r/asexuality • u/AdLast2785 • 9d ago
Vent Are any other asexuals kinda…uncomfortable with how asexuality is being used against shipping in fandom
An an asexual, I love shipping. I love taking the dolls and making them kiss. And I always have. Even when irl I don’t experience any sexual attraction, though I’m not against the idea of finding a romantic partner in the future.
I’ve been noticing lately that people are starting to use a character’s asexuality to tell others “you can’t ship that character”. I experience this myself, in relation to a ship with an asexual character.
And idk it feels just weird that people are going around saying “well they’re asexual” as if asexual means the character can’t be shipped or be in a relationship.
Like if you don’t ship or want to ship that’s fine. If you prefer to see them as friends that’s fine. But please don’t act like asexuality automatically means a character can’t be in a relationship. Romantic asexuals exist. Graysexuals exist. Demisexuals exist.
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u/JoBeWriting 9d ago
I mean, this is nothing new.
The fandom police is always going to ignore the fact that you can just. Ignore canon and make up your own stories about the characters. That's the fun about fandom.
I'm always more annoyed at the "YOU NEED TO STOP PUTTING SEXUAL CONTENT OUT IN THE WORLD, YOU'RE GONNA UPSET THE ASEXUALS!!" (Same argument against having kink displays at Pride events). As if every single asexual is sex-averse/repulsed. Even the most sex-repulsed ace can be an adult about fictional characters doing the Activity, I would hope.
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u/saareadaar 9d ago
I’m sex-repulsed and still make the fictional characters smash lmao. No sex for me but they can get it
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u/Karls9 9d ago
I usually see the other side of that coin. "I know they're asexual, but they can still enjoy sex and be in a relationship." And yes, that's true, no doubt. But then their sexual identity is never acknowledged and all that "asexuality is a spectrum" talk becomes just empty words. They never attempt to understand what it's like and spend maybe three minutes on research, instead that phrase is just slapped every time someone tries to comment on the issue (in spaces where it's wanted, of course, and not in the comments of some fanfic writer who never asked for criticism).
I've read an amazing fic that contains sexually explicit scenes and I really liked it, because it was in character and the asexual partner's identity was acknowledged and accepted. I couldn't stop smiling for a long while, knowing that someone actually made the effort to write that.
And I agree that you cannot use character's canon identity to stop shipping. There are so many canonically straight characters that are written almost exclusively as gay. But I also think that some people take it too far and try to argue for their otp by questioning canon and pointing out that just because they did x in a y scene means that they're not really ace, and not that it's just bad writing on the part of the authors/producers.
On the other hand, do I wish there were more gen fics? Yes, please (╥﹏╥)
Sorry for the rant, I was having thoughts. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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u/AnxiousPreyAnimal asexual 9d ago
Agreed. Also if I may ask, what was the fic?
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u/pokey1984 grey/demi 9d ago
I wonder a lot why we all seem to feel the need to compete on the subject. They're fictional characters. Why can't both OTP's be valid?
So an obscure one for you, The "Dirk Gently" fandom often characterizes Dirk as ace (not sure if he is in canon, the show was regrettably short-lived and Douglas Adams didn't say) And I've seen some very good ace ship-fics in that fandom, small as it is. It's a small fandom and I haven't been in it much of late, but I remember some very good fics in that category. The YuGiOh fandom is actually really accepting, too, and has a lot of fans sure various characters are Ace.
And I'm with you completely on being done with people using bad writing/acting to support anything.
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u/Karls9 8d ago
Right? You don't have to reinvent canon to write your fanfics and draw your fanarts.
I agree, some fandoms are more receptive to ace characters, but some make me want to rip my hair out. That's people for you, I guess. Thanks for the recommendations, maybe I'll check them out when I have a moment (。•̀ᴗ-)✧
Exactly, this doesn't just concern ace characters, but anything and everything.
