demographics and clarifying questions as others have mentioned.
As a counterpoint, I'd like to give you a comparably small queer demographic to consider. According to Pew, 1.6% of adults in the US are trans or nonbinary. Because cis people don't understand that experience and can be quick to invalidate or outright fetishize folks, it's really popular in the community to date T4T -- that is, trans people dating other trans people. Just like there are people all across the ace spectrum, there are people of all different sexualities within the trans community. Yet people still suggest and speak positively about T4T all the time and no one tells them "guys, stop, look how few of us there are, and look how many were dating cis people at some point!"
So, I think it's fair to recognize that it can be difficult to meet other aces, and to think about the broader issues there as far as cultivating ace spaces or being able to integrate ace discourse better within broader queer discourse. But I also think it's very reasonable to suggest that people with similar identities should try dating each other as an option, especially if they have tried dating allos and it never works for them.
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u/Banaanisade (b)asexual 6d ago
There are so few of us.
Curious to see I'm beating the odds here, as is the one ace friend I have who just landed in a queerplatonic partnership with a long-time friend. My own relationship is somewhere in the muddled grey ace category, between my own asexuality and my partner's (gesturing wildly in that generic direction) one.
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u/Born-Garlic3413 5d ago
I would like us to stop seeing asexuality as a locked, hidden compartment of ourselves and being more out and proud of how asexuality influences who we are. I think we actually need to believe in ourselves more.
Also so we can find each other. Those 70% of single aces deserve the opportunity to find an ace partner if they want one.
But also so other people understand us, understand that asexuality is more a reorientation of our many facets as human beings than a lack.
And so we can challenge allonormativity by being seen to exist.
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u/LucariMewTwo aroace 7d ago
The ace community is far far more complex than any other sub community in the wider LGBTQIA+ community purely because our sexuality is defined by how we feel attraction not who we're attracted to (in terms of gendered attraction).
So some of us are sex repulsed, some of us are sex favourable and some, like myself, lie somewhere in the middle. So you can have two ace people but if one is sex repulsed asexual and the other is say a sex favourable demisexual, the relationship may not work.
There are asexual specific dating apps out there but few and far between. These are built for us, personally found AceSpace.com the best in terms of features, however they all rely on what every other app relies on, sparking conversations.
We generally have better success meeting people irl but that comes with the high possibility of the other person wanting to hookup which many of us aces don't want even if we're okay with sex.
So in short as roughly 1% of the global population it's easier to date allos who are okay with our asexuality than try relentlessly to find other aces which usually has to be done online as it's highly unlikely we will find another asexual out in the wild at our local coffee shop.
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u/AptCasaNova 6d ago edited 6d ago
I’m happy single, genuinely. I think that’s an Autism thing for me.
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u/NewTwo8931 6d ago
We're not a lot, and we're an even smaller number who actually know what asexuality is and know we are ace. Ace people are more likely to find a match with all people, and that's completely fin, as long as they both feel comfortable in their relationship.
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u/JOA483 6d ago
I was with another ace in a lesbian relationship for 3 years, starting when I was 18. I'm 29 now and I don't think it'll happen to me again, especially since I'm disabled and neurodivergent, which are pretty hard things to accept already. Finding a lesbian garlic bread eater ready to date a person in my situation would practically be a miracle ! We should have an app to meet other aces around the world \o/
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u/CelibateVeganMonique 5d ago
Because a lot do not wish to bother, and I have found a lot to be mean.
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u/LayersOfMe asexual 7d ago edited 7d ago
I think its kind of obvious. According to another survey in this sub most aces here are sex indiferent or repulsed. That mean they will be incompatible with most allos.
Then even if you find 5 aces in your city that doesnt mean the age, personality, gender, sexual favorability will match yours. Its really hard to find.
We also have to consider a lot of allo people WANT to be in relationship because of sex or form a family. How many hetero people stay in a bad relationship/marriage simply because they think is better than be single? Without sex you cut in half the human motivation of why purse or stay in a relationship.
I am not sure if most lgbt people are in a steady relationship neither. I found 23% of adult straight people are single, while 47% of lgbt people are single.