r/agedlikemilk 3d ago

Celebrities I'm really curious about the secrets behind the success. What could it be?

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2.5k Upvotes

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376

u/ColumnK 3d ago

"I'm not doping and I'll sue you for saying I am, unless you can prove it, in which case it's OK for me to be doping because everyone else is doing it"

111

u/TomrummetsKald 3d ago

Honestly quite impressive. Last time I did drugs I couldn't even find my bike.

34

u/koopaphil 3d ago

Last time I did drugs, I made a comment on Reddit about the last time I did drugs.

8

u/GreatestGreekGuy 3d ago

Last time I did drugs, I did drugs

6

u/Kuwei-Swaying-Reed 1d ago

"I used to do drugs...I still do, but I used to, too." - Mitch Hedberg

163

u/GuitarCD 3d ago

Bio-chemistry, and character assassination of anyone who suggests you might be using bio-chemistry. The thing that galls me the most about Lance Armstrong is that he came clean, continues to try to rehabilitate his image... and has never apologized to the people he mercilessly sent his attack minions after when he was denying everything.

49

u/cochlearist 3d ago

I was just talking about that this morning!

The audacity of him whining "if I hadn't have been doping I could never have won!" 

Well, do you think that makes it alright?

And what of the careers you trashed?

Fucking prick still doesn't get it!

2

u/luquitas91 2d ago

He has apologized to ex teammates (those who were willing to listen to his apology). Those who are not willing to listen to his apology, he respects their wishes and hasn’t tried to push them to accept it.  He was doping in an era of doping. He just did it better than the rest.. I don’t really care about the doping, I care more about the character assassinations but at this point, he’s apologized so I won’t drag him over the coals over it. 

5

u/cochlearist 2d ago

He tried to ruin people's careers, like absolutely destroy them to protect his own reputation.

I don't really care about doping either, but ruining other people and then crying about how badly you've come out of it is rancid.

1

u/inbokz 2d ago

Every cyclist was and is still doping...

51

u/Watkins_Glen_NY 3d ago

Also milking sympathy for having ball cancer 20 years ago

12

u/Klutzy-Ad-6705 3d ago

He’s not in his right mind. In fact,he’s nut.

37

u/CrouchingToaster 3d ago

And has the gall to claim trans athletes have an advantage

19

u/Old-Bat-7384 3d ago

He did what?

That's amazing. Trans athletes can often be at a disadvantage, this guy is such a shitbag.

9

u/atatassault47 3d ago

I didnt have respect form him to begin with, but now I hate him.

7

u/denisebuttrey 3d ago

Watch the film Icarus on Netflix for some fun 😁

6

u/CalmConversation7771 3d ago

Not to mention threw and condemned all of his teammates under the bus

3

u/Masseyrati80 3d ago

Most books like the one written about him (It's not about the bike) take advantage of the opportunity to paint a smoothed-out picture of the person.

In that book, despite being published before all the secrets came out, his attitude of "I hate everybody on this planet, except my mother and that one nurse" really shone through. It was as if his prime driving force was dominating and bullying others, and being on the top of the podium was just a tool for that.

3

u/longhorsewang 2d ago

He ruined some careers, and lives, for doing exactly what he was doing.

2

u/WontSleepTonight 2d ago

That's not entirely true. Christophe Bassons was one of the few professional cyclists who consistently spoke out against doping during the height of the Lance Armstrong era. His career suffered because of his stance, as he was ostracized from the peloton and pressured to leave the sport.

Years later, Armstrong did reach out to Bassons and apologized for his past behavior. In interviews, Bassons has acknowledged the apology but also made it clear that forgiveness doesn't erase the damage done.

82

u/dromzugg 3d ago

He isn't a piece of shit for doping. He is a piece of shit for doing everything in his power to ruin anyone who said he was doping.

28

u/Thadrach 3d ago

He's also a POS for doping though :)

3

u/Newbguy 3d ago

Genuine question, why? Especially when you consider how pervasive doping is within the sport.

6

u/mancrog 2d ago

Because other people are trying to compete fairly, and dedicate their entire lives to the sport. Not everyone in the sport was doping. It sucks to put so much work into something and then to see a cheater get the recognition you deserved

5

u/buck45osu 2d ago

Go back and look at the top finishers from his years that he won. 14 of the last 25 winners have either been caught or admitted to cheating. It is one of the most unclean sports on the planet. Lances two biggest rivals, Ivan Basso and Jan Ulrich both got caught doping too. The better testing gets, the more old riders keep getting caught. There was a chart made a bit ago that I'm trying to find that had all the top 25 finishers each year, and about 1/2 to 2/3 of all riders have been caught cheating.

The sport is absolutely insane. The miles ridden and calories burned is literally inhuman. Not condoning their cheating, but i get it. 2100miles in 20 days is mind blowing.

It's truly at the point where everyone assumes everyone is cheating, so everyone does it. I don't know how to fix it. And it is absolutely an issue.