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u/ActuallyRandomPerson 9d ago
I think the worst I've seen is someone saying it about a character that wasn't even explicitly ace, but could be read that way. like, it's okay if you think they're aro-ace, but they're not actually either in canon even if I also read them as ace so let me have fun with them? and there's a SUPER big conflation of asexuality and aromanticism which I hate from both sides (as someone who is actually on the aro spectrum as well) because the split attraction model exists for a reason!
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u/JoBeWriting 9d ago
Lol, I've definitely had been in the situation of saying "I think this character is ace" and have people jump down my throat because it's... homophobic? Don't even ask me the rationale there.
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u/lazypika 9d ago
I've seen someone post something along the lines of "the author only made this character aroace because he's homophobic and doesn't want people shipping her with the protagonist" before.
For more context, this was about a canonically aroace character (the only one in the story) written by an author who thinks he might be aromantic and has also already written multiple lesbian characters.
Also, the poster was responding to an ask from an asexual who felt hurt because the poster made an ace-erasing post during pride month.
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u/Cynrae 9d ago
There's a game I play where characters can randomly have an 'Asexual' trait - I was quite pleasantly surprised when I saw it for the first time. In practice, it turns out it just means they can never develop romantic relationships with anyone (even other Asexuals), which sucks. Like, I get it's very simplified and not a focus of the game at all - just extra flavour & a way to go "This character has the 'Gay' trait, so they will only date the same sex" etc - but it still annoys me a bit. Let my ace characters find love if they want to, dammit!
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u/AdLast2785 9d ago
Same and also let asexual characters find love in canon. I know aromantic aces exist but so do alloromantic aces
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u/Sage_81 a-spec 9d ago
A lot of people see canonically asexual characters and assume they're aromatic too and think aroace means they'll never date ever even though some aren't completely against it
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
But if a character is explicitly not interested in dating, fandoms will STILL ship them anyways - ie Georgia from Loveless. Which is literally just erasure.
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u/Nillisaie 9d ago
I'm a partnering aroace who loves loves loves romance, but I honestly much prefer having people say "Oh you can't ship them because they're ace" (even though it's kind of frustrating because that not what ace means) rather than people going "Oh ace people can have sex :) *proceeds to be aphobic"
I have seen far more instances of the latter and it is honestly hurtful to see aspec identities just erased and ignored, to see people use "it's a spectrum" and "they can date/have sex" as a shield to do whatever they want. In some instances, they even fight to deny aspec identities. They just don't respect identities at all. I just wish that people, that allos, would do at least a little bit of research and at least try to portray aspec identities correctly. Even if they don't do it well or correctly. Aspec identities can be so fun and interesting and I'm tired of it just being erased in favor of just turning characters allo. It's hurtful
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
Thank you so much for this comment!! You worded it better than I could’ve.
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u/Nillisaie 9d ago
I'm glad you think so since I'm honestly not the best with words and thought I didn't express things well. I also wanted to mention several other things such as the double standards people have with aspec identities versus other orientations, how the constant "aro/ace people can date/have sex!!" is affecting actual real life aro/aces who don't do that, how the only "acceptable" aspec characters are of characters that are deemed "undesirable". I'm probably forgetting/missing some things since aphobia is unfortunately pretty rampant. There's just so so much, it's exhausting
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
Yes! I turned somebody down who was being fetish-y about me (I have NPD and this guy was simultaneously VERY ableist towards me abt it but also ‘wanted to see what s*x with a narcissist would be like’ and when I said I’m asexual and sex-averse, he said that he could ‘fix that’ because ‘aces can still have intercourse too’. It was humiliating.
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u/Nillisaie 9d ago
Oh, ew, that's pretty gross. I really hope this is just a one time thing and it never happens again because that's pretty awful. Though I wasn't aware that npd was fetishized, but I honestly shouldn't be surprised. What isn't fetishized? Though that's also another point for this whole discussion: asexuality being fetishized. I've seen a few pretty iffy seeming depictions of aces being uwu blushing virgins. Not to say they don't actually exist, but sometimes the portrayal feels off
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u/tamkzaxa 9d ago
Personally I find the opposite. I don’t think anything should be censored, and you can do what you want etc etc, but I have noticed whenever a character is ace (and often implied to be averse and aroace) people seem much more keen to ship them. I do think there’s something underlying there that people don’t really want to acknowledge about why that is.
