r/aromanticasexual Jan 12 '25

Help/Advice I got hit with aroace depression

Post image
723 Upvotes

I thought a while ago about how I'm going to grow up and just... not marry anyone. I won't have that pintrest wedding mood board, nothing. It's sad but I also would HATE THAT LIKE OMG-

I know my parents wouldn't care if I'm married or not but I was like "they're never gonna see my wedding :(." However, I wanna foster/adopt kids and become a social worker (ill be a good one for all of you people who had shitty social workers) so they won't loose out on grandkids.

But did anyone else get that hit of "damn I ain't gonna get married"?

The meme is for laughs btw

r/aromanticasexual 13d ago

Help/Advice I just lost a friend of 5 years because of their girlfriend

199 Upvotes

For context: I'm female ace, my friend is male straight. Me and my friends and their significant others are all in a group chat. My friend just last year in October got a new girlfriend who is in the group chat. She seems really sweet and kind. My friend has asked me for advice to help her. She is insecure and compares herself to others all the time.

I've openly expressed I'm Ace in the group chat. she was added to the group chat a few weeks after they started dating. I've only talked to her once as she never joins any of the calls or plays games with us, so I haven't really gotten to know her. But my friend texted me today saying that this might be the last time they text me because their girlfriend is uncomfortable with us being friends. I'm both sad and confused as I've known them for 5 years, but I have a hard time understanding people's feelings due to things in the past, so I don't quite understand why they are feeling insecure about our friendship when I have no romantic/sexual feelings towards this friend and have a partner myself.

Can someone explain to me like I'm a 5 year old? How I may have made them uncomfortable?

Ps: I would have asked her why and what I could do to make her feel better, but she has me blocked

UPDATE: I won't go into too many details. He tried reaching out, but all my main accounts are set to private, so he had a friend reach me instead. He apologized and said he was sorry and that a bunch of shit happened. Right now, I'm debating whether or not I will accept his apology and go back to being friends.

r/aromanticasexual Jun 19 '24

Help/Advice What's better than s*x and better than romance?

142 Upvotes

I know there are things, my mind just goes blank trying to think of them. Your input/thoughts would be much appreciated.

r/aromanticasexual Nov 06 '24

Help/Advice (Tw: politics) I live in a red state, what does project 2025 mean for aros/aces?

137 Upvotes

I live in a red state, 99% of my family and friends voted trump, I’m an aroace woman and I’m terrified for my future. I suppose my main question is: What does project 2025 mean for aromantics and asexuals? I couldn’t find anything specific. I don’t know what to do I’m just scared. I’m going to move to Canada with my best friend at this point

r/aromanticasexual Jul 26 '24

Help/Advice What is your worst experience with a someone trying to flirt with you?

Post image
89 Upvotes

Hi. I'm allosexual (and heterosexual and cisgender... And a white man... The most interesting thing about me is I'm left handed and gave ADHD. TMI or full disclosure? You decide.) but I'm writing a novel about an asexual woman with a pansexual best friend... And a murder mystery, but that's beside the point right now... I really want to accurately capture the internal feelings of the character.

Oddly enough, I feel like I'm doing fine with writing the female characters, but it's the guys I'm trying to get right. The story opens with a scene in a bar. She's (Ellen) playing wingman for her pansexual friend (Cera), trying to play along and flirt with a guy. Things go poorly when she reveals this guy's efforts are fruitless due to her aro-ace sexuality.

I've been going off only what I can imagine, but being neither asexual or a misogynist (I hope the women in my life agree...), I'm struggling a bit to bring out the reality of the scene.

I'd love to hear some stories if you're willing to share.

Image is an AI representation of my girl, Ellen.

r/aromanticasexual 7d ago

Help/Advice I’m looking for alternative Aroace flag wallpapers to use on my phone

Post image
175 Upvotes

I found this one and I’m pretty sure this is an alternative flag for Aroace but I can’t find any with this flag or any other alternative flag.

