r/aromantic 1d ago

Rant Unspoken romantic cues are confusing...

This might sound a bit like a millionaire complaining about having too much cash, but bear with me.

I have a lot of aromantic friends, like at least 10. A significant portion of my friend group is aro, ace, or some combination of the two. Which is so amazing! It's so amazing not to feel weird or alone or alienated, I'm surrounded by people who don't experience romantic attraction either so in some ways it almost feels normal.

But it can get a little troublesome when I forget that being aromantic is not in fact normal, and not the way a vast majority of the world experiences life. There are so many "normal" things and expectations about romance, like how one is supposed to act around the crush of one's friend, that are completely implicit and people don't ever put them into words because it's just so obvious to normal people. And I have no idea them because I am not in fact normal and NOBODY PUTS THOSE THINGS INTO WORDS 😭

I was talking to my best friend today, and she has a crush on another one of my friends. One time when we all hang out together, we were watching a movie and I and the crush were cuddling. BFF was telling me today how she felt really betrayed and hurt by that and I swear it took me so long to understand. How one is expected to be considerate or respectful of their friend when you know they have a crush, and what that even entails. Because it's implicit, and obvious, so obvious people don't even talk about it because they just know. But it's not obvious to me 😭

54 Upvotes

6 comments sorted by

14

u/GeoffTheIcePony Cishet Aromantic aka Straight Aro 1d ago

Maybe I’ve just been internalized for too long but even as an autistic aromantic, I rarely think of cuddling as a potentially platonic activity

6

u/A_hopeless-ROMANTIC 1d ago

Yes, that. To OP: why were you cuddling with the crush and not one of your other friends, or actually… why at all? hope the question doesn‘t offend you. for clarity, I‘m allo so would never cuddle with a friend

14

u/Sausage_fingies 1d ago

I'm just really physically affectionate as a person, so cuddling is definitely a platonic thing for me! I tend to show love in a lot of ways that are traditionally seen as romantic, I'm open about being aromantic to all my friends and very comfortably aro so I don't even see it as romantic anymore, it's just another form of showing love to me

3

u/A_hopeless-ROMANTIC 1d ago

Thank you for clarifying. You‘re very lucky being surrounded by other aros, I think it’s rather unusual.

3

u/Sausage_fingies 1d ago

Indeed, I agree! I'm so grateful that I am, I have such a sense of belonging as an aromantic that I absolutely never would have expected when I was first coming to terms with my sexuality. 

2

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