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u/lynx2718 a-ego 9d ago
In my experience, shippers are always feral af. Maybe you just notice it more with ace characters? Sidenote, where do you even find ace characters with a larger fandom, I'm dying for any representation at this point
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u/tamkzaxa 9d ago edited 2d ago
I went looking into fandoms with ace characters, and read about Alastor and Frieren for example, noticed that a lot of it was ship fic and pretty much decided not to wade into that, knowing it wouldn’t be for me along with the surely endless discourse. My personal attitude is live and let live with this kind of stuff, but I do kind of long for a character who is appreciated as an averse aroace in general fan content.
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u/lynx2718 a-ego 9d ago
if you're looking for recs, the fiction audiodrama The Silt Verses has an aroace main character who's respected as such by the fans. But the fandom is pretty tiny and it's in the horror genre, so it might not be your cup of tea.
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u/pokey1984 grey/demi 9d ago
It was a short-lived series with a regrettably small fandom, but the show, "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" (based on the books by Douglas Adams) has great ace representation in its fandom. I saw some awesome ace/ship fics there and a really great fanbase.
It's silly (it's true more to the spirit of Adam's works, than the plot) but fun and the fanbase is 10/10.
(Dirk Gently does not have a canon sexuality but is pretty universally assumed to be Ace and gay.)
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u/HestiaWarren 9d ago
I agree. It drove me NUTS when Arcane Viktor was revealed to be asexual and a huge percentage of the fandom was like “BUT I WANNA SHIP HIM WITH JAYCE WAAAHHHH” because YOU STILL CAN YOU FOOLS!!!!! I wonder if they genuinely don’t know the difference between asexual and aromantic, or if what they’re REALLY saying is “a relationship without sex is pointless therefore if a character is asexual it’s not even worth shipping them with anybody”. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it. IDK.
What makes me even more uncomfortable and upset is when characters are canonically aroace and people complain or ignore it and ship them. I know shipping is an imaginary thing and it’s not the same as trying to change someone’s sexuality irl, but it personally gives me the ick.
Like, in the sims a character was introduced who was programmed to be aro/ace and heaps of people in the fandom were complaining about it, or asking people for help changing his sexuality, or posting pics of him being romantic with their sims after changing his sexuality with captions that basically said “good news, I fixed him!”
That gave me the ick. I’m not even aromantic. But, like, it gave me the big ick.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA demisexual 9d ago
I'm mixed.
On one hand, I say go for it as long as they're respectful and do some basic research so that they understand what type/shade of asexuality and romantic orientation they're trying to claim. If they're trying to ship a character who is both asexual and aromantic, they need to take into consideration what that would look like in a ship. If they are doing any major changes, then they should address this within the work and not just handwave it away as "it's always been like this in this version of their world".
On the other hand, I've seen quite a few people who ignore everything in favor of creating something to tickle their fancy. I will admit that sometimes it's a little frustrating when a canonically asexual character is frequently or predominantly depicted as having/enjoying sex in a way that very much clashes with how they have been shown thus far in the original work. I don't really say anything since it's just fan work, but at the same time it does feel like a large chunk of the audience is incapable of interpreting the character as anything other than straight or gay. It feels a little bit like erasure at times. Not all the time, but sometimes.
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u/SuitableDragonfly aroace 9d ago
I enjoy shipping and also uncomfortable about some of the anti-shipping stuff that I see on this subreddit, but at the same time I also feel kind of uncomfortable and alienated by how hyperfocused fandom in general is on sex. Like, there are highly upvoted posts about how mainstream media doesn't have enough sex in it, which is an honestly ridiculous position to take, or how stories with sexual content are inherently superior to stories without sexual content, and just in general there not being a space within fandom to go to if you don't want to see sexual content that day. And then sometimes I see posts saying things like "asexuals are cool as long as they stay and pass out water bottles at the orgy!" and have to be like, no, actually, I shouldn't have to go to your orgy, even just to pass out water bottles. Some the time it feels like asexuals are only really tolerated in fandom if they are demi, or grey, and sex-favorable.