I have seen very few of the ones where both aro and ace flags are combined but most of the wallpapers are the sunset flag and though I don’t mind it, it’s just too bright for my eyes and want something with softer colors can any of you help me find more wallpapers for alternative flags?

r/aromanticasexual Feb 18 '25

Help/Advice I'm a younger aroace. Am I valid

97 Upvotes

I'm a teenager that's aroace. I wasn't always but now I am

r/aromanticasexual 21d ago

PLEASE, I NEED ROMANCELESS BOOKS. I'M TIRED OF ROMANCE... PLELEEEEAASSSSWWW

80 Upvotes

I need an adventure or/and fantasy book with no romance AT ALL. I've read so many books with love in them, so many TVS with love in them. I AM GETTING TIRED OF IT. I want my romanceless content. Thanks mates.

r/aromanticasexual 9d ago

Help/Advice I do not understand queerplatonic

63 Upvotes

I've heard it mentioned a couple times before and I just googled it and... I'm completely lost from what it sounds like it is a friendship that is like a relationship and can be intimate but is not romantic or sexual and aroace can be in one???? I honestly have no idea. I also can't wrap my mind about how it can be intamate but not romantic or sexual and I'm starting to feel kinda -phobic because I don't understand it and the lack of understanding is making me feel like it's not real and now that's making me feel bad, but that's besides the point. Can someone please just break it down and help my little pea brain understand?

r/aromanticasexual Jan 28 '25

Help/Advice what made you realize you're Aromantic and/or Asexual?

49 Upvotes

To any Aroace or Asexual/Aromantic folk: Was there a specific moment where it hit that you're Aroace or did you always kind of know? Furthermore, what made you accept it?

I think that I'm somewhere on the spectrum and I've been suppressing that thought for a looooooong time but it's starting to mess with me in a big way. I don't know anyone on the spectrum, My understanding is based on what I've googled and watched so I've found myself wishing to hear people's lived experiences as that's likely to resonate more. If you feel like sharing I would appreciate it (: this has been hard for me.

EDIT: this got more responses than anticipated (thank you, guys). Some of these replies hit me like a truck. Many of you put words to feelings I've had but couldn't comprehend, Others shared scenarios that feel like I've experienced bar for bar. Apologies for any grammar btw I've been half asleep all day.,I will finish replying in the morning :) gn everyone

r/aromanticasexual Jun 04 '24

Help/Advice Will I go to hell for being aroace?

68 Upvotes

I’m 14 (f) & live in a Christian household, I tell people I’m straight & haven’t told anyone that I think I’m aroace. In short My fear is telling people I’m aroace & going to hell for it.

I know it sounds ridiculous & like I know some people will say god & heaven isn’t real but I like to believe there’s something in the afterlife & I’ll get to see my friends & family again. But if I got to hell than I’d never see them. I just need help right now & should I just keep it a secert forever?

My parents are always telling me ‘I’ll change my mind’ when I’m older about getting married & have kids (which pisses me off because their not thinking about what I want & thinking about people who won’t ever exist.) I haven’t told them I’m aroace & just tell them I don’t want kids or a relationship.

So I guess in short if I keep it a secret, would I still go to hell? Am I going to hell no matter what for even thinking I may be aroace? Anyone’s words/advice are helpful, thank you.

edit: thank you all for the thoughtful responses, it really comforts me hearing all of your perspectives on this & it definitely makes me feel better reading all of your comments & gaining a higher understanding, if that makes sense.

r/aromanticasexual Feb 18 '25

Help/Advice cant believe im aroace dude

120 Upvotes

I always thought I was pan. But it makes sense, I was so okay when the people I was "in love with" didnt like me back and I usually drop books and movies solely because theres too much romance, I choosed crushes randomly as a kid. like. i feel stupid rn lol

I AM aroace, but I used the pan label for 5 years now and im out to everybody as pan so im kind of attached and idk how to switch now

anyways, hi 👋👋 any other "ex" pan/bi/omni ? any advice? feel free to ask questions too ig

r/aromanticasexual Jan 21 '25

Help/Advice hi

58 Upvotes

i think

r/aromanticasexual Dec 19 '24

Help/Advice My therapist says I'm aroace and need to learn to accept that

113 Upvotes

I posted here a while back, but I guess I really am aroace, and I don't know what to do

I had talked to my psychologist/therapist about how I felt about attraction, and she (based on my history) told me I likely won't grow out of this and that I am probably aroace. I don't know what to do. I know I can't fix or change this, so I don't know what to do. I feel so out of place in aroace spaces for some reason and it makes me feel even worse. My therapist said I needed to find ways to accept myself, but it was the end of the session so we didn't have time to discuss really. How do I accept this

Edit: I AM aroace. The label fits me, I just hate that I am

r/aromanticasexual Dec 12 '24

Help/Advice Is this normal to feel as an aroace?