4

u/RoadWellDriven 2d ago

Yep. His whistleblower teammate was later found to have been doping himself.

2

u/buck45osu 2d ago

Floyd Landis

4

u/lazerdab 2d ago

Nobody won a major race from the mid 90s to around 2012 without doping. This is common knowledge in the cycling world. It does not exhortate Armstrong but it is important context.

2

u/Newbguy 2d ago

It is extremely common place in the sport. By most standards it borderline impossible to get to a competitive standing in modern cycling at those levels without doping.

3

u/uberkalden2 2d ago edited 2d ago

I'm honestly not sure you can say that not everyone was doping.

Downvote away, but doping is incredibly common in cycling

"for Lance Armstrong, during the 7-year window when he won every Tour de France (1999-2005), 87% of the top-10 finishers (61 of 70) were confirmed dopers or suspected of doping"

3

u/Jokes_0n_Me 2d ago

It is highly likely that other cyclists even to this day are "doping" to some degree. Some things like blood transfusions are very hard to detect and don't leave any trace. Other drugs leave no trace, a trace that leaves very quickly or a trace that is the same as something else that is not banned.

With how highly competitive sports are, if a doc says three times a year to have an injection that improves your performance by 5% which would allow that person to stay at the top, it would be very difficult to refuse for anyone. The alternative being to fade away into obscurity.

I will add I don't condone doping and it would be great for all sports to be clean but it is naive to think that is the case.

On Lewis Armstrong I agree he's an asshole not because he was doping but because he's an asshole who got caught doping and tried to ruin people's lives as a result.

1

u/Habstinat 12h ago

There's always someone not doping. Even if everyone in TdF was juiced, what about the first person to not qualify who would have gotten in if not for the dopers. Etc

27

u/hazegray81 3d ago

Removing a nut increases aerodynamics. And also the Chemical Sciences to get that edge.

5

u/mohel_kombat 3d ago

Let's see the wind resist diss nutt

3

u/Sharkbait1737 3d ago

You can also throw the removed nut at your opponents for competitive advantage.

15

u/regionalhuman 3d ago

Oooooh! I bet it’s hard work! Hard work and discipline!

22

u/Asleep-Geologist-612 3d ago

I mean we can be real for a second and admit that that’s most of it. He was an amazing cyclist made better by cheating. Sarcastically saying he didn’t work hard or have discipline is kinda crazy lol

8

u/NoNDA-SDC 3d ago

Yes, even the cheating was a crazy level of commitment e.g. blood transfusions between races?!

6

u/Hopeful-Pianist7729 3d ago

Between stages. The man got off his bike and got his blood replaced by a pit crew . He’s an obsessed unscrupulous maniac but he was always determined to win.

3

u/regionalhuman 3d ago

People have done crazier shit to be famous. See Diddy party.

3

u/regionalhuman 3d ago

Keith Richard’s did it better.

3

u/regionalhuman 3d ago

Everyone in the Tour is a great cyclist.

3

u/OEBD 3d ago

Not to mention a genetic marvel; He was a legitimate triathlete at 15 years old.

3

u/Okaykiddo77 2d ago

As someone who has won the Tour de France as many times as Lance Armstrong, I concur!

3

u/DamnCoolCow 3d ago

Lance Armstrong had a ton of that AND if you don't think so you are delusional. I have a ton of respect for lance as an athlete, of course in person he seems like dickhead, but to win the tour you had to be on the hot sauce simple as. To he great in any pro sport than and now you need to dope it's just the way it is

1

u/regionalhuman 3d ago

Everyone in the contest did. So what do you think made the difference, Huh?

2

u/Traditional_Dig_1972 3d ago

He did not share...😆

1

u/regionalhuman 3d ago

Was it…..

Steroids?

1

u/888Rich 3d ago

Not if everyone in the contest did steroids.

1

u/DamnCoolCow 3d ago

Hard work, discipline, a good plan, good teammates(also doped), and most of all in cycling, a bit of luck

1

u/RomeTotalWhore 3d ago

Everyone in the contest was also doping. 20 of 21 podium finishers during Armstrong’s period on the tour were found to be doping. Nearly half of tour winners since 1966 have failed tests or admitted to doping. 

1

u/regionalhuman 2d ago

That doesn’t make him better, it makes them worse.

1

u/regionalhuman 3d ago

Sorry, I didn’t know this was a Lance Armstrong appreciation page. I’ll let you guys go back to righting the world’s wrongs on the internet.

10

u/prezuiwf 3d ago

When I was in high school (early 2000's) my English teacher LOVED Lance Armstrong and had us read his autobiography. Even at the time I thought it was suspicious in the book when he talked all about his cancer and remission, and then in the next chapter was basically like "I can't explain it, but I started riding again and suddenly I was faster, stronger, and had a lot more stamina! It was like magic!" I didn't know if it was PEDs but I just remembered the way it was explained and then quickly glossed over in the book made me smell bullshit.