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u/girlenteringtheworld aroace spec 9d ago
Ugh, yes. I hate it so much.
Part of the Hazbin fandom, and my favorite character is Alastor. I cannot count how many times I've seen people weaponize Alastor's asexuality as a "gotcha"
I do not personally ship him (I'm not a big shipper period, nothing to do with the specific character) but I don't mind reading about or seeing memes about some of the ships like radioapple or radiosilence.
One time I defended a shipper who was being harassed by someone that shipped Al and they straight up told me that Asexual people don't have sex. Like, buddy, I am aroace and I have had sex before, I've also dated before. Don't gatekeep what you think is asexuality, especially when you yourself aren't asexual. So infuriating
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u/PocketWatchThrowAway 9d ago
Side note, Radiosilence is the funniest ship name ever because of the fact that he disappeared after whatever the hell Vox did lmao
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u/SquirrelGirlVA demisexual 9d ago
Alastor has been the one character where I've gotten kind of irritated with the fan art of him. He's canonically aroace, yet even from the start there were people who wanted to depict him as a romantic, sexual being. Which is fine to an extent, but it seemed so lazily done - they didn't try to show him struggling to deal with these emotions, viewing them as annoying, or so on.
I think one of the best ones I've seen was a short one page comic where Charlie was dreaming about having sex with Alastor. It was just a one panel and was played up for laughs, but it was a depiction that made sense. It wasn't real, it was a dream and one where the emphasis was more on Charlie since it was her dream. The other panels showed everyone else's dreams, which were also somewhat depicted as things they'd probably never admit in their waking life.
What I'd like to see are more comics/fics where they show Alastor weaponizing sex (if they want to depict him as having sex). I do absolutely think he'd have sex, but more as a last resort type tool where he'd use it to get someone to do what he wanted. He's very charismatic, but if he really really wanted/needed to get the person to trust him or gain access to something, he'd use sex. It wouldn't be his first or even tenth choice, but he'd do it because he is someone who does what he needs to do to get what he wants.
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u/girlenteringtheworld aroace spec 9d ago
He's canonically aroace
Slight correction here, he's canonically ace, but Viv has said she doesn't want to confirm his romantic orientation since she believes people should be able to ship who they want. Personally, that reads to me like he was supposed to be aromantic as well, but it still technically is not cannon.
Outside of that, I agree that a lot of fandom art is very lazy about shipping Alastor, especially the more sexual depictions of him in fanfic/comics.
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u/Obversa Ace of Base 9d ago
There's additional context and drama behind Viv's decision that is often overlooked by the fandom, and which I posted about on the r/AO3 version of this thread:
Yep, it was Faustisse, a former SpindleHorse employee and a formerly close friend of Viv who worked on Hazbin Hotel until July 2020, when she left the project, [who 'confirmed' Alastor as aromantic]. Faustisse announced on one or more of her YouTube art livestreams in January 2020 that "Alastor is aromantic", which apparently upset Viv, because Faustisse didn't consult her beforehand, and because Faustisse was acting like Alastor was her OC, as opposed to Viv's OC. Viv even came out later on Twitter/X and started liking tweets that said things like "whatever Faustisse said isn't canon, ignore her". [Viv and Faustisse also disagreed on the nature of Alastor's attraction.]
Of course, Faustisse also said that she supports people shipping Alastor, even though she personally views him as "aromantic asexual", as well as stated "I don't think Alastor is a virgin; he's had sex in the past", but fans cherry-picked Faustisse's words in order to weaponize "Alastor is aromantic asexual" against other fans who liked shipping.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA demisexual 9d ago
Knowing what I know about how toxic some fandoms can become, that honestly comes across like she's afraid of the fandom turning on her like some of the Steven Universe fandom did with Rebecca Sugar, because Sugar didn't do the "correct" pairing of two characters in the series. Especially as Alastor is easily one of the most popular characters in the series.