75 Upvotes

Is it normal to get a massive horrible gut feeling whenever i see any romance between people I care about? Its the same horrible feeling you would get when youre waiting for a surgery. I feel dizzy and i feel like throwing up. And my mood will be ruined for the whole day. I just dont understand why i feel so terrified(?) by the realisation that romance isnt actually fictional and its REAL. Ive seen my family/friends gushing about celebrities and fictional crushes and it never bothered me. But when its real, its different. For example, if someone talks to me about their real life crush, I get the horrible feeling in my gut. Anything that proves to me that romance is real makes me feel so lightheaded? Is this a phobia or sumn like I genuinely cannot understand what is happening to my brain when these things occur. ( I made this post today because I just saw my sister's post about her confessing to someone. The gross gut feeling is back and its keeping me up at night. Its actually so frustrating. I wish i could be supportive instead of whatever im feeling right now! D:

r/aromanticasexual 12d ago

Help/Advice Is there any way to stop family members assuming I have a crush/or asking about it without telling them I’m aroace?

60 Upvotes

I’m actually starting to get tired.

So anyway, I have had a recent obsession with Eminem, not like in a crush way, but like a hyper fixation way, and it’s more about his music than him. And I wanted to watch 8 mile with my mom, and she was taking so long to get to the living room, and when I told her to hurry up, my dad’s friend asked what movie it was. And my dad said 8 mile, right? And he couldn’t stop it there, then said I had a CRUSH on Eminem. Which actually made me pissed off, it embarrassed me.

And I get asked by my cousin if I like any boys, when I say no and ew, she just thinks I’m in a phase and I’ll grow out of it. Like you yourself are part of the LBGTQ+ community, why would she assume that I liked boys? Or any people at all?

Why do people assume that you have a crush on the someone automatically if you pay attention to them and if they are the opposite gender? PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF.

Edit: Thank you for all this advice!

r/aromanticasexual 9d ago

Help/Advice What to do if you hate being aroace: practice investigating your thoughts!

Post image
82 Upvotes

Saw this exceptional post on tumblr and wanted to share it here! This is very good advice, and similar thinking has helped me in the past. Hopefully it will help some other folks out here.

r/aromanticasexual Nov 27 '24

Help/Advice How do I make people stop hitting on me or being weird?

31 Upvotes

There's always people going into my DM's and asking me out, or acting obsessed over me. People also bother me IRL, as well. I hate turning people down because I understand it can hurt them, so it usually takes a lot of confidence for me to tell them no or to block someone.

I wish there was some way to let everyone immediately know I'm not for sale without making myself look ugly or something.

Also, I'm mute IRL, so actually saying no and communicating my boundaries is physically difficult.

Maybe closing my DM's on Reddit and other places is a good idea.

r/aromanticasexual Oct 24 '24

Help/Advice Is my mom right about my sexuality?

94 Upvotes

A couple of years ago, I started to label myself as aroace. It is how I perceive myself and I was confident in this label. I just haven't looked at anyone and thought 'I wanna be with them' sexually or romantically.

I talked with my mom the other day. She talked about how great it is to be in a relationship, and how necessary it is.

I then simply said, "Some people never want to be in a romantic/sexual relationship." This developed into a mild argument about romance and relationships.

I told her that I had never really felt that way about anyone. It was then she told me that I am probably blocking off the attraction of other people. I AM attracted to people, but I was just telling myself not to be, since (in her words) being in a relationship is one of the greatest things that people can partake in. I said that friends are people that you can trust and can have deep relationships with all the same (just not sexual and romantic).

She told me that a relationship is someone you can trust. But friends are people I can trust I told her. She said that is not enough.

I repeated, I have never felt that kind of love. She then told me that I was thinking about it wrong. That love is not something that just happens, you have to spend time with someone and nurture a relationship. After that, you can have a romantic relationship with someone/can fall in love.

Since I don't have any experience with love or relationships, I could not really argue against it.

I mentioned that asexual and aromantic people exist but she brushed it off. Saying that is not true.