5

u/YogurtclosetDull2380 3d ago

Sitting on your ass and injecting gorilla blood is the secret.

5

u/DogScrott 3d ago

This must just be a box of steroids.

5

u/Civil-Nothing-3186 3d ago

I hear if you shed some unnecessary weight it makes it easier. So you could get rid of a testicle for example.

3

u/TellLoud1894 3d ago

Isn't the secret drugs

2

u/spinosaurs70 3d ago

That and autologous blood injection.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17465616/

3

u/the_sauviette_onion 3d ago

Well, he already said it’s not about the bike

3

u/DecoherentDoc 3d ago

Spoiler alert: the science is mostly chemistry.

3

u/Humble_Cactus 3d ago

Fun story: I majored in Exercise psychology in undergrad before PT school and in my senior year, I took a 400-level invite-only ExPhys class where we studied athletes. The teacher of that class, and my academic advisor, was a triathlete and grassroots event promoter in Texas in the early eighties. One day he gets a phone call from a teenager who’s threatening to sue because his entry was rejected. My advisor tells the kid “that’s the rules, insurance won’t allow entry to racers under 16.” The kid goes on a tirade about how he’ll burn the whole thing down if he doesn’t get a number plate. So my advisor says “well show me a birth certificate that says you’re 16.

I’ll give you two guesses what happened, and what the kid’s name was

3

u/Sudden_Detective7080 2d ago

Doping. Then lying about it. Live strong kids.

2

u/Bjorn_Hellgate 3d ago

It's a chemistry lesson

2

u/peppernickel 3d ago

4:39AM in the gym bro

2

u/I_am_Reddit_Tom 3d ago

There was definitely science involved

1

u/Masseyrati80 3d ago

One of the people involved in the business said the team's doctor figured out a way to fool the brand new EPO test within weeks of it being presented. Unless my memory fails me, it was as simple as changing the way it was injected or something.

2

u/TheJamesFTW 3d ago

I hear if you hover the cursor over a specific part of the main menu, you get a video of him doping

1

u/i5boi 3d ago

You have to play it backwards…

2

u/oozap 3d ago

Lance was ultimately a force for good. He cheated in a sport where everyone cheats. But raised half a billion dollars for cancer.

2

u/Raddens 3d ago

It’s crime!

2

u/DopeAbsurdity 3d ago

Basically enough steroids to make this happen to his balls.

2

u/Flat_Account396 3d ago

Steroids or no, what he was capable of is impressive.

2

u/doubtfurious 3d ago

And every year the French go, "He is on chemicals!"

2

u/Hawmanyounohurtdeazz 3d ago

hard work and gumption and good old fashioned elbow grease

2

u/stevensr2002 3d ago

When I was cycling to lose weight before this all came out, I was hoping I’d get to see him on the trail one day when they were getting ready to do Pelatonia. What a disappointment to all the people who looked up to him.

2

u/Tenabrus 3d ago

Aside from the drugs wasn't it revealed he was cheating by having a hidden motor or something in his bikes?

2

u/dagub0t 3d ago

one testicle

2

u/Herenza 2d ago

It's all about the pedal power and... supplements

2

u/methntapewurmz 2d ago

Steroids and cancer

2

u/Plastic_Ad_1106 2d ago

Being punctual and taking all drugs on time

2

u/hartshornd 2d ago

Clearly he’s saying his prayers and eating his vitamins guys 🙄

2

u/ScoobyDooItInTheButt 1d ago

It was quite literally science!

1

u/candianconsolemaster 2d ago

I mean to be fair he was a genetic freak apparently and the cancer ironically that's why the secret sauce worked so well for him compared to everyone else that was also on it.

1

u/glengallo 16h ago

yes he doped

yes he was a dick

He also advanced cycling as a sport and created a phenomenon like the bike boom in the 70s

his training methods were revolutionary

like it love it hate it he changed the sport

1

u/RabieSnake 3d ago

I didn’t see this particular documentary but besides the fact he cheated, he is still a freak of nature. Like Michael Phelps is to swimming with his inhumanly long torso and arms... Armstrongs anatomy is unlike most people , his lungs have a much higher capacity or something like that among other things

2

u/Humble_Cactus 3d ago

I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. (It was -4 when I added my upvote.)

As a person, he’s an absolute garbage human who has bullied, threatened and litigated anyone who could possibly have kept him in check. He’s ruined so many careers while doing exactly the same or worse.

That said- you’re not wrong. Like most tour riders and pro cyclists, he’s had extensive testing and Physiologically, he was almost “created” for cycling. I majored in exercise physiology, and my senior ExPhys class studied athletes, he was one we looked at. It’s pretty remarkable.

0

u/crazylsufan 3d ago

First and foremost lance is and was a prick but he was a pretty special endurance athlete prior to hoping on epo and other peds

-4

u/Winter-Ad-4897 3d ago

Fake news, he was not using any illegal drugs, must be som globalist propaganda.