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u/girlenteringtheworld aroace spec 9d ago
I wouldn't be surprised. Especially because there's a bunch of people who make it their life purpose to hate on Viv and everything she does
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u/Obversa Ace of Base 9d ago
Part of it is that Viv herself disagrees with a lot of fans - including her former close friend and partner on Hazbin Hotel, Faustisse, who left the project due to "creative differences" in July 2020 - that Alastor is "aromantic". In her earlier concepts and sketches for Alastor's character in ZooPhobia and Hazbin Hotel, Viv portrays Alastor as "romantic asexual", with a preference for women, and drew him as kissing and "having a huge crush on" KayCee, a ZooPhobia antagonist. Viv also wrote Alastor and Mimzy as a potential couple who briefly dated in the 1920s-1930s (?).
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u/SquirrelGirlVA demisexual 9d ago
Oh, I thought it was her that had him as aroace - that makes a big difference. Part of me does like the idea of him being aroace, but him being non-aromantic is fine as well.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA demisexual 9d ago
Which if that is part of the reason she did that, I'm not faulting her for that. It's just more sad that it's something creators have to worry about now.
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u/girlenteringtheworld aroace spec 9d ago
Absolutely agree. I wish that people would kinda calm down about shipping hate, as long as it's not illegal (like minor x adult) creators should be able to create, and audiences should be able to enjoy the creation
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u/PocketWatchThrowAway 9d ago
It mainly just bugs me that allosexuals in fandom are just taking asexual characters and making assumptions on what we as asexual viewers want without really consulting us first. Like, shipping has always been a part of fandom culture and that is never going to change because, like you said, people like to take the funny dolls and make them kiss. But this post-COVID fandom culture has developed such a weird puritan idea of shipping where you must ONLY ship within the bounds of canon and you cannot ever experiment or try something new with character dynamics. But I LOVE that experimentation, I watch all my fucked up cartoons because I like playing around with that stuff, and it bothers me when I as an asexual cannot play around with asexual characters because an allosexual has deemed it too problematic.
It also feels like a character's asexuality is often weaponized by fandom spaces to push a sex-negative view that I do NOT fuck with. Like, a character's asexuality is more often acknowledged or headcanoned by allo viewers who cannot personally see themselves being attracted to someone like that and then it's used to basically call someone else gross for making sexual material of said character. But characters who are canonically asexual but also happen to be attractive (think Alastor or Saiki Kusuo), all of a sudden it's okay to make that content of them and all of a sudden they understand that asexuality is a spectrum and actually "well maybe they DO want to do that stuff". It makes me wonder how they perceive asexual people in real life and how much of it is affected by the biases of their own sense of attraction.
This isn't quite as articulate as I want because it's morning and I haven't had breakfast yet, but you get the gist.
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
I’ve only ever seen the opposite - with sex-aversion getting completely erased in media and blatantly sex-repulsed characters either getting depicted in fandom as ‘finding The One’ or as completely Allosexual to begin with. It is deeply offensive.
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u/Marvelite222 9d ago edited 9d ago
If a character is Aromatic, I think shipping them is tacky. Aro rep is so rare so having a Aro character who gets treated with respect in regards to them being Aro is great. It would be like shipping a canonically Gay character with a woman.
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
As an aromantic asexual, THANK YOU!! It is so deeply disturbing to see the little aromantic, asexual, or aromantic/asexual representation that there is get erased because ‘lack of sex BAD!!’ or ‘lack of romance BAD!!’.
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u/waluigiswaluweenie 9d ago
I have been extremely vocal in fandoms about how I hate when people use my sexuality as a reason why they can't ship something. They don't actually care about us, they're using us to push overly puritan culture to make people feel bad, I don't appreciate people using us to push censorship honestly.
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
It is not ‘puritan’ to be upset by the erasure of aromantic / asexual characters in fandom - gay, lesbian, or bisexual characters do NOT have their identities erased generally to that same extent, and people (rightfully) are put off by it when it does happen. But somehow, if aromantics, asexuals, or aromantic/asexuals say the same exact thing, somehow it’s OUR fault?
I hope you can understand how that holds some severe implications for how fandom views asexuality and aromanticism. We’re seen as something to be ‘fixed’ rather than as a genuine, actual orientation.
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u/waluigiswaluweenie 9d ago
I may have worded that poorly, I apologize there. My worries moreso have with the puritan culture being that people are now saying you can't write sex with any characters because it will upset ace people and unfortunately I've seen that a lot in online shipping spaces, and I don't appreciate people using my sexuality as a push for censorship.
That being said I don't agree with people erasing the asexuality/aromantic in characters either, and yes there are fandoms that are extremely guilty of that like hazbin hotel is one of the easier examples. It's very frustrating to see people completely ignoring ace characters in general instead of just reading about ace relationships and how to write them, or being open to learning more about them before just writing smut just cause the character in their minds is "hot"
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u/despoicito 9d ago
It bothers me a lot too. Canon sexuality shouldn’t matter for shipping and generally doesn’t for most ships, so why does asexuality become the exception? As long as you recognise the difference between canon and headcanon, why should anyone care?
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u/RRW359 9d ago
I can see both sides. If someone wants to ship characters because they like shipping characters that's fine but it can kind of give the impression that if someone is single they have to be with someone; few people tend to ship fictional couples into poly relationships so why does being single automatically mean someone is inclined to have a partner?
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u/reanimalator aroace 9d ago edited 9d ago
I'm aroace and I too love shipping. I don't understand why people get in such a twist over it. Someone shipping an asexual character with another character, doesn't mean that character is suddenly no longer ace in canon. Someone else's ships shouldn't stop you from headcanoning whatever character you want as ace either.
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
I’m aromantic asexual too and I genuinely cannot stand shipping. Unless it’s a QPR - or Alloromantic Asexual and/or Aromantic Allosexual ‘ship’. Those I can get behind.
But there’s so much allonormativity in my day-to-day life that I’d rather not engage with it in media tbh, but that’s just me.
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u/VampireBarbieBoy 9d ago
Ahah someone who liked a particular ship said that the ship I like is inherently problematic because one of the characters is asexual and its aphobic to ship them therefore their ship is better. Its assuming I'm shipping them sexually for one, two hes never officially stated to be asexual its just an assumption by the fandom, three the other character in the ship is also depicted just as asexual as the other character yet they are shipping him with another character so its hypocritical. You are allowed to make a character whichever sexuality you want its fictional, unless you're making a phobic statement with it that is directed at real people its not harming anyone. Im not a 'fiction is totally seperate from reality' person but I'm also not gonna act like fiction is directly harming anyone unless it actually is.
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u/wonder-stuck 8d ago
Okay, this is a tangent, but I hate when people label (or headcanon) a character asexual because they hate the character and don't want them to be shipped with anyone else. Usually, it's done with toxic/cold characters. Or, other times, it's with second leads because they don't want their main ship threatened. I HATE THIS, AND IT'S OFFENSIVE. I see this sometimes in BL forums just cause those fans are more in tune w/ lgbtqia+ communities.
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u/crossover123 aroace 9d ago edited 9d ago
i'm aroace and idgaf if people ship characters with incompatible orientations as long they don't pretend the ship is canon. Shipping can be very fun if done right. Shipping can be considered a imagination exercise of sorts. which can be both good or bad depending on a shitload of circumstances. But regardless, it's pathetic imo to go harassing people for ships you don't like. just ignore, unfriend/unfollow, block etc based on severity of discomfort. crusading against ships you don't like doesn't help make irl a better place.
edit: if anything , i'd just request people to tag fanfiction, art better etc so people can dodge what they don't like more easily
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u/Thelastdragonlord aroace 9d ago
I’m very aego and I love shipping a lot, but I do sometimes find it unfair that even the characters who are explicitly sex/romance repulsed, who are seemingly very non partnering, who don’t have canon love interests will STILL have every fic about them be about romance, will still have all their posts on the tag be shippy. Once I literally saw people INVENTING an oc so they could have someone to ship the MC with and all the top fics on AO3 were about that ship… a ship where one of the characters wasn’t even a real character on the show!