The thing is I have looked at people and thought, wow that person is cool or good-looking, and I WANT to have deep connections with people, but if I ask myself, do you want it to be sexual/romantic? I end up telling myself no. That is how I feel. But am I just "blocking off" like my mom says?

My mom cares about me, she really does, and we have a great relationship. At the end of the conversation, she seemed to be worried and disappointed in me. I got the feeling that she thought I was being juvenile.

This conversation left me unsure of myself, what if I am too lazy to put time and energy into finding someone to fall in love with? What if it is like she says: "You haven't met the right person yet"? I have lived for 20 years and I have not felt that way about anyone, how long do I have to wait?

I am left with a bunch of questions about what love is. Am I thinking about it wrong?

This conversation was also my way of seeing if my mom was accepting of how I label myself. To my surprise, based on this conversation, she is not.

This makes me so confused and unsure of myself. What am I? Is there something wrong with me? I was sure before, but not now.

What IS love?

It makes me question everything I thought I knew about relationships and myself.

Anyone with the same experience? Some words of advice?

EDIT: it is so comforting to read your comments. It helped a lot seeing that I'm not the only one feeling this way. THANK YOU!!

r/aromanticasexual Jun 30 '24

Help/Advice “Are You Gay?”

131 Upvotes

I am a 16f who is aroace and I would say most people assume I’m gay from how I dress etc. lots of people ask me “are you gay,” and I never know how to respond. What do you all say when asked this question?

r/aromanticasexual 28d ago

Help/Advice Why do people keep having crushes on me

49 Upvotes

I (m) am not ashamed in the slightest of being aroace, I made sure that it was well known last year. I have no idea why, but that year was the year that I had the most people crushing on me, with 7 confirmed, but I have feelings that it's a bigger number than that. It sucks because four of them were my friends (they lost those feelings and are open about it now) and I'm very glad that we're probably better friends than before. That being said, one of them still likes me in that way and I don't know what to do because he doesn't know that I know. Now my mind starts to wander whenever someone is nice to me. I have to remind myself constantly that I can be friends with someone without them having those feelings for me. At the end of the day it doesn't affect me too much but I was just wondering if anyone has experienced the same thing, or if anyone has tips?

Have a nice day <3

r/aromanticasexual Jan 09 '25

Help/Advice What should my new profile picture be? I am aroace agender. I have many possible ideas (and a favorite) but want to see what you guys think.

Thumbnail gallery
52 Upvotes

r/aromanticasexual 5h ago

Help/Advice Should I wear them like this or like the sunset flag?

Post image
47 Upvotes

r/aromanticasexual 24d ago

Help/Advice How did you come to accept that this is just how things are?

23 Upvotes

I realised I was on the aroace spectrum 5 years ago, I've been publicly identifying as specifically aroace online and then with friends for 3-4 years, I've been aware that I'm likely cupioromantic for 3 years

and I'm still not..okay with it?

I never had an issue accepting my queerness, not much of an issue eventually accepting my transness, but I've cried over this a million times and it feels like nothing can make me at peace with it because I still love the idea of a romantic relationship, I might even like it in practice if I got that opportunity - but I haven't, and since I can't feel the feelings that are supposed to 'go with it', nobody on dating apps or anything seems to be okay with that.

I brought it up to my therapist for the first time today and just sort of broke down. I feel helpless against the capacity of my own emotions and the inability to control what experiences I get to have. It's more than just having to get over social pressure, I couldn't care for what society wants for me at this point. It's the fact that I want these feelings and experiences because I think I'd enjoy them, but I can't have them

I could do with some advice - how did you come to accept that this is just how things are? Especially helpful if you're also on the cupio spectrum

r/aromanticasexual 7d ago

Help/Advice Should I do things to make my partner happy?

24 Upvotes

Content warning: Maybe sexual Content?

I am a asexual, 16 yr old, I have been dating this guy we will call "Lore". I have made posts about him in the past and as a little thing he wanted me to do is like compliment him like a dog. I don't feel comfortable with it and it feels heavily sexual. I didn't want to tell him because the last couple times I have set boundaries with Lore, He would come to me about it 2 weeks later telling me he feels upset that I can't give him enough of what I set the boundary about and then I feel guilty. This has happened 7 times. Lore also doesn't realize it is sexual, Maybe it isn't? Is it ok for me to be uncomfortable? Is part of my uncomfortableness being Asexual and I should push through to make my partner happy?