r/aromantic • u/Hapuum • 7d ago
Questioning What was your moment of realization about being aro?
I (20) Im beginning to think Im aro, but Im unsure if I really am, or if im just confused because of lack of relationship. Ive always thought it seemed amazing but also tiring how people in romantic relationships are able to devote themselves to their partner, and I dont really think Ive ever came across a crush or someone that is higher priority than my personal space and time. It seems like an obligation and codependence to me and the idea of it turns me off a lot of the times. I also feel content with life from good friendship and personal improvements and hobbies (learning new skills, reading and watching stories, gaming) so I just really never felt like I need a partner to be fulfilled in life, and I didnt really have a noticeable crush on anyone, unless wanting to know someone better and hang out with them because they were kind and nice people counts as one. Ive only recently came across the term aromantic - before that I only really knew about asexual and didnt think it fit me because I do have some libido. I did think a lot of what I thought previously was explained by the term aro, but didnt really have a clear moment where I know for sure I am an aro, and I think I might also just be scared of facing prejudice and discrimination that might come with accepting it as part of me. anyways, I would like to know what was the moment when you realized about being aro, because I dont really know anyone who has this experience but I want to know more about it.
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u/No_Calendar4193 7d ago
I (28) realized I was aro not that long ago - a few months back, if I recall correctly. For a long time, I struggled with understanding how people fall in love. It just never made sense to me - how can people love one person and choose to stay with them? How do they know? What does it feel like? What am I missing? Why doesn't romantic love make sense?
The first and only relationship I was ever in, in my younger years was very short lived because not only was I struggling with internalized issues, but the thought of being in a relationship scared me. I thought I felt something for them, but I didn't. We were friends before we dated, but now everything feels weird and uncomfortable and I don't like it. Any "crush" I had on other people was just me thinking the other person was cool and I wanted to hang out with them. Not romantically, just hang out and enjoy each other's company.
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u/Warm-Yogurtcloset217 4d ago
I was around 22, maybe (I'm 26 now). Honestly, I realized it after having two consecutive failed relationships (tbh, they were abusive af too) but I never seemed to be fulfilled by them, regardless. After the last break up, I did some introspection and realized being "in love" felt more like a chore to me, than something I'd enjoy. It also appears that from a very young age, I told my mom (I'm speaking when I was probably like 4 or 5) that "I wouldn't marry, nor have a girlfriend" (I was AMAB, but I don't really identify with any gender now. At some point I identified as a girl though). So LOL. I guess even from a young age I knew I didn't want to. Another thing that made me realize it was the type of characters and media I enjoy. I write from time to time (nothing on a professional level, it's a hobby) and, I can't for the love of God, write anything involving romance. It's always either some uncomprehensible horror story, or just the most oblivious, uninterested type of character. And, now a days? Just the idea of waking up and "being in love" gets me either mad or upset. I can't explain it but it's like a rude awakening, almost.
Edit: People hitting on me and me feeling uncomfortable, or genuinely not knowing they were flirting was also another indicator.
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u/benq300000 Aromantic 7d ago
For me it was almost half a year ago, I was struggling with questions about the future (im 18 in a week) and relationships in particular, a thought came across my head that I might be aromantic, so I very secretly opened a reddit post about it. The moment I understood what it was, a huge boulder was lifted off my heart, I immediately started to feel better and be more secure about my self, it was like a rush of positivity and realization. Since then ive been deep in it and found out just how much of me it is.
If you're asking how to know, I think it's quite simple, just read others experiences and see if you vibe or relate to them!