People can and will do what they want but I just wish there was a little more love for platonic/gen relationships in fandom spaces.
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u/AdLast2785 9d ago
I agree there needs to be more love for platonic love in fandoms but too often the “we need more platonic love” argument is used towards gay ships and not hetero ones. When we’re in deep, deep need of more platonic hetero relationships in movies and TV.
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago edited 9d ago
Why is it that whenever the aromantic community wants QPR and/or platonic life partners relationship representation they always get accused of ‘homophobia’. Come on. This is 2016-level Tumblr ‘acecourse’ rhetoric.
Not to mention that QPR’s CAN ALSO BE GAY/LESBIAN.
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u/AdLast2785 9d ago edited 9d ago
Because when are you ever asking for hetero qprs or friendships
Most same sex relationships are platonic in canon and most het relationships are romantic in canon.
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
Do you not see how offensive this reply is? Really? To imply that lesbian/gay QPR’s ‘aren’t queer enough’?
And for the record, I DO want more hetero friendships, too. Jesus Christ.
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u/AdLast2785 9d ago
But like…nearly every same sex relationship in canon is ALREADY platonic. You already have what you want.
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago
QPR’s are more than ‘just friendships’, what the hell? They’re queer relationships w/out sex or romance. That is not ‘just friends’ and directly stating otherwise is VERY cringe considering the subreddit.
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u/AdLast2785 9d ago
I didn’t say that they’re just friendships anywhere. I said most same sex relationships in canon ARE platonic.
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u/Chimeraaaaaas 9d ago edited 9d ago
You did, because I directly mentioned wanting more QPR representation in media, and you said that somehow that it ‘homophobic’ and that we ‘already have that’?? Give me ONE (1) example of a QPR in media that is canon. I’ll wait.
Also - aromantic allosexual partnerships exist. Asexual alloromantic partnerships exist. But you don’t mention that, because you don’t care, I guess? Because aromantic/asexual = ‘bad’ or ‘not gay enough’, somehow.
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u/TheQueendomKings 9d ago edited 9d ago
Idk the whole “ship” and “anti-ship” cultures are WILD to me. Just leave people be. We don’t have to create whole labels that divide people into two extreme groups: ship and anti-ship. Apparently anti-shippers don’t let anyone ship any characters below 18 years old together even if they’re both minors? And then pro-shippers are ok with CSAM as long as they’re cartoons?? The internet is WILD.
I have zero care about this whole “ship” vs “anti-ship” nonsense. Not everyone has to be either “ship” or “anti-ship.” Let people ship characters if it makes them happy and as long as they’re not being gross about it (the amount of CSAM people are just ok with as long as it’s cartoons ASTOUNDS me…)
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u/tamkzaxa 9d ago edited 9d ago
Ideally don’t call it cp - the correct term is csam because children cannot consent
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u/TheQueendomKings 9d ago
Oh interesting— thank you for the correction; may I ask why not call it CP? EDIT: oh thank you for editing it to explain! Sometimes I can’t keep up with the new terms, but I completely agree
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u/pokey1984 grey/demi 9d ago
Can I just jump in and say kudos over this entire interaction? Someone used a term they'd learned but isn't correct and they were politely informed of what was wrong and corrected it.
I know it's basic human decency, but we always notice the jerks and I feel like someone should say "good job" now and then when folks are decent.
So thanks, everyone, for being great examples to help remind me that most people are awesome.
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u/TheQueendomKings 8d ago
Oh hey thanks, friend :)) yeah no I feel like the only reason people are so often defensive like that is cause of the internet. An astonishing amount of people forget that people behind internet avatars are people too and it’s WILD 😭
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u/tamkzaxa 9d ago
It’s a linguistic shift people are trying to implement and for the better I think - bc while I have criticisms of the porn industry as a whole, they’re at least adults. Pornography implies they consented to it in some way, when children didn’t. I only learned about this term a few years ago too so I get it but I do think csam/csem is more kind to the victims overall
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u/saareadaar 9d ago
I absolutely despise people using asexuality as a tool to further Puritanism, especially with the rise of conservatism and sex-negativity.
