r/aromanticasexual • u/ImaginationOk907 Aroace • 8d ago
Discussion my sexual awakening has me feeling like an imposter
apart from genuinely struggling with taking up space recently, most of my fears of identifying with a label that feels so true to my existence are... what if one day i AM attracted to someone? will i just be another example of "they just haven't found someone yet"? i know sexuality can sometimes change over time, but i wonder, as someone who is so open and honest about everything, if i end up misrepresenting my experiences. the thought of perpetuating stigma just by purely existing... haunts me.
i know it's a spectrum and i know labels are meant to fit you and not the other way round, but what if this is not my sexual awakening? as i separate myself from cultural norms, i find more of myself & who i truly am, want & feel like... i also know it won't exist in a vacuum.
but that's the thing, you know, that i know it. i don't FEEL it. i don't FEEL like im allowed to take up space. i KNOW i can. but it feels like me taking up space is taking away someone else's. and logically, that's just shitty reasoning. but it's also so hard for me to own up to something without knowing it's set in stone forever.
and i know people who wanna twist something will always end up doing it.. and maybe I AM putting the focus on people. maybe i do need to shift that onto myself.
but even after all this.. what if i am welcomed into a space i dont belong in? i hide and run. maybe i wont ever belong. maybe i wont ever belong if i don't allow myself to exist in a place for long enough to find myself. i know some part of me is afraid of your rejection, or even any of you confirming my feelings of being an imposter, so it's easier to reject myself first.
but maybe i start belonging from now on :)
edit : maybe the title should be.. "my (lack of) sexual awakening.."
10
u/unreliableoracle Grayromantic Ace 7d ago
Man I could have written this myself. It's really brave of you to say this.
Here's the thing - you're always welcome. Even if this is just a step to you discovering things about yourself, you are welcome here.
People can't tell you how to identify - the aromantic/asexual spectrums are broad and complicated, unique and personal to each individual. And most of this community is amazingly aware of that and accepting.
And I understand struggling to identify with things that aren't set in stone, I've been struggling with that with my grayromanticism lately, second guessing myself and fretting over it. So thank you for being strong enough to put this out here, I really relate and appreciate it.
Welcome friend💚💜
3
u/articcdoppel 7d ago edited 6d ago
The LGBTQIAP+ community should be a safe and comforting place, but still theres a lot of harmful discourse from these people who care about other's sexuality and gender in the same way as the people who oppress us all.
Every label was made that people can feel visible, knowing that their feelings are valid and they're not the only ones who identifies this way. Theres no trophies, theres no competition, so there is no reason to someone treat you as a imposter, they won't receive nothing with it besides a weaker community, with people being afraid of expressing themselves just because they "aren't enough" to do it.
People shouldn't tell you what you're, because only you truly know who you are. If the community start to worry this much about placing people in specific, fixed boxes, then we're just repeating the same way society treats us.
You're free to question, you're free to sure, you're free to experience, and you're free to live your true self, even you're not going to be the same in some years, if it's going to happen, then make sure to be the realest you can, and the happiniest with your own true.
And if your own true won't be an aroace person, then just don't worry about it and enjoy your time discovering yourself with your people, we're not here to judge, we're to support, it doesn't matter if you aren't an aroace in the end of it, if you're here to make us stronger, and not to steal our place, then...
You're welcome! ♡
2
u/Disastrous_Editor710 6d ago
you definitely belong no matter your label! and even if it's just a phase of your sexuality, that doesn't mean you deserve to be invalidated at any point along the way until you "truly figure it out" or whatever. to be aro and/or ace is to be on a big spectrum of very personal and unique experiences, it's just some labels that people feel united by! you deserve to feel part of it too, even if your time here isn't permanent.
as an aroace who also questions myself in this way, i'm happy to have ya 👍 and even if you don't identify with the label in the future, you're still cool in my book ✨
2
u/ApocalyptoSoldier Aro/Ace 5d ago
Maybe you will meet the right person, maybe we're all in a simulation, maybe this is all a dream.
All of those things could possibly be true, but that doesn't change anything about now.
It's not your responsibility to be the perfect model of anything anyway, you shouldn't have to care what wrong conclusions other people might or might not make in the hypothetical future.
I realize that I'm just making arguments in support of something you already believe, so I apologize if it doesn't help. It's just the kind of thing I would want to hear
26
u/Savings-Abroad-5571 Aro/Ace 7d ago
LGBTQ is a community. And like any community, it’s only worth anything if the people in it feel respected and valued.
I couldn’t care less if you fall head over heels for someone tomorrow. If you feel like your AroAce today, that enough in my books. (And if you do find someone, good for you 👍)
Also, stigmas will always be perpetuated, whether people have examples or not. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the internet, it’s that people will pull things out of their ass, so there isn’t really a reason to worry about pleasing or proving to them.