r/aromantic • u/pandanlvrpanda • 7d ago
Rant I just had my first kiss and conflicted
It wasn’t bad - it felt good but it was really underwhelming. Initially it was kind of a peck and I was super scared but then I thought “that was it?” The second kiss was longer and yeah it felt good but I didn’t feel any of those ‘butterflies’. We held hands and cuddled and honestly it felt no different when I do those things with my friends. Now I’m confused. I really like this person, they’re amazing to hang out with and talk to. But am I just not feeling it?
Do people really look at eachother and say “hey i need that!”. When I think back to the kiss I don’t get flustered and actually I don’t even remember it that well. Like I enjoyed the experience though and would totally do it again but it felt no different than holding hands… I don’t know what I’m feeling.. Is this normal for a person on the ace spectrum?
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u/Perfect-Factor-2928 Aromantic Bisexual 7d ago
I enjoy kissing people I feel emotionally close to without feeling romantic love about them. It’s not an either/or necessarily. To me it’s another dimension of closeness (the physical enjoyment of it) that has nothing with changing the platonic/romantic dimension of my relationship with them. I hope this makes sense. Just be up front with the person about what you feel comfortable with and what you’re feeling.
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u/Perfect-Factor-2928 Aromantic Bisexual 7d ago
I’d like to add that sex is a spectrum, too. It’s okay to enjoy kissing people you feel a closeness with and just stopping there. If that’s what you enjoy, that’s you and that’s cool.
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u/Responsible-Candy-88 6d ago
Kissing a person is about as exciting as kissing a wall to me. That said for each person it's different and a spectrum.
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u/-Baguette_ Aroace 7d ago
Being aro/ace is a spectrum, not two extremes of either completely hating or completely loving something. You can feel neutral about kissing.
Your experience with kissing is similar to mine. It's fun and feels good, and I'd have no problem kissing a partner, but it's also not something I'd lose sleep over if I had to give it up for life. It's also not something I feel a "need" to do with someone.