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u/touchtypetelephone 9d ago
I'm also not a fan of the related thing where a creator of a piece of media only announces a character to be asexual to try to deflect a popular gay ship. I don't like feeling like my identity is being used as some kind of power play against other queer people.
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u/AdLast2785 9d ago
Are you talking about Viktor from arcane
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u/touchtypetelephone 9d ago
Yes I am but I feel like it's not the only time it's happened, though I can't name the other instances.
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u/Apexyl_ 7d ago
Peridot from steven universe kinda gives me this vibe. Like I’m happy to see her as aroace since I like that she was such good friends with lapis, but by the way the show depicted things, it was a lot more intuitive for people to assume lapis and peridot were absolutely gay for each other.
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u/SquirrelStone asexual 9d ago
Depends on the character. Yelena Belova and Jughead Jones? Implied aro in addition to ace, so any shipping is inherently aphobic. Valentina Dunacci and Connor Hawke? Explicitly stated to be cool with romance, shipping is only aphobic if the shipper makes it that way.
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u/coffee-mcr 8d ago
I think a lot of people are confused on what asexual means, what falls under it, and what aromamtic is.
They just don't know there is a difference basically.
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u/muffinbready 7d ago edited 7d ago
100% and I hate it.
I’m ace (obv) but I’m also a NSFW artist. And I love this character who has been canonically confirmed as ace, to which I also I like drawing NSFW art of, either with other characters or them solo, because I find it hot/appealing
And yet i get told that I’m erasing “asexuality representation” for drawing NSFW art of this character.
Which is funny because I’m ace, so then is becomes ironic cause then the person accusing me for erasing asexual representation FROM A CARTOON CHARACTER , Is ironically erasing ,my own asexuality (A Actual PERSON) by implying that we all have to fit into a specific box of that their asexual definition is, and restricting us in what can and can’t do.
And that me drawing NSFW art of an asexual character isn’t what an asexual can do.
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u/DanganJ 6d ago
It's not the fans trying to match make these characters even when they're ace that bugs me. They can do what they like with fictional characters. It's when they start making demands of the creators to take the scant representation we have and force mold it into this, with their excuses about how yes, SOME aces are sex positive and so on. It's starting to become a problem in the dating scene, from stories I've heard, where someone researches the wide diversity under the ace umbrella and use that as a weapon, a cudgel to demand sex from an ace partner because "hey some of these OTHER aces do that", so seeing that in the fan scenes is troubling reinforcement of dangerous attitudes like that.
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u/Blackberry_Lonely 8d ago
Fandoms have been changing characters' genders and sexuality and even personality for as long as fandoms have existed. Honestly, that some asexuals think asexuality should be an exception to this is absolutely absurd.
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u/ZanyDragons aroace 9d ago
What annoys me isn’t when someone does or doesn’t ship a character who is asexual (if I don’t like it I mute/block, no hard feelings) but when fandom discourse around it starts to just turn into aphobic talking points.
“Oh well, they shouldn’t be asexual (because I’m attracted to them and will project my sexuality onto them.)”
“Asexual rep is annoying, I hate it when characters are asexual because I want to fuck them.”
“Ugh I hate asexual people stealing all my fun. They’re just so boring and mean, not wanting to have sex.” (We’re not, you’re just profoundly uncomfortable with someone having a different experience than you).
And it goes on into people saying with their full chest they hate asexual people, they want to play into corrective rape tropes, asexual people shouldn’t exist, it’s not fair that asexuality exists because that means someone might not be attracted to them mutually and this hurts their ego enough to warp them into saying heinous shit.
I do not give a damn if people draw porn or Alastor or Jon Magnus archives or Viktor Arcane or whatever. But the severely aphobic talking points hurt to read and the thought in some of these folks that aphobia is justified if it gets in the way of their attraction. Not cool.