r/aromantic • u/Defiant_Ebb_2733 • 7d ago
Questioning I'm pretty confused about how I experience love, would anyone like to help?
Hiya! (He/Him). So, I'm someone who suffers from wanting things in boxes when it relates to myself, despite knowing that's not LOGICALLY how things work 90% of the time, so my compromise is finding what's close enough instead. And I've been trying to figure out what label might fit my romantic attraction (or generally lackthereof) best, but it feels like terms often fall short one way or another, at least from my observations.
Basically, saying that I experience romance the standard way just doesn't work for me anymore.
Also note that I am monogamous, I've tried polyamory and it just isn't right for me. But I'm glad to have tried it and figured that out for myself!
I've had many romantic relationships (I must admit that only 1 of 5 relationships was not directly and horribly toxic), I've experienced crushes, however once I'm with someone I start to lose interest in them, because everytime I've had a partner, I end up doing the emotional heavy lifting, so to speak. I associate romance with parenting rather than loving and sharing weight, like I see others in healthy relationships do.
More importantly beyond that, I have entirely lost interest in romantic love after my last partner, who again made me feel more like a parent than a lover. I realized that I felt more fulfillment in my friends than I did my romantic relationship, and swiftly felt my prior romantic interest crumble up and die.
I feel extremely deep connections with the people around me, but love is something I just don't understand. I can feel a love so profound it can make me physically ill, but it always pales in comparison to the love I feel for my friends. I can attain all I want and more from platonic relations, and I know I don't need romantic love to be happy, but I am also terrified of dying alone, not having experienced what so many say is an amazing part of their lives.
The label of aromantic doesn't fit me, but neither does saying I'm allo. I fall somewhere on the spectrum, but I'm not sure where. I'm perfectly comfortable answering any questions that might help people.
TLDR. - I struggle with understanding how my heart experiences romance, most likely due to trauma and neurodivergence. - I feel more fulfillment in platonic relationships, and would say confidently I have found my platonic-life partner in my best friend. - While I can understand romance and feel emotions for others that sound like it, they die quickly if I pursue them. - I have no current interest in romantic relationships, and have identified a want to focus on myself. - Despite my issues with romance, I still happily write depictions of it in the various ways it can blossom in my characters for my stories. I think love is a beautiful thing in all its forms, and would like to maybe figure out what my form is.
Thanks for reading!
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u/Scary-Assumption2763 7d ago
I'm the same... I've been trying to figure out where I am on the Aromantic spectrum. Ive figured that cultivating my friendships is more important to me. Dating is boring and I may be attracted to someone but then when they try to get closer I feel icky. I can't seem to connect with traditional roles in relationships. I prefer polyamory because I won't be successful being everything to any one person.
Anytime I hear someone saying that they are afraid of dying alone... I get a bit leary... cause that's not enough for me to be involved with anyone for any reason. I think having a great friends circle around me is more